concerned mom needs advice..please help

Discussion in 'Online Rats' started by concerned mom, Sep 2, 2013.

  1. concerned mom

    concerned mom Member

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    Hi everyone! I'm new here. This is my first time posting, hope i do it right :confused: First i'd like to say i think this site is wonderful! God bless you for spreading the word about rats and their dangers to unassuming victims. My daughter has been dating a Tunisian man for over a year now,they met online. I'm not sure if hes a rat or not. He seems to genuinely care for my daughter. So when she told me she was flying out to Tunisia in two months to meet him,i felt it was a great idea. They could get to know each other in person,to see how they would truly mesh together, until my daughter mentioned to me that her boyfriend wants them to marry if they are able to while shes in Tunisia...that put my guard up..whats with the rush to marry im thinking, since its only their first time meeting face to face,then told myself maybe he just really cares for my daughter,wants to marry and start a life with her. I'm just over analyzing i said to myself...still it didn't sit right with me. I googled marriage in Tunisia that's when i came across this site, after reading some of the stories on here i'm even more concerned then before. I now see other possible rat signs with the man my daughter is dating. For example: They meet every day on skype,keep in touch over the phone, and facebook. She has met his family via skype on a few occasions, not sure how many times. She has sent him a gift, though he has sent her one too. I took all these things as a good sign,now i'm not so sure?? I'm not saying hes a rat,for my daughters sake i hope he isn't. I have searched the photo gallery, his pictures not there. I haven't come across his name in any of the threads I've read so far. I'd like to find out more information about this man, but i'm not sure how to go about it..any and all advice is welcome and much appreciated. Thanks for reading :)
     
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  2. MissPenny

    MissPenny Active Member

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    Dear concerned mom,


    What a great mom you are, looking out for your girl like this!
    She is lucky to have you,

    that said, I think it is good to worry about this..
    how old is your girl?

    the signsyou mentioned, like meeting the family trough skype sunds like rattery..
    But even if he is not, would you want your girl to get married to a man she has never met in real life before?
    trough internet someone can be so different then in real life,
    I think you should try to get your daughter on this site, read the signs an stories and then think about it again.

    I would love to say the guy is genuine, but the odds are against him, also beacause he found her on the internet..

    If you don't want to reveal his name in the open, you should send it in a private message to one of the moderaters, cause not evere rat is named in the threads. And even if he is not on here, does not mean he is not a rat or a scammer..

    Look out for your precious, good luck!
     
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  3. crystal

    crystal The Punchy Scot

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    Dear concerned mum welcome to Tunisian Love rats...but I am sorry you have to be here...
    I don't know what age your daughter is? but if she were mine I would be trying to tell her to run a mile......I am aware she will probably not listen to a word you are saying as they are good at reeling her in to this make-believe and charming her with his crap... This is a definite rat. Muslim men do not have internet relationships... please check the threads regarding behaviours...DO NOT let let go to Tunisia by herself... I agree you need to be concerned...
     
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  4. MacCoinneach

    MacCoinneach Well-Known Member

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    Welcome to TLR,

    It's a pity you are here with concerns, but absolutely great that you are trying to look out for your daughter.

    As the other ladies have pointed out, there are some 'rat signs'. Of course we all want to be hopeful the guy is genuine and sincere, but the chances are far too low. Please read up on all the 'rat behaviours', and check some of the other stories here. It is not worth all the risk and ultimate heartache for your daughter.

    Definitely search his name or ask one of the moderators to do so, as there may already be info on this guy.

    Hope you will find some clarity here and we can help you with how to handle the situation.

    All the best, xx
     
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  5. mezoo

    mezoo The Decider

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    rat behAVIOR. how old is this pair mom ?
     
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  6. simple

    simple Well-Known Member

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    Hi concerned mum ,,,,Im not 100% sure as ive never married one ,,,,,but ive lived there and seen so many tourist marry rats ....I believe she will need specific documents and she will have to have her banns read for 6 weeks i think at her local town hall ,or marriage office..... The stamp from the embassy in Tunis ,,,,,Blood tests ,etc ,,,Its a lot of running around ,,,Not spontanious ,,,,Im sure someone will elaborate more as i said im not 100% sure,,, But certainly not possible on a weeks visit... Having said that ,,,this guy is not genuine and no way behaving correctly as regards to marriage .Its all to do with respect ,the union must be approved by both parents first .By not seeking your approval ,then this family does not respect you !! And certainly will not respect your daughter ,dosent matter how sweet and nice they appear .Can you not go with her ???Or show her this site ??
     
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  7. Caramel

    Caramel Clairvoyante !!

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    All members above have said what I wanted to say. Not a good union. No self-respecting Tunisian family would allow a man to marry someone he has never met. When you see the family on Skype, they are usually part of the rat deal and will support their son in his catching a Western woman as they want him to leave Tunisia (not by boat to possibly drown) but a safe route. This route will usually mean he will be able to support them and eventually his goal will be to leave your daughter once he achieves what he wants and return to Tunisia to marry a Tunisian girl. All most Tunisian women think about is wealth and many don't marry for love. Your daughter's friend has turned to the internet because he cant afford to marry a Tunisian woman. Please remember it is very difficult for the two cultures to get on and it is usually your daughter who has to compromise and that will never work. Try and stop her going ahead because I fear there is only heartache down the road. The UK has made it very difficult to get a foreign spouse into this country, so save her a lot of hassle now by looking for a man nearer home.
     
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  8. concerned mom

    concerned mom Member

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    Thanks everyone for the great advice! my daughter is 32, the Tunisian man is 23. Yes the age difference bothered me when i first learned of it, But i'm six years older then my husband. We have been happily married for many years now. So i rode off the age gap. Though i do see now from reading the threads that the age difference is a whole different matter in Tunisia verses here in the U.S. Just another sign of him possibly being a rat. My daughter is with me now. I've shown her some of the threads here,including rat behavior. Thanks for bring that thread to my attention. My daughter is shocked by some of the similarities she found to her Tunisian man there,and is seriously considering putting off her trip till she can do some digging on him,look more into the possibility of him being a rat. Though at this point the chances of him not being a rat are unlikely. I would love to message a moderator to see if they have any info on this man, but im not sure how to do so..maybe one of you fine ladies can help me out there. Also my daughter is going to sign up to this site herself, check it out more in-depth. Thank you all so much for your advice, and taking the time to help my daughter:)
     
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  9. Caramel

    Caramel Clairvoyante !!

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    Didn't realise you were from the US. The rats are now going further afield as it is being made increasingly difficult for them to get into the UK. Even Schengen countries making it difficult for them. They are now trying to get to the US and Canada. Please try your best to discourage her. The long distance romance is stressful enough without the added burden of trying to get him to the US. I hope she will read the warning threads on here and break off this doomed relationship.
     
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  10. crystal

    crystal The Punchy Scot

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    Hi I hope you don't mind me asking...but how did you come across this site..or is that a stupid question...just these rats are travelling further afield now as Caramel said..just curious how they are managing this, and how you found us...
     
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  11. concerned mom

    concerned mom Member

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    Hi crystal,i don't mind you ask at all. I googled marriage in Tunisia,a link for this site popped up in the search results.
     
  12. concerned mom

    concerned mom Member

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    Hi Caramel. I agree its not worth the aggravation. She has read some of stories here,and is doubtful of him herself now. I pray she ends her relationship with this man as well.
     
  13. MacCoinneach

    MacCoinneach Well-Known Member

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    Hopefully she'll see sense. All you can do is continue to give her the information she needs, and support her in her decision either way - she's going to need you xx
     
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  14. crystal

    crystal The Punchy Scot

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    Good to know...we have a high profile...:D
     
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  15. Laurence

    Laurence Well-Known Member

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    Hello Concerned Mom, welcome here and it was a good idea to come to talk to us!
    I live in Tunisia since long years now and do know the mentality and traditions very well. So I can tell you that "chasing women and/or a bride" on the internet can be qualified as the ultimate sport for young men here, searching for money/visa all over the net. And indeed, the US has become more interesting for them, as Europe is closing its borders more and more...
    No, it is NOT normal here to find a real bride on the internet, it's only for scamming!
     
  16. concerned mom

    concerned mom Member

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    Hi guys. This is concerned moms daughter. I made my own account for TLR, but im having problems signing in..not sure whats going on there. My mom gave me the use of her account,until i can get mine straightened out. I didn't know anything about the bezness or rats,till my mom showed me this site,im glad she did. I've come across likenesses to my tunisian man and, some of the stories posted here. i appreciate all the great advice you have given,and would like to get more since you all seem to be on your mark with spotting rats. To be honest though im on the verge of heartbreak,and the thought of posting publicly isn't something im comfortable with at this time. Would anyone be interested in hearing my story in a private msg?? With photo attachment. It's possible one of you may even know him and can give me the low down one him. Also i would like to thank you all for being so nice and welcoming to my mom, shes an amazing women, always got my back :)
     
  17. MacCoinneach

    MacCoinneach Well-Known Member

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    Hi & welcome!

    I'm glad you've taken heed & having a look on here, it's worthwhile doing, to know and understand what you've got yourself into and make informed decisions.

    My suggestion, speak to a moderator 1) about your account & 2) with info of the guy - they will perhaps be able to let you know if he has come up here before (publicly or privately).

    Anyway, we are all here for you! Take care x
     
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  18. MacCoinneach

    MacCoinneach Well-Known Member

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    PS. It may feel heartbreaking to think you've been in a 'fake' relationship (on the rat's part), but you would be saving a lot more heartache and other issues if you act quickly. You seem to have your head screwed on and good support from family - you'll get there xx
     
  19. concerned mom

    concerned mom Member

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    Hi MacCoinneach. That's what im having most trouble dealing with.The thought of his side of our relationship being fake,the emotions,flattery, all of it possibly being nothing but lies.They are good at what the do i'll give them that though..at least mine is. Hes all charm,and smiles had me hooked that's for sure.With all the energy rats are putting into these fake relationships you'd think they would be always be on the verge of a coma induced by rattery exhaustion...maybe that's why my man is always so tired :snore:
     
  20. MacCoinneach

    MacCoinneach Well-Known Member

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    Absolutely! It's really hard to believe they can fake all that - but they can, and as you said, they're good at it! I don't know how they keep it up, but they want something and no length is too far to go in achieving it. Sad but true. At least you are aware of all this - now you need to decide how to act, we are all here for you. Good luck xx
     
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  21. Laurence

    Laurence Well-Known Member

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    Hello daughter of concerned mom, welcome here.
    Hypocrisy and faking are all part of tunisian society, I'm sorry to have to tell you so, but living here for long years has opened my eyes very wide... These rats are incredibly good at what they do, it's like a "job" to them you see.
    Please don't be a victim, even if it's hard now, it would have been 1000 times worse if you would have married this man!!!!
    We've got a nice american member here, she knows all about tunisian rattery, as she got herself involved deeply with a tunisian rat, even got him over to the US.
     
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  22. ExNorway

    ExNorway Well-Known Member

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    Hi so good You / your mum came here before marriage !
    Welcome :)
    I think the more " attractive" You / the destination is the more energy they will use and in that sense You are perfect for him. You live in the US ( land Of all options) and probbably You have work, a place to live and economical You are in his eyes well off since You can travel to him. Dont feel like an idiot falling for this man as they are so good in their acting skills that Anyone without information on this would feel flattered as they adjust well to your personality and needs. He was probbably were " genuin " in his interest for your life and has Made himself in to " your Dream man" along the way.
    My mother met my rat in person and liked his charm, smile and kindness...so yes it is Amazing that this could all be fake.
    I was in a " true " relation with him for one year before the absolut signs came out totally I " wanted " 4 years, much money, emotional stability and my Job for my love...
    All the best for You and your mum,
    Sorry the spelling both iPhone and not my language nr1.
    xxx
     
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  23. ExNorway

    ExNorway Well-Known Member

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    * wanted 4 years !
     
  24. Caramel

    Caramel Clairvoyante !!

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    Hi Daughter of Concerned Mum. Welcome. First of all let me say what a sensible young woman you are. Many girls would simply shrug it off by saying ' mine will be different'. They are not, majority all the same. They are simply looking for a way out of their poverty and a chance to look after their family and eventually marry a Tunisian bride. Rest assured, if he found you on the internet, he would have found several other women from different developed countries. He will play them all along and the one which will bring him the biggest prize and a fast way out of Tunisia will be the one he chooses. But she is really the unlucky one as he would have spared the others much heartache down the road. Follow the advice here because by now you would have seen some good warning signs. Most Tunisian men in a relationship with foreigners do not compromise - everything has to be their way. What's most surprising that it is usually the foreign woman who foots the bill financially, experience all the stress of running around sorting out papers, travelling backwards and forwards, etc but ends up being submissive and agreeing to his demands. They are extremely selfish and self-centred men. Its all about me, me, me. They take but they don give. Stay strong and run a mile from this relationship as no good will come from it.
     
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  25. Olga

    Olga Well-Known Member

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    Hi Daughter of Concerned Mum! That you has found this site before going to Tunisia, cause brainwashing in internet is just nothing comparing with brainwashing in real life... I'm almost the same age as you are and your boyfriend the same age as my ex..so from what i learned the guys of this age never get married with older woman because of love, they just use them for all kinds of help: for money, for visas and other things...like all european and american and russian and so on women..If he wants to see you, so he can get a touristic visa without your help and so on and come like a tourist, so it is more safe for you :)
     

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