Help advice

Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by Anika, Oct 30, 2018.

  1. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Still, even to this very minute, mine doesn't have himself listed as married on Facebook even though we are, have been, will still be for an indefinite about of time. I told him I want to divorce, I've told him everything that I think about him and rat bezness, and he's STILL saying come back to Tunisia, trying to tell me that it's all in my head, that he doesn't want to leave his country anymore, and we can live in Tunisia, etc. etc. But, that's his whole game. He says, "I don't want to immigrate." Then, one week later, it's non-stop immigration, and bullying, and bad behavior, and aggressiveness, and criticism, and him basically doing whatever he wants, maybe adding women on Facebook, speaking to me like I'm the devil and responsible for all of his life problems, but as soon as I run.... he's like, I love you, etc. etc. I'm even afraid of his Tunisian life plan, because I know that will include other mutually invested life things, like a home, which he can just randomly decide to divorce and take half of or more, later. There is no winning with a rat. They don't care, they just want to win.
     
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  2. Apples

    Apples Well-Known Member

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    It’s because they don’t see us as human beings just infidel whores.
    My rat bitch ex said I was his property.
    Fakest mofos I’ve ever met in my life. A herd of robots.
     
  3. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    And, what's sad, is I'm a pretty adaptable person, which makes me a perfect target, I guess. But, I thought of every SINGLE way to try to protect myself in the long term, with him. But, no matter how it's organized, or what the protections are, they can and will do anything, and you will lose. Believe me, I really racked my brain trying to think of a way to disarm this whole rat bezness. But, as the women and potential mother, we can only lose. Even when and if they see us as human beings, we will still not be worth any more than what they see Tunisian women as - and they can always hold open the door for more wives and divorce, etc. There are no real protections here for women, even if the laws are strict. You have to prove they did something, and even then, hope that the police or government will help you when you're not Tunisian.
     
  4. Apples

    Apples Well-Known Member

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    They win a fake virgin and in the process destroy someone else’s life. I don’t know how they live with that. I don’t know how they sleep but the lazy bastards sleep very well.
    I hope you get completely rid of that freak soon.
     
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  5. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Well, anyways. This site was extremely educational and hilarious, today -- and I think for a lot of members, except for the rats. So, it was so fun. I look back on when I first posted here, and I was feeling so weak and scared of everything, and now I'm able to laugh again, and it happens natural without fear. I look back on old emails and the fears and mentality, and how I was having to justify everything, and it was so sad. I can't believe I could make so many justifications for really scary and bad behavior. Like, love is so blind but this place has been extremely helpful, because there's literally no where else to discuss this stuff for women like us. I didn't pick up a lot of the language and never made friends in Tunisia, so it was very isolating. At least here, everyone understands 99% of every experience and opinion.
     
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  6. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Men take more on a divorce and children are his responsibility. Investing in Tunisia means a loss by default. Aside of migration, he is abusive and aggression always increases. How to sustain a relationship under that condition. Unless it’s a sadomasochistic agreed situation. Fortunately you have a clear mind of what you need and what you are not willing to allow. Xx
     
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  7. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Good point, Amber. You caught me downplaying the aggressiveness. It's funny how that's so easy... to try to normalize everything, when it's not normal.
     
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  8. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    In other countries you call 911 and police is right there, they protect the victim. But in Tunisia they even bully the victim saying this is a domestic situation solve it with your husband... imagine that!
     
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  9. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Adding the fact his family won’t support you, we have many examples how they back up little Prince Charming into every move he makes. It’s literal a woman becomes her husband property, and he has the right over her in all means. This is why it’s dangerous to sustain a relationship with them when they clearly have other intentions. It isn’t love, they abuse openly covered by their culture and costumes. And we are expecting only love, we need to define what is love. I used to have a pink palette for love, after rat I see it very differently, need a lot more from a man than only “I love you(s)”
     
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  10. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, it's true. You're lucky if you can leave the house. If I described how it all worked, it would freak you out. To put it simply, you are allowed to leave the house, but you should really not do it a lot. And, you are allowed to go somewhere, but again, you should not do it a lot. Make sure to ask first, or say it. You are allowed to have friends, but not really, and maybe it will cause problems. You are allowed to speak with your family, but not really, because it will cause problems.

    At the beginning of the day, until the end of the day, you have your basic routine, you wait for him to wake up, you hope he doesn't hate you today, or is in a bad mood. You hope he will help you get something that you need to get. You hope he will have some energy to give you, because you have been waiting for it, for so long. Then, you see him perk up to run out the door -- maybe he's going to see a friend, or go to coffee to look at women, and you want to crush everything to pieces, because somehow he tricked you to live in the prison, to take responsibility for it, while he can always be more free than you -- and it's worse when you were BORN free.
     
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  11. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    @Jisela you are a very intelligent woman with an objective discernment capacity, certainly there is a lot to heal but not everything will be clarified, these men are complicated and their mentality works differently, sometimes archaic, sometimes Machiavellic.. bottom line incompatible. They aren’t men that have good intentions nor open to dialogue/problem solvers.
     
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  12. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Indeed, they paint a cute image of “living toghether, women are valued as jewls, the beach is so beautiful and the coast like any Mediterranean style “ lots of beautiful words we want to hear, but their actions are other world, a wake up call.
     
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  13. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    Believe me they treat the women of the family like shit to. They are so afraid of these men that they have to back him up.
    In some ways we got it easy, we got out can you imagine if these women went against rat their lives would be more hell. I had witnessed his family crying and shaking when he kicked off even they grabbed me into a bedroom and locked the door. They were hugging me absolutely terrified I didn't understand fully.
    If I packed my suitcase after one of million arguments his family would cry and beg me to stay. I stayed only for them, I was sorry I had to run and leave them. I believed they acted the way they did out of being pushed into it by rat.
    On another level there was his two faced sister and sister-in-law the one he was shagging.
    And the one stealing my money.
    He did beat his sisterinlaw because she hurt my daughter. But nothing to his so called sister when she beat her 3 year old daughter like a man would beat another. Omg I hate that I was a part of all of this. Ashamed of myself for even getting involved with a sick twisted bastard.
     
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  14. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    The rats treat all women like shit :Evil:

    Unbenannt.PNGjker.PNG
     
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  15. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    You know what they do each day and night
     
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  16. Anika

    Anika Active Member

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    Are you still with him?
     
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  17. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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  18. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    I was not allowed to leave the house. I was only allowed out with a family chaperone (usually him), as and when he decided this was allowed.
    His brother used to often sneak me out for walks late at night, when rat went to work without me, just to stretch my legs....but after getting stopped, checked and then followed by the police on one walk, with rat constantly phoning, even this little treat was stopped.
    Ultimately, the curfew was put in place after the terrorist attack on Tunis....so none of us could go out after 8/9pm.
    When I was allowed out....he decided where, when, what I was to wear....and I was to look at the ground....no eye contact....and I was to "STOP taking so many f*cking photos!' :D

    I was not allowed to make friends, only his friends....and then you run the risk of being beaten for flirting. My friends back home were slowly removed from my life.
    I was allowed to speak to my family with his go ahead, but he used to turn the internet on and off during phone calls etc....he controlled duration of time etc. Extended family, like cousins....they were deleted from my life.

    I used to watch real life through the bars on my prison cell windows. I cried a whole lot. He slept a whole lot.
    A life of control I find very difficult to describe....and no life for a Western woman raised with freedoms.
     
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  19. Anika

    Anika Active Member

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  20. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    No
     
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  21. Anika

    Anika Active Member

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    Good. Im glad you made it
     
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  22. Judithlyn

    Judithlyn Well-Known Member

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    I wonder that same thing. I don’t care anyways but I wish I knew how many women and men he’s been with!
     
  23. Snuggle

    Snuggle Well-Known Member

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    I really hated it that everywhere you went there was always some family members around. Going anywhere half of the family would come. Stuffing the car with people 2 in the front seat and 6 in the back seat. People sitting on each others lap seatbelts never heard of and not needed because he was a good driver. The car stinking like hell because nobody had a good wash, brushed their teeth or put on clean clothes for ages. In in the end I refused to do this and was told that I was difficult.
     
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  24. RatSnatcher

    RatSnatcher Well-Known Member

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    Really! :(:eek: Im OCD. I would die right there. Omg. I am so OCD.
     
  25. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    I never met any rat family and never travelled anywhere with him but your post reminds of a trip to Tel Aviv and getting on a bus in Bethlehem and travelling to Judea. The bus was full of bullet holes, windows missing and there were people with a chicken on their lap and a goat tethered to a seat. The bus was full and people sat in the isles. The smell even with broken windows was rank.
     
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