Geezeeee

Megane

Major Ratslayer
I find it interesting when you say he was more forthcoming about what he wants in relationship before you were. This is the first red flag. If you want a holiday and to meet him all well and good but I'm sure every one here will say to you do not be loose with your money let him look after you and never get drawn into the visa route. Plus NEVER fall for any stories about him needing money for ANY reason it's all lies but this could start after you meet. You know your mind and nothing any of us say will change it, just remember we're all here for you without any judgement.
 
D

Deleted member 146

Guest
Thank you. <3

I'm optimistically cautious? I have read a lot on this forum and I know I'm not the only woman who desperately wants to believe her man really is different...

Thank you for the non-judgment.
This comes to mind :)

The person is cautiously optimistic. the person is cautious, but in an optimistic way. The only context that comes to mind (and I may not be 100% serious here) is a confident bomb squad -- they're cautious but optimistic that they'll be successful. ("Hopeful" might be a better word, though.)
 
D

Deleted member 34774

Guest
Thank you. <3

I'm optimistically cautious? I have read a lot on this forum and I know I'm not the only woman who desperately wants to believe her man really is different...

Thank you for the non-judgment.
Sometimes I still don’t want to believe mine is a rat. If you knew my story you’d think mine was a normal man, not a rat. He literally doesn’t even act like the average Tunisian. But his lies couldn’t be ignored. Simple lies. The way we start a relationship is a good indication of how it will go. Starting off with horrible habits like your relationship may not end well. But no judgment here. Just guard your heart and keep searching for the truth.
 

Megane

Major Ratslayer
Thank you. <3

I'm optimistically cautious? I have read a lot on this forum and I know I'm not the only woman who desperately wants to believe her man really is different...

Thank you for the non-judgment.
I met ran one in the UK and trust me my life nearly ended because of that man, it was only the fact that I have a child that kept me here. Rat 2 I believed was different and nobody on this earth would have changed my opinion. The first visit was perfect, he paid for everything except my flight his mum cooked for me every night, I was in a little bubble of love. Then came the subtle little hints about being short of money because well you know he did borrow to make sure I had a good holiday (big guilt trip) I still went back a second time when he was happy for me to pay for the apartment and the rental car and a lot more. After dropping my luggage in the apartment we went straight to see his family and he left me in the house where not one person spoke English and went out. After 2 days of being treated like crap I told him I wanted to go home and never go back. I stuck it out for the week but the day after I got home I found out he'd been seeing a Tunisian for over a month. It's been over a year since the split and I'm all good but even now I read things here and think OMG he said that and I didn't realise it was rat speak. I was so eager to believe he was different so I know where you're coming from and who knows maybe yours will turn out to be true there are success stories out there. Just be guarded that's the only thing I can say.
 

tutusandfrogs

Major Ratslayer
I met ran one in the UK and trust me my life nearly ended because of that man, it was only the fact that I have a child that kept me here. Rat 2 I believed was different and nobody on this earth would have changed my opinion. The first visit was perfect, he paid for everything except my flight his mum cooked for me every night, I was in a little bubble of love. Then came the subtle little hints about being short of money because well you know he did borrow to make sure I had a good holiday (big guilt trip) I still went back a second time when he was happy for me to pay for the apartment and the rental car and a lot more. After dropping my luggage in the apartment we went straight to see his family and he left me in the house where not one person spoke English and went out. After 2 days of being treated like crap I told him I wanted to go home and never go back. I stuck it out for the week but the day after I got home I found out he'd been seeing a Tunisian for over a month. It's been over a year since the split and I'm all good but even now I read things here and think OMG he said that and I didn't realise it was rat speak. I was so eager to believe he was different so I know where you're coming from and who knows maybe yours will turn out to be true there are success stories out there. Just be guarded that's the only thing I can say.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. :( I'm glad that you are okay now...and you are on point where no one can tell you anything... it's just one of those things that's really hard to see from any other perspective.
 
M

Mango Chutney

Guest
I'm so sorry this happened to you. :( I'm glad that you are okay now...and you are on point where no one can tell you anything... it's just one of those things that's really hard to see from any other perspective.
Tutu's, I've written many a time that in that first year, my rat treated me like no other....I'd never felt so valued and adored in my life.
I've also written many a time, that with hindsight and the advantage of a clear, unfuzzy head.....I now see that the signs were there all along.
You will also have signs.

You have the benefit of this site and a bezness knowledge in your head, so if you do go to Tunisia......make sure you leave a little room in your suitcase for this knowledge......I only wish I'd known of bezness back then, though I suspect it wouldn't have changed my decisions, as like your rat #1....he seemed perfect.

We will all do what we will do in life, it's important we make our own decisions and do not react to pressure, else the what ifs will always be there, the ability to blame will always be there. So much though your situation does blow my mind a little, I do understand that it is YOUR situation, and only YOU can make the decisions.
We learn from our mistakes. If we never made mistakes, we would never learn anything new......life is an education, a rat is an education......TWO rats is certainly an education :D
S.hit, girl.....I don't know whether to hang my head and cry for you....or admire your self belief and determination! :D
Ain't life a funny old thing.......

Whatever your decision.....we've got your back :)
 

tutusandfrogs

Major Ratslayer
lol
Tutu's, I've written many a time that in that first year, my rat treated me like no other....I'd never felt so valued and adored in my life.
I've also written many a time, that with hindsight and the advantage of a clear, unfuzzy head.....I now see that the signs were there all along.
You will also have signs.

You have the benefit of this site and a bezness knowledge in your head, so if you do go to Tunisia......make sure you leave a little room in your suitcase for this knowledge......I only wish I'd known of bezness back then, though I suspect it wouldn't have changed my decisions, as like your rat #1....he seemed perfect.

We will all do what we will do in life, it's important we make our own decisions and do not react to pressure, else the what ifs will always be there, the ability to blame will always be there. So much though your situation does blow my mind a little, I do understand that it is YOUR situation, and only YOU can make the decisions.
We learn from our mistakes. If we never made mistakes, we would never learn anything new......life is an education, a rat is an education......TWO rats is certainly an education :D
Shite, girl.....I don't know whether to hang my head and cry for you....or admire your self belief and determination! :D
Ain't life a funny old thing.......

Whatever your decision.....we've got your back :)
lol, thank you so much. I hope I'm right, but I appreciate there will be someone there for me if I'm wrong. <3
 

Megane

Major Ratslayer
We definitely will be here for you. You have a unique situation and a little bit out of the ordinary having not one but two of them at the same time, as these are not normal men. I can only hope for the best for you.
I'm thinking that tutusandfrogs is very good at not getting attached because I know how much one screwed my head up and I know I'm not alone. It takes the bravest of people to take on 2. Fair play.
 
J

Judithlyn

Guest
Boyfriend #1 and I have an open relationship. He knows everything that goes on in my life. Boyfriend #2 knew I was with #1 and was insistent. He is jealous, even though he knew I was in a relationship. He is angry daily because he knows I talk to #1.
You are aware that you are playing with Fire??? Please never go to Tunisia! Your life can be seriously in danger there! I can tell that you do not have a true understanding of Tunisian culture or Tunisians. Foreign women have been murdered there. Corruption is prevalent. The police will NOT help you....nobody will! Are you prepared to be completely on your own with no police intervention if you need it? That’s reality there! Bribery is a way of life for everything! Playing a Tunisian against a Tunisian is really really bad! Rats are violent! I’m sorry to be so blunt, but I’m trying to spare your life!
 
J

Judithlyn

Guest
Some back story as to why I'm here...

So, I found this website awhile back when I was looking at how much flights were from Canada to Tunisia. I've been with boyfriend #1 since last September. I had no doubts until I found this website and I got worried. I still believe, after this time he really is different, it's okay if everyone thinks I'm mistaken...and maybe I am... but I suppose time will tell. There have been no red flags for me with him and he is really quite different than any Tunisian man I have spoken with. But, obviously, reading everything that one would on a page like this, you will always have some doubt.

Boyfriend #2...well, I had no intentions of having another Tunisian boyfriend, ever. This man is more jealous, definitely. He knew I was in a relationship with #1 and unfortunately he got some kind of hold over me that he just can't leave no matter how much I have told him I won't leave #1. He believes, I will. So, I'm not going to lie and say there is no feelings involved there, but I haven't been dishonest with him. I plan on pursuing my relationship with #1. I know #2 would never work because he would never accept me as I am, but he doesn't want to give up..and like I said, there are real feelings for me.

I know this all makes me sound insane, but I assure you I am normal and I don't want to leave the group either just because I believe my #1 is really different. I've talked to many Tunisians and none are like him. He was more forthcoming about what he loves in a relationship before I was.

I can't control that I am polyamorous, I can't explain why I'm this way...it's not easy socially or emotionally. It's not about cheating or sex. I know it's so difficult to understand and I accept that.

I feel awful for all you ladies that went through what you did and obviously I don't want it for myself... but please don't question why I'm here...because I'm here for the same reason a lot of women are... by accident...and when you're in love sometimes you just have to get hurt on your own because you just can't listen to anyone else and relate your experience to anyone else no matter how many ways you try to.
Make them both go to you, NOT you to them! It’s VERY dangerous in Tunisia.
 

tutusandfrogs

Major Ratslayer
It’s henna to trick you! Please don’t fall for their con artistry and garbage! Do you really want a future with a cheater, a liar, and a criminal??? That’s all that he is!
no its not henna. I've had henna many times. my ex was Indian. he actually got the tattoo the old fashioned way with a needle??? I saw the video of him doing it and I see the healing...
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
They both live in Sousse. I'm 38 and they are both 30. I have adult children.
How do your adult children feel - it's important to find out. My son is an adult and never interferes as long as I am happy. It was only after my rat that my Son told me he was racked with worry about me and worried sick about my safety - something that kills me with guilt, after all as parents we should worry about our children not the other way round.

I have stayed in many places - some tourist resorts and some local. I can honestly say Sousse is one of the worst for bezness and my god they are experts. I saw it all the time, as one gf checks out another checks in.

MH x
 
J

Judithlyn

Guest
They both live in Sousse. I'm 38 and they are both 30. I have adult children.
Right there is your answer. I’m so sorry, but the Tunisian Stone Age culture NEVER accepts a woman with kids by another man. Only Bezness families accept a foreign woman with kids in order to use her for all they can get. They will treat you like a queen. Mum will cook for you. Dad will welcome you into their home like he’s welcomed other foreign women a month before your arrival. You can’t imagine how low they sink. Their culture is so unlike anything any of us have ever experienced or could ever imagine doing to another human being! I can tell that you are in love with number 1. He’s got you snared in his trap. It hurts like hell! I know! I was in your shoes. I lived with mine in both countries. We were together as a couple for 3 and 1/2 years. I knew the entire family. It was all a sham! They nearly destroyed me. I don’t want you to go through the hell which I went through. I was brainwashed and everything! It was truly horrendous! Make him go to you at least. Your kids could lose their Mum if you go there. It’s that bad! I had a very close call there. You having 2 guys and not knowing about their jealous, violent tempers is dangerous for you! Please reconsider.
 

Megane

Major Ratslayer
How do your adult children feel - it's important to find out. My son is an adult and never interferes as long as I am happy. It was only after my rat that my Son told me he was racked with worry about me and worried sick about my safety - something that kills me with guilt, after all as parents we should worry about our children not the other way round.

I have stayed in many places - some tourist resorts and some local. I can honestly say Sousse is one of the worst for bezness and my god they are experts. I saw it all the time, as one gf checks out another checks in.

MH x
Even Tunisians laugh if you tell them your partner is from sousse
 
A

AmberHeart

Guest
He has told me about Gafsa. :S It's probably why his brother and sister moved to Germany.
They tell what they want or what suits better, but evaluate from your perspective. Now how did they moved to Germany? What did they do? Was it through marriage? Or overstaying student visas? Probably they won’t tell you the truth. Please do not trust them blindly.
On a side note but very relevant please do not meet both of them on the same trip. You could be involved in a very bad situation. Both from same neighborhood, both claiming it’s ok you date two at once. It is not the common behavior. Even if they are not religious it is def not their culture.
 
A

AmberHeart

Guest
They both must be in a highly sought after field of work to be able to do that or just really wealthy, why did he not go as well?
My rat said he had a German uncle, all lies. He went mad when I told him it was perfect he could get help from him to get there because it was safer and easier for me to meet him there as a solo traveler. But he obviously disagree and said his family were waiting to meet me even his dad took vacation from work to be there. I believed every word. :/
 
Top