Help! Are these red flags?

Amira

Rat Expert
She has to figure this out for herself. Everyone has an inner voice that tells you if something is wrong. Maybe he is standing here or not but it is up to her at last what she wants to do. But one it is surely a good man has good friends and family? So I'm 100% sure he has friends who are like himself. You as her friend see the danger signals and try to help her but if she fails to see clearly then she is buried more in the garbage because his "good friends will only support him" so expect no help from them. These people are sneaky and know how to play unfortunately.
 

Cydney

Well-Known Member
Simple, your words have always been right (or extemely funny :D)

I agree with what you said, setting up a honey trap would only ruin their 14 year friendship and push her closer to, and make her more dependant on, the rat ☹
Yes BBT you said exactly how I feel. I have a person very close to me who got into a horrible relationship. Not with anyone foreign but I could see plain as day that he was a dangerous, manipulative narcicist. I shared my concern with her and told her that it would be the last time I would bring it up without her initiating. I got to know him. I helped her pick a wedding dress, I spoke at the wedding, I helped pay for their honeymoon. He hated me because he knew I could see through him but I always treated him well so as not to give him pretext to make her cut off our relationship. She felt comfortable to call me and talk about her relationship problems,we talked through his gaslighting her and it was helpful having a kind voice assuring her that she was not crazy or imagining things. I never had to ATTACK him or his character, just listen to her and let her talk it through assuring her that she was not crazy. One day she was ready to leave so she called me and we packed up her stuff while he was at work and she never looked back.

I was not able to prevent heartache, or prevent the marriage but I hate to think what would have happened if I was constantly against him taking the hard line approach.
 

Big Bang Theory

Senior Rat Expert
.... He hated me because he knew I could see through him but I always treated him well so as not to give him pretext to make her cut off our relationship.
That's it exactly. The rat/narcissist will try to alienate all friends and family to gain more control over the victim.
My rat tried to convince me that my friends were bad/unloyal...
Those that badmouthed him or treated me like I was an idiot not to see the truth, well, he had a point....
But those who were always polite to him and respected my feelings, well, no way could he convince me against them and the more he tried the more I started to see who he really was.
 
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simple

Ratslayer
He is not in the gallery. She decided that he is the one. So, she is travelling on Christmas week to marry him.
Thats awful ..shes met him for a weeks visit and now wants to marry him.Poor lady ,as you say has been brainwashed with all his constant attention and love bombing.It wont be that easy to bring him over ,even if they are married .I hope she knows this .The age difference will alert immigration ,as marriage fraud..I know youve tried your best ,but you were up against a professional con artist ,The only way this will have a good outcome is if your friend wakes up from his hypnosis.
 

AmandaRico

New Member
Thats awful ..shes met him for a weeks visit and now wants to marry him.Poor lady ,as you say has been brainwashed with all his constant attention and love bombing.It wont be that easy to bring him over ,even if they are married .I hope she knows this .The age difference will alert immigration ,as marriage fraud..I know youve tried your best ,but you were up against a professional con artist ,The only way this will have a good outcome is if your friend wakes up from his hypnosis.
It hurts so much to see a smart lady been brainwashed by a scammer.
 

simple

Ratslayer
It hurts so much to see a smart lady been brainwashed by a scammer.
Nearly every one of us here has been taken in by these parasitic low lifes and being smart dosnt help .There is no criteria for being victimised ,its random ,age ,shape ,size,religion,educated ,not educated ,It can happen to anyone. Lets hope theres a power cut in her area for a few months ,so he cant skype her and her phone breaks ,stopping this constant barrage of love bombing ,thats brain washing her.
 
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