Bizarre behaviours...

Jane

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His interest is not in your feelings, but in benefits he could get from you. Recently he asked you for money for his visa or paperwork, I can’t remember what was it for... you refused so he is punishing you.
Actually I didn’t refuse ... I had originally said “ how much “ ( playing devils advocate, and not saying if I would or not) .. and he said he would let me know. He didn’t bring the subject up again , and has been super nice recently.. then suddenly .. this hatred
 

AmberHeart

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If only I was strong enough for this . But it would be like cutting off an arm or something lol ..and also he’s only bad sometimes.. maybe he’s anxious about something. It makes me crazy not knowing
:( I remember this feeling. It’s hell, you ain’t even enjoying it.
 

Jane

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Well, you've given him complete permission to do ANYTHING to you, because you're not strong enough to confront him. So, he's in control and he knows it, and he will do whatever he wants to get what he wants, because you've become completely addicted and dependent on him.
How do I break free? This is ridiculous. I’m an intelligent woman . I hear what you’re all saying . Yet I love the ******
I hate myself for being so weak and dependent . Is there a manual on how to leave him? Without immediate blocking ?
 

Epiphany

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Really ? You mean because I’m a useful contact for him ?
You have the power because you can dispose of him anytime. He needs you to obtain his goal, but because he knows you are hooked, he will manipulate you whenever he wants to, and it's working.You are useful to him as long as you will get him to your country.
 

AmberHeart

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Actually I didn’t refuse ... I had originally said “ how much “ ( playing devils advocate, and not saying if I would or not) .. and he said he would let me know. He didn’t bring the subject up again , and has been super nice recently.. then suddenly .. this hatred
Pff think well if you are willing to give him money. Do you realize you are excusing him?
 

AmberHeart

Lady Amberheart of Gafsa
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Really ? You mean because I’m a useful contact for him ?
Yes. This is the truth. For you it’s a platonic love, a fantasy. Someone who gives you sweet words but brings no complications to your real world. But he messes with your inner world. What is he expecting from you? He knows it can’t be a real relationship due to circumstances you described before.
 

Jane

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Yes. This is the truth. For you it’s a platonic love, a fantasy. Someone who gives you sweet words but brings no complications to your real world. But he messes with your inner world. What is he expecting from you? He knows it can’t be a real relationship due to circumstances you described before.
Yes.. in a strange way sometimes I feel he likes talking to me too as he tells me his worries, dreams, fears ... I supported him. Lot, emotionally I mean not financially .. and it’s become a sort of habit to chat, joke etc ..
 

AmberHeart

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Yes.. in a strange way sometimes I feel he likes talking to me too as he tells me his worries, dreams, fears ... I supported him. Lot, emotionally I mean not financially .. and it’s become a sort of habit to chat, joke etc ..
If it was a healthy friendship you wouldn’t be suffering. He wouldn’t make you feel down.
 

Jane

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Don't forget to make efforts on it Galleta. If you don't start planning to exit now, you're risking an abrupt crash. I hope you realize that. You need to start planning to make a safe exit. I hope you really make efforts on that. Women here have suffered serious health effects like strokes and PTSD from the latter part of relationships with these men. You're circling around the edge and hooked, at some point you will fall in... help yourself now before it gets really scary.
Absolutely.. my thoughts exactly.. a crash would be horrendous ( for example if one day he disappears or blocks me)
 

Jane

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Both of you are living in a very dangerous dream. That will only last for so long. The illusion will burst and come to an end. Be ready.
I know, this is a fear I always have at the back of my mind, especially when we’re going through a good spell of talking/sharing a lot . Really I feel we’re so close st this time even though it’s “ virtual “. Yet the fear that one day it will end worries me ... and when he goes crazy on me, like he did tonight, I panic
 

AmberHeart

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No matter what your mind says to you about justifying this, it's a very expensive dream. You will have to pay that tab when the lights go on. Never forget that. Reality is better than dreams. You can trust it and live inside of it. Real love is better than a game, any day, any week, any month or year. You will look back at this 5 years as lost time eventually... because this Tunisian man is going to disappoint you.
He can appear with the love of his life (ideal victim) and send you an invitation. :confused:
 

Mango Chutney

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Well, you've given him complete permission to do ANYTHING to you, because you're not strong enough to confront him. So, he's in control and he knows it, and he will do whatever he wants to get what he wants, because you've become completely addicted and dependent on him.
I would like to second every word of this post :thumbsup:
You are handing yourself to him on a plate.

It's hard to remember the details, but isn't this kid twenty + years younger than you?

You are allowing yourself to be manipulated by a greedy, self entitled, little shit....with nothing better to do with himself, than sit on his lazy ass in a dirty coffee shop, scamming people from abroad.

He sees you as a coin purse, that is all.....how do you see yourself?
 

Laura2014

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Damn it . I should have learnt by now . But every time it hurts just as much
That’s the point. He knows it upsets you and at the same time makes you cling on tighter. It’s a win win for him. You boost his ego and he can also go silent when he’s bored or has someone else to talk to in the knowledge you are patiently waiting.
 

Laura2014

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yes you are right but I’m completely obsessed with him. Can’t let go, impossiblè. 5 years now !! I try to leave him and can’t .
Actually you can but don’t want to. There is a big difference.

To say you can’t implied a physical hold or restraint that prevents you from leaving.

Try asking yourself why you don’t want to and what is it about the attention he gives you that you don’t want to give up?
 

Jane

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I would like to second every word of this post :thumbsup:
You are handing yourself to him on a plate.

It's hard to remember the details, but isn't this kid twenty + years younger than you?

You are allowing yourself to be manipulated by a greedy, self entitled, little shit....with nothing better to do with himself, than sit on his lazy ass in a dirty coffee shop, scamming people from abroad.

He sees you as a coin purse, that is all.....how do you see yourself?
When you put it like that I see the sordid reality and reinforces the need for me to leave.
Yes he’s younger than me and in real life I’m not “ into “ younger guys . But in the online world ages don’t seem relevant as we are communing on an invisible plane ( though we do exchange pics sometimes).

But I guess seen from the outside it would look like a case of desperate old woman wanting a younger man for sex etc because they can’t find a real man because they’re old, ugly etc

This is far from what this is about - I’m not showing off but I’m not ugly and have never lacked a man in “ real life” - indeed I have a partner ( who for reasons I can’t explain , I cannot leave) - and the feeling I have for this guy are pure

That’s why it devastate me to think what a horrible cheap game it may be in the reality
 

Laura2014

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Despite what you think @Galleta nothing bad is going to happen to you if you stop. You won’t get sick or die of heartbreak. Your limbs will be intact and the sun will rise each day.

You may even find you have a huge amount of time to spend on other more meaningful things. There are hundreds of ways to fill the time you spend thinking about him and talking with him. How did you spend your time before you knew him?

Your online fantasy is preventing you from living in the real world or from confronting things in your real life that may make you happier.

Once I realised I was purely entertainment for my rat and that their were no sincere feelings (or any feelings at all) the attraction waned and I saw it for what it was. There are now not enough hours in the day to do all I need and want to do. Entertaining some twat sitting in a coffee shop is not one of them.
 

Jane

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When you put it like that I see the sordid reality and reinforces the need for me to leave.
Yes he’s younger than me and in real life I’m not “ into “ younger guys . But in the online world ages don’t seem relevant as we are communing on an invisible plane ( though we do exchange pics sometimes).

But I guess seen from the outside it would look like a case of desperate old woman wanting a younger man for sex etc because they can’t find a real man because they’re old, ugly etc

This is far from what this is about - I’m not showing off but I’m not ugly and have never lacked a man in “ real life” - indeed I have a partner ( who for reasons I can’t explain , I cannot leave) - and the feeling I have for this guy are pure

That’s why it devastate me to think what a horrible cheap game it may be in the reality
Galleta, I can promise you, if this thing was suddenly exposed to the public, you would not be able to deny any aspect of the reality of this situation, all of the blind spots, and all of the game that this really is... this thing is surviving because it's hidden and it's in a dream world.

Your rat lives in a harsh reality not buffered by a thriving economy... it's in an impoverished setting, with survive or die mentality, men who have sex with men in gender segregation to vent sexual frustration, they also sell themselves to male tourists... as they chase after other Tunisian women who will put out - of course, they see themselves as eventually getting the Tunisian virgin and settling down into a "respectable Tunisian muslim male" life... whatever that looks like exactly mixed with bezness.

Your rat is not thinking like you. Dreams are afforded to the rich, not to the poor and in Tunisia. Dreams in Tunisia are dangerous and lead to deadly and devastating outcomes. They know this, and your rat knows this speaking with an older, married woman.
interesting post Jisela. Seen like this it puts things in perspective- as you say dreams are a luxury and life there is harsh - the cold reality of this is painful but true
I have to end it for the 2 of us- I’m wasting his time and he, mine
Though I’m the only one who will get hurt
 

Jane

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Despite what you think @Galleta nothing bad is going to happen to you if you stop. You won’t get sick or die of heartbreak. Your limbs will be intact and the sun will rise each day.

You may even find you have a huge amount of time to spend on other more meaningful things. There are hundreds of ways to fill the time you spend thinking about him and talking with him. How did you spend your time before you knew him?

Your online fantasy is preventing you from living in the real world or from confronting things in your real life that may make you happier.

Once I realised I was purely entertainment for my rat and that their were no sincere feelings (or any feelings at all) the attraction waned and I saw it for what it was. There are now not enough hours in the day to do all I need and want to do. Entertaining some twat sitting in a coffee shop is not one of them.
Haha that made me laugh
Entertaining a twat in a coffee shop
 

Jane

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I hope you get the right support team together to help you through the process. Please get a great therapist who can provide you any backup medical care that you need. It's not easy to get out, but it's worth doing it once you get through the withdrawal. You will look back and be happy you're out. There's no hope in Tunisia for this situation... there's barely any hope for the men and women BORN in Tunisia.
I have no support as no one in my real life knows about this ( I would never get over the embarrassment as they’d think I’ve gone mad) however it’s very helpful to have people here giving advice as you’ve all been in similar situations
I tried therapy, it was useless to tell the truth
 

Jane

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I hope you get the right support team together to help you through the process. Please get a great therapist who can provide you any backup medical care that you need. It's not easy to get out, but it's worth doing it once you get through the withdrawal. You will look back and be happy you're out. There's no hope in Tunisia for this situation... there's barely any hope for the men and women BORN in Tunisia.
What you say about people in Tunisia not having hope - he told me this once . And I think maybe they can’t be blamed for being like this ? I mean , if we were in this situation - living in a dump they are trapped in - they’re not even allowed to have a holiday without a visa - and no hope of an interesting career in spite of education- no hope of marriage if they don’t have money- can’t even have normal relations with women at an age (30 in his case) when most guys here are in their prime - with all this going on no wonder they are how they are. This is why I feel for him as well as I can see his frustration with life sometimes
 

Jane

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Yeah, or get married to a Tunisian virgin and invite you to the wedding. Any man involved in this kind of stuff can do just about anything at the end of it all. You never know what kind of awful surprise you're in for...
He did say he will invite me to his wedding one day funnily enough
 

Mango Chutney

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But I guess seen from the outside it would look like a case of desperate old woman wanting a younger man for sex etc because they can’t find a real man because they’re old, ugly etc
Not to me, it doesn't....and not to any survivor of a narcissist.
Please, do read up on it.....you will see what you are involved in as clear as day.
Make the break now....because the longer you leave it, the harder it gets, and five years online is no relationship.
It is pretty clear to me that something went wrong with his other source of income (his main victim)....and he has now resorted to this manipulative behaviour with you and countless others.
Did you ever read Laura's 'First time here thread'?
Have a read.....you will relate to it completely:

https://www.tunisianloverats.com/threads/if-its-your-first-time-here-read-this.4344/

You need only read the opening post, unless you wish to read more.....you will see your life story on there.

Every Friday morning, I receive counselling....it is long term counselling, the allocated twenty sessions have already been extended....they were in my first appointment.
I have counselling because I lived with my freak, where I was controlled and manipulated like you, where I was frequently assaulted in many ways, where I was held hostage in his family home, my means of escape stolen.
Is this what you want? If you ever meet him....you'd better prepare yourself for hell after the initial 'Mr Nice Guy' wears off.

If you do not intend to meet him, then what is the point in any of this? Where do you see this 'relationship' with an internet scammer going?
 

Epiphany

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Please listen to these ladies and know that everyone is here trying to help you because everyone lived it and that this is no joke. This will not end well for you if you continue. You will not get the happy ending that you are looking for, but he will.
 

Mango Chutney

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And I think maybe they can’t be blamed for being like this ?
Oh my freakin God!!!! Please tell me you are not for real!! :eek:
These men emotionally, financially and physically destroy innocent people that loved them....and you say they are not to blame :eek:
My children were sent death threats!
Women have died!
Could you stand in a court room and justify that? Say they can't be blamed? My God....what is this shit? :eek:
Their scam is premeditated, they are in control....they CHOOSE to be scamming prostitutes because they are good for nothing pieces of trash....they can't be bothered to advance the proper way.....they get no pity, no excuses..... :Evil:
they’re not even allowed to have a holiday without a visa
Yes they are! There are plenty of countries they can visit visa free. They don't want those countries.....because the benefits pot isn't there.
can’t even have normal relations with women at an age (30 in his case) when most guys here are in their prime
Are you serious? They can get sex easily in Tunisia, with men and women, paid for or free.....in any hole.
Google hymen reconstruction in Tunisia.....see how many brides marry with a plastic hymen.
Their women ARE NOT innocent virgins....and the men sleep with each other.
I lived there....I saw cheap behaviour like I've never seen before in my well travelled life!
These rats are whores....and they have sex a plenty...so please move away from the innocent virgin bullshit.
This is why I feel for him as well as I can see his frustration with life sometimes
Well then you are a fool.....no wonder he plays you like a toy :rolleyes:
No pity....the lazy twathead CHOSE to be a scamming prostitute.....nobody forced him :Evil:
 

Epiphany

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The two of you have been communicating for 5 years now. You mentioned that you both have the understanding that there will be no marriage in the future....so I guess I am not clear on what the two of you are heading towards then, what exactly are you looking to gain from all of this?
 
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