Help! Are these red flags?

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
Hello, my friend is 45 years old and she wants to marry a 24 years old Tunisian man who she met in a week trip to Tunisia. since then she has been talking to him online. I feel that she is brainwashed. any suggestions how to help her? The guy has two Facebook accounts !! is that a red flag ?
Its all a red flag and shes lucky to have you!

Lead her here and tunisian love to research bezness and tunisian culture.

We will try to answer all her questions.

This makes me sad that another loving lady will be scammed and heartbroken.

MH x
 

simple

Ratslayer
Hello, my friend is 45 years old and she wants to marry a 24 years old Tunisian man who she met in a week trip to Tunisia. since then she has been talking to him online. I feel that she is brainwashed. any suggestions how to help her? The guy has two Facebook accounts !! is that a red flag ?
Hi AmandaRico,,,,yes its something to be worried about ,,,Many red flags ,age difference ,marriage within a week ,,,constantly online .Can you try to get her to read up on here for a bit ,Prehaps explain that its wise to get to know about Tunisian marriages first ,,The longer he is able to bombard her with messages ,the harder she has time to think ..
 

Cydney

Well-Known Member
Hello, my friend is 45 years old and she wants to marry a 24 years old Tunisian man who she met in a week trip to Tunisia. since then she has been talking to him online. I feel that she is brainwashed. any suggestions how to help her? The guy has two Facebook accounts !! is that a red flag ?
Can you get her to come here? She can be anonymous and her Tunisian boy will never know. The mere fact that she is old enough to be his mother is the biggest red flag of all. Whatever you do dont let him alienate her from her friends. She may not see the reality of the situation right away but you can plant a seed. Hopefully it will take root before too much damage is done.
 

Etoyoc

Administrator
Staff member
Hello, my friend is 45 years old and she wants to marry a 24 years old Tunisian man who she met in a week trip to Tunisia. since then she has been talking to him online. I feel that she is brainwashed. any suggestions how to help her? The guy has two Facebook accounts !! is that a red flag ?
Nothing of the above NEEDS to be, but everything CAN be, a red flag. If you can give us more information, we might be able to take a more educated guess and, possibly, give a better advice.
If you haven't done this, read some information source here in the forum or on a website like https://www.tunisia-love.com/. Ask your friend to read it along with you. Make sure that your friend knows as much as possible about the partner BEFORE the marriage. As a help, see the below list of questions (I am sorry, it is google translation, but it should be well understandeable):

Personal data

What is the exact name of the partner and when was he born?
Did you see an official document with this information or is it only based on the information provided by the partner?

competence

How competent is the partner when it comes to obtaining paperwork and collecting information?
Does he rely on the help or even the sole action of the partner?

wedding

As a woman, did you express your wishes to the partner regarding the wedding party and the husband's gifts to the bride?
Even in the absolute minimum case, several thousand dinars quickly come together, e.g. for entertaining guests, for clothing, for musicians, transport, hammam visit, for the hairdresser and for engagement ring, wedding ring and 2-3 other pieces of jewelry made of gold.
Is he willing and able to pay for these minimum costs or half of the common costs?
If the partner does not want or can not finance it right now, how does he respond to the serious suggestion that he postpone the marriage until he can secure the funding?
Have you been informed about the course of a traditional wedding in Tunisia, so that you know which party elements you can choose from?
Do you know which elements the partner values and which the family of the partner?
Is the partner willing to celebrate the wedding openly (neighbors and family members can come at any time) or not (why not?).

living conditions

What is the exact address?
Where can you find the house on the map?
Who else lives in the same apartment and house?
Who pays the rent, who pays the running costs?
If not living with the parents, the same information for the house of the parents.
Is the partner legally obliged to keep other family members or does he feel obliged to do so?
With which monthly amounts does the support take place?
Was the partner already married or engaged?
When was that and why did it break up?
Is it possible to speak with a former partner?
Is it possible to talk to someone who knew both partners when they were still together?
Are there children from a previous relationship?
Is the partner obliged to a former spouse or children?
What does the partner live from?
Does he have a permanent job and social security?
What is the development opportunity in the profession over the next few years?
What training does the partner from school and work have?
Did you see evidence for this?
Are Tunisian education recognized in Europe?
Did you ask German authorities about this?
Has the partner become criminal in Tunisia or another country?
If male: has the partner already completed his legal service?
Is he deferred or exempt or, if not, is he currently being sought by the military?
What is the medical history of the partner?
Like the close family?
Has there ever been a comprehensive medical examination (CheckUp) and when did it take place?
Was there any abnormality?
Are there known hereditary diseases among the near relatives?

religion

Does the partner follow a strict belief or not?
Will this also remain the same if he is married or no longer lives in Tunisia?
Does the partner follow religious rules about eating, drinking and smoking or not?
Why is he doing this (not)?
Is there a comprehensible reason for that?
Will the partner, the wife / husband, convert to Islam?
Is that a requirement or a wish?
What about other family members?

children

Should children be educated in Islam?
Especially for girls: what exactly is expected of them as soon as they reach puberty?
Does one have experiences (how does he treat his sister or other women, does he feel compelled to control or direct her)?
Is he ready to submit to European education rules or ideals?
Is it clear to him that he has less legal rights in Europe over his children than in Tunisia?

Children from former marriage

For both partners: What do the children say about the new partner?
Are they likely to receive instructions from him / her?
Is the partner willing to act as a parent for the children, especially as regards conversations and leisure activities?
Was it actually discussed which influence the partner should / should have on the education of children?

Goals in Europe

What is the man's desire to go to Europe and why?
Maybe he only wants to go there for a few years and then return to Tunisia?
 

Amira

Rat Expert
Hello, my friend is 45 years old and she wants to marry a 24 years old Tunisian man who she met in a week trip to Tunisia. since then she has been talking to him online. I feel that she is brainwashed. any suggestions how to help her? The guy has two Facebook accounts !! is that a red flag ?
There is too much age difference between them and if she marries him she gets all the responsibility alone
2 two facebook accounts is a very bad sign
3. He probably doesn't have money? Who do you think will take full responsibility for the entire economy?
4. Advise her to cut him off because I don't think she will have a good life with him.
 

Croydon girl

Well-Known Member
There is too much age difference between them and if she marries him she gets all the responsibility alone
2 two facebook accounts is a very bad sign
3. He probably doesn't have money? Who do you think will take full responsibility for the entire economy?
4. Advise her to cut him off because I don't think she will have a good life with him.
Also him being 24 years old and her being 45, really bad sign! Does she have children? My brother is 23 and he works as a security guard at the hospital, he also spends a lot of time on bloomin x box! and out with his mates, i think this is what most young blokes do these days! My brother certainly want a 45 year old woman!
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
Its all red flags and you really, as previously said, need to get your friend to read into tunisian culture and bezness. The age difference is not done and talking about marriage after a week is a HUGE red flag.

Oh @Croydon girl my son drives me mad with his blooming x box!

MH x
 

Masha

Junior Rat Expert
Hello, my friend is 45 years old and she wants to marry a 24 years old Tunisian man who she met in a week trip to Tunisia. since then she has been talking to him online. I feel that she is brainwashed. any suggestions how to help her? The guy has two Facebook accounts !! is that a red flag ?
Hello. Tell your friend that unless she is a control freak who will keep him in a golden cage with the promise to make his life better , she will forever feel insecure and ask herself why he is with her . Advise your friend that she will not be able to isolate him from society for long and soon he will mingle with 20 year olds and younger because Tunisian men are rather immature. How will she feel having to deal with his friends - kids like her own children who he will certainly communicate much better than with his mature madame. And ask her to check what her chances are to be with a 24 year old back in her own country - and how she would feel about it? IT is worth considering before marrying a very young man that she will look at with admiration for the next 10 years but will he do the same? Mirror mirror on the wall - what's the most important thing for him from ALL?
 

AmandaRico

New Member
Thank you so much guys! I am trying my best to help her (we been friends for more than 14 years). It hurts to see her get scammed just like that :(
I told her that her guy has 3 FB accounts....... I just feel that he is controlling her mind.

I hope that I'm wrong and she is right! that's the only thing I can do now.
 

Croydon girl

Well-Known Member
Thank you so much guys! I am trying my best to help her (we been friends for more than 14 years). It hurts to see her get scammed just like that :(
I told her that her guy has 3 FB accounts....... I just feel that he is controlling her mind.

I hope that I'm wrong and she is right! that's the only thing I can do now.
2 facebook accounts, now 3! I found out my rat had 4 facebooks, that i found out about, probably had more! Also he had WhatsApp, which i found out about when another english woman messaged me about him! Then i discovered he was on vk, a russian dating website, twitter and linkedin, which i thought was a job seeking thing, but they meet women on there too!
 

simple

Ratslayer
Think he is like other young boys of 24 years even though he is Tunisian then he probably likes young girls and fun Maybe even disco? Alcohol?
Not at all ,,they like money ,period..Dosnt matter if hes 19,20 or 30 ,,They want money ,Give an x box to a rat and he"ll try to sell it .They start drinking alcohol ,because tourists do ,,they go clubbing ,because tourists do, they have sex ,because tourist do. They are not normal 24 year old boys .A 24 year old wanting sex with a 45 year old ,is not normal ,,If she ever meet s him,he will say no sex before marriage ,because he respects her ,or because of his religion,,,But will go to a brothel or call a prostitute to his place ...
 

Etoyoc

Administrator
Staff member
Tunisia is not like that anymore. In fact, people from other islamic countries sometimes even say "Tunisia is not an islamic state" - which came from the occupation times of France and Turkey and Tunisia following the secularisation example of Turkey in the last century. When you see pictures from the 50s or 60s, you will see that quite a few Tunisians were dressed in a western way, with women even wearing mini skirts. In the course of the Intifada in the 70/80s, this all changed and an re-islamisation began (note: Arafat even lived in Tunis for some while). The Bourguiba and BenAli regime stood up against it and even forbade in the end non-tunisian islamic dress codes, at least in public areas. After the uprising of 2011, the islamic parties gained around 30% and this is how it stands today.

We will have to differentiate between what people say and what people do when it comes to their belief, tradition or morale, that is very often not the same. :)
We also need to differentiate between various parts of the country. In some parts, the majority are more or less strict believers, in some parts, it is rather the minority and in some parts it is like half-half. And, lastly, it is also a matter of education and/or financial standing, the "rich" and the "students" behave, not all of them, but many, different from how it would be expected by tradition, belief and morale, at least temporarily (most come around when they become older or become married).

One notable problem is, like I said in the beginning, that people will not say as they do. When they see a personal advantage in it, morale (or belief) rules are more likely to be broken. And the second notable problem is the factor "public". When someone is not being watched or heard by the public, he is more likely to break the rules.

Now, this pertains to the general public - when it comes to the so-called "Rats", they are not a typical sample of the population, but rather a subculture, very often low to medium educated, very often doing helper (untrained) work under precarious working conditions or being unemployed, often doing tabac, alcohole and even drugs and behaving quite unrestricted in sexual matters. They all, however, are rather imitating than being convinced of what they do. They imitate what they themselves think, the western culture (and ... which one? from which country?) is about. This has not even predominately to do with tourists, but with Television and hearsay from Tunisians living abroad. Some tourists behaviour only strengthen the believe that westerners are like they always have thought they'd be, while the tourists who behave differently, and who rarely hook up with the rat group members anyway, are not being considered.
 

Amira

Rat Expert
We tourists mostly meet these bad guys. Don't know why but it seems to me like a trend when most of them work in the tourist industry just like a mafia business
 

Amira

Rat Expert
when it comes to the so-called "Rats
Think that this love rat thing is a contagious effect they see that a boy always has money and they learn from each other how to trick women. I also think their friends are the same wool as these boys. Both family, friends and her so-called boyfriend play a game in from day # 1. Seems like it's organized since there are so many who exploit the innocent
 

Etoyoc

Administrator
Staff member
We tourists mostly meet these bad guys. Don't know why
Because the "good" guys have no interest or time to make themselves common with tourists who only stay for a days and are gone again. Think yourself - do you start talks to tourists who visit your country and walk along the street or stand at sightseeings? Do you ask them to invite you to a cafe, or to pay your taxi bill? Most probably, you won't even talk to them, unless they ask for help, because you understand tourists as people who come to visit, but have no business with you - and you no business with them.
 

AmandaRico

New Member
Is everything okay with you and your friend?

MH x


She won't listen to me anymore. I warned her against marrying him, I had other friends talk to her. Nevertheless, she is in denial and refuse to believe the truth. (As I said he brainwashed her. She is chatting with him all day and night).
 

Croydon girl

Well-Known Member
Is everything okay with you and your friend?

MH x


She won't listen to me anymore. I warned her against marrying him, I had other friends talk to her. Nevertheless, she is in denial and refuse to believe the truth. (As I said he brainwashed her. She is chatting with him all day and night).
Don’t either of them work?
 

Croydon girl

Well-Known Member
Is everything okay with you and your friend?

MH x


She won't listen to me anymore. I warned her against marrying him, I had other friends talk to her. Nevertheless, she is in denial and refuse to believe the truth. (As I said he brainwashed her. She is chatting with him all day and night).
Does she have children?
 

Masha

Junior Rat Expert
Is everything okay with you and your friend?

MH x


She won't listen to me anymore. I warned her against marrying him, I had other friends talk to her. Nevertheless, she is in denial and refuse to believe the truth. (As I said he brainwashed her. She is chatting with him all day and night).
Well ...there is still one more thing you can do. Create an account on the social media they use and chat him up. Then show her the results.
 

Big Bang Theory

Senior Rat Expert
You know what worked for me... Not warnings and not honey traps.... those just pushed me closer to him because I felt defensive :(

What worked for me was the friends who spoke with me about how I felt, the friends who researched tunisian culture (not just bezness) so we had a common interest that also planted Red Flag seeds, the friends who were 'polite' to him and about him (even if they wanted to kick him). the friends who didn't get angry with me (well they didn't show it anyway).... Because those were the friends I could slowly start to confide in when he started to show his true colours - They didnt make me feel isolated or like i had to make it work to prove them wrong and they never said 'I told you so'
 
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