Feeling Crushed

Derbygirl

Major Ratslayer
I’m probably not feeling something all other victims on this site haven’t already felt, but I feel absolutely crushed by my experience .............I am doing my best to feel strong, and concentrate on getting my life and identity back, but it’s such a hard journey............Anyone have any tips for making this journey any easier, please??
 

Anna2you

Major Ratslayer
Hi..well i think most of us have felt this way. I was in a shock i think and still trying to come to grips how a person can treat another human being this way. The only thing i can suggest is to really focus on self care. Try to stay in the moment and focus on what you doing and your surroundings. I have neglected myself while with my ex so now trying to pay more attention to my appearance, nice bath, nails, hair even dressing up a bit better. Also, started doing more of my hobbies like reading, crafts and even cooking. I started making some traditional meals from my old country..now that i can eat whatever i want. Now that the spring has finally arrived here in Yukon i have started to work in the garden as well. I think the main thing is being occupied with nice things as much as possible. Really looking forward to going camping with my dogs as soon as the isolation thing is over which i think will be soon. The good thing about this break up is that now i dont have to walk on egg shells no more. I can go where i want and do whatever i want. Nobody making my days misserable and i know that it will get better and better. Already i am feeling better.
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
Hi..well i think most of us have felt this way. I was in a shock i think and still trying to come to grips how a person can treat another human being this way. The only thing i can suggest is to really focus on self care. Try to stay in the moment and focus on what you doing and your surroundings. I have neglected myself while with my ex so now trying to pay more attention to my appearance, nice bath, nails, hair even dressing up a bit better. Also, started doing more of my hobbies like reading, crafts and even cooking. I started making some traditional meals from my old country..now that i can eat whatever i want. Now that the spring has finally arrived here in Yukon i have started to work in the garden as well. I think the main thing is being occupied with nice things as much as possible. Really looking forward to going camping with my dogs as soon as the isolation thing is over which i think will be soon. The good thing about this break up is that now i dont have to walk on egg shells no more. I can go where i want and do whatever i want. Nobody making my days misserable and i know that it will get better and better. Already i am feeling better.
me too....time has passed...I feel stronger everyday.....we have to give time...to let time heal
 

Anna2you

Major Ratslayer
me too....time has passed...I feel stronger everyday.....we have to give time...to let time heal
Yes...oh another thing that i think helped me during the toughest moments was doing pro and con lists and writting in my diary. And as people always told me ..time heals those things and it really does.
 

tutusandfrogs

Major Ratslayer
Hi..well i think most of us have felt this way. I was in a shock i think and still trying to come to grips how a person can treat another human being this way. The only thing i can suggest is to really focus on self care. Try to stay in the moment and focus on what you doing and your surroundings. I have neglected myself while with my ex so now trying to pay more attention to my appearance, nice bath, nails, hair even dressing up a bit better. Also, started doing more of my hobbies like reading, crafts and even cooking. I started making some traditional meals from my old country..now that i can eat whatever i want. Now that the spring has finally arrived here in Yukon i have started to work in the garden as well. I think the main thing is being occupied with nice things as much as possible. Really looking forward to going camping with my dogs as soon as the isolation thing is over which i think will be soon. The good thing about this break up is that now i dont have to walk on egg shells no more. I can go where i want and do whatever i want. Nobody making my days misserable and i know that it will get better and better. Already i am feeling better.
Lucky you, because in MB I'm still waiting for Spring.
 

Lass

Major Ratslayer
Hi @Derbygirl sorry to hear you are feeling down. I am feeling really overwhelmed too, with everything that is going on in the world and my personal situation it's just proving to be too much for me to handle. I really suffer mentally now. I was actually going to start a new post (but I can't figure it out) where members could share their ways of dealing with stress and anxiety. I started doing online yoga about a month ago and it works miracles for me. It's the only time in a day when I really switch off and listen to my inner self. I have never tried yoga before and I didn't even suspect that I will enjoy it. Now it's a part of my daily routine and I can really feel the difference in both my mind and my body. Another great thing to do is guided meditation. There is plenty of good ones on YouTube. I hope you will try it. If you do let me know if it worked xx
 

Jane

Major Ratslayer
I’m probably not feeling something all other victims on this site haven’t already felt, but I feel absolutely crushed by my experience .............I am doing my best to feel strong, and concentrate on getting my life and identity back, but it’s such a hard journey............Anyone have any tips for making this journey any easier, please??
I found this was the only video ( out of many I looked at ) which helped me to accept a final closure .. for some reason this one really hit home and helped me reframe my whole experience and put me on the healing path



replace the term narcissist with rat if you prefer ... but rats classify as 100% narcissist so this applies
 

Cydney

Major Ratslayer
I found this was the only video ( out of many I looked at ) which helped me to accept a final closure .. for some reason this one really hit home and helped me reframe my whole experience and put me on the healing path



replace the term narcissist with rat if you prefer ... but rats classify as 100% narcissist so this applies
I was going to post similar. "Ordinary" people dont understand the nature of the grief. It is a strange thing...not mourning the end of a relationship...but rather mourning something that never truly existed. Narcissists and rats only feign love..none of it was real but the sense of grief and loss felt sure is. Those who dont have experience with this have a hard time understanding.
 

Dangerous Beans

Junior Rat Expert
I am doing my best to feel strong,
Will power is totally overrated. There is no 'proper way' of feeling, as long as they are your feelings they matter and they are all that matters because this is about you deserving to get better.

Becoming strong is not the goal here, rather it's accepting weaknesses and feelings of powerlessness and accepting that they are part of the whole process, part of yourself. You're here because you were loving and trusting and brave enough to believe in someone despite distance and differences.

This sounds weird but force yourself to be kind and forgiving to yourself for a set length of time each day, even for just a minute. Self-care is essential
 

simple

Major Ratslayer
All of the above is good advice and each person will find different ways to survive..Laughter got me through ,learning to laugh at myself and most importantly at the rat,Making fun of him belittled him ,made him insignificant ,which empowered me to continue...I realise that somethings are not meant to be laughed at ,,The abuse the hurt ,the humiliation,,but once you get past that and see that laughter ,rather than anger ,makes you stronger ,,To all of you who suffering right now here is my very own ODE TO A RAT===I see your face when i am dreaming ,thats why i wake up screaming.Kind ,intelligent ,loving and hot,this discribes everything your not.Roses are wilting ,violets are dead ,the sugar bowls empty and so is your head,Love may be beautiful,love may be be bliss,i only slept with you because i was pissed.My feelings for you no words can tell ,expect maybe,Go to hell !!
 

Croydon girl

Major Ratslayer
All of the above is good advice and each person will find different ways to survive..Laughter got me through ,learning to laugh at myself and most importantly at the rat,Making fun of him belittled him ,made him insignificant ,which empowered me to continue...I realise that somethings are not meant to be laughed at ,,The abuse the hurt ,the humiliation,,but once you get past that and see that laughter ,rather than anger ,makes you stronger ,,To all of you who suffering right now here is my very own ODE TO A RAT===I see your face when i am dreaming ,thats why i wake up screaming.Kind ,intelligent ,loving and hot,this discribes everything your not.Roses are wilting ,violets are dead ,the sugar bowls empty and so is your head,Love may be beautiful,love may be be bliss,i only slept with you because i was pissed.My feelings for you no words can tell ,expect maybe,Go to hell !!
Love it! Brilliant Simple!
 

Starstylist

Junior Rat Expert
I still feel this way from time to time too. I try to laugh about it but it really did hurt. My advice is take care of yourself! You won’t feel like it sometimes but this is when you need it the most. Talk to friends you may have lost contact with during the relationship. Cleaning the house is relaxing because it brings you back to reality. When you wash dishes focus on the warm water. Stimulate your senses. Go for a walk and smell the fresh air, go to the salon so you can feel beautiful, read a good book (not online but an actual book), play with the kids if you have any, visit family and reminisce, take a break from social media, play your favorite songs from high school and maybe dance! Yoga and mediation are great too. A good therapist to help you work through your feelings is beneficial too. Get back into a hobby you may have stopped. Just don’t numb your pain. The five senses are your best friend.
 

Amira

Major Ratslayer
I’m probably not feeling something all other victims on this site haven’t already felt, but I feel absolutely crushed by my experience .............I am doing my best to feel strong, and concentrate on getting my life and identity back, but it’s such a hard journey............Anyone have any tips for making this journey any easier, please??
Believe me it is not easy but I use to say to myself what kind of life do you want? Do you want a life of uncertainty where you do not know what is happening around the next corner or want a stable life. If you want a stable life then you stay away from them even if you feel lonely but old problems will reappear. Don't contact him. Spend time with friends and family. Be strong .
 
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