Do I go?? Advice/Experiences greatly appreciated.

MH007

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Looking back there wasn't any. The most confusing thing is religion. He is a Muslim, and I know that his mother is very strict with her religion too. Yet he drinks, smokes and gambles. Why would his mother be ok with us sharing an apartment alone? After reading some of the other forums I have noticed more things. He never uses my name, always darling or babe/baby.
Sounds like his Mum is a rat mum and out for what she/he can get. A strict Muslim mum would not allow this nor endorse it! My rat also only ever called me babe, baby or darling so he wouldn't get my name confused with another woman.

Its text book ratty behaviour.

I wish I had listened to people on here but I didn't - you may not but don't feel judged and we pray you don't go but if you do then never ever feel ashamed to come back here.

MH x
 

Megane

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Just as a thought, when my parents went to Tunisia a few years back whenever my dad was out of sight the hotel manager was appeared at my mums lounger offering her drinks and being a nuisance. She told him to get lost and that she'd seen him taking women to hotels down the road and his reply was well I don't people here to know what I'm doing. Don't assume for one minute that because the uncle is a hotel manager that he's sqeaky clean.
 

Femme Fatale

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Welcome @Football0404!

My rat had your Tunisian traits in the beginning. Educated man, came from a family of educated people. Had so much in common with me. If you closed your eyes when speaking with him, you wouldn’t think he was a rat. But, yet here I am....

Reasons why your may be a rat:

1. Good Tunisian men are very conservative and strict in their religion. This means, no sex before marriage, no meeting girls online, no smoking, no drinking and gambling. Even more liberal Muslims will hold some form of the religious standards. Red flags.
2. Tunisian men see you staying in an apartment with an unmarried man as being a whore. If the parents are ok with you staying in a hotel/apartment with their son, that’s a huge red flag.
3. Just because he is in uni doesn’t mean he isn’t a rat. My rat has an engineering degree, and actually has a good job, but he was still a visa hunter, a rat.
4. There are specific rats you need to know about. One, the visa hunter. Which may be yours. His only goal is a visa. He won’t ask for money, he’ll pay for everything, and he will treat you like a queen. He is only searching for a visa. Once he gets the visa, he will toss you out like trash. These are the most dangerous ones to me in my opinion because the victim doesn’t see it coming because the rat never asked for money, he paid for everything, etc., so victims are easily persuaded. Yours may just want a visa.
5. His religion alone tells him how to conduct himself. If his mom is strict in her faith, you won’t stand a chance anyhow. She is the most important person in his life, even if you marry. What mother say, goes.

Furthermore, if he really want to see you, ask him to get his own visa and come to your turf. I tested my rat this way. I said, why don’t you go to embassy, apply and come see me. He got angry. Why get angry if you love me, right. Why would a man ask a woman to spend her hard earned money to come see him. We wouldn’t do that in our own countries, then why we we allowing Tunisian men to do us this way.

I would rather you cut all contact. But if you don’t be careful. Ask him to come to you instead and see what he says.
 
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MH007

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Just as a thought, when my parents went to Tunisia a few years back whenever my dad was out of sight the hotel manager was appeared at my mums lounger offering her drinks and being a nuisance. She told him to get lost and that she'd seen him taking women to hotels down the road and his reply was well I don't people here to know what I'm doing. Don't assume for one minute that because the uncle is a hotel manager that he's sqeaky clean.
I literally had to run from one hotel manager - I have the photos of the bruises too, just because they are in a position of authority doesn't mean they are trustworthy :mad:

MH x
 

AmberHeart

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Hi, Thank you for your reply.
Yes, we would be staying in the family apartment alone, away from his family.
I believe he went to Spain and France. At the time I didn't realise Tunisians required visas so did not ask however if I was to take an educated guess it would have been a Sports player one as he played as quite a high level.
Yes, I have seen the news and for a moment completely forgot. Thank you for reminding me as this will now aid my final decision.
Hi and welcome!
Have you seen evidence? Not clearly photoshopped pictures lol believe it or not they do back up their stories with such material.
Staying alone at his family home is a major red flag, not acceptable in their culture nor by their law. You could face jail.
 
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minnie

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Hi,
I am relatively new here and looking for some advice. Please feel free to ask more question as I may not have addressed anything in here.
I am 19, a student from the UK. Just over two weeks ago I went on holiday to Tunisia where I met a guy, 24, who I started to talk to. He worked at the hotel as a lifeguard during the summer months as he is at University. We exchanged FB and continued to message each other throughout the week, we had so much in common! To my surprise, on our second last day, he asked me out on a date which I agreed to go on the following night. Before the date, I had read up about love rats and knew some of the signs to look out for. I had a lovely time and there were no major red flags. One thing that made him stand out was how he seemed "well-off". His father is a teacher, his uncle a manager at a hotel. He has also travelled to a few European countries when he's played in sports tournaments, which I've read can be uncommon for Tunisians. The following day I was flying home so we talked about why he had left asking me out to the last day. I made sure not to give too much away when he asked if I would be back saying that I didn't know as I have a busy schedule.

Once I got home we continued to talk on messenger and we continue to facetime each other most days. The more I talk to him the more I like him. The other day he asked whether or not I would be able to return soon. In short, the answer is yes, I would be able to go for a week in September. The question is, do I go or not? He mentioned that I could stay in his family's other apartment and that he would send me pictures of it before I went. I have also considered looking into a cheap hotel in Sousse, just in case something went wrong. However, I have to question whether or not it is too soon. If I didn't go in September I doubt we would be able to see each other again before April-June when prices begin to increase.
Many Thanks, L.
Dejavu didnt we just have a Story like this with rape as the end result and a ruined woman
 

Heidi

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Dejavu didnt we just have a Story like this with rape as the end result and a ruined woman
:thumbsup:


RAPIST RAT FROM HOTEL

 

Mango Chutney

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Do I go??

No :thumbsup:

Welcome, Footie...I do hope you are a Tottenham fan :p

On my regular rat stalking sessions...a much loved pastime of mine, I see more and more that these rats are hovering towards younger victims now.
Don’t get me wrong, older women and even men, are not safe from their predatory ways, but the common theme I keep seeing right now is young girls.

My gut says that this slight change of focus is because the scam is becoming more known worldwide, and whilst we here focus on the fact that literally ANYONE could be a victim, the trashy headlines you will see in tacky magazines etc focus solely on older ladies, overweight ladies, ladies on benefits etc.
Media is business, businesses need to make money to survive, so the trashier the headline, the better for impulse purchases by unknowing buyers and ultimately, profit for the business.

Unfortunately, media is in a better position than us to hit a mass target market....and so many young girls, men, Western Muslims etc are walking into the trap, thinking: “It is not possible I am a bezness victim, it only happens to old, fat women.....coz the media tells me so.
The media is wrong....we are ALL potential victims.

After I left my rat, I started an Open University degree in psychology, as this is my subject....the human mind has always fascinated me and I could build on the qualifications I already had.
I had to quit my course. Rat has left me with PTSD, I struggled with concentration, with focus, with drive, he killed my mojo.

You are very young, you have your whole future ahead of you, you can do anything, be anyone, the world is there for your taking....don’t let a rat destroy your precious future.
We get one shot at this crazy thing called life....live it, laugh with it...and kick that rat into the gutter before he gets so deeply embedded in your head, you forget how to live, how to laugh.
He will leave you with nothing, he will take everything from you, including your sanity, your physical health, mental health, spiritual health....and it makes me want to cry, because the damage from a relationship with a narcissist is for life....you deserve better.

With regards to the apartment, I don’t believe it’s his families. If his family were so wealthy and successful, he would not be selling himself.
My rat told me the apartment we first stayed in was his. He lied. He took me to a bezness pad, his real home was in his parents house, which he soon moved me into.

You say you had one date with this man....where did you go? Who paid?

Footie, you spent a few hours alone with this man....why would you even contemplate living alone with a strange man in a strange country, after just a few hours in his company?
Would you do this in your own country? This is the question you need to ask yourself. If some waiter in a coffee shop spoke to you every day for a week or so, took you on a date and asked you to move in with him for a while....would you then go and live with him....or would you run a mile from this weirdo?

Take our advise here, run a mile....don’t let him bring your world down, because the damage is for life.
 

Judithlyn

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Sorry if you fell this negative but I speak from the heart

One thing you need to know is that we all had so much in common with our rats. This is how they operate they work on your likes and your dislikes and they become an almost carbon copy of you. I'm not saying he is a rat but just be careful on the how similar you both are front because if he is a rat then this is fake. I too am from the UK and a lot older than you and my advise to you whether he is a rat is or not is not to get involved. Treat this as a holiday thing where you had a very nice time and leave it there. Don't communicate as you will be sucked in further and manipulated and fall for him and once under the spell of a rat you will do whatever he wants and give him whatever he wants no matter how strong you think you are and think you will resist it.. You're young and starting out in life and Tunisian men even if not a rat will only lead you to heartache. No matter how much they seem to be like us trust me they are not and never will be. Their culture and values are totally different to ours and they may act like western people but this is a mask. You will lose all of your independence and everything that you are currently working towards and where you plan to be in life will be a massive waste of time. Chalk it up to experience and walk away, stop communicating with him for your own sake. Yes at first life will seem quiet and you'll miss the good mornings and good nights and the little messages in between but it really is the best thing that you can do.

Further note: In the UK we class teachers and doctors and those sort of professionals as well respected people that we can trust. This is not the case in Tunisia whether you are a professional person or a beggar on the street the integrity remains the same there isn't any. Look through this site, I think its Judithlyn (Heidi could confirm) her rats family had what we class as respectable jobs but they were still in on the scam with their son and entertained his numerous girlfriends/victims.
Welcome Football0404! Megan’s is absolutely spot on! Read her post a 2nd and a 3rd time! You will truly end up brainwashed no matter how strong you think you are. I NEVER thought it would have happened to me, BUT it did! My rat’s father was a school administrator. Both sisters are teachers. Oldest brother is an electrical engineer with the Tunisian electric company. Another brother is a surgeon. The last 2 brothers are rats. They talked about their great educations. My rat was in school when we met. I stayed in the parents house. All of the family came to meet me. They treated me wonderful, just like they treated his other victim only 1 and 1/2 months before me! Entertained both of us and probably many more foreign women in their very house! Dad went to the mosque everyday! They bought me lots of presents! It was ALL FAKE! I beg you to NOT go back to Tunisia! Your guy is more dangerous than the 3 terrorist suicide bombers this week! The customs/culture/laws are so different there! You staying alone with him can get you arrested for prostitution! Unmarried people can not legally live together in Tunisia! I bet he never told you that, but I guarantee that he knows it. He just doesn’t care enough about you to be honest! I’m sorry for being frank, but these guys are cruel monsters! Now he is treating you like a queen! It is to his benefit. Your guy is probably wanting a visa to the UK. All young people are desperate to leave Tunisia in anyway possible! It’s truly hell there! His lifeguard job pays crap as do most jobs in Tunisia. Unemployment is rampant. They want to escape it! He may not want or ask for money from you. Not yet anyways! They are shrewd at playing their games. They want to make absolutely certain that you are hooked and then the “give me” starts up. Your guy works in the tourism field....that’s fairly certain that he’s a rat. How do you know that you are his only foreign woman? Mine talked to me every single day for at least 6 hours. He kept up minimal contacts with his other victims too. He even claimed his best friend in Tunisia was doing the actual communications while he was living with me. Isn’t that disgusting? Your guy will probably be saying the “I love you” crap very soon and then discussing marriage. Visas come easier with marriage and “anchor babies”! You are 19! You are in university! Please finish your education. Don’t ruin your life and your future by staying mixed up with this guy. It will hurt! My breakup took one year. It was hell! I had to rediscover myself, my personality, learn to laugh again! It truly was hell recovering from Abdelhak’s mind games and control 24/7 of my life! I knew never to marry him! I had some inner warning to never make it legal! Thank God!

I wish you a great life! That is the only reason that I’m saying these pieces of advice to you! I don’t want you to get hurt like most of us on here were! Chalk your trip and romance up to a fun experience, but please block him from your life and look to your future. You have a wonderful future IF you do not return to Tunisia. Their culture is so different. Women are basically slaves over there. Cooking, cleaning, breeding, and not asking questions while her husband does absolutely anything he pleases including cheating and lying. Women over there just accept it! It’s part of their culture. Women are kept locked in the house or allowed out with him or the women as babysitters! You lose your complete freedom with these guys whether in Tunisia or another country! They are “Mama’s Boys”! You can never compete with dear old Mother! She is and forever will be his number 1! Stay on here and read, read, read! Your relationship is far too new so he has never shown his real self with the exception of you and him staying alone in an apartment! Illegal and think “anchor baby”! I’m so sorry for my harsh but factual words! We are all here for you! Big hugs!
 

Mango Chutney

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Welcome Football0404! Megan’s is absolutely spot on! Read her post a 2nd and a 3rd time! You will truly end up brainwashed no matter how strong you think you are. I NEVER thought it would have happened to me, BUT it did! My rat’s father was a school administrator. Both sisters are teachers. Oldest brother is an electrical engineer with the Tunisian electric company. Another brother is a surgeon. The last 2 brothers are rats. They talked about their great educations. My rat was in school when we met. I stayed in the parents house. All of the family came to meet me. They treated me wonderful, just like they treated his other victim only 1 and 1/2 months before me! Entertained both of us and probably many more foreign women in their very house! Dad went to the mosque everyday! They bought me lots of presents! It was ALL FAKE! I beg you to NOT go back to Tunisia! Your guy is more dangerous than the 3 terrorist suicide bombers this week! The customs/culture/laws are so different there! You staying alone with him can get you arrested for prostitution! Unmarried people can not legally live together in Tunisia! I bet he never told you that, but I guarantee that he knows it. He just doesn’t care enough about you to be honest! I’m sorry for being frank, but these guys are cruel monsters! Now he is treating you like a queen! It is to his benefit. Your guy is probably wanting a visa to the UK. All young people are desperate to leave Tunisia in anyway possible! It’s truly hell there! His lifeguard job pays crap as do most jobs in Tunisia. Unemployment is rampant. They want to escape it! He may not want or ask for money from you. Not yet anyways! They are shrewd at playing their games. They want to make absolutely certain that you are hooked and then the “give me” starts up. Your guy works in the tourism field....that’s fairly certain that he’s a rat. How do you know that you are his only foreign woman? Mine talked to me every single day for at least 6 hours. He kept up minimal contacts with his other victims too. He even claimed his best friend in Tunisia was doing the actual communications while he was living with me. Isn’t that disgusting? Your guy will probably be saying the “I love you” crap very soon and then discussing marriage. Visas come easier with marriage and “anchor babies”! You are 19! You are in university! Please finish your education. Don’t ruin your life and your future by staying mixed up with this guy. It will hurt! My breakup took one year. It was hell! I had to rediscover myself, my personality, learn to laugh again! It truly was hell recovering from Abdelhak’s mind games and control 24/7 of my life! I knew never to marry him! I had some inner warning to never make it legal! Thank God!

I wish you a great life! That is the only reason that I’m saying these pieces of advice to you! I don’t want you to get hurt like most of us on here were! Chalk your trip and romance up to a fun experience, but please block him from your life and look to your future. You have a wonderful future IF you do not return to Tunisia. Their culture is so different. Women are basically slaves over there. Cooking, cleaning, breeding, and not asking questions while her husband does absolutely anything he pleases including cheating and lying. Women over there just accept it! It’s part of their culture. Women are kept locked in the house or allowed out with him or the women as babysitters! You lose your complete freedom with these guys whether in Tunisia or another country! They are “Mama’s Boys”! You can never compete with dear old Mother! She is and forever will be his number 1! Stay on here and read, read, read! Your relationship is far too new so he has never shown his real self with the exception of you and him staying alone in an apartment! Illegal and think “anchor baby”! I’m so sorry for my harsh but factual words! We are all here for you! Big hugs!
Your posts are brilliant now! You’ve really got such an understanding of this bezness business....and you make me laugh with your outspoken, nothing held back replies :D
 

Judithlyn

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Your posts are brilliant now! You’ve really got such an understanding of this bezness business....and you make me laugh with your outspoken, nothing held back replies :D
You taught me WELL :D:thumbsup:and I will forever be grateful to you and all of the wonderful friends I’ve made on here!:love:

I still remember your words telling me that one day I will recover and all will be okay again! OMG at that time, I honestly did not ever think that I would be okay again! I truly felt destroyed by him!:Evil: Well here I am.....fully recovered, not angry at that piece of s*** any longer, and just trying to do my part to save potential victims from going through what I went through or by trying to lift up victims who are going through what I went through! Live, learn, and share the message, right? Big hugs to you!:love:
 

Amira

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Traveling there and benefit the holiday is ok but do not fall in love with a Tunisian boy because after what I have read, the Tunisian culture seems very difficult to understand and the language since they have their own dialect. Good food and nice beaches are good there but the people I don't know. Definitely some good people there too. Don't like their women's view
 

Cydney

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Please do not go. It is a big risk... And I am sometimes a huge risk taker. I am not basing my advise only on the fact that he is Tunisian but rather on how you describe him.... The chances of him being sincere AND such a great potential life partner are almost ZERO. That is NOT a risk I would take.
 
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