No NetNiet women wearing hijabs these days are not all Libyan at all, they are girls going to work, uni etc. Many Libyans I am told have now left.
Hi Galadriel, there are more Tunisian women, because now it's allowed offcourse. Libyans have left, but a lot of them are still here, there children go to school here etc. And that is not only in the South, also in the North.
Dear Amie, welcome to the site and I am sorry you have joined under such circumstances. I want to say to you that I believe that these guys can change their spots. I speak from a point of view of being with my husband for the last 4 years, some in Tunisia and mostly here in Europe. He was a very bad boy before and fully admits to the things he has done. He met me and things changed in him. Over a very short period of time, he left the hotels, went home to his mum and remained there until he came over to me. We started a new page together and a new life and yes, while we have had our problems and ups and downs, we remain strong, together and I question anyone to say that people can't change thier spots - they definately can. People do need a 2nd chance and I stand behind you and your choice to give your guy a second chance. You have your eyes open so you can walk forward and be proud and enjoy your relationship. I hope you have many many happy years with your man. Relationships fail regardless for many different reasons and even those involved with Tunisians - the relationship can just die - not because they are rats but just because. I know this site helps many people that have had or are having dealings with rats but there are some of us here that want to offer the other side and want to help by sharing their own experiences. So Amie, I wish you every success - they do change and if you get a changed 'rat' you are in for a lot of happiness, passion and contentment - good luck honey, Smiley xxx
Smiley, I'm not being rude but you never think anyone is a rat How many second chances are too many I wonder???
Absolutely Tunisiasun, how many times does he have to cheat on you in order for you to kick him to the kerb. What message does this send out to these men, and what does it say about the self worth of these women? That this behaviour is acceptable.
Well, its not that I don't think people are rats because of course I know that they are out there but Amie seems to have spoken at length with her guy and resolved any issues and remember that they have only come here at the beginning so I like to take the stance that leopards do change their spots. Now should anything happen in the future that confirms he is a 'rat' I would be the first one to say apologise and give support but I do honestly think that a lot of these guys carry on doing dodgy things because no-one gives them the benefit of doubt - no-one gives them the chance to change and if we don't give them this chance, how will they ever get better??? There is a light at the end of the tunnel for many of these guys, they are all not rotten to the core and of course, it is based a lot on circumstances and you know what I mean. If there is a massive age gap etc - and no, I have nothing against age gaps (I have one myself) but its about the person, the amount of difference - well about the whole relationship really. I can't be true to myself unless I say these things and I know many won't agree with me but I hope that you can take my view in the context in which it is given very peacefully and without malice. Smiley x
Of course it is not acceptable behaviour but neither is 'never trust' which is what we seem to be saying all the time. The problem is that this is not a Tunisian thing - this happens everywhere. My first husband, English through and through, slept with prostitutes behind my back for years before I found out and kicked him out. So it happens everywhere. You can't say just because they are Tunisian and cheat on you that is the way of all Tunisians. It isn't and you can't say just because someone made a mistake once, that they won't change because they can and they do. How will they ever change if never given the opportunity? How many women have had an affair in their marriages but have gone on to continue that marriage and have a very happy marriage? It happens a lot so what is the difference??? The issue is how you deal with it. Are you the bigger person to try and sort things out or do you become bitter from the experience? I know many ladies here have been hurt and I am speaking only in the general so please do not jump on me all at once Also, I do also believe that when you are married, your viewpoint is different from a sinlge person just dating and so are your reactions. Smiley x
I'm afraid I have to go with Smiley on this one I don't think that the saying "a lepoard never change's it's spot's'' applies to everyone. Perhaps it does apply to those who have cheated numerous times in different relationships, but if you are applying it to a person who has only cheated in one relationship, then you should take into account the reasons WHY they cheated before judging them. I'm not aiming this at anyone, but I do believe they can change, depend's on their circumstance's and reason's why they cheated in the first place. Gather the facts and review the reasons, BEFORE you judge, and who says we have the right to judge others for their actions anyway? We as human beings DO NOT have the RIGHT to JUDGE others. And if you question this, try looking in the mirror and go over EVERY WRONG you have done in your life, and think about whether or not you think someone else has the RIGHT to judge you. Then, if you can still face yourself, try telling me that you have the right to judge and condemn someone else for their actions or lack of. Some people cheat in one relationship, realize what they did, and don't make the same mistake again.There are those people we all know who never seem to be content in life no matter what they have or have achieved. In my opinion, these are the people who are most likely to cheat because they are always wanting something other than what they have. Sorry If I've waffled a bit girl's. Lol
No way my head will accept the fact that a 20-year old tunisian rat changes a 100 degrees and becomes a faithful and reliable partner. NO WAY. At 20 a man is still a kid and when you let a kid free in a candystore...look what happens. This rat would have been about 30,35 then yes he might change spots, having understood what life is about...but at 20 he's just pointing his nose in the "bezness" and not even able to understand the slightest basis of a true relation and marriage.
I agree with you on this on Laurence. Yes, I do believe people can change once they grow up and experience life. But as you say, he is 20, he is NOT a man. He is a boy, with a lot of learning and living to do and the odds are he will want to do this living at some point. For Amie all I want is for her to heed what we say and proceed with caution, because she will be the one left holding the baby.
Hmmm, I don't know Laurence tbh.... Some cheaters are just immature and grow out of the cheating urge. I personally believe these type's of cheater's are less likely to do it again. People can always change. Cheaters are no different. Whether or not a cheater can change is completely up to the individual. It's like there are shoplifter's and druggies out there who have changed, I've certainly known a few. A cheater who wants to change must do some real soul searching and take responsibility for the harm they have done. They must stop trying to rationalize their behavior and admit that it was wrong. I also don't think it's just a Tunisian 'thing', you only have to look at magazine's such as Bella, Take A Break and other's, n you will see that there are stories in almost all of them saying about a cheating partner/husband/wife. I myself have been cheated on not by one, but 3 British guy's Oh God, I can feel a telling off from Tigerlil coming my way! Lol. Sorry about my writing, I don't know what I've done to the layout this morning!!
lets all read the title at the top again TUNISIAN LOVE RATS we are not talking about fred or walter who live in the uk we are talking about about lieing cheating ratty rats who live in TUNSIA......................................................................................( I'm afraid I have to go with Smiley on this one I don't think that the saying "a lepoard never change's it's spot's'' applies to everyone. Perhaps it does apply to those who have cheated numerous times in different relationships, but if you are applying it to a person who has only cheated in one relationship, then you should take into account the reasons WHY )they cheated before judging them .......................................................................... So its ok rats you can shag about but only if you do it once in each relationship so add up how many diff relationships they got going at one time toped with there pocket money and presents each send and bring wow no wonder there always smiling
why would they change they have money, sex , presents, drinks and food and hotels paid for them, they get a new fone , lap top clothes , family get a new house, sheep.cat and dog, uncle ahmed gets his eye opp, internet at home ( coz it colds going to the netcaffe at nite bless there cotton socks ) oh yeh and socks and undies , money for there cigs and trips to the coffe shop ( so they can show there mates there new presents form one of there gfs )shower gell a little somthing for there bobby orange /plenty of trips to the pound shop for the famous JELMARNI ... and a good old tunie knees up at the wedding and then off to the new promised land....... yeh i can see why they would want to change ....
Sorry Marylou, I was just trying to give an example that it's not just Tun's who cheat...no offence meant However, I do have to say that I think people that have 'made a habit' of cheating rarely change...they don't understand the concept of monogamy. I also think that there are those that have made a one time mistake of cheating, and are truely remorseful for it. There are people who have had troubles with fidelity but then actually fell in love and that changed them. I suppose it's rare - or maybe it's just a factor of becoming more mature. Some people take much longer than others to grow up but can be every bit as successful at being mature adults as those who straightened up earlier. Anyone can change for the better, but they have to want it. Obviously there is a lot of work ahead of that person, probably a lot of damage has been done and some can be repaired and some can't, but you have to keep moving forward
chinagirl we are talking about tunisien men here they think a little diff why would they sit around just waiting for someone whos going to come and spend one week maybe two with them shower them with gifts give them a good time ( REM WE ARE RICH TO THEM JUST THE FACT WE CAN AFFORD THE TICKET ) we dont really know how they live and there ways of living..... jobs are hard to come by now and family life means so much to them and they will all stick together to make it work so when there diff woman coming every other day with money spending it how they want ofcourse there going to try and make some for them selfs so yes they will make her there new gf and still have others.. what his she going to know shes cryed at the airport and gone home to save up for her next visit to see her cute tunie bf.. and yes he will txt her tell her he loves her but thats not going to help him bring money home so he will have more woman .... and he can keep them all going WHY coz hes a master at making them feel they are the only one...
At 19/20 men are still very young. We know a young Tunisian man of this age who is engaged to be married and my DH despairs of him as, in his words, "he is very young in his mind" which, coming from DH, is a statement to be listened to. The biggest problem with this is, and this man we know is NOT a cheat etc, is that they will believe anyone (especially an older Tunisian male) and can be manipulated. This is really difficult to combat for the gf/fiancee/wife as what goes on in the coffee shop stays in the coffee shop (IYKWIM). If that partner, in the UK, meets up with a Tunisian who is not of good character then an opportunist or reformed rat might well slip back into his old ways and there is little way for you, the wife, if you don't speak Arabic to know the company that your hubby is keeping. Once again, learn about the culture and traditions. Listen to others (who should try not to be too negative ) who have experience, keep your eyes open, your purse shut and don't get married too soon. Do not put European values onto the relationship and be prepared for a lot of hard work if you decide to continue down the marriage route. I don't want to sound negative but hope that it will animate the ladies to find out as much as possible before they get married and don't just have "aslemma, bislemma, inchallah" in your repertoire and thing that Arabs are the same as Europeans cos they aint!!
I totally understand what you're saying Marylou, however, there are some out there (maybe not many) who are willing to change and will do so
I see this the other way round Marylou, that if a rat was about 30/35, I think they have less of a chance of changing than say a man in his 20's
