Bizarre behaviours...

Galleta

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He is not attached to you. He won’t lose you. You are attached to him, you can lose him. That’s his game and mentality.
It is a narcissist thing in general.
He is pushing the boundaries further out, testing how hooked you are....before going in for the kill.

You would benefit yourself massively by reading up thoroughly on narcissism, blocking this freak and staying the hell away from him. He is building up....don't hang around and wait for the consequences.

You say you love this boy....yet he treats you like this.
Is this love, or an obsession?
You need to read up on narcissism....we do not warn people here for fun, but to help them, to save them....

My advice: Block the fruitcake, read up on narcissism....and be grateful you got away before things progressed far enough for real harm.
Why on earth do you not let go of this silly, greedy boy that treats you this way? Where is your self worth? You deserve better!
yes you are right but I’m completely obsessed with him. Can’t let go, impossiblè. 5 years now !! I try to leave him and can’t .
 

Galleta

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If he keeps you in this heightened mode of turbulence, of fear and of confusion, he can play the situation better. He can confuse you, raise the appeal of romance and unlock your sensitivity, your empathy to cover for his bad behavior... because he knows you want to sustain your bond with him. He is simultaneously testing you to see how far he can get, relaxing and taking his mask off, and playing/practicing his love game with you (and probably other people too).
Does he have nothing better to do with his time?? What does he gain ? He knows I love him ... he doesn’t need to do these games ..
 

Galleta

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The only way to deal with these men is to be brutally cold, direct and confrontational, and ultimately completely unresponsive - no contact.
If only I was strong enough for this . But it would be like cutting off an arm or something lol ..and also he’s only bad sometimes.. maybe he’s anxious about something. It makes me crazy not knowing
 

AmberHeart

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Does he have nothing better to do with his time?? What does he gain ? He knows I love him ... he doesn’t need to do these games ..
His interest is not in your feelings, but in benefits he could get from you. Recently he asked you for money for his visa or paperwork, I can’t remember what was it for... you refused so he is punishing you.
 

Galleta

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His interest is not in your feelings, but in benefits he could get from you. Recently he asked you for money for his visa or paperwork, I can’t remember what was it for... you refused so he is punishing you.
Actually I didn’t refuse ... I had originally said “ how much “ ( playing devils advocate, and not saying if I would or not) .. and he said he would let me know. He didn’t bring the subject up again , and has been super nice recently.. then suddenly .. this hatred
 

AmberHeart

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If only I was strong enough for this . But it would be like cutting off an arm or something lol ..and also he’s only bad sometimes.. maybe he’s anxious about something. It makes me crazy not knowing
:( I remember this feeling. It’s hell, you ain’t even enjoying it.
 

Galleta

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Well, you've given him complete permission to do ANYTHING to you, because you're not strong enough to confront him. So, he's in control and he knows it, and he will do whatever he wants to get what he wants, because you've become completely addicted and dependent on him.
How do I break free? This is ridiculous. I’m an intelligent woman . I hear what you’re all saying . Yet I love the ******
I hate myself for being so weak and dependent . Is there a manual on how to leave him? Without immediate blocking ?
 

Epiphany

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Really ? You mean because I’m a useful contact for him ?
You have the power because you can dispose of him anytime. He needs you to obtain his goal, but because he knows you are hooked, he will manipulate you whenever he wants to, and it's working.You are useful to him as long as you will get him to your country.
 

AmberHeart

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Actually I didn’t refuse ... I had originally said “ how much “ ( playing devils advocate, and not saying if I would or not) .. and he said he would let me know. He didn’t bring the subject up again , and has been super nice recently.. then suddenly .. this hatred
Pff think well if you are willing to give him money. Do you realize you are excusing him?
 

AmberHeart

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Really ? You mean because I’m a useful contact for him ?
Yes. This is the truth. For you it’s a platonic love, a fantasy. Someone who gives you sweet words but brings no complications to your real world. But he messes with your inner world. What is he expecting from you? He knows it can’t be a real relationship due to circumstances you described before.
 

Galleta

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Yes. This is the truth. For you it’s a platonic love, a fantasy. Someone who gives you sweet words but brings no complications to your real world. But he messes with your inner world. What is he expecting from you? He knows it can’t be a real relationship due to circumstances you described before.
Yes.. in a strange way sometimes I feel he likes talking to me too as he tells me his worries, dreams, fears ... I supported him. Lot, emotionally I mean not financially .. and it’s become a sort of habit to chat, joke etc ..
 

AmberHeart

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Yes.. in a strange way sometimes I feel he likes talking to me too as he tells me his worries, dreams, fears ... I supported him. Lot, emotionally I mean not financially .. and it’s become a sort of habit to chat, joke etc ..
If it was a healthy friendship you wouldn’t be suffering. He wouldn’t make you feel down.
 

Galleta

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Don't forget to make efforts on it Galleta. If you don't start planning to exit now, you're risking an abrupt crash. I hope you realize that. You need to start planning to make a safe exit. I hope you really make efforts on that. Women here have suffered serious health effects like strokes and PTSD from the latter part of relationships with these men. You're circling around the edge and hooked, at some point you will fall in... help yourself now before it gets really scary.
Absolutely.. my thoughts exactly.. a crash would be horrendous ( for example if one day he disappears or blocks me)
 

Galleta

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Both of you are living in a very dangerous dream. That will only last for so long. The illusion will burst and come to an end. Be ready.
I know, this is a fear I always have at the back of my mind, especially when we’re going through a good spell of talking/sharing a lot . Really I feel we’re so close st this time even though it’s “ virtual “. Yet the fear that one day it will end worries me ... and when he goes crazy on me, like he did tonight, I panic
 

AmberHeart

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No matter what your mind says to you about justifying this, it's a very expensive dream. You will have to pay that tab when the lights go on. Never forget that. Reality is better than dreams. You can trust it and live inside of it. Real love is better than a game, any day, any week, any month or year. You will look back at this 5 years as lost time eventually... because this Tunisian man is going to disappoint you.
He can appear with the love of his life (ideal victim) and send you an invitation. :confused:
 

Mango Chutney

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Well, you've given him complete permission to do ANYTHING to you, because you're not strong enough to confront him. So, he's in control and he knows it, and he will do whatever he wants to get what he wants, because you've become completely addicted and dependent on him.
I would like to second every word of this post :thumbsup:
You are handing yourself to him on a plate.

It's hard to remember the details, but isn't this kid twenty + years younger than you?

You are allowing yourself to be manipulated by a greedy, self entitled, little shit....with nothing better to do with himself, than sit on his lazy ass in a dirty coffee shop, scamming people from abroad.

He sees you as a coin purse, that is all.....how do you see yourself?
 

Laura2014

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Damn it . I should have learnt by now . But every time it hurts just as much
That’s the point. He knows it upsets you and at the same time makes you cling on tighter. It’s a win win for him. You boost his ego and he can also go silent when he’s bored or has someone else to talk to in the knowledge you are patiently waiting.
 

Laura2014

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yes you are right but I’m completely obsessed with him. Can’t let go, impossiblè. 5 years now !! I try to leave him and can’t .
Actually you can but don’t want to. There is a big difference.

To say you can’t implied a physical hold or restraint that prevents you from leaving.

Try asking yourself why you don’t want to and what is it about the attention he gives you that you don’t want to give up?
 

Galleta

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I would like to second every word of this post :thumbsup:
You are handing yourself to him on a plate.

It's hard to remember the details, but isn't this kid twenty + years younger than you?

You are allowing yourself to be manipulated by a greedy, self entitled, little shit....with nothing better to do with himself, than sit on his lazy ass in a dirty coffee shop, scamming people from abroad.

He sees you as a coin purse, that is all.....how do you see yourself?
When you put it like that I see the sordid reality and reinforces the need for me to leave.
Yes he’s younger than me and in real life I’m not “ into “ younger guys . But in the online world ages don’t seem relevant as we are communing on an invisible plane ( though we do exchange pics sometimes).

But I guess seen from the outside it would look like a case of desperate old woman wanting a younger man for sex etc because they can’t find a real man because they’re old, ugly etc

This is far from what this is about - I’m not showing off but I’m not ugly and have never lacked a man in “ real life” - indeed I have a partner ( who for reasons I can’t explain , I cannot leave) - and the feeling I have for this guy are pure

That’s why it devastate me to think what a horrible cheap game it may be in the reality
 

Laura2014

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Despite what you think @Galleta nothing bad is going to happen to you if you stop. You won’t get sick or die of heartbreak. Your limbs will be intact and the sun will rise each day.

You may even find you have a huge amount of time to spend on other more meaningful things. There are hundreds of ways to fill the time you spend thinking about him and talking with him. How did you spend your time before you knew him?

Your online fantasy is preventing you from living in the real world or from confronting things in your real life that may make you happier.

Once I realised I was purely entertainment for my rat and that their were no sincere feelings (or any feelings at all) the attraction waned and I saw it for what it was. There are now not enough hours in the day to do all I need and want to do. Entertaining some twat sitting in a coffee shop is not one of them.
 
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