Genuine?

Brasilgirl

Senior Rat Expert
Hi and thank you
Can I ask what bits are the sign of a rat? Just so I know what to look out for?
If we keep talking I will go to Tunisia for a week in November
He knows this and he's not asked me to stay with him or his family

Hes not said anything about a visa

I asked him if he would like to come have a holiday in England with me for a week and he just laughed at me saying how hard it is to leave the country
I didn't realise so I looked on the Internet and I realised then how true it was
He said he would never get to England even if we married (he didn't ask me to marry) it was just convocation
Hi Sammysmith and welcome.
The thing I would be thinking of now that I’ve learned the hard way is what would be your future if you did get seriously involved with a man from a developing country who could not leave? Is Tunisia a place you could live? It is a devout Muslim country/culture with archaic laws and views towards women. They do have a few new changes in place for equality, but they are still far from how you are treated in the UK. Living in a country/foreign city is not the same as staying in the tourist resort. That is the same for any place you travel. I have not been to Tunisia, but I did fall for a rat and I have done work in developing areas of Brasil. This is just something to think about before you invest your heart.
I’m not saying if he is or is not a rat. It sounds like it is too early for you to see the bigger red flags yet. I think those will come if you decide to visit in November or later on as he gets you hooked.
Please also keep in mind that they often lie about their age and most do look older than they are.
 

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
This is because I asked if would be able to come over to England for a holiday for a week
That's how that convocation started
I always ask questions it's the only way you learn
Couldn’t agree more....think I drive people insane with my constant questions when trying to understand something :D

Sammy, if he HAD been able to get a tourist visa to England, how could he have paid for it? How could he have paid for his flights, accommodation, insurance and food? He sells day trips in Tunisia for a living, and while I admire him for working, there is no way he earns much.
 

Mystery

Inactive
Couldn’t agree more....think I drive people insane with my constant questions when trying to understand something :D

Sammy, if he HAD been able to get a tourist visa to England, how could he have paid for it? How could he have paid for his flights, accommodation, insurance and food? He sells day trips in Tunisia for a living, and while I admire him for working, there is no way he earns much.
The post that got me was his parents is sick and he had toothache
Sorry the words got me thinking ..
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
"I don't care where we live as long as you are by my side" this was always a common saying from my rat.
He has educated you on Tunisia men. Of course he has because he doesn't want you to find out bad things about him/find out they all have similar patter/lose the woman he's put the time in to get hooked. You're already saying you miss him this is because he's constantly messaging you with his sweet nothings. It sounds to me like your mind is almost made up that you're going back in November because he's different and many of us were the same so I'm not criticising here. Just don't part with any money. Don't pay for car hire or his accommodation, don't take him gifts. As soon as you pay for anything it's expected as the norm. If he takes you to visit his family as lovely as it might seem to be accepted and maybe even cooked for in the home it's wrong. You shouldn't be taken to the family home and the family will be in on the scam. Although if you mention this he will tell you its OK they are a modern family. My rat used to say that his culture was more French than Tunisian. Keep all of the warning signs in mind and if it goes wrong never be scared to come back here and admit you judged it wrong. Many of us here have been there and done that and we offer support never judgement x
Don't worry it's not my intention to part with any money
I don't have extra money to just give England is expensive and I work for my kids and for birthday Xmas and holidays

I will go back over in November and spend more time with him and again ask more questions to him

We don't text constantly and his written English is quite poor so it's normally the same words with a few different thrown in
Every now and then

I am definitely taking on board all your comments and experience
I will take time to think on how I move forward with him or even if we can move on

I will be staying in an apartment on my own when I'm there and he has said he would take me to meet his family but again they don't talk English so it won't be a long visit

I miss him because we got on so well I saw him every day while on holiday so I think that's a natural thing?

As for the culture difference iv dated Muslims in England so kind
The post that got me was his parents is sick and he had toothache
Sorry the words got me thinking ..
What did they get you thinking? About 2 days before I came home he said his tooth hurt and then a few day he said his mums leg hurt but she's fine now
 

Brasilgirl

Senior Rat Expert
Don't worry it's not my intention to part with any money
I don't have extra money to just give England is expensive and I work for my kids and for birthday Xmas and holidays

I will go back over in November and spend more time with him and again ask more questions to him

We don't text constantly and his written English is quite poor so it's normally the same words with a few different thrown in
Every now and then

I am definitely taking on board all your comments and experience
I will take time to think on how I move forward with him or even if we can move on

I will be staying in an apartment on my own when I'm there and he has said he would take me to meet his family but again they don't talk English so it won't be a long visit

I miss him because we got on so well I saw him every day while on holiday so I think that's a natural thing?

As for the culture difference iv dated Muslims in England so kind

What did they get you thinking? About 2 days before I came home he said his tooth hurt and then a few day he said his mums leg hurt but she's fine now
I wish you luck. Please read about the culture in Tunisia. Muslims in Tunisia are much more strict and the culture there is the same. In England your laws protect you. In Tunisia they do not punish for hitting women and violence etc. In Tunisia you are not protected by the law. It is very corrupt. So please google about the culture if you want to hear it from someone else. Please.
Not all rats ask for money or gifts. Some just hold out for the visa or PR in your country after you are married. Once they get their papers they change or leave.
Please be careful. Make no commitments until you have gotten back home and can think it through.
Big hugs for you.
 

Mystery

Inactive
Don't worry it's not my intention to part with any money
I don't have extra money to just give England is expensive and I work for my kids and for birthday Xmas and holidays

I will go back over in November and spend more time with him and again ask more questions to him

We don't text constantly and his written English is quite poor so it's normally the same words with a few different thrown in
Every now and then

I am definitely taking on board all your comments and experience
I will take time to think on how I move forward with him or even if we can move on

I will be staying in an apartment on my own when I'm there and he has said he would take me to meet his family but again they don't talk English so it won't be a long visit

I miss him because we got on so well I saw him every day while on holiday so I think that's a natural thing?

As for the culture difference iv dated Muslims in England so kind

What did they get you thinking? About 2 days before I came home he said his tooth hurt and then a few day he said his mums leg hurt but she's fine now
Got me thinking about their teeth and they parents sick we have had many with bad teeth parents needing operations medication ECT and the resurrected.
Just be careful I hope your is the 1 % and you will be happy.
 

Mystery

Inactive
Don't worry it's not my intention to part with any money
I don't have extra money to just give England is expensive and I work for my kids and for birthday Xmas and holidays

I will go back over in November and spend more time with him and again ask more questions to him

We don't text constantly and his written English is quite poor so it's normally the same words with a few different thrown in
Every now and then

I am definitely taking on board all your comments and experience
I will take time to think on how I move forward with him or even if we can move on

I will be staying in an apartment on my own when I'm there and he has said he would take me to meet his family but again they don't talk English so it won't be a long visit

I miss him because we got on so well I saw him every day while on holiday so I think that's a natural thing?

As for the culture difference iv dated Muslims in England so kind

What did they get you thinking? About 2 days before I came home he said his tooth hurt and then a few day he said his mums leg hurt but she's fine now
I hope he's paying for your flight and accommodation or at least help towards it.
It is expensive going back and fo Tunisia most of us been where you are.
Not easy being in a relationship with a north African.
Take care.
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
Hi Sammysmith and welcome.
The thing I would be thinking of now that I’ve learned the hard way is what would be your future if you did get seriously involved with a man from a developing country who could not leave? Is Tunisia a place you could live? It is a devout Muslim country/culture with archaic laws and views towards women. They do have a few new changes in place for equality, but they are still far from how you are treated in the UK. Living in a country/foreign city is not the same as staying in the tourist resort. That is the same for any place you travel. I have not been to Tunisia, but I did fall for a rat and I have done work in developing areas of Brasil. This is just something to think about before you invest your heart.
I’m not saying if he is or is not a rat. It sounds like it is too early for you to see the bigger red flags yet. I think those will come if you decide to visit in November or later on as he gets you hooked.
Please also keep in mind that they often lie about their age and most do look older than they are.
Hello and thank you for your message
I guess iv not really thought that hard about the future in the long term
I was going in November to see his life and not just from the holiday side of things
I know the bits iv seen travelling to the airport and it's a different world from England totally as we are very lucky haha some wouldn't say that tho but that's a different topic altogether
What I struggle with is how can all the men from one place be rats.... Surely there has to be genuine man somewhere

We have just spoken one the phone and we were talking about me going over in November
I asked him what airport would be the best to fly to and also I'm looking at apartments
He said don't worry about the apartment I will sort it out you just get your flights
Now this confused me as if he's on a low wage why would he offer to do this?
His English over the phone isnt that good so it's hard to ask questions unless I'm with him
Which I can't moan about as I only speak English so he's one up on me talking a bit of English

And why do they lie about their age? What's the reason behind that? Surely they will be found out on legal documents

Thank you everyone for all your help and advice on this
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
I hope he's paying for your flight and accommodation or at least help towards it.
It is expensive going back and fo Tunisia most of us been where you are.
Not easy being in a relationship with a north African.
Take care.
He said he would sort out the apartment and I get the flights
You have been very helpful and iv taken on board all the comments and advice
Think I just need to go in November and see what happens
Go have a chat while he's not working
Spend some quality time with him

If it all goes tits up then it just wasn't to be and I will let you all know either with tears in my eye or a little mad and probably kicking myself hard haha
Time will tell
Thank you again everyone you all been lovely
 

Mystery

Inactive
He said he would sort out the apartment and I get the flights
You have been very helpful and iv taken on board all the comments and advice
Think I just need to go in November and see what happens
Go have a chat while he's not working
Spend some quality time with him

If it all goes tits up then it just wasn't to be and I will let you all know either with tears in my eye or a little mad and probably kicking myself hard haha
Time will tell
Thank you again everyone you all been lovely
Do you know that if your not married it's illigal for you to share an appartment together, I am just letting you know if that will be his plan.
 

Neonnurse

Member
You posted on another forum this weekend saying that you were thinking of moving over there, setting up a restaurant with the guy and asking about education for your 13yo son.

It seems like your mind is made up but I would urge you not to move over with your son. It will be a shit life over there for him.
If this bloke is genuine then he will be happy to wait until your son has finished his education in the uk.

And do not buy into a restaurant in Tunisia. As a foreign national you cannot own property in Tunisia so if things go tits up you won't get any of your money back.
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
You posted on another forum this weekend saying that you were thinking of moving over there, setting up a restaurant with the guy and asking about education for your 13yo son.

It seems like your mind is made up but I would urge you not to move over with your son. It will be a shit life over there for him.
If this bloke is genuine then he will be happy to wait until your son has finished his education in the uk.

And do not buy into a restaurant in Tunisia. As a foreign national you cannot own property in Tunisia so if things go tits up you won't get any of your money back.
Hello
Yes your right but iv talked myself out of taking that route now iv sat back and thought things through more to do with my son and his schooling
He will definitely be finishing his education in England
So know I'm at the same thinking if he's willing to wait a few more years he possibly is a genuine guy!?! Who knows but time will tell

If it ever does come to me moving over there I wouldn't be putting any money into a business so if needed at any point I could just walk away

Things like this happen in any country even England when people split up they have business houses kids ect to sort out

Live is never easy so you just have to make it as simple as you can

People on here have given some great points but I do need to go back over if only for one more time
 

Neonnurse

Member
Things like this happen in any country even England when people split up they have business houses kids ect to sort out
Yes but at least in the uk you have the courts to fall back on and assets will be split. In Tunisia it doesn't happen like that, you will get nothing. If you have a child to him you also have no rights to take the child out of Tunisia without his permission, even if it has a uk passport.

If you do go in November then book into a hotel for your own safety then at least you have somewhere to go if things go wrong. There have been 2 ladies on here in the past couple of months who ended up in danger staying with their Tunisian men, one was raped and the other basically had to flee the country.
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
Yes but at least in the uk you have the courts to fall back on and assets will be split. In Tunisia it doesn't happen like that, you will get nothing. If you have a child to him you also have no rights to take the child out of Tunisia without his permission, even if it has a uk passport.

If you do go in November then book into a hotel for your own safety then at least you have somewhere to go if things go wrong. There have been 2 ladies on here in the past couple of months who ended up in danger staying with their Tunisian men, one was raped and the other basically had to flee the country.
I understand and thank you for your advice on the business side of things
As for kids I can't have any more so as helpful as you are saying that and handy for most to know it wouldn't happen
Oh wow really that is absolutely gut wrenching the poor woman! I really hope they are ok now well as well as you can be going through something like that
Great advice thank you I will make sure I book somewhere myself then
It's shocking news my thoughts are with them both
 

AmberHeart

Lady Amberheart of Gafsa
You posted on another forum this weekend saying that you were thinking of moving over there, setting up a restaurant with the guy and asking about education for your 13yo son.

It seems like your mind is made up but I would urge you not to move over with your son. It will be a shit life over there for him.
If this bloke is genuine then he will be happy to wait until your son has finished his education in the uk.

And do not buy into a restaurant in Tunisia. As a foreign national you cannot own property in Tunisia so if things go tits up you won't get any of your money back.
any investment, they have closed currency policy which will make him owner.
 

Epiphany

Junior Rat Expert
The only thing I can suggest if not said already is to read up on the culture and learn the language. Do not rely on him to protect or guide you. You will not get the answers you seek whenever you ask him anything so take heed to what the ladies are saying here and protect yourself. Be careful and be safe.
 

magic

Junior Rat Expert
Thank you for your reply
To be fair to him he wanted to take me for dinner and coffee but I said no as I didn't want to leave the hotel so I asked him to walk on the beach he was reluctant but he wanted to spend time while not working with me so we could talk properly
Of Course he did! It’s a plan ,to catch you,in his net ,don’t be fooled,he’s met a 5568’ like you,why would you be any different
 

magic

Junior Rat Expert
Don't worry it's not my intention to part with any money
I don't have extra money to just give England is expensive and I work for my kids and for birthday Xmas and holidays

I will go back over in November and spend more time with him and again ask more questions to him

We don't text constantly and his written English is quite poor so it's normally the same words with a few different thrown in
Every now and then

I am definitely taking on board all your comments and experience
I will take time to think on how I move forward with him or even if we can move on

I will be staying in an apartment on my own when I'm there and he has said he would take me to meet his family but again they don't talk English so it won't be a long visit

I miss him because we got on so well I saw him every day while on holiday so I think that's a natural thing?

As for the culture difference iv dated Muslims in England so kind

What did they get you thinking? About 2 days before I came home he said his tooth hurt and then a few day he said his mums leg hurt but she's fine now
You saw him every day on holiday? Wow ! Five days? You know him so well! Grow up...this is not real. Nobody gives a shit if you look 24 or 84 ,he wants a visa
 

Meis

Active Member
You're right English men don't have the charm that Tunisian men throw at you in bucket loads and that's what makes it so easy for us to fall. That charm doesn't last though once they A. Know that they have you hooked or B. Get what they want eg. the visa if that's their goal. There are the ones who are in it for the long game to collect the gifts and money but they're normally involved with quite a few women taking from them too in exchange for kind words and a week or two of romance during visits to Tunisia. There are relationships that are genuine and last but from what I've heard they are not plain sailing due to cultural difference and take hard work at times. Believe me a relationship with a Tunisian living in Tunisia while you're in your own country isn't easy whether he's a rat or for real. The occassions that you want your man by your side he's not there, the times when you've had a crap day and just want to snuggle up with your man he's not there. It's a lonely existence constantly on your phone. How many of us have argued with friends /family that our guy is different because he's says so or he acts in a certain way? Yet we're here some of us with totally destroyed lives having to rebuild. I can't tell you what you should do all I can say is READ READ READ then listen to your gut.
You're right English men don't have the charm that Tunisian men throw at you in bucket loads and that's what makes it so easy for us to fall. That charm doesn't last though once they A. Know that they have you hooked or B. Get what they want eg. the visa if that's their goal. There are the ones who are in it for the long game to collect the gifts and money but they're normally involved with quite a few women taking from them too in exchange for kind words and a week or two of romance during visits to Tunisia. There are relationships that are genuine and last but from what I've heard they are not plain sailing due to cultural difference and take hard work at times. Believe me a relationship with a Tunisian living in Tunisia while you're in your own country isn't easy whether he's a rat or for real. The occassions that you want your man by your side he's not there, the times when you've had a crap day and just want to snuggle up with your man he's not there. It's a lonely existence constantly on your phone. How many of us have argued with friends /family that our guy is different because he's says so or he acts in a certain way? Yet we're here some of us with totally destroyed lives having to rebuild. I can't tell you what you should do all I can say is READ READ READ then listen to your gut.
100%agree with every word that you’ve said
Listen to your gut
It’s not called woman’s intuition for nothing
You’ll know soon enough if something is off about him
Just don’t ignore it or make excuses for him
Genuine men are few and far between in these countries
 

Mystery

Inactive
You met him on holiday had a kiss on the beach and you was talking about a buissness with him.
You said ^^ you don't have much money.
Your child is not going to like it there all well and good for a holiday it's another thing if your living there.
How will you get by on his wage ? You will need to get a work permit.
You just can't get residency there it's a lot of paperwork going to the police I think you need sit down with a strong coffee.
 

Brasilgirl

Senior Rat Expert
Hello and thank you for your message
I guess iv not really thought that hard about the future in the long term
I was going in November to see his life and not just from the holiday side of things
I know the bits iv seen travelling to the airport and it's a different world from England totally as we are very lucky haha some wouldn't say that tho but that's a different topic altogether
What I struggle with is how can all the men from one place be rats.... Surely there has to be genuine man somewhere

We have just spoken one the phone and we were talking about me going over in November
I asked him what airport would be the best to fly to and also I'm looking at apartments
He said don't worry about the apartment I will sort it out you just get your flights
Now this confused me as if he's on a low wage why would he offer to do this?
His English over the phone isnt that good so it's hard to ask questions unless I'm with him
Which I can't moan about as I only speak English so he's one up on me talking a bit of English

And why do they lie about their age? What's the reason behind that? Surely they will be found out on legal documents

Thank you everyone for all your help and advice on this
All Tunisian men are not rats. The good men are interested in the tunisian women who are acceptable to their family. They have twice as many single women in Tunisia as they do men. You won’t find the good men working in a resort or hotel and flirting with tourists.
They lie about their age so they are closer to your age and there is less age difference.
 

Brasilgirl

Senior Rat Expert
any investment, they have closed currency policy which will make him owner.
This is true @Sammysmith . You can’t own anything and you can’t take money out unless you declare it when you arrive. Once you leave without it once, it’s stuck in Tunisia. I think there is a limit on the amount too.
As a woman and/or a foreigner, everything you set up will be in his name. If you divorce him, it’s all his. Their laws are not like ours.
Business in Tunisia is corrupt. Be prepared to pay bribes .
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
The only thing I can suggest if not said already is to read up on the culture and learn the language. Do not rely on him to protect or guide you. You will not get the answers you seek whenever you ask him anything so take heed to what the ladies are saying here and protect yourself. Be careful and be safe.
I would be going over for a week in November and iv just found lots of information on a website which again has been very helpful
It covers Tunisian men
Relationship
Living in Tunisia
Bill and expense
Family ect
Makes a very interesting read that's for sure!
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
Of Course he did! It’s a plan ,to catch you,in his net ,don’t be fooled,he’s met a 5568’ like you,why would you be any different
My point to that comment was it was my idea to go to the beech where I felt safe
As some comments where thinging why would he not take you out
I'm not saying you are all wrong.... Your all probably right after reading more things
But I'm just trying to understand the difference between someone in Tunisia and someone in England using someone for personal gains
Believe me iv met a lot of rats in England that I thought where genuine but then iv met others in England that haven't used anyone to gain
It's like a lucky dip anywhere in there world?
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
This is true @Sammysmith . You can’t own anything and you can’t take money out unless you declare it when you arrive. Once you leave without it once, it’s stuck in Tunisia. I think there is a limit on the amount too.
As a woman and/or a foreigner, everything you set up will be in his name. If you divorce him, it’s all his. Their laws are not like ours.
Business in Tunisia is corrupt. Be prepared to pay bribes .
I get that and understand thank you for your advice
I wouldn't be planning on putting and money into anything
He would have to this
After reading comments on here and reading more into things it is putting me off but still think everyone is entitled to a chance?

I'm not planning on moving there now as my child comes first and his education so England is the farrrrr better option
So if he's still putting the leg work in for another 5ish years then I may think a bit more about things
But for now I'm happy with nipping over to Tunisia to see him
I will be ending the relationship as soon as he asks for money because then I know its all a lie
I know they are poor but they have lived this long with no hand outs from me so this is how it will stay
 
I'm pretty sure women go on holiday and leave the common sense at home . You met once over a holiday period, you kissed that's all but in that time you have debated about moving over and buying a restaurant !!
When you go over take a good look around you , a real good look . You will see how many Tunisian men are with older foreign women it's sickening .

Oh my days he will be clapping his hands with you , he hasn't even had to work you .
 

Sammysmith

Active Member
I'm pretty sure women go on holiday and leave the common sense at home . You met once over a holiday period, you kissed that's all but in that time you have debated about moving over and buying a restaurant !!
When you go over take a good look around you , a real good look . You will see how many Tunisian men are with older foreign women it's sickening .

Oh my days he will be clapping his hands with you , he hasn't even had to work you .
Good morning
Yes I admit I did get mixed up in the romance of it all
But if you read further in my comments it's far from what I'm planning now
Iv done research and I'm very in the mind set I wouldn't move out there
But I will go visit and see how they really live and how they treat the woman
I still believe everyone deserves a chance but when than chance has been taken advantage off I will walk away
So maybe at the first stage he didn't have to put the work in but he certainly will putting alllllllthe work in now to prove himself

I'm not a stupid person and once the romantic view has passed I do look into things and to make a more informed judgement
So I may loose my head for a while but now my feet are on the floor and very grounded
I like to think the best of people.... Can't help it it's just the way I am and believe that all people are good haha not sure why tho as iv been burnt many times in the past with English men
That's just me tho and now I'm grounded I can see clear
 
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