Hello…it's been a while!

Discussion in 'The Cat's Coffee House' started by MacCoinneach, Oct 14, 2015.

  1. MacCoinneach

    MacCoinneach Well-Known Member

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    Hello all…

    Just popped back to say hi, hope you are all doing ok, and continuing to put rats in their place.

    I have missed many of you, and been wondering how you all are from time to time.

    Take care amigos

    xxx
     
    Fern, Stina, Peppermint and 2 others like this.
  2. simple

    simple Well-Known Member

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    Dont you be disappearing again!!!
     
  3. MacCoinneach

    MacCoinneach Well-Known Member

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    I'll try! How are you lovely? xxx
     
  4. simple

    simple Well-Known Member

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    Im fine now ,,,,had a lot of tut with family ,,but ok now .Did miss you a lot though ,,so please keep popping in when you can xxxxx
     
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  5. Cydney

    Cydney Well-Known Member

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    Hello, I was wondering about you recently. I believe we got married around the same time, No? (I married in March of 2014) How is everything going for you?
     
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  6. simple

    simple Well-Known Member

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    Mc got married !!!!!! Where was i ???? why dosnt anyone tell me stuff !! I didnt even congratulate her :Cry::Cry::Cry::Cry:
     
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  7. MacCoinneach

    MacCoinneach Well-Known Member

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    Awww, I can't believe I didn't tell you! Yep, married March 2014. And now expecting a little baba…after years of stressing it wasn't ever going to be possible. You're going to be Aunties!!!!!!! xxx

    Cydney, how are you? Update me on things with you, private message if you wish.

    Simple, sorry for your family troubles - glad all is ok now.

    Missed you both, and everyone else too.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  8. Cydney

    Cydney Well-Known Member

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    Congratulations. I'm happy for you!
    All is great for me. Loving my life and all of those in it. My husband was approved for his USA visa and green card but he declined it so we can stay in Tunisia for a bit longer so he and his brother can work on a business venture. We've had some family come visit us and been able to take some wonderful trips as well. We are starting the application process again now since it will take another six months to a year for approval. My Arabic still is practically non existent, but I've gotten quite good at cooking the food lol
     
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  9. simple

    simple Well-Known Member

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    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH <<were going to have a little homer or marge !!! Congratulations MC ,,,wish you all the best and aunties are the best !!! xxxxxx
     
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  10. MacCoinneach

    MacCoinneach Well-Known Member

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    Just stopping by to say hello to you all! Hope you're all well and been keeping busy ratting out the rats. xxxx
     
  11. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    All is good...they're certainly keeping us on our toes, those dang rodents!! You were a bit before my time, but I've read a number of your comments...so hello from meeee :love:
     
  12. MacCoinneach

    MacCoinneach Well-Known Member

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    Not enough rat poison! I can't imagine how much I've missed but I had a glance at the gallery... bleugh... you guys must have strong stomachs! xx
     
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  13. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
    You'll sleep well tonight!! :p
     
  14. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    It's like returning to the scene of the crime!!

    So Nice when people pop back and have survived the rat experience.
    Just remembered yours was the wonderful "knees" post. Peed my pants!
     
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  15. Pinky3

    Pinky3 New Member

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    Hi I've been married to a Tunisian man fir 17 years now I have 2 children and I no I've stayed in this relationship soooo long knowing that I'm unhappy. I've noticed he's a mummy's boy and everything goes by his mother like there's 3 people in this marriage. Well I actually feel like I'm married to his mum aswell as him
    Has anyone experienced this
    I want to get out is he a love rat ?
    I find him very snake like. Every decision I make he goes and asks his mum
    His mother can't stand me and keeps telling me to divorce him.
    He keeps flying back over every holiday he gets and won't go to any other country. His mother calls me jelous and possessive even though I don't go back with him. His mother has made it very. Clear that he will only be coming back to Tunisia when he has holidays and he's made sure of that too for 18 years.
    Find it very unfair so I stopped going with him. She seems very happy that I dont go. he takes the kids every summer
    Is anyone else experiencing this. I feel like I'm being cornered by him and his mother and controlled by them.
    He's not bothered about how I feel it's like I don't exist. If I tell him his mother is being unfair he gets very defensive and argumentative and has told me that if I don't speak to his mother then he doesn't want me as a wife .he gets this crazy anger inside him if I say anything about his mum that's shows shes being too interfering or unfair.
    I don't want to be in the relationship anymore as I feel I don't have a voice and there's only one woman he hears, his mother.
    I feel as though I've had the patience and tolerance of a Saint.
    And I cabt take anymore. Is this common in Tunisia men as I dint see his brothers or cousins behaving this way with their wives. Mind you their wives are Tunisian and I'm not so would that make a difference? I've never seen my mother in law interfering in his brothers marital affairs. Why is that ?
    I do know the brother stands uo fir his wife which leaves me with the feeling is it because I'm not Tunisian ? Or is it because my husband has no feelings towards me ?
    It's made me very distant towards him.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2017
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  16. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    I dont have any advice really for you because as we all know the tunisian sons have their mothers up on a pedastal although it seems lovely, in reality its not. Iv always thought alot of my mil but iv seen another side to her on this particular visit and i dont like what i see at all. Iv seen her do some ridiculous things just so she can get some attention from my hubby. Is your hubby the oldest son too? If he is then there is extra pressure on him to ' look' after her. The mil is usually jealous over the wife so sounds to me like shes playing a game of whos more important. Worshipping the mother is instilled into them from.birth..its not normal behaviour
     
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  17. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    Iv had words tonight with my hubby over his mam, i just wont get over some of the attention seeking shite she does. Dont get me wrong she can be lovely and do everything for you but there is another side and iv seen it and i.dont like it. You can say anything to my hubby about any of his family and hes fine but mention one word about his mam.he goes way on.the defensive and behaves like a prick.
     
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  18. Big Bang Theory

    Big Bang Theory Well-Known Member

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    From what I've seen this seems relatively normal. Traditionally the mother (and father) are instrumental in choosing and approving their son's wife and they would choose someone they like, who helps MIL in the house, gives them grandchildren and will care for them in their old age.

    In very traditional families this is the norm and the wife will come to live in the family house or in an extension of the family house or nearby, so the wife becomes part of the matriachal MIL's family unit.

    I guess Tunisian wives culturally and naturally understand the family dynamics, what is expected of them, and they know how to earn the approval of their MIL (whether happily of resentfully)
    Whereas western wives are more independent, were raised with a completely different set of expectations and generally don't understand the family dynamics of Tunisian culture. Therefore what is perceived as 'normal' by the western wife can cause serious offense to the in-laws and equally the in-laws 'normal' behavior can often offend the western wife. - in short people don't understand each others set of rules.

    In addition very few Tunisian families take holidays 'just for fun' but rather their (rare) holidays are about visiting family - therefore it's likely that your husband never had what we know as a family holiday.... So to him a holiday probably means visiting family and it could well be considered offensive for him to take a holiday and NOT visit his family.

    So to your husband and your MIL this behavior is normal and he probably genuinely doesn't understand (and he never will) why you do not treat his mother like the idealized matriarch that she is.

    If he has always been like this than I doubt that it is because he has no feelings for you but rather that he really does not understand why you are not behaving towards his mother (and his visits to see her) in the way that a wife 'should'. And equally you do not understand why he and his mother are not treating you in the way that they 'should'. So I would put it down to huge cultural differences, beliefs and expectations.

    You say that you've never seen you MIL interfere in his brothers marital affairs but yet you know that his brother stands up for his wife - His need to defend his wife suggests that MIL does in fact also interfere between them....

    So alternatively it could be that your MIL is just a huge control freak - in which case your husband has always been under her control, this is all he has ever known so it is 'normal' for him and it will never change.
    _________________________________________________________________
    It's sad that all this has made you distant towards him but if you believe there is still hope than I would start with discussing cultural behavior differences and beliefs.
    I know it is very easy to seriously offend a Tunisian by behaving or talking in a way that is very normal and acceptable to me (and vice versa).
    The problem is that people often assume that you 'meant' to offend them and so they just 'take' offence (without explaining why-because it was obviously meant to be offensive :confused:) and then they react in a defensive way which in turn offends you (because you don't understand why).

    From what you've written I would say there are still HUGE cultural differences to iron out and I hope you can work your way through it and feel happy again. x
     

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