hi ther all, right heres my update and i aready sort of know in my head what u are all going to say lol since my last visit in april i decided to go out again in june with my daughters and grandadaughter. they wasnt as hapy as they had been previously when i last came out becasue of many things many she has bad ibs that has been made worse since living in malta, his family constantly visiting who 99% dont talk english so she feels like a spare part and her moods lol. i did however notice although he was still attentive towards her they are very immature and not at all ready to be living together. this week after a few bad arguments together his little brother has been staying with them and she didnt want to go ot so babysat while he went out with friends. Next night he said he had been invited to a friends mothers meal out and would be home about 11. After a few phone calls that he kept cancelling my daughter phoned me a 2.30 am my time very upset saying he had said he was waiting for a taxi two hours ago then changed his story saying he was going to stay out till the morning. he came back at atbout 3 am and admitted to meeting up with some welsh girls the previous night then lieing about his friends mums meal so he could meet back up with them that night he admitted to kissing her but it was a big mistake blah blah blah my daughter knows alot of staff and people at the club who said he was crying in the toilet and totally heartbroken about what he had done. they had been arguing recently a lot and she was quite a jealous person anyway hsi friends said she was always pariond ( altho she has a reason to be now) anyway i tried to ring him not to ask about what happened but to tell him i was eady for her to come home now and wanted to see what his reaction was. i had previously asked him if this was still what he wanted and he replyed yes. so after him ignoring my call i text him bascialyy saying i jsut gathered he was a nice guy who was just stuck in a situation that he wanted out of but didnt have the heart to tell her so thought he would treat her this way so she would decide to leave hence not making him look bad i siad if this isnt the case i will ring in a hour if you ignire mycall i take it this is how u feel and book her flight if im wrong answer. needless to say he answered told me i had it all wrong her loves my daughter but just wanted a night out on his own and was fed up of the arguing and wanted to let his hair down but regretted it big time he doesnt deserve her blah blah blah i told him that in that case he has two weeks to show me and her. im booked to go out there 11th july for 4 days with hubby who doesnt know the half of it becaus he would kill him lol. i have booked her on the reurn flight home because in my heart of hearts i know he wants his cake and eat it. i forgot to say lastnight they went a nightclub jsut the two of them and the welsh girls turned up with his friend hhmmmm they had a big fall out and went home even tho he was reluctant to go home!!! i had a huge convo on skpe with the both of them today and hes full of apoligy etc but as i said i want you to want to make the effort and do what u say not just talk about it if u get me. my daugher is so unworldly sensitive shy unconfident and adores the grown her walks on so doesnt want to come home but hadly ever smiles no more on skpe but refuses to go home. my friends say i get too involved and she needs to learn from her own mistakes but i hate to think of him treating her like this as im like 7 hours away from getting to her. i know im going on and i hope i have made sense probs leaving loads out but tried to make it as short as i can would love to know what u think although i can pretty much guess what ur advice will be lol xxxxx
Hi Luccy, What a shame! Still, this all seems pretty normal stuff to me i.e. the stresses of living together and a young man struggling with commitment. Maybe they do actually need some time apart (e.g if she were to come home for a few weeks) in order to gauge how they truly feel. I personally think that she is very young (not only in years but perhaps in terms of maturity) to be living with him - it's no wonder they are arguing all of the time, they both need their space... too much pressure on a young relationship! I think what is and will be hard for you is supporting her through these difficulties without interfering too much with their relationship (so, for example, if you are over-involved, then that may be contributing to the tension between them - particularly if the guy is feeling under scrutiny from you). He still doesn't sound like a classic rat to me - just a typical young man (I'm still not quite sure when or if they ever become mature! ).
I was 17 not too long ago... I think stuff like that can happen and although it's a great thing you're very close to your daughter and you want to protect her, you should step back. She's the one dating him, not you, and this is all very personal stuff. Keep in mind the guy might not want to receive texts/phone calls etc from you everyday and this may actually drive him away. Even the best person on Earth would be uncomfortable about that - and I sure know I would be. You won't always be around to take care of your daughter's relationships (and shouldn't be) so I would say, just step back and be prepared to catch her if she falls. I'm not telling you how to raise your child, but it sounds to me like she needs to know you trust her so she can trust herself.
Hi luccy, I agree with what has already been said ,this young man does not sound like a typical rat at all. I think the problem is they are both very young for all of this commitment, they live together and have all the pressures on them that this entails, it is not easy. Malta too is a big party/holiday destination with many girls going there to look for fun, and as you say your daughters boyfriend is a good looking young man so he probably gets alot of attention..........yes girls can be bad too....Your daughter sounds as if she is not able to handle any situation that might occur like this, and then she gets moody, and he dont know how to handle that and it goes round and round and round in a vicious circle. I think she will be reluctant to come home for a while as she will worry what he might do when she is not there, but i think she will have to find a way to curb her jealousy or she will push him away and he MUST absolutely STOP meeting up with girls innocently or otherwise. He must understand how bad this makes your daughter feel. I dont doubt that they love each other ,they just need to break this cycle they have got themselves in. I think as a parent it is very hard to sit back and do nothing, everyone wants the best for their offspring, but apart from being there for her (which i know you are) i dont see what else you can do. Being a parent is the hardest job in the world, so i wish you all the very best when you return to Malta in July, i know your daughter will apreciate your support ( Try not to take sides).....i think you are doing a great job and hope everything turns out well for everyone concerned. xxxx
hi everyone well thanks for the replys i have been trying to keep my distance and to be honest since his brother went bk to tunisia sunday after 2 weeks with them things had been very good. until today. there planns had been to fly out to the uk for a week to celebrate her birthday then he was going to go to tunisia for 2 weeks and she was going to carry on in england as she didnt want to go back to tunisia and meet in malta. she then mentioned coming back with me and my husband next week as we fly out there tomorrow and as she was already booked on the flight it kind of stod to reason he would go to tunisia then fly out to the uk in time for her birthday but last night they was out and he bumped into an ex of his gave her his number and shes been texting him they had an argument he said he wants a threesom with her and that the slipper she wears were hers and that he wanted her etc etc well understandably my daughters was very upset i know that people say things they dont mean when they are drunk and angry but this isnt the first time he has mentioned this. he one minute say she should go back for two weeks so he can go to tunisia as he has things to sort out then then next saying he cant bare to be apart form her and for her to go with him shes so confused. she doesnt want to be apart from her incase he cheats but as i have already explained he already has right under her nose so.... i have just said to her look i think you should come back if he doesnt cheat again while u are apart and he turns up in england then u will truely know his feelings for u and it would make you feel more secure but if he does( i think he would tell her becasue of his past honesty) and he doesnt turn up for you party in england then theres your answer im a true believer in fate!! shes just said she scared i really dont know she said earlier as well that he calls her dirty and a fucking retard, (considering she has a speech and language disorder thats really mean in my book) i really dont know what to think i know many will think she tells me too much she propberly does as my mum knew nothing about me but..... hope ive made sence her but im really tired and stressed and cant be bothered to spell check lol
Bloody hell! He sounds a right Jekyll and Hyde (probably as a result of drink!) To me it sounds as though it's heading nowhere - he's communicating to her that she isn't enough for him and saying things that really are cruel. Either way, it's not a happy relationship and she's too bloody young to be going through this kind of shit! I would convince her to come back with you if you can xxx
Yes i agree with Wouldl, try to get her to come back with you,so that she can have a break from all of the stress. He sounds as if he is not ready to settle with one person at the moment....but he really should be honest about this as at the moment he is blowing hot and cold, and this is very difficult for your daughter to cope with. If he is going to cheat, he will do so whether your daughter goes to Tunisia with him or not. If someone wants to stray then they will, no matter how hard we try to prevent it. I think the fact that he is calling her names is well out of order, you dont do that to someone you love..... Your daughter should be having fun at her age, and it dont sound like she is having a whole heap of fun right now. Time apart would do them both good, I hope you can persuade her of this. Good luck and have a safe trip. xx
Seems to me he doesn't even feel guilty about cheating on her so I don't see why he wouldn't do it again. What's more, there's no reason to insult someone you're dating. Ever. Ever, ever. Even when things turn really ugly.
well im back after a lovely break. nothing to report really lol . they are still madly in love but as jealous as ever and immature lol but it did put my mind at rest. met his mum and cousin his mums very beautiful and seems lovely tbh was difficult because of the language barrier as it had to be translated through the cousin but it went very well and she invited us out to tunisia which we would love to go so may do in the future. my daughter refused to come back but said she would if i insisted but my husband and i feel she needs to make her own mistakes within reason. they are due to fly to the uk in a couple of weeks for her 18th so just hope they do lol we thats it really !!!!
I definitely agree with everyone else that this is not a case of a Tunisian rat as much as young love. Smart call letting her make her own mistakes, it's the only way to learn, grow, and realize what you want out of life as well as what is tolerable to you and what is not. You sound like such a lovely, warm, and caring mother.
hi can anyone help me i have a photo of a visa id card and i need help in figuring out what it is for if anyone can help can i have your email your email address so i can attach the document for you to see many thanks xxxxx
Is it in Arabic you mean? If you want to private message to me I can translate it and figure out what it's purpose is. Please be careful when emailing or sharing personal information of that nature. It's often hard to know who to trust.
hmmmm thanks for the advice and i can only email it coz its a picture of it and cant copy and paste it i would have to attach it
Actually you use to be able to do it but since Ben updated the site, I'm not sure. Lemme go check and see what I can find out
