Hi I'm PureHearts

Wanted to share my 1 year experience with a Tunisian man I met on a language learning site. I was attempting to learn French on a well known and free online site. I received many requests from North African countries for friendship. While on this site I came across many predators and I immediately learned how to determine who was a genuine person and who wasn't. While on this site I was contacted by a Tunisian man who is educated and spoke English well. I let my guard down a bit and allowed him to message me outside of those sites. Soon after he came on strong and said things that men usually don't say so quickly...such as I love etc. I asked him how could you love me without knowing anything about me..his response was love can not be explained. I decided to "play" along and about 6 months into chatting online i went to Tunisia. I love to travel so I felt I could take this opportunity to visit a unique Arab country and see what he is really like.

My experience was nice, I paid for my hotel and flight and he took care of my expenses durring my stay. He introduced me to one friend which I have no doubt has a "PureHeart" couldn't hurt a fly and started to wonder if the guy I went to visit was geniune.

I have cut ties recently and even friendship with him because I was very honest with him about requiring absolute honesty and integrity from someone I would consider being my life partner. I told him that he would need to plan his life financially and accordingly if he wanted to come here with me. If that meant saving every penny that he did not give to help support his family then that is how he would do it. I believe that men need to prove to any woman that he is a man and can take care of her....this would be for me the proof of a man truly loving a woman...not someone who wanted it easy. If that meant getting a second job then that is what he would need to do. I tried to help him with giving him ideas of how to make extra money but as far as I know he never looked into them. But I noticed how his popularity and friendships continued to grow on FB. I didn't like that he spent so much time on the internet social sites instead of doing something productive that would allow him to have a better future..I found this to be very lazy and it really made me see how the future would be with a man like this.

My conclusion of all that he and I have discussed and I have experienced with him in the past year is that regardless of his education and that he has a good job with an international company he still is unhappy with his life in Tunisia. Although he has a job and makes money much of it is goes to his many siblings because he has to help support them. The conditions and also perhaps cultural, family obligations and responsibility can push someone like this young man to go online and play the sentimental strings of a woman in another country because he and many like him still feel that Tunisia can not provide them the financial freedoms that another country may.

I hope I haven't offended anyone here by my observation of my own experience...I know there are men who have no intentions to play woman and for those who are on this site consider yourself blessed because love no matter where you find it is not easy to get.

Blessings

PureHearts

hi pure, welcome to the site. interesting story...you even went to tunisia too. great. hope you had time to do a bit of sight-seeing...why is a guy who knows english on a learning site???

Hi Tunisiasun,

I thank you for your response and compliment. I understand what you mean by a partnership but wanted to include that bit of information in my introduction but will explain further what I meant by that. In courtship I look at "action" as a form of expression of love higher then verbal ...now, because I am a woman in the US and he a man in Tunisia much of my attention was placed on his action. The desire he verbally expressed to be with me lacked the actions... and in this case that would have been finding alternative and ethical ways to move to be with me but due to his financial restrictions he said he couldn't. What I was looking for in his actions was that he would work harder to save to come here. Of course, if that had happened a true partnership would have arisen because the next steps would have to be done together...no relationship can succeed as a one man or woman team ...so I completely agree but for the sake of "Rats" these are some signs to look at when in a long or short distance relationship.

I will add I am the product of a Rat what I mean by that my father was a man who used woman for his benefit. He sponged off my Mom and cheated. My Mom at the time was a citizen of the US and when they met he imediately put on the sophiscated charm on her...by the way he wasn't Tunisian hahaha...so within a year they were married and I was on the way...she had prepared the papers for him to have his greencard but as soon as she found out about his past ..had other children by other woman in another country...and she caught him cheating ...she stopped the papers from being processed and divorced him.

I also understand that in Arabic / Muslim culture (even in Tunsia modern and open) agree that a man is the primary bread winner as is in my Latin roots. It is a form of shame still when a man can not provide but I understand that culture is learning the benefits of equalty This I read about and also in conversations with him I asked about this and he agreed..it is still a mix.

Would love to learn more.

Regards

PureHearts

Hello Mezoo,

Thank you for the welcome, and yes I visited Tunisia during the revolution (the protests weren't as intense and travel was o.k'd). I love learning about different cultures and the site I was on was and is a great tool for learning a language and also chatting with those who have interest in the same and learning the culture to. I think for him he was trying to brush up on his English.

Regards,

PureHearts

Welcome Purehearts, you found the genuine key to measure a man's commitment : no words, but ACTIONS. You are so right in that. All over the world, a man's dedication to the woman he pretends to love should me measured by that.

Thank you Laurence,

Yes actions {in my opinion } are very important to consider in all relationships. It is a give an take, a partnership as Tunisasun noted and we too (women) are measured by our actions against our words.

Thank you Tigerlil...you are funny and yes they can be considered Volumes! lol.....

Tunisiasun...love is hard enough as it is( in my opinion) no matter where the both of you (a couple in a relationship) come from. I would love to hear from successful relationships in which an international relationship was genuinely successful, would love to hear of the "healthy" signs that would help us.

Learning the negative warning signs as well as the positive and healthy signs may help many.

Love to learn

hi purehearts its so true what you are saying a lot of men talk and talk and say nothing but bull shit ask then to show you and some carnt coz its not really there ...

and dont forget the ones writen on the walls in the coffe shop bogs

Yes..that was a big part of my experience with the Tunisian man I met. Basically so much I "Love" you and I "Miss" you but he had nothing to show for it.. no flowers, no cards in the mail hahah I remember him asking me to go visit him...I said .." I don't have any money" so I waited to see if he would offer to pay half the ticket or maybe...maybe say hey I'll take care of the hotel...you know something...but the reality is that he wasn't going to happen.

no they dont like puting there hands in there pockets unless its money from urs