Algerian meeting in Tunisia

[Cazza99]

Hello ladies, I met my current partner in January when he messaged me on Face book. We started off as friends but with Covid ended up talking for hours every day by video chat. He has a degree in English and is at University of Constantine working on his masters. His English is almost impeccable.
I have had serious trust issues with him and my gut tells me he is not being honest and then I believe him again. It is torture. For example today he rejected my video call and said it was because his older brother was with him and in Algeria it is disrespectful to talk to your girlfriend in front of an older family member. I am at wits end. I have bought tickets to meet him in Tunisia which I had to get refunded and we are now waiting for them to reopen the Algerian borders. We have so much in common and have talked for hours every day for months. But he often has problems with his internet and something just dosent feel right. He told me he loved me after about 3 months not so quick. Please any advice would be great. Thanks. I am in Ireland. He has asked me to come to his home and meet his family and friends and I have talked to his mum on What's Ap video call...

 

[Cazza99]

Hello ladies, I met my current partner in January when he messaged me on Face book. We started off as friends but with Covid ended up talking for hours every day by video chat. He has a degree in English and is at University of Constantine working on his masters. His English is almost impeccable.
I have had serious trust issues with him and my gut tells me he is not being honest and then I believe him again. It is torture. For example today he rejected my video call and said it was because his older brother was with him and in Algeria it is disrespectful to talk to your girlfriend in front of an older family member. I am at wits end. I have bought tickets to meet him in Tunisia which I had to get refunded and we are now waiting for them to reopen the Algerian borders. We have so much in common and have talked for hours every day for months. But he often has problems with his internet and something just dosent feel right. He told me he loved me after about 3 months not so quick. Please any advice would be great. Thanks. I am in Ireland. He has asked me to come to his home and meet his family and friends and I have talked to his mum on What's Ap video call...

He has never asked me for money and has refused gifts...he did say he wants to marry me...

 

[Butterflies]

Hello ladies, I met my current partner in January when he messaged me on Face book. We started off as friends but with Covid ended up talking for hours every day by video chat. He has a degree in English and is at University of Constantine working on his masters. His English is almost impeccable.
I have had serious trust issues with him and my gut tells me he is not being honest and then I believe him again. It is torture. For example today he rejected my video call and said it was because his older brother was with him and in Algeria it is disrespectful to talk to your girlfriend in front of an older family member. I am at wits end. I have bought tickets to meet him in Tunisia which I had to get refunded and we are now waiting for them to reopen the Algerian borders. We have so much in common and have talked for hours every day for months. But he often has problems with his internet and something just dosent feel right. He told me he loved me after about 3 months not so quick. Please any advice would be great. Thanks. I am in Ireland. He has asked me to come to his home and meet his family and friends and I have talked to his mum on What's Ap video call...

He has never asked me for money and has refused gifts...he did say he wants to marry me...

Hi cazza99 welcome here. I don't know much about Algerian traditions but I assume it is rather strict as it is a Muslim country. There are a few things different then tunisia I am sure another member can tell you. Are you older then him? Are you Muslim? Divorced or have children? Asking you to marry you but he never met you is not a good sign to me, who wants to get married to someone you never met. You feel you have a good connection with him why? They have a way of getting information of you without you feeling it is strange. Not accepting your videocall because his brother was there? He could have left the room and talked to you then just to assure you there was nothing strange going on. Time will tell if he is honnest or not but I would be very careful to go meet a stranger in another country. In tunusia you can not be alone in an apartment with him. It is against the law and you could be in danger of getting in jail. At the hotel you would have to take separate rooms? So much to think about I know but please investigate more before you jump into this adventure with him xxc

 

[Cazza99]

Hi, Croydon girl, we booked an air b and b and the war's of the apartment seemed to have no problem. He said in Algeria we would have to boom two hotel rooms but he said in Tunis it was more relaxed. we have talked about art religion and philosophy at length and he is very intelligent and we have literally talked for hours everyday since January... 8 months now. He is not a practicing Muslim. He is very alternative in his style.

 

[Cazza99]

With the phone call he was in a car on a long drive... So he couldn't leave. I just don't understand how taking a quick video call from me would disrespect his brother...

 

[Butterflies]

Hi Cazza99 you should read and learn about their culture and what is acceptable or not. Here is a link to a thread about Algerians https://www.tunisianloverats.com/threads/bezness-algeria.5122/

 

[ButterflyBee]

Hi and welcome.
I know some Algerians through family so may be able to help with any questions you have about traditions etc..
just to let you know it is not easy to obtain a visa to visit Algeria from the UK, your man may have told you this but just to let you know it wouldn’t be so simple to just go there and visit his family. Is it the missing of calls that is worrying you or are there are other things you feel are off? Also has he discussed future plans (I know you mentioned marriage, that’s a red flag from a guy so quickly) but I mean does he plan on wanting to come live in Ireland with you?

 

[Cazza99]

He has said that he wants to leave Algeria. He says he would love to live in Ireland. We have discussed the visa problems and I know it is difficult. There are just certain things that make me feel weird. Like all the problems he has with his internet and phone all the time. I am always available at night but I had to fight with him to get him to leave his phone on at night. I keep breaking up with him but then I have no proof. I just need to know is this normal that he would have to show respect to his older brother by not taking to his girlfriend on from of him? And why is okay for him to talk to me in front of his mother but not his older brother? He often takes selfies and sometimes he will send them to me the next day... So I think who did he take them for yesterday?

 

[Cazza99]

In front of him... Sorry typo

 

[Cazza99]

Butterfly Bee, if you could find out if this is considered disrespectful I would appreciate it. His family is from the city and fairly modern. His sister is a lawyer and she works. He is not a practising Muslim and is pro women rights. He is a hippie... He has long hair and dresses like a hippie...

 

[Storm]

Hello ladies, I met my current partner in January when he messaged me on Face book. We started off as friends but with Covid ended up talking for hours every day by video chat. He has a degree in English and is at University of Constantine working on his masters. His English is almost impeccable.
I have had serious trust issues with him and my gut tells me he is not being honest and then I believe him again. It is torture. For example today he rejected my video call and said it was because his older brother was with him and in Algeria it is disrespectful to talk to your girlfriend in front of an older family member. I am at wits end. I have bought tickets to meet him in Tunisia which I had to get refunded and we are now waiting for them to reopen the Algerian borders. We have so much in common and have talked for hours every day for months. But he often has problems with his internet and something just dosent feel right. He told me he loved me after about 3 months not so quick. Please any advice would be great. Thanks. I am in Ireland. He has asked me to come to his home and meet his family and friends and I have talked to his mum on What's Ap video call...

Hi Cazza99, welcome,

Just a couple things...
I too am not familiar with the Algerian ways but the thing that always stands out to me is the part that you met online.
Alot of these men fish women this way. Facebook is the most popular platform for this. Culturally for both Algerian and Tunisian this is not known as a way a meeting is conducted between two people. Also, you mentioned that he has not asked you for anything, don't let that fool you, there are usually different things that is wanted and I am assuming that at some point his intentions will be made clearer.
If you are feeling uneasy about him then there are conversations that need to happen.

 

[Cazza99]

Hi and welcome.
I know some Algerians through family so may be able to help with any questions you have about traditions etc..
just to let you know it is not easy to obtain a visa to visit Algeria from the UK, your man may have told you this but just to let you know it wouldn’t be so simple to just go there and visit his family. Is it the missing of calls that is worrying you or are there are other things you feel are off? Also has he discussed future plans (I know you mentioned marriage, that’s a red flag from a guy so quickly) but I mean does he plan on wanting to come live in Ireland with you?

Hi Cazza99, welcome,

Just a couple things...
I too am not familiar with the Algerian ways but the thing that always stands out to me is the part that you met online.
Alot of these men fish women this way. Facebook is the most popular platform for this. Culturally for both Algerian and Tunisian this is not known as a way a meeting is conducted between two people. Also, you mentioned that he has not asked you for anything, don't let that fool you, there are usually different things that is wanted and I am assuming that at some point his intentions will be made clearer.
If you are feeling uneasy about him then there are conversations that need to happen.

Yes, but he can't prove he is sincere...

Hi Cazza99, welcome,

Just a couple things...
I too am not familiar with the Algerian ways but the thing that always stands out to me is the part that you met online.
Alot of these men fish women this way. Facebook is the most popular platform for this. Culturally for both Algerian and Tunisian this is not known as a way a meeting is conducted between two people. Also, you mentioned that he has not asked you for anything, don't let that fool you, there are usually different things that is wanted and I am assuming that at some point his intentions will be made clearer.
If you are feeling uneasy about him then there are conversations that need to happen.

i don't think anything he says can allow me to trust him... I have to see it in person...

 

[Cazza99]

Hi and welcome.
I know some Algerians through family so may be able to help with any questions you have about traditions etc..
just to let you know it is not easy to obtain a visa to visit Algeria from the UK, your man may have told you this but just to let you know it wouldn’t be so simple to just go there and visit his family. Is it the missing of calls that is worrying you or are there are other things you feel are off? Also has he discussed future plans (I know you mentioned marriage, that’s a red flag from a guy so quickly) but I mean does he plan on wanting to come live in Ireland with you?

If you could find out if this one thing is normal it would help a lot....

 

[Sabrina]

He has said that he wants to leave Algeria. He says he would love to live in Ireland. We have discussed the visa problems and I know it is difficult. There are just certain things that make me feel weird. Like all the problems he has with his internet and phone all the time. I am always available at night but I had to fight with him to get him to leave his phone on at night. I keep breaking up with him but then I have no proof. I just need to know is this normal that he would have to show respect to his older brother by not taking to his girlfriend on from of him? And why is okay for him to talk to me in front of his mother but not his older brother? He often takes selfies and sometimes he will send them to me the next day... So I think who did he take them for yesterday?

Mine always has problems with electricity or phone problems at the end at the beginning it was great we were together all the time.. I too see red flags beware

 

[Stephaineprice]

I was married for 4 years to Algerian
And the country is very strict
I would be a a bit careful on going to Tunisia to meet him as it only been a few months off knowing him they are good at saying all the right things,and talking in front off his older brother is normal I use to talk with my ex’s family wen I first started to talk to him before I meet him there are a lot off men there that do want visas not saying all but I wouldn’t rush into it I lost lot off money and also my time good luck in what ever u do and hope he is a good one and not a player like my ex husband

 

[ButterflyBee]

If you could find out if this one thing is normal it would help a lot....

Sorry for some reason I didn’t see your first message. To quickly say to you hi I can’t speak I’m with my brother, just to put your mind at rest then no this is not disrespectful. Could be it wasn’t his brother he was with or could be his brother doesn’t agree with the relationship.
You have to fight to get him to speak with you at night? That’s a red flag.
Discussing marriage so quickly without meeting you is also ringing alarm bells. If he isn’t a practising Muslim, why would he need to marry you so fast? He can’t even try to blame religion on this one as you said he isn’t practising.. so what’s the reason for marriage? I will be frank with you, a lot of Algerians want to come to Europe, Algeria is a strict country to live in hence why they pop over to Tunisia for fun.

 

[ButterflyBee]

Also is there an age gap between you both? Do you have kids? Are you divorced?

 

[Stephaineprice]

Sorry for some reason I didn’t see your first message. To quickly say to you hi I can’t speak I’m with my brother, just to put your mind at rest then no this is not disrespectful. Could be it wasn’t his brother he was with or could be his brother doesn’t agree with the relationship.
You have to fight to get him to speak with you at night? That’s a red flag.
Discussing marriage so quickly without meeting you is also ringing alarm bells. If he isn’t a practising Muslim, why would he need to marry you so fast? He can’t even try to blame religion on this one as you said he isn’t practising.. so what’s the reason for marriage? I will be frank with you, a lot of Algerians want to come to Europe, Algeria is a strict country to live in hence why they pop over to Tunisia for fun.

and most off there family don’t agree on them marrying someone from Europe my ex’s family was amazing with me Far as I know but didn’t speak Arab and his family didn’t speak word off English so yep see all the red flags here

 

[Jane]

Hello ladies, I met my current partner in January when he messaged me on Face book. We started off as friends but with Covid ended up talking for hours every day by video chat. He has a degree in English and is at University of Constantine working on his masters. His English is almost impeccable.
I have had serious trust issues with him and my gut tells me he is not being honest and then I believe him again. It is torture. For example today he rejected my video call and said it was because his older brother was with him and in Algeria it is disrespectful to talk to your girlfriend in front of an older family member. I am at wits end. I have bought tickets to meet him in Tunisia which I had to get refunded and we are now waiting for them to reopen the Algerian borders. We have so much in common and have talked for hours every day for months. But he often has problems with his internet and something just dosent feel right. He told me he loved me after about 3 months not so quick. Please any advice would be great. Thanks. I am in Ireland. He has asked me to come to his home and meet his family and friends and I have talked to his mum on What's Ap video call...

I’ve had several Algerian friends over the years and I do know their situation is much worse even than in Tunisia ( corruption, lack of any opportunity, unemployment, they must join the army etc). All my friends admitted they were desperate to leave the country . I can’t say he’s a scammer as I don’t know this guy but I can guarantee 100% he sees you as an opportunity to leave his country so it’s in his interest to “ love “ an European woman . The more educated they are the more convincing, and the more desperate to leave

 

[Lass]

Hi @Cazza99 welcome to the forum. I see nothing but red flags already. As for the phonecall, yes it would be disrespectful to speak to you in front of an older family member, especially male one. Don't let that comfort you though as everything else just sounds sketchy.

 

[Cazza99]

Hi @Cazza99 welcome to the forum. I see nothing but red flags already. As for the phonecall, yes it would be disrespectful to speak to you in front of an older family member, especially male one. Don't let that comfort you though as everything else just sounds sketchy.

I have to agree. If my gut tells me something is not right I have to respect that. I guess if I just don't take him seriously and just have fun without investing my heart it pocket book it should be fine. I am very broke and he knows that. I offered to buy him a new phone and gphe was insukted and said he had a relationship like that once and it didn't suit him. So I don't think he's a scammer as such cause it's 8 months in. However he definitely wants to get out and I would be a ticket out so I have to be realistic.

 

[Cazza99]

Also is there an age gap between you both? Do you have kids? Are you divorced?

Yes I'm divorced with a grown daughter. He is 10 years younger than me but my last partner who was Irish was 12 years younger than me so I definitely attract men his age in Ireland easily and often so I am not insecure on that point.

 

[Storm]

Yes, but he can't prove he is sincere...

i don't think anything he says can allow me to trust him... I have to see it in person...

If you don't feel trust I suggest you take a look around the forum, see if there are any similarities in what you are seeing. I would also strongly advise you to read up on the culture in order to know what is and is not acceptable, doesn't hurt to learn the language.
Also, If something don't feel right than it's probably not right.

 

[ButterflyBee]

Yes I'm divorced with a grown daughter. He is 10 years younger than me but my last partner who was Irish was 12 years younger than me so I definitely attract men his age in Ireland easily and often so I am not insecure on that point.

Not about being insecure, it’s just that culturally it’s not accepted for them to marry an older woman, especially a divorced one with a child. I don’t mean to sound harsh but it sounds like you are just a ticket out of Algeria for him. You met online and he’s already saying he wants to live in Ireland with you and marry you etc and you haven’t even met yet! Listen to your gut and I wouldn’t advise just having fun with him either, it sounds like you’re already invested and you could get hurt. Keep reading here and ask any questions you need to xx

 

[Peacock]

Yes I'm divorced with a grown daughter. He is 10 years younger than me but my last partner who was Irish was 12 years younger than me so I definitely attract men his age in Ireland easily and often so I am not insecure on that point.

Age is totally irrelevant to them. They see an older woman as having money and a home for them. Fat, thin, old, young none of it matters. Marriage and a visa is the aim. Please listen to your gut feeling, we have gut feelings for a reason!!
There are red flags flying here. Please run away from him, he is bad news.

 

[Stephaineprice]

Yes I'm divorced with a grown daughter. He is 10 years younger than me but my last partner who was Irish was 12 years younger than me so I definitely attract men his age in Ireland easily and often so I am not insecure on that point.

If you don't feel trust I suggest you take a look around the forum, see if there are any similarities in what you are seeing. I would also strongly advise you to read up on the culture in order to know what is and is not acceptable, doesn't hurt to learn the language.
Also, If something don't feel right than it's probably not right.

Learning Arabic is very hard i been trying to learn for many years lol I have a lil boy by my ex husband and he will be brought up as Muslim just to let u you know that if u chose to stay with him n want to visit Algeria then wearing a hijab n covering up is very important when I first went to Algeria didn’t wear one and I got so many bad looks from the woman there and he got like 3 sisters and couldn’t leave the home without them or him and second time I wen he wouldn’t let me leave the family home without a hijab as I wears one wen I goes to the mosque in Uk but rethink and look up on things about Islam as I love being a Muslim but there is lot off things that u will need to give up like drinking smoking I have learned a lot by converting but only do it for yourself never for him

 

[roo2]

He has said that he wants to leave Algeria. He says he would love to live in Ireland. We have discussed the visa problems and I know it is difficult. There are just certain things that make me feel weird. Like all the problems he has with his internet and phone all the time. I am always available at night but I had to fight with him to get him to leave his phone on at night. I keep breaking up with him but then I have no proof. I just need to know is this normal that he would have to show respect to his older brother by not taking to his girlfriend on from of him? And why is okay for him to talk to me in front of his mother but not his older brother? He often takes selfies and sometimes he will send them to me the next day... So I think who did he take them for yesterday?

I used to wonder that with mine he would send me a picture but it wasn't that day because he had a different tee shirt on I would say pictures for someone else or they love the selfs

 

[Going for the limit]

I don't know much about traditions
However I do know 3 women who are married to Algerians
The internet is apparently notorious for being down for hours / days even
I know all 3 women never beleived their partners about the internet until they visited Algeria them selves

 

[Bubbly]

I wouldn’t actually bother much about the power cuts and his older brother.
It is true that there are power cuts. Algeria is a very rich country except that its people do not benefit from the wealth. It is highly corrupted with a very high unemployment rate. It is a country full of young people with no prospects for the future. Nothing ever changes there except of you are the son of someone influential.
So yeah the internet may be down, there may be no network or power cuts, nothing to worry about.
He may also respect his older brother and be scared to show you to him as long as he is not sure about the relationship. Sometimes they respect their elder siblings as they would their parents. He may feel shyness. It happens. He may feel closer to another bro or sis and talk to them about you. Don’t judge on these two points.
As for the hippy free spirit mentality, I would not trust that. I also believe that trick from my ex, he was like that but from a traditional country. As long as his parents aren’t hippies he still had the same strict and traditional education as others. This may backfire later on. And that same hippy feminist guy will end up calling you a wh*re or a b*tch for claiming your independence and freedom too loud for his taste. Or even blame you for having a kid with someone else before even meeting him.
Try to get to know him more if you feel there is still sincere love somehow.
Keep in mind Algerian youth is that desperate to run away. If you ever go and meet him, be extra cautious and don’t make hasty decisions like marrying at first/second or third sight.

 

[Hannah Rayyan]

Hello ladies, I met my current partner in January when he messaged me on Face book. We started off as friends but with Covid ended up talking for hours every day by video chat. He has a degree in English and is at University of Constantine working on his masters. His English is almost impeccable.
I have had serious trust issues with him and my gut tells me he is not being honest and then I believe him again. It is torture. For example today he rejected my video call and said it was because his older brother was with him and in Algeria it is disrespectful to talk to your girlfriend in front of an older family member. I am at wits end. I have bought tickets to meet him in Tunisia which I had to get refunded and we are now waiting for them to reopen the Algerian borders. We have so much in common and have talked for hours every day for months. But he often has problems with his internet and something just dosent feel right. He told me he loved me after about 3 months not so quick. Please any advice would be great. Thanks. I am in Ireland. He has asked me to come to his home and meet his family and friends and I have talked to his mum on What's Ap video call...

Hi Cazza99

It’s funny how I also thought that my ex and I had so much in common too. Mine however would always call me no matter who was around and move to a quiet place to talk.
I think that yours at least has a better command in English so I hope he understands you way better than mine did. You need to ask him honestly what does he want from this relationship. My Algerian was fine with me on fb without a head scarf until he came to me and started scrutinising my tight jeans. My only worry for you is that we would never know if he loves you for you, loves you for your nationality or loves you for you plus your nationality. Tell him that normally it takes 10 years for a non national spouse to obtain the passport and see his reaction.
Internet in Algeria does suck tbh, so he could be telling the truth. I’ve had similar problems with my ex too. But we end up typing instead of vc.
Please be careful and don’t go all in just yet. Even if hes cool with everything his parents might not be. I hope you won’t get a meddling one like I had- a complete nightmare.
I wish you the best of luck but guard your heart as though you would do for your daughter.