Yes, I understand all of the above. I don't want to be anyones dirty little secret either - and I have told him this. I don't think he is lying and I believe this explanation - I don't know why he wasn't straight in the beginning but now when I think back to the other week, when he could brely look me in the eye, I understand it now.
If this is truly what you want, then you already have your answer sweets - long distance relationships are not easy, even those where there have been no problems on the scale that you have described. I really wish you all the best whatever you decide to do xx
Its hard to go against what family believe. They are brought up to respect their parents and do as they are told. Family means everything. He maybe thought over time he could talk his mother round............or he didnt realise how he would feel about you??? who knows?! Sometimes its not easy doing the right thing x x x
Surely it would have been better to have told her the "truth" before she spent money on a holiday....if he though anything of her.
It only happened days before I went. It was all booked before apart from the hotel which I booked last min.
That is a huge risk, how is he going to deal with it when he marries her, and his mother says he doesn't like her.
But he must have known how his mother would react....and he should have been straight with you before you booked. It would have saved a lot of heartache...he didnt seem to have enough respect for you to tell you the truth...but to tell you a whole heap of lies. You never know where you stand with a liar...x
To be fair he is more affraid of what his father will say. There is an age gap and he is affraid his father will not allow him to marry.
Roxy I honestly don't know what to make of this, however hard it was for him, I think he should have just told you what his mothers feelings were from day one. My rat told me to choose for him whether he should stay with me or go back to his family. He is an adult, and I refused to make that decision for him. He comes from a very traditional family, and his family would not accept him having a girlfriend, unless he was going to marry her. So none of his family knew, he was the youngest. My rat wanted me to say that I wanted him to stay with me, but then that would mean I would take care of everything financially, as he would leave his family. I was not prepared to do that, and he was very angry. In his case it was a tactic. Yes the truth was he came from a traditional family, the lies were he wanted to con me, and get me to support him.
Yes I agree. We had talked about the family before, he hadn't told them about me and this was what the trip in September was supposed to be all about. He always told me that he could only tell his mother when he met "the one" and that was the plan for the last trip. I had always asked how his mum would react and he had always said that he believed that ultimatly she would want him to be happy. Looks like when he told her it wasn't that simple.
Hi Roxy, allthough I agree with Crazypink what she writes what is also possible.......I have to say that I don't think it is like that in your case, I'm sorry! And I'm a little bit scared when I read your above posts, than I think he did it again.....he did play again with you.....and it worked....... He did many times before dear Roxy, please read back your posts also a topic from a long time ago. He is playing with your feelings and emotions. If he was a good and honest person and he really loved you with his heart, he wouldn't let a friend off him telling you he was in prison. And when you showed up there, he would have talked with you and explain it how hard it maybe really was for him to do that. A person who cares for another person wouldn't do the things he did to you. And than I'm not even speaking about when a person loves another person..... I hope you love yourself too much to accept this kind off playing with you! Take care off yourself and protect yourself!
I think that it would have been better if he had told her when you were in tunisia.....he then should have then come to you and explained what happened....not lie upon lie.... personally i dont buy it and i think its a sop story to get you on side, im saying that because of my own experiences....the fact that your even considering it shows him you could be swayed... You need to stay strong and tell him....once hes sorted it out with his mom....then come back to you and tell you....x
Yes Twitter, this is what I have said. I have agreed to nothing When he says he misses me I say nothing, when he said he loved me I said nothing. When he asked me what he should do I said it was his choice. When he asked me to come out for my birthday on Wednesday I said no - again, he made his choice.
It's funny you should say this NetNiet because this is what I have said to him the other day!! I said it's MY time now, where I have to think about ME and MY future, because WE don't have one anymore.
Roxy try it out, it's good to say for yourself and it's also funny to hear his reaction (allthough I think it's better for you not to speak anymore to him....;-) And than add aswell: Ohhh and bye the way I also love croissants with strawberry jam! LOL
u dont no .on this one if its true what a predictament he must be in to be told to choose.cos the mother is the one they look to.looks like a gretna green to me lol tipme
I refuse to be a secret. It's all or nothing. Without his mothers blessing, it's all over. I think therefore, it already is.
never say never ,i could say follow your heart only u know him .i think the stories they told are unexceptable and u probably had sleepless nights.and it looks like more again.he wants you to go out for your birthday?think again the holiday season over just watch he doesnt want to con u.but then again who knows and you always be asking yourself what if?its your call roxy sending you a healing angel
I can't go for my birthday, too short notice and don't want to give him ideas. I thought I did know him but I'm scared - In my heart I know this has to end and I have to change my number and cut all ties with him. It's over. His family comes first - I can't and don't want to compete with that!!! Thanks for the healing angel xxxxx
Hi roxy, i have just read through all the posts since you got back from Tunisia (First i would like to say how sorry i am about how he behaved whilst you were thereand for what this has done to you). As for him contacting you again and trying to take back your heart, i find his actions unkind. He had ample opportunity to explain the situation to you face to face. I agree with cp that his story may well be true, however he would know his mothers feelings about his choice of g/f and therefore however you look at it he has lied both to himself and to you. You have no choice in this matter, he can not turn his back on his mother, it would just give you and him a life of misery and resentment. I doubt his mother will ever be persuaded to accept you and therefore the case is closed as far as i can see. It is sad that you two have shared so many good things, and bad too of course, but sometimes in life we just have to walk away. I know you love this man i can feel your pain and i feel also that you might be tempted to return to him once more..........but remember how all of this has made you feel the last few weeks. Can you deal with this kind of life forever roxy? Take your time roxy, it is your life and only YOU can decide what you want to do, but remember that rocky road you travelled had many twists and turns. Im thinking of you and send you one of my cuddles xxx
Am a bit late replying but wanted to add my experience. My first husband's mum disliked me intensely (European) and we married without her at our wedding. The rest of my married life was very difficult. Husband never stood up to her, she was the central point of his life, she bullied me, made my life a misery and then put all those emotions onto our first born. If there had been any doubt in my mind that my new family in law was not happy for us to get married, if they had needed to be "talked around" or persuaded I would never, ever have married them. Tunisian mothers and fathers opinions are to be respected at all times and any man who marries against their wishes will regret it. I don't know any Tunisian man who can go for more than a week without contact with his family (unless it is enforced silence - if you know what I mean). What if you had children? My children have no contact with their father's side of the family and this is not my choice. The ladies are so right, you must think of yourself in this and how it will impact on your life. If you get him over here (UK) and he gets his ILR/Citizenship have you thought about the excuse that he already has to get out of the marriage? I am so sorry darling, I miss my mum so much and the only way I can see her is if I divorce you. The family is the centre of a Tunisian's life and you just cannot cut them off. My answer would be: I respect your mother's decision and we have to live by that. Thanks for the good times but please never contact me again. Hugs xx
I met my husbands family when i went to the ministry to get married, his mum and sisters where lovely to me and whenever i visited the family home i was welcomed with open arms, His dad however was a different story, he didnt like me and when i visited he always went out only coming home for an hour or so before we left. I am sure they blame me for our break up and i am almost certain they dont know about his affair with another english woman. Roxy I trully hope you find your answers and things settle down for you one way or the other... Just remember this .. Its better to have loved and lost than never loved at all xxxx
