Divorce in the village

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Liana

Guest
I am deeply shocked. My farmer has just told me news that has swept me of my feet. As I mentioned before he comes from a tiny village where the father makes a living by breeding sheep, cultivating olives etc..They are a very traditional and strict family by values, religion , clothes and lifestyle and I had nothing but suffered from the restrictions imposed on my bf. However, it hasn't been going smooth lately for him either. His almost 60 y.old dad of 6 has revealed news that he wants all the family, mum, and the 2 brothers out of the house and is going straight to the local police station tomorrow thinking he can achieve that( faced by protests of the whole family). Reason: for a year this most devout and strict Muslim dad I have ever encountered has become involved with a local widow and demanded immediate divorce with farmer's old mother.Something has been hanging in the air for the last 6 months and now bang.I have never seen my bf so broken and confused .He is a very shy and closed person and even now it is difficult for him to speak of this situation, especially that he thinks he owes respect to his father.( But I hope his dad's balls will drop off!!!!!) Any legal advice on what happens with mother, house, land and dwellers in such circumstances?
 

paula01

Well-Known Member
I am deeply shocked. My farmer has just told me news that has swept me of my feet. As I mentioned before he comes from a tiny village where the father makes a living by breeding sheep, cultivating olives etc..They are a very traditional and strict family by values, religion , clothes and lifestyle and I had nothing but suffered from the restrictions imposed on my bf. However, it hasn't been going smooth lately for him either. His almost 60 y.old dad of 6 has revealed news that he wants all the family, mum, and the 2 brothers out of the house and is going straight to the local police station tomorrow thinking he can achieve that( faced by protests of the whole family). Reason: for a year this most devout and strict Muslim dad I have ever encountered has become involved with a local widow and demanded immediate divorce with farmer's old mother.Something has been hanging in the air for the last 6 months and now bang.I have never seen my bf so broken and confused .He is a very shy and closed person and even now it is difficult for him to speak of this situation, especially that he thinks he owes respect to his father.( But I hope his balls will drop off!!!!!) Any legal advice on what happens with mother, house, land and dwellers in such circumstances?
Funny that you should mention this Liana(very sad to hear this), my ex father in law lives in France and has done for years, at first he returned regulary and brought gifts back for the whole family, he then asked for a divorce and asked them to move out of the house!!! I never heard any more though and he still hasnt been home for years! I dont know what happens in these cases though. What a shock for them all after his Mum bringing up the children and being a good wife! He sounds like he is having a LATE life crisis!! how horrible for the family :mad:
 
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Liana

Guest
I am really worried this time.I don't understand these relations and attitude in the village really, how far will respect for the father go.
 

paula01

Well-Known Member
I am really worried this time.I don't understand these relations and attitude in the village really, how far will respect for the father go.
TBH I think the whole place has gone crazy! whats wrong with them? what are the family supposed to do now? How can the widow agree with putting the family out of their house? and how can she be with a married man??
 

Ben

Administrator
Women rule in Tunisia ... She will basically keep everything

She needs to overcome the cultural hurdles .. and HE is out
 
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Liana

Guest
I felt there was ''something'' wrong when I went to his sister's wedding last summer.I cannot learn more facts cos farmer also doesn't seem to know much.The dad is not a person of many words or one to confide in his kids.
 

paula01

Well-Known Member
Women rule in Tunisia ... She will basically keep everything

She needs to overcome the cultural hurdles .. and HE is out
Thats good to hear Ben, after all she isnt the one in the wrong is she ?
 
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Liana

Guest
I guess the brothers sided with mum and that enraged the bull so he is now making hell out of their life. How long will that take....
 

paula01

Well-Known Member
I guess the brothers sided with mum and that enraged the bull so he is now making hell out of their life. How long will that take....
I hope they throw him out on his ear if he is behaving so badly to his family, and dont forget Liana what goes around comes around,,,,
 
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Liana

Guest
This man would tell his son, he would be doomed to life in hell because he is giving in to ''me '' a non-muslim, farmer wouldn't listen to his dad or dump me facing more and more problems with dad, and here we go....look at the dad making a carpet of himself in the mosque who now wants to listen to his own Mr.Fantastic.
 

paula01

Well-Known Member
This man would tell his son, he would be doomed to life in hell because he is giving in to ''me '' a non-muslim, farmer wouldn't listen to his dad or dump me facing more and more problems with dad, and here we go....look at the dad making a carpet of himself in the mosque who now wants to listen to his own Mr.Fantastic.
What a hypocrite!! I bet his sons or wife havent got an ounce of respect for him now! and good on your BF for standing up to him, sounds like a good one to me Liana ;)
 
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Liana

Guest
Farmer is good but emotionally vulnerable so I need to be Tarzan...oh no!!!
 

Ben

Administrator
Thats good to hear Ben, after all she isnt the one in the wrong is she ?
Even if she is on the wrong :ben: (...and let's say ...she's got her self an English prince :ben: )
If HE wants a divorce .. he has to leave ;) Period
But then ...she will be looked upon by society as a whore who threw her family under the bus ... as I said SHE (and they) needs to overcome the cultural BS [ England & Tunisia are not that different when it comes to Kings and Queens ;) ]
 

alAzima

Administrator & Voice of Reason
Ben is absolutely right. As long as she pursues her legal rights, she'll get everything. Not only would she have legal right to stay in the home, but she can also get monthly payments from him. Especially if he's receiving any form of retirement from the Tunisian government, military, or a company he might have worked for.

And if any of the children are minors, they'll stay with her though the court could grant him visitation / involvement rights.
 

Tunisianbelle

'Don't call me Darling!' Mod
Tunisian law favors the woman/mother. Like Ben and Ash have already said, you need to have your boyfriend convince his mom to demand her legal rights and not back down.

  • She will get the house
  • If any children are minors she will receive monthly payments that go toward their food, education, clothing, etc
  • She will get a monthly payment of alimony - basically since he has supported her all these years he will need to continue to do so to some extent unless and until she remarries (if that ever happens)


I'm sorry that your boyfriend has to go through this. Divorce is hard, and unfortunately, it is becoming more prevalent in Tunisia.
 
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Caramel

Guest
I felt there was ''something'' wrong when I went to his sister's wedding last summer.I cannot learn more facts cos farmer also doesn't seem to know much.The dad is not a person of many words or one to confide in his kids.
'Still waters run deep' - true. My ex's father left his mother when they were very young with 7 children. She stayed in the house but he still provided for them financially. He left her for another woman too. Later he came back to her (after enjoying himself and after the other woman took all from him) and she took him back. They divorced and remarried. After that, she looked after him but the respect was gone. He died last July but this good lady stuck to him to the end. As Ben said, Tunisian women have lots of rights, compared to other muslim countries. She should go to the local police station if she has no money to spend on a lawyer, tell her story and stay put. He cant make her leave the house and that other woman should be ashamed of herself. Soon, the novelty will wear off and he will realise what an old fool he has been. If she does take him back (which I am sure she will) she should make sure his life is a living hell for a while. What he doesnt realise is that if he is unlucky enough to fall seriously ill, this other woman will not stand by him like his wife would.
 
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Caramel

Guest
This man would tell his son, he would be doomed to life in hell because he is giving in to ''me '' a non-muslim, farmer wouldn't listen to his dad or dump me facing more and more problems with dad, and here we go....look at the dad making a carpet of himself in the mosque who now wants to listen to his own Mr.Fantastic.
Liana, the ones who preach morality are usually the most corrupt in morals. His father probably envied his son and wished he could do the same. What a sad hypcrite. His children will lose all respect for him forever. Of course, they are going to side with their mother - she did nothing wrong. She was the one who carried them for 9 months and nurtured them until maturity. He fertised the egg but mother did all the hard work bringing up the children and it couldnt have been easy with so many and a demanding husband to care for too. He must have been very demanding because of his now present behaviour. He rules - yeh right.
 
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Liana

Guest
Thank you all. Please remember those are simple people and probably never contacted any lawyers, so I guess the police station will do. Anyway, now I am getting a more clear picture, cause last night I had no clue why the father was going to the local police station. Is that what is done in such circumstances??? What do the police do then? Also please keep in mind the father is a despot and absolute ruler in the family. The only one who does not respect him and is not afraid is me.
 
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Caramel

Guest
The mother, along with her sons, should also go to the local police station to find out what he said and his actions. Also to formally state her case. Additionally, as many of these areas exists on bribes, the father could well have given some bribe. She needs to protect her interests fast to prevent any illegal underhand actions being taken by her husband, which once taken, may be costly and difficult to reverse.

Because this is a stay-at-home lady (as most Tunisian wives are) and its seems they are entirely dependant on the father (correct me if I am wrong) she may not have saved secretly any money to defend herself. If this lady didnt suspect that her husband of many years could have been capable of such devious and underhand action, she might not have thought of putting away an emergency amount of money.

What a way to be treated, having sacrificed so much looking after a demanding husband and bringing up her children? Crazy world. Crazy officials if they let this happen and give the husband any rights.
 
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Caramel

Guest
Thank you all. Please remember those are simple people and probably never contacted any lawyers, so I guess the police station will do. Anyway, now I am getting a more clear picture, cause last night I had no clue why the father was going to the local police station. Is that what is done in such circumstances??? What do the police do then? Also please keep in mind the father is a despot and absolute ruler in the family. The only one who does not respect him and is not afraid is me.
At least your man stood up for you which shows he has backbone. I am sure if you instruct him on what to do, he will take your advice because it is the sensible thing to do to protect his mother's interest. If his father is hellbent on being with the divorced lady, then he should move in with her but still be made to support his wife. I wonder how the police will view his actions in such a small and supposedly moral community?
 
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Liana

Guest
His father 's sweetheart is not divorced she is also old and a widow, so could he move into her hut? As for my bf standing up for me...well, he rather hides or avoids talking or listening to his dad who always threatens to throw him out of the house if he doesn't come back for the night. When he stays with me for longer periods his father doesn't talk to him for weeks for such disgrace.
 
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Liana

Guest
BTW tell me more about the police poking their nose into family affairs. Never heard of that!:OAre they like the court of first instance ??(f)
 
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Liana

Guest
Tunisian law favors the woman/mother. Like Ben and Ash have already said, you need to have your boyfriend convince his mom to demand her legal rights and not back down.

  • She will get the house
  • If any children are minors she will receive monthly payments that go toward their food, education, clothing, etc
  • She will get a monthly payment of alimony - basically since he has supported her all these years he will need to continue to do so to some extent unless and until she remarries (if that ever happens)


I'm sorry that your boyfriend has to go through this. Divorce is hard, and unfortunately, it is becoming more prevalent in Tunisia.
Thanks for your advice(f).I just wonder how she can demand these rights. This is a very timid petite woman , old and ill and as I know she is just weeping all the time.I guess she is completely paralysed when the husband raises his voice. No, all children are adult and married off except two sons of over 30 including farmer living with them. :zwall:
 
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Caramel

Guest
His father 's sweetheart is not divorced she is also old and a widow, so could he move into her hut? As for my bf standing up for me...well, he rather hides or avoids talking or listening to his dad who always threatens to throw him out of the house if he doesn't come back for the night. When he stays with me for longer periods his father doesn't talk to him for weeks for such disgrace.
Does this old widow have money? Is that the catch? Liana, I am thinking because this is small remote village, the police is the law there. Your BF needs to find out why he went to the police station. Liana, look on line for Tunisian lawyers and see if any will give you advice if you give them a brief scenario of what's happening. I have had information before without paying any money, but this was with the assumption that I would go with that lawyer. Subsequently, I went with another. Worth a try as Tunisian family law is quite different from ours. I can send you the email of the firm that gave me advice by email. Let me know and I will PM this to you.
(f)
 
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Liana

Guest
Thank you Carmel , you are so dependable(f) I just found out the father did not go to the police and spent the day not talking to anybody at all. Silence. The widow is poorer than him , but it used to be his first platonic love who married someone else. That is all evidence and not an ounce more. Nobody has seen anything or heard anything . Farmer feels a little better today and I am a little relieved cause I guess he really believed his dad would turn him out of home. I wish he would finish building that house of his which would give him a shadow of independence but it will take a few years and even than I am sure he will be haunted by that despot. I just wish he weren't so emotional when it comes to his family affairs.:protest:
 
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Caramel

Guest
It was the way he was brought up - family is everything! Sometimes not in a good way as their influence can be very depressing and soul destroying. Luckily most of these influences are positive. It seems that the father was just making a gesture and just trying to prove what he was capable of. He must still be seeing this old widow as the young girl he once craved for. He obviously is not thinking rationally - just reflecting on what may have been. Unfortunately, he foolishly let those thoughts get the better of him and brought them into the present. I think he will eventually come to his senses but he must not be made to forget what he put this wife and children through.
(f)
 
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marissa

Guest
It was the way he was brought up - family is everything! Sometimes not in a good way as their influence can be very depressing and soul destroying. Luckily most of these influences are positive. It seems that the father was just making a gesture and just trying to prove what he was capable of. He must still be seeing this old widow as the young girl he once craved for. He obviously is not thinking rationally - just reflecting on what may have been. Unfortunately, he foolishly let those thoughts get the better of him and brought them into the present. I think he will eventually come to his senses but he must not be made to forget what he put this wife and children through.
(f)
If he changed his minds sure it is after he went to police station and realized that he will be the one who will have to leave the house and still support his wife after the divorce. In the end he will do what he wants would be no problem to see the other woman now; everybody know so he don't have to hide more
 
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