Genuine?

Sammysmith

Active Member
Hi all
I went to Tunisia on holiday where I met a guy working in the hotel I stayed in
We spent a lot of time chatting and had a walk on the beach after he had finished work one night

He is very charming and very respectful we did however have a kiss on the beach in the dark
Would him kissing me be what he would do with a female from Tunisia?
I know public affection is not acceptable but no one was about
He also wants me to go back over to see him again and has told his family about me..... Is this a sign of a rat? He's not asked me to stay with his family when I go back over

We talk every day since my return to the UK and he says him misses me and thinks about me all the time (which I do him but maybe for different reasons)

What are the signs of a rat that I should look out for?
As upto now he's seemed very genuine
 

Heidi

Inactive
Welcome, Sammy :) perhaps you should start off reading this

 

Croydon girl

Well-Known Member
Hi @Sammysmith and welcome
You have met him at a hotel, went off with him alone at the beach and kissed him. Most definitely not things he would do with a Tunisian woman. Those are red flags.
Hi all
I went to Tunisia on holiday where I met a guy working in the hotel I stayed in
We spent a lot of time chatting and had a walk on the beach after he had finished work one night

He is very charming and very respectful we did however have a kiss on the beach in the dark
Would him kissing me be what he would do with a female from Tunisia?
I know public affection is not acceptable but no one was about
He also wants me to go back over to see him again and has told his family about me..... Is this a sign of a rat? He's not asked me to stay with his family when I go back over

We talk every day since my return to the UK and he says him misses me and thinks about me all the time (which I do him but maybe for different reasons)

What are the signs of a rat that I should look out for?
As upto now he's seemed very genuine
How old is he? Do you have children?
 

Epiphany

Junior Rat Expert
I know public affection is not acceptable but no one was about
You already seem to have a good idea.

What are the signs of a rat that I should look out for?
As upto now he's seemed very genuine
We talk every day since my return to the UK and he says him misses me and thinks about me all the time
The daily love bombing is a typical sign of a rat. He will talk to you every day until you are hooked. Once that has happened, he will then ghost you leaving you wondering what the hell just happened.
Read around the forum and you will get an understanding of how it all works.
 
It's hard to say just by the few details given if he's a rat or not .
Him working in a hotel where he will come into contact with tourists in the masses isn't really good start. What does he do in the hotel ?
Him telling his family about you is totally irrelevant .
Welcome to the forum by the way
 

Megane

Well-Known Member
Whilst I can't say if he is or isn't a rat. Each and every Tunisian man/woman that has been written about on hear started out as very genuine and very respectful. They all then chatted constantly with the person they met telling them how much they miss them and asking them to go back to Tunisia. Read on here how the Tunisian culture towards relationships and marriage works and you'll find it's not how he's behaving.
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
Hi @Sammysmith and welcome
You have met him at a hotel, went off with him alone at the beach and kissed him. Most definitely not things he would do with a Tunisian woman. Those are red flags.
Thank you for your reply
To be fair to him he wanted to take me for dinner and coffee but I said no as I didn't want to leave the hotel so I asked him to walk on the beach he was reluctant but he wanted to spend time while not working with me so we could talk properly
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
You already seem to have a good idea.





The daily love bombing is a typical sign of a rat. He will talk to you every day until you are hooked. Once that has happened, he will then ghost you leaving you wondering what the hell just happened.
Read around the forum and you will get an understanding of how it all works.
Hi thank you
I'm not sure what ghost is? Haha sorry
We talk every night and exchange about 4 texts per day so he's not constantly in contact
Just nice amount like I would with a partner in the UK I guess
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
It's hard to say just by the few details given if he's a rat or not .
Him working in a hotel where he will come into contact with tourists in the masses isn't really good start. What does he do in the hotel ?
Him telling his family about you is totally irrelevant .
Welcome to the forum by the way
Hi and thank you for the welcome and reply
He works in the hotel but not for the hotel itself
He sell day trips to all the guests
To be honest we did talk daily but he was always concerned about his work so just gapped quick chats if he saw me in the same part of the hotel as he was
He said he had a lot of respect for his job so never talked for long at one time
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
Whilst I can't say if he is or isn't a rat. Each and every Tunisian man/woman that has been written about on hear started out as very genuine and very respectful. They all then chatted constantly with the person they met telling them how much they miss them and asking them to go back to Tunisia. Read on here how the Tunisian culture towards relationships and marriage works and you'll find it's not how he's behaving.
Thank you for your message
Iv read quite a lot of posts and done a lot of research
Is all to easy to get carried away with someone that seems to be kind caring ect but surely there will be some genuine men?
Iv had no luck with English men and they don't even have charm haha
 

Mystery

Inactive
Hi and thank you for the welcome and reply
He works in the hotel but not for the hotel itself
He sell day trips to all the guests
To be honest we did talk daily but he was always concerned about his work so just gapped quick chats if he saw me in the same part of the hotel as he was
He said he had a lot of respect for his job so never talked for long at one time
Hi and Welcome Sammy,

He is a muslim and would never kiss or touch a woman without being married that's the way a good muslim behaves.
A Tunisian women would not be out on a beach with a man alone.
Ghosting is where they love bomb you, when they think they got you under they spell they stop contact with you for a while knowing you will be going crazy missing them.
Red flag = tourists buissness
Older children.
But he could be a 1% minority.
 

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
Welcome, Sammy....I’m so glad you took the leap and enquired here....never an easy thing to do.
I’ll not lie, I most certainly do not feel comforted by your words....you have a number of red flags and he has demonstrated rat behaviour already.....

How do you plan to take this relationship forward? Has he asked for a visa? Even mentioned your country?
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
Welcome, Sammy....I’m so glad you took the leap and enquired here....never an easy thing to do.
I’ll not lie, I most certainly do not feel comforted by your words....you have a number of red flags and he has demonstrated rat behaviour already.....

How do you plan to take this relationship forward? Has he asked for a visa? Even mentioned your country?
Hi and thank you
Can I ask what bits are the sign of a rat? Just so I know what to look out for?
If we keep talking I will go to Tunisia for a week in November
He knows this and he's not asked me to stay with him or his family

Hes not said anything about a visa

I asked him if he would like to come have a holiday in England with me for a week and he just laughed at me saying how hard it is to leave the country
I didn't realise so I looked on the Internet and I realised then how true it was
He said he would never get to England even if we married (he didn't ask me to marry) it was just convocation
 

Megane

Well-Known Member
Thank you for your message
Iv read quite a lot of posts and done a lot of research
Is all to easy to get carried away with someone that seems to be kind caring ect but surely there will be some genuine men?
Iv had no luck with English men and they don't even have charm haha
You're right English men don't have the charm that Tunisian men throw at you in bucket loads and that's what makes it so easy for us to fall. That charm doesn't last though once they A. Know that they have you hooked or B. Get what they want eg. the visa if that's their goal. There are the ones who are in it for the long game to collect the gifts and money but they're normally involved with quite a few women taking from them too in exchange for kind words and a week or two of romance during visits to Tunisia. There are relationships that are genuine and last but from what I've heard they are not plain sailing due to cultural difference and take hard work at times. Believe me a relationship with a Tunisian living in Tunisia while you're in your own country isn't easy whether he's a rat or for real. The occassions that you want your man by your side he's not there, the times when you've had a crap day and just want to snuggle up with your man he's not there. It's a lonely existence constantly on your phone. How many of us have argued with friends /family that our guy is different because he's says so or he acts in a certain way? Yet we're here some of us with totally destroyed lives having to rebuild. I can't tell you what you should do all I can say is READ READ READ then listen to your gut.
 

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
I met a guy working in the hotel
This is a massive red flag: Tourist staff....never a good thing. In your own country, do hotel staff hit on you? It is unprofessional. Although TLR’s come from many walks in life, it can not be argued that the majority work with tourists.
We spent a lot of time chatting and had a walk on the beach after he had finished work one night
Chatting is fine. Walking on the beach at night, big, huge no, no, no!!!
If a Tunisian woman did this, there would be consequences, if a Tunisian man did this with a Tunisian woman that was not his wife....well, put it this way....he would only do it once :D
we did however have a kiss on the beach in the dark
Would him kissing me be what he would do with a female from Tunisia?
He most certainly would not do that with a Tunisian woman....even if she were his wife. At best, in Tunisia....you may see the youth hold hands. Public displays of affection are a big no no, it is done to women they do not respect only. My rat always held my hand whilst crossing the road....this was his only affection in public.
We talk every day since my return to the UK
It’s called love bombing. You will become dependent on his messages, the first thing you will do every day is look for his messages, every spare moment throughout the day, you will look for his messages, you will not want to sleep until he’s sent you his goodnight message.

This is the start of hooking us thoroughly, you become dependent fast, they become an addiction. Love bombing is token rat.
As upto now he's seemed very genuine
They all do. A year: That’s how long my rat wore a mask for, pretending he didn’t want England and I must live in Tunisia. Then the visa requests started....
Hi he's 31 and I'm early 40's
Your age gap is not culturally acceptable in Tunisia. For sure, there is the odd exception....but they are rarer than my chances of having dinner with the pope.
I have children but they are all over 13 years of age
Children from another man. This is rarely accepted in Tunisia, even if the children are 100% Tunisian.
In Bezness relationships, children from another man are accepted, well....tolerated....as the rat wants to gain from the parent. Christ, my rat wanted me to take my kids there! No way!
He works in the hotel but not for the hotel itself
He sell day trips to all the guests
So his income is painfully low. How can he afford a wife?
He said he would never get to England even if we married
How does he know this? He must have investigated. A tourist visa will not be given....he needs a spouse visa.
Rats have now cottoned onto the fact that it is easier to fool the authorities into believing a scam marriage is real, by moving the victim over for a year or two......and THEN trying for the visa ;)
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
You're right English men don't have the charm that Tunisian men throw at you in bucket loads and that's what makes it so easy for us to fall. That charm doesn't last though once they A. Know that they have you hooked or B. Get what they want eg. the visa if that's their goal. There are the ones who are in it for the long game to collect the gifts and money but they're normally involved with quite a few women taking from them too in exchange for kind words and a week or two of romance during visits to Tunisia. There are relationships that are genuine and last but from what I've heard they are not plain sailing due to cultural difference and take hard work at times. Believe me a relationship with a Tunisian living in Tunisia while you're in your own country isn't easy whether he's a rat or for real. The occassions that you want your man by your side he's not there, the times when you've had a crap day and just want to snuggle up with your man he's not there. It's a lonely existence constantly on your phone. How many of us have argued with friends /family that our guy is different because he's says so or he acts in a certain way? Yet we're here some of us with totally destroyed lives having to rebuild. I can't tell you what you should do all I can say is READ READ READ then listen to your gut.
Thank you again for your reply

My gut says he's genuine as in a way he has educated me with Tunisian men and getting a visa

Any country you will find good and bad people and iv met my fair share in England
I'm going to keep reading posts and take my time in deciding what I should do
Fortunately the distance is a good thing so you have time to step back and think...... But then you could over think and miss that one guy that is genuine
It's a tough call to be honest coz I do miss see him every day

I know he has taken both his mum and sister to hospital and he had tooth ache when I was on holiday and he's not asked for help with paying the bills
He also has a very cheap phone and he's not asked for a better one he just says he will get one that is better now he has met me

I just don't know
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
This is a massive red flag: Tourist staff....never a good thing. In your own country, do hotel staff hit on you? It is unprofessional. Although TLR’s come from many walks in life, it can not be argued that the majority work with tourists.

Chatting is fine. Walking on the beach at night, big, huge no, no, no!!!
If a Tunisian woman did this, there would be consequences, if a Tunisian man did this with a Tunisian woman that was not his wife....well, put it this way....he would only do it once :D

He most certainly would not do that with a Tunisian woman....even if she were his wife. At best, in Tunisia....you may see the youth hold hands. Public displays of affection are a big no no, it is done to women they do not respect only. My rat always held my hand whilst crossing the road....this was his only affection in public.

It’s called love bombing. You will become dependent on his messages, the first thing you will do every day is look for his messages, every spare moment throughout the day, you will look for his messages, you will not want to sleep until he’s sent you his goodnight message.

This is the start of hooking us thoroughly, you become dependent fast, they become an addiction. Love bombing is token rat.

They all do. A year: That’s how long my rat wore a mask for, pretending he didn’t want England and I must live in Tunisia. Then the visa requests started....

Your age gap is not culturally acceptable in Tunisia. For sure, there is the odd exception....but they are rarer than my chances of having dinner with the pope.

Children from another man. This is rarely accepted in Tunisia, even if the children are 100% Tunisian.
In Bezness relationships, children from another man are accepted, well....tolerated....as the rat wants to gain from the parent. Christ, my rat wanted me to take my kids there! No way!

So his income is painfully low. How can he afford a wife?

How does he know this? He must have investigated. A tourist visa will not be given....he needs a spouse visa.
Rats have now cottoned onto the fact that it is easier to fool the authorities into believing a scam marriage is real, by moving the victim over for a year or two......and THEN trying for the visa ;)
When we first arrived at the hotel we booked a trip with him, I didn't have the right money on me for the trip so instead of giving him more money I underpaid him and said I would give him the difference tomorrow. So we talked the day after due to this reason
We got on really well so kept chatting everyday as he always moved around the hotel selling the trips so I was bound to bump into him a few times a day
Due to this and having a laugh and getting on so well
He asked me to go for dinner and coffee one night about 7 minutes from the hotel but I didn't feel compy with that so I asked him to go for a walk on the beach at 8 when he had finished work
We sat and talked about nothing just general chit chat and laughing
He didn't feel compy with the beach but he knew that was his only option if he wanted to see me when he wasn't working
I know they don't show affection in public but no one was around just a couple of kids further down the beach

He always text me first haha iv been like that with any relationship iv had I don't put the leg work in its the man's job to do that
I do call him on a night to talk about the day
But it's 55p per text so I tend try not even to reply to his text in the day today we have exchanged 2 text and a 3 minutes call before he started work

After a year I can't comment on the visa time would tell I guess haha that's if he puts the leg work in for the next year!

My kids are 22 16 13 iv only the youngest with me but high school is my priority for him so until he finishes school it will just be trips to Tunisia mainly on my own

Age difference to me it's not an issue for me and I asked him about the age difference
He said it didn't matter as I look young for my age
Warning sign I now know after reading comments

His wage is probably very low he was talking about prices of things over there like rent ect again because I asked the question to him out of interest
I'm not sure on marriage
I know his parents have an olive farm somewhere so maybe his family have money?!?!

I guessing he knows about how to get out the country by what he's heard or he's looked into it
I guess if you want to know anything now all the information is to hand with the Internet

Kind regards it's much appreciated for your reply
 

Megane

Well-Known Member
"I don't care where we live as long as you are by my side" this was always a common saying from my rat.
He has educated you on Tunisia men. Of course he has because he doesn't want you to find out bad things about him/find out they all have similar patter/lose the woman he's put the time in to get hooked. You're already saying you miss him this is because he's constantly messaging you with his sweet nothings. It sounds to me like your mind is almost made up that you're going back in November because he's different and many of us were the same so I'm not criticising here. Just don't part with any money. Don't pay for car hire or his accommodation, don't take him gifts. As soon as you pay for anything it's expected as the norm. If he takes you to visit his family as lovely as it might seem to be accepted and maybe even cooked for in the home it's wrong. You shouldn't be taken to the family home and the family will be in on the scam. Although if you mention this he will tell you its OK they are a modern family. My rat used to say that his culture was more French than Tunisian. Keep all of the warning signs in mind and if it goes wrong never be scared to come back here and admit you judged it wrong. Many of us here have been there and done that and we offer support never judgement x
 

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
Age difference to me it's not an issue for me
No, nor for us....but that’s because we have a Western mindset.
It IS an issue for them. Please do have a read of a webpage called ‘Tunisia Love 2019’....it explains a lot of cultural stuff :)
He said it didn't matter as I look young for my age
Oh dear :Cry:

Sammy, none of us can stop you from returning, none of us can prevent you from giving him the benefit of the doubt, but what we CAN do, is try to ensure you are more knowledgeable about the culture and bezness, so you at least go in with your eyes wide open :)

Please do read the opening post on this thread....it may help you.


Also, I saw a link to Laura’s ‘First time’ thread above....another very enlightening opening post.

Stick with us, girl. I know you think he is real right now....but we can still be of help.
 

Megane

Well-Known Member
I'd also say that the last woman I knew of personally from the UK who wanted to bring her husband to England it took 4 years from their 2015 wedding for it to be agreed. He did visit England on a number of occasions to stay with her so although the process of proving he has a job to return to that will be kept for when he gets back and proving that you can support him throughout his stay may be inconvenient its far from impossible for him to visit unless something from the past prevents this.
 
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