Advice about a friendship !!!

Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by Galleta, Jan 21, 2019.

  1. Galleta

    Galleta Well-Known Member

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    X
     
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2019
  2. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Hey, welcome :)
    In that time, has he had Western girlfriends?
    It could be that he's had others that were able to offer more chance at a successful visa, as he's made it clear he wants Europe.

    How much money has he asked for?
    What did he say he needs the money for?

    These rats will keep the small fishes dangling for years, as an emergency fall back.
    Your money could be for him to wine and dine his real victim with....it means he can pay, to fool her he is genuine.
    It could be to fund an illegal escape.
    It could be to help pay visa costs, if another victim has got him a visa secured, but told him he must pay.
    He may have lost his big fish, and is now trying his luck with you.

    I had an FB friend for about three years, who out of nowhere....suddenly asked me for a ridiculous sum of money to pay a visa to England!! :eek:
    If he has asked a woman for money, he is a rat. The fact that he's asked a stranger off the internet for money confirms this.

    Am I right to assume you've never met him in the flesh?

    If he was hard working and his family well off, he would followed his dream and be in Europe now.....I'm afraid I do not believe he is well off.
    What part of Tunisia is he from, and what is your age gap?

    They all say they are embarrassed...but trust me, they have no shame and will leave us with nothing to help themselves.

    If he is so hard working and his family are so well off....why does he need your money?

    Time is nothing to a rat.....they can play a very long game :rolleyes:

    Sorry to welcome you with loads of negatives, but the moment he asked you for money.....he showed his true face.
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2019
  3. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Welcome @Galleta I can sense your dissapointment. You have been friends for five years and now the dynamic has suddenly changed.

    You mentioned his family is wealthy. A Tunisian man would never ask a woman for money and certainly not a stranger. Although you have talked for a long time he is still an online stranger. In Tunisia if a family member needs money then there is a wide network who will give it to him. Please don’t send him the money. In my opinion you should decline. Tell him that it will change the dynamic of your friendship and you don’t want that.

    Is he a rat, well this is ratty behaviour. Even if it’s taken him five years to show it.
     
  4. Epiphany

    Epiphany Well-Known Member

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    Hi and welcome,
    This just all sounds a little too familiar to me. I do see a lot of red flags in this.
    Friendship of 5 years, which gave him plenty of time to work on you and gain your trust. Not asking for anything until now when he stated that he comes from a well off family, and saying that he will pay you back.....that will never happen by the way. Age gap, huge red flag.

    Rats are very patient, especially when they have something to gain in the end. Years of contact is nothing to them, they will wait as long as they have to. He has made it clear that he wants to go to Europe...HUGE DEAL!

    How did you connect with him?
     
  5. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    Welcome!
    I know it’s easy to be friends with and fall for one of these guys. They seem so honest. But in fact they are the opposite. I’m not sure that they even know what telling the truth is. They keep notes so they don’t mess up their stories. They build a relationship with you and earn your trust. Then, they say they need your help and ask for money. He said he’d pay you back. How is he going to pay you back if he can’t send money out of Tunisia? Tunisua has a closed currency. Money can come in, but it can’t go out.
    In Tunisia a good Muslim man will ask his Male family members or Male friends for financial help before he will ask a woman.
    This sounds like he’s a rat.
     
  6. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    It will be interesting to see what happens to your friendship once you decline. My guess is it has already changed it for you. He’s created a doubt. Listen to that feeling.

    He will start having less regular contact and eventually move on. You have already become attached to him and so it will feel like a loss. Also as long as you remain in your online friendship it may well be preventing you from having a real relationship with someone else in the real world. It’s very important to be very firm that you would never give money for any reason to a man. That in doing so the friendship changes and one becomes beholden to the other.

    He absolutely knows it was not the right thing to do. He was willing to risk your friendship by asking you.
    Can I ask how much he asked you for and why did he need the money? Does he go to work and in what way are his family wealthy?

    I’m assuming he now knows quite a lot about your personal life and resources.
     
  7. smiley

    smiley Well-Known Member

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    You have to be very careful. A real tunisian never ask a woman for money,no matter what. They can chat for years,and suddenly the bomb explose
     
  8. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Welcome Galleta, to put it bluntly, the rat invested 5 years of online talk in you, now it's time to pay up. What's his name? Since you are here for over a year, I guess he is not in TLR yet? He is an online scammer and you are just one of his victims.

    and vice versa :)
     
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  9. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    For your own good and since you are on this page to ask for advice, it seems that you are unsure of him. You write that you are older than him and that you have known him for five years via the internet. If he had been a regular man then he hadn't spent hours on the internet. He asks for money but doesn't say what to spend the money on? Maybe he's even married in Tunisia who knows? They usually get married early (very early). will not disappoint you but it does not work well here. Unfortunately, these stories on this site are from real life and there are NO sunshine stories here. Think they are good at hiding things and if you are not an expert at figuring out things then it is easy to fall into their traps. Their work field is women (special area) and they work in a cynical way sometimes without putting any trace behind them
     
  10. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    He did ;)

     
  11. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Hi, @Galleta, If he does not have enough money for a visa, how does he think he can survive in Europe? Did he ask you if he can stay with you?
     
  12. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    The story becomes more interesting. What kind of visa is he applying for?

    A student visa would cost a fortune, to enroll in one of the Colleges would cost upwards of £6-8k per annum and there would be additional living costs.

    For a work visa he would require a sponsor who would pay his visa costs. So he would have to have employment lined up in a profession which his sponsor/ employer would have to demonstrate could not be done by someone in your own country or from the EU if you were British. So the likelihood of him getting employment is very unlikely.

    Canada does have a sponsorship programme for some highly qualified engineers, but again only if they cannot be found in Canada.

    For a tourist visa he would have to have a sponsor who would be responsible for him during his vacation and cover all costs, like medicine in the event of illness etc. He would also have to demonstrate he had work to return to in Tunisia after his vacation, so a contract fromhis employer and additionally sufficient funds to cover his vacation. A tourist visa costs about £250 and is for a specified period.

    All of this seems quite unlikely. Has he asked you to sponsor him?

    As @Heidi has said, sadly you have been talking for a long time, now it’s time to reign in his investment. You have already shown you are generous and kind sending him gifts. I think you should prepare to be dissapointed.
     
  13. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    He is for sure not you friend. A local friend whom you know for the same time or even longer wouldn’t ask you such favor. Why do you feel anxiety about cutting him if common sense makes you wonder why a young man is spending so much time with a woman your age? And viceversa as Heidi mentioned. Perhaps other emotions have developed and trust us all this has a price tag.
     
  14. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Let me tell you about a friend my rat had. It was a man from Ukraine living in Canada, he was way older than him perhaps like his parents age, when I refused to help him due to being hurt he immediately said I will ask M to help me. He showed me personal pictures of him and his daughters, beautiful girls younger than him and said they are all my friends they will be more than happy to help me. The rat also convinced M to remove his fb and only use messenger, he was brainwashing that man too in case he could need him. Tho having access to his personal information wich is a dangerous thing because they will not doubt to use it on their favor.
     
  15. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    Hi and Welcome,
    A north African man would never ask a woman for money. He would lose his honour.
    They will chat for many years to catch you
    Now it's time you paid him for 5 years worth of his attention.
    Sorry I would tell him if I give you money it would spoil our beautiful friendship.
    He is going to get angry with you if you say no.
    He's a rat for even asking.
     
  16. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    Did M remove his Facebook because the rat asked him to, or did he remove it because he was being harassed by the rat or the rat was attempting to scam him?
    I think the rat was just trying to get you to help him. It is most likely that if he had someone lined up for a scam or extortion, he would do it. It wouldn’t matter what you did.
     
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  17. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    At that time, he convinced me to do the same, he started acting like paranoid about fb and info being spreaded. So “for our safety” he suggested me to temporarily deactivate it and only use messenger. So he convinced M to do it too. I remeber well seeing M on his contact list but he hadn’t many personal publications. I believe that rat had something going on with several victims so he didn’t want to be caught.
     
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  18. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    It was strange because they hadn’t that much time as friends, and I didn’t knew at what time they were communicating that often that M was sharing his traveling pictures or family parties pictures. He was a single father.
     
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  19. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    My rat became my best friend first. After several months I was completely in love with him. I was making plans to meet him in Tunisia when I found this site.
    I never met my rat in person and he never asked me for money. My rat wanted marriage and children with me and, he wanted to live in Canada.
     
  20. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    I know he convinced M because he told me: “ I told M to deactivate fb too, cause social media only causes problem hhhhh”
     
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  21. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    That was weird too, why a new friend had that impact or influence in you, that you decided to remove your fb account where you have friends and family. I never saw him again.
     
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  22. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    The photos were probably taken off of face book. These rats will set up a fake facebook account just to set a stage. Who knows if he was really even talking to M? He could have faked the whole thing.
     
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  23. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Ofcourse, they win trust. Then they go for their goals. It ends destroying the victim because you indeed trusted and offer feelings. While it is strategy for them.
     
  24. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    I noticed he was a new friend, and I stalked his wall. He had old publications and very few personal pics, many friends and family hitting likes. It looked legit. The pictures the rat showed me were not in public. And the way he disappeared was weird. I think he was bisexual and the rat tried to blackmail him too. Otherwise how can he ask him for migration papers.
     
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  25. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    Losing someone you trusted and love from your life is bad enough, but finding out it was all fake for them is the worst. Reprogramming the brainwashing is not easy. They really do a number on you emotionally and it doesn’t hit you right away.
     
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