Anyone ever get any closure after ending the relationship with the rat?

yougogirl75

Junior Rat Expert
So I have been somewhat investigative, looking at his past relationships to get answers and connect the dots. So far I have tried and have met with some stumbling blocks. One woman says that she did not see him as anything significant and doesn't even remember him, as I seen on his facebook page he had thoughts of being serious with her although she seemed aloof and distant with him and acted more like a friend. Some things are not as they appear to be as we find out in the relationship itself down the road. A few other women in his past seem to act like I am their worst enemy for even asking to get answers and you would think other women could be more empathetic. I suspect and I only say suspect that one of those women was in on the scam with the tunisian rat. I am not analyzing this to death I don't care that it is over I just want to understand it. I may never find out but what I do know from looking at his page in the past is that he has a problem sustaining a relationship just based on his posts. There were clues there I just did not see it. I am seeing a professional about coming to terms with the abuse I suffered, I have been told it is like the phases of grief and I am confidently at the end of this coming to terms with it and accepting it in order to move on and look after myself.
 
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yougogirl75

Junior Rat Expert
Women tend to run when they find out that the love bombing was a hoax and all he wanted was money or a visa ;)
You'll get closure when you accept that you were just his cash cow
I think most of us were a cash cow to them in some way or other so I am not taking what you say personally because I have beat myself in the past for being so stupid so adding to my pain is not making it easier now I forgive myself for being a fool though although his karma is living in Tunisia alone haha
 

Heidi

Inactive
I think most of us were a cash cow to them in some way or other so I am not taking what you say personally because I have beat myself in the past for being so stupid so adding to my pain is not making it easier now I forgive myself for being a fool though although his karma is living in Tunisia alone haha
You are right, please don't take that personaly. It was not meant this way :)
 

Big Bang Theory

Senior Rat Expert
So I have been somewhat investigative, looking at his past relationships to get answers and connect the dots. So far I have tried and have met with some stumbling blocks. One woman says that she did not see him as anything significant and doesn't even remember him, as I seen on his facebook page he had thoughts of being serious with her although she seemed aloof and distant with him and acted more like a friend. Some things are not as they appear to be as we find out in the relationship itself down the road. A few other women in his past seem to act like I am their worst enemy for even asking to get answers and you would think other women could be more empathetic. I suspect and I only say suspect that one of those women was in on the scam with the tunisian rat. I am not analyzing this to death I don't care that it is over I just want to understand it. I may never find out but what I do know from looking at his page in the past is that he has a problem sustaining a relationship just based on his posts. There were clues there I just did not see it. I am seeing a professional about coming to terms with the abuse I suffered, I have been told it is like the phases of grief and I am confidently at the end of this coming to terms with it and accepting it in order to move on and look after myself.
The best closure I got was to completely block and delete him mid (begging) sentence :D so he couldn't contact me again and, thereafter, treat him with polite indifference whenever I saw him :coffee:
It so made him crazy that he couldn't get to me and, I guess, seeing that `crazy` when I occasionally bumped into him was my closure :p

You will never get closure `from` a rat, you have to create your own.

(I did have to go through the `find out everything` stage afterwards though, partly to re-confirm for myself that I hadn't misjudged him and partly to gather as much evidence as possible for future vuctims)
 

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
So I have been somewhat investigative, looking at his past relationships to get answers and connect the dots. So far I have tried and have met with some stumbling blocks. One woman says that she did not see him as anything significant and doesn't even remember him, as I seen on his facebook page he had thoughts of being serious with her although she seemed aloof and distant with him and acted more like a friend. Some things are not as they appear to be as we find out in the relationship itself down the road. A few other women in his past seem to act like I am their worst enemy for even asking to get answers and you would think other women could be more empathetic. I suspect and I only say suspect that one of those women was in on the scam with the tunisian rat. I am not analyzing this to death I don't care that it is over I just want to understand it. I may never find out but what I do know from looking at his page in the past is that he has a problem sustaining a relationship just based on his posts. There were clues there I just did not see it. I am seeing a professional about coming to terms with the abuse I suffered, I have been told it is like the phases of grief and I am confidently at the end of this coming to terms with it and accepting it in order to move on and look after myself.
In my opinion, you will never find closure with the rat himself....but you will find closure one day within yourself, a calmness, an inner peace and an acceptance.

It's like the click of a button, one day....you just find acceptance and you focus on your own wellbeing, your loved ones, your happiness, you will stop investigating what he is doing, who he is with, where he is etc...you just will not care, he will very rarely cross your mind.

It seems insane to think this creature that dominated our thoughts and time 24/7 can just slip from our thoughts so completely, but it happens naturally, it's all part of the healing process.

Recovering from a bezness relationship is something I've always compared to a bereavement.
At first, you hurt so bad, you miss that person so desperately, you have a lump in your throat, an ache in your heart, you spend hours dwelling on the memories, you are haunted by dreams, little things around you constantly bring that person to the front of your mind. You will laugh, you will cry, you will have wobbles, you will feel rage at the sheer injustice of what's happened. Questions of 'Why me, why him, how is this fair, was any of it real, could I have done anything different, why wasn't I enough?' etc will haunt you.....but they fade with time.

After any bereavement process, once the shock, hurt, disbelief etc have worn off, you do realise that life goes on, we must LIVE! And sure, once every so often, something will happen that triggers a memory, even years down the line....but it doesn't hurt like it once did.

I too went down the investigative route seeking some form of closure, an understanding, but I was lucky in as much as I'd pretty much found everything on him I was ever going to find, so I put my brain and time into researching what may have made Houssem a scamming prostitute, why was he this way?

I researched bezness, Islam, Tunisian culture, narcissism, inbreeding etc....and this research not only distracted me from thoughts of him, but it gave me the understanding I desperately sought, it gave me the knowledge and strength to support others through this hell recovery process after a very cruel scam. It helped me to understand that yes, I'd made some bad decisions, opted for some bad choices....but it was not me in the wrong. I learned my weaknesses and strengths, grew to love myself as a person again.

In a narcissistic relationship, the victim is exactly that, a victim. The rat is the villain, that made a conscious decision to scam and destroy a good person for selfish greed.I

Don't beat yourself up over the clues you missed, the clues you saw but buried etc....I think we are pretty much all guilty of this. Focus on the fact that it may have taken a while, but you DID see the stuff you needed to see...and you reacted in a positive manner...you walked away, you came to TLR, you sought professional help....be proud of yourself :)

The time will come where you speak about bezness in general, where your focus is not solely on just your rat. I feel nothing when I write about my rat now...I write the things he did still, but it doesn't hurt...it feels like it was somebody else's life. I can put screenshots on, photos etc....and literally feel nothing. If anything, it makes me laugh....because I can't believe how thick, predictable, samey, and actually....downright boring these rats are! :D
I wonder how this braindead, boring freak managed to keep an educated, intelligent woman down :D

You'll get there, girl....time, patience and the ability to really laugh will get you there. You are guaranteed laughter here on TLR, not just from us scatty survivors....but from when one of these boring, droning, lying, foolish rats has the nerve to come raging on the forum....it is hilarious :D
So chin up....you will get your closure in time :love:
 

yougogirl75

Junior Rat Expert
In my opinion, you will never find closure with the rat himself....but you will find closure one day within yourself, a calmness, an inner peace and an acceptance.

It's like the click of a button, one day....you just find acceptance and you focus on your own wellbeing, your loved ones, your happiness, you will stop investigating what he is doing, who he is with, where he is etc...you just will not care, he will very rarely cross your mind.

It seems insane to think this creature that dominated our thoughts and time 24/7 can just slip from our thoughts so completely, but it happens naturally, it's all part of the healing process.

Recovering from a bezness relationship is something I've always compared to a bereavement.
At first, you hurt so bad, you miss that person so desperately, you have a lump in your throat, an ache in your heart, you spend hours dwelling on the memories, you are haunted by dreams, little things around you constantly bring that person to the front of your mind. You will laugh, you will cry, you will have wobbles, you will feel rage at the sheer injustice of what's happened. Questions of 'Why me, why him, how is this fair, was any of it real, could I have done anything different, why wasn't I enough?' etc will haunt you.....but they fade with time.

After any bereavement process, once the shock, hurt, disbelief etc have worn off, you do realise that life goes on, we must LIVE! And sure, once every so often, something will happen that triggers a memory, even years down the line....but it doesn't hurt like it once did.

I too went down the investigative route seeking some form of closure, an understanding, but I was lucky in as much as I'd pretty much found everything on him I was ever going to find, so I put my brain and time into researching what may have made Houssem a scamming prostitute, why was he this way?

I researched bezness, Islam, Tunisian culture, narcissism, inbreeding etc....and this research not only distracted me from thoughts of him, but it gave me the understanding I desperately sought, it gave me the knowledge and strength to support others through this hell recovery process after a very cruel scam. It helped me to understand that yes, I'd made some bad decisions, opted for some bad choices....but it was not me in the wrong. I learned my weaknesses and strengths, grew to love myself as a person again.

In a narcissistic relationship, the victim is exactly that, a victim. The rat is the villain, that made a conscious decision to scam and destroy a good person for selfish greed.I

Don't beat yourself up over the clues you missed, the clues you saw but buried etc....I think we are pretty much all guilty of this. Focus on the fact that it may have taken a while, but you DID see the stuff you needed to see...and you reacted in a positive manner...you walked away, you came to TLR, you sought professional help....be proud of yourself :)

The time will come where you speak about bezness in general, where your focus is not solely on just your rat. I feel nothing when I write about my rat now...I write the things he did still, but it doesn't hurt...it feels like it was somebody else's life. I can put screenshots on, photos etc....and literally feel nothing. If anything, it makes me laugh....because I can't believe how thick, predictable, samey, and actually....downright boring these rats are! :D
I wonder how this braindead, boring freak managed to keep an educated, intelligent woman down :D

You'll get there, girl....time, patience and the ability to really laugh will get you there. You are guaranteed laughter here on TLR, not just from us scatty survivors....but from when one of these boring, droning, lying, foolish rats has the nerve to come raging on the forum....it is hilarious :D
So chin up....you will get your closure in time :love:
Thank you so much for your support Mango! Everything you said was what I have been going through! Yes, I have laughed at some of the comments. yes, there are rats on here occasionally trolling their victims and it is hilarious when they are caught out on here
 

yougogirl75

Junior Rat Expert
The best closure I got was to completely block and delete him mid (begging) sentence :D so he couldn't contact me again and, thereafter, treat him with polite indifference whenever I saw him :coffee:
It so made him crazy that he couldn't get to me and, I guess, seeing that `crazy` when I occasionally bumped into him was my closure :p

You will never get closure `from` a rat, you have to create your own.

(I did have to go through the `find out everything` stage afterwards though, partly to re-confirm for myself that I hadn't misjudged him and partly to gather as much evidence as possible for future vuctims)
Yes, he tried to reach out to me recently and I just drew a blank and ignored it like this was not how I reacted before. Now I just let it go like I never knew him because through pain I learned to be heartless now to those who hurt me. This new me is programming myself differently learning not to react and be silent.
 

Heidi

Inactive
Yes, he tried to reach out to me recently and I just drew a blank and ignored it like this was not how I reacted before. Now I just let it go like I never knew him because through pain I learned to be heartless now to those who hurt me. This new me is programming myself differently learning not to react and be silent.
You are not heartless. You got your mind and your life back :)
 
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