Help me he is a rat or not?

Eros

Member
Hello everyone,
I am an italian girl engaged with a tunisian boy from 2 years. Sorry for my bad English. I want to share my story. He lived near me and I met the first time in a bar where I usually took a coffe. This guy said to me he loved me at first sight. But 2 years ago I said him no. But he insisted to start a relationship every time we met because he said he really like me. So one day i said him yes i really want to know him because i tought if he loves me like he said I want to see. The first 3 months he was romantic charming and gibe me all the attentions. But after that one night police stopped us for some controls and I discovered he didn have documents. He said he try to solve his situation by himself but he couldn t. His only way to solve was to marry. So he start to pression me to marry him. When i sometime I said him it was too early he got angry and block me on social networks or say me something arsh like you are a wore you are an egoist because if u love me you will marry me. After 1 year one time we had a discussion and he didn t want to.see.me. after that he was contacted by an ex by fb and they decided to start a relationship. I see them together and i was very shocked. I try to talk with them and imhe said me that we didn t go well....and his exes promised him to married him so he decided to start a domestic partnership with her. They was been together for one month than after severaldesperate messages I wrote him he decided to come back with me only if i will marry him. I was working with a 3 month contract and i was paying him the flat and the foods. I now didn t know what to do because if i dont marry him he want to go in france to find is future.
 

simple

Ratslayer
Hi Eros What a horrible thing to go through..I think you know that he only want to marry to stay in europe..You pay for his flat and food ,that s not a good thing ...If this was Italian man you would tell him go to hell..I feel bad because your heart hurt and it must be difficult to leave him,but he is a rat .And if you marry him he will take all your money and go back to Tunisia,in 1 year or 2 maybe 3 years ,,,Im sorry but its best to not believe what he tells you ..Think hard about your future ,if you stay with him ,he will not work or help you ,you will pay for everything .How can he go to France with no documents??
 

Etoyoc

Administrator
Staff member
He will migrate there illegaly, quite a few tunisians do that. However, he won't have a future in France either, especially after they have tightened their migration laws. In some cases, migrants will try to travel further either to Belgium, Germany or the UK.
 

Liona

Rat Expert
Hi @Eros and welcome!
What a specimen you have met indeed.
It's good he shown some of his qualities very early.

he start to pression me to marry him.
The way this guy will be solving all the disputs in his relationship:
I said him it was too early he got angry and block me on social networks or say me something arsh like you are a whore you are an egoist
egoist because if u love me you will marry me.
we had a discussion and he didn t want to.see.me. after that he was contacted by an ex by fb and they decided to start a relationship
Really, why to solve something , when he just could go and find someone else?

This guy sees the causes and the consequences in his own way. He is waiting you will love him on his conditions. If you will not follow his conditions or make a mistake , you will be punished immediately. Moreover, he demonstraites quite clearly he does not care about your personality, your feelings, your needings.

He sees himself perfect as he is, so he does not need to do something else, he is ready only to receive.
i was paying him the flat and the foods.
I now didn t know what to do because if i dont marry him he want to go in france to find is future.
I dare to guess you know what to do. You need to save yourself from this manipulative, agressive, lazy ass, who has not a drop of love to you. So try to find all your inner strength and kick this parasite off your life far away.
 

simple

Ratslayer
He will migrate there illegaly, quite a few tunisians do that. However, he won't have a future in France either, especially after they have tightened their migration laws. In some cases, migrants will try to travel further either to Belgium, Germany or the UK.
I wonder how he got to Italy ...Im guessing he came over during the uprising to Lampadusa,,and ran away incase he got deported ,,Otherwise he would have had asylum papers,,im presumming...
 

Etoyoc

Administrator
Staff member
I wonder how he got to Italy ...Im guessing he came over during the uprising to Lampadusa
There are many boats that go from Tunisia to Italy, several ones per week. Some are being caught, some will go through.
Now, in Italy, many Tunisians are working as helpers, often on the vegetable farms (who could not do without the helpers, this is why Italy has not been overly strict).
 

Eros

Member
Yes thank you for all the answers you all give to me!!!!! Thank you for the emotive support.... however he comes in italy with all documents but he losts them because he was sent in jail for drug. When I start a relationship with him he says me he wants to change his life and do a future with me and also get a job after we are marry because he didn t wants to have this life more. Then he starts to go to mosque and abandon his past life. Now is better before he said to me and want to live a normal life and have children. The problem is ok, I really was moved about those words and start a relationship with him. From the starts he was very romantic, have great sex with him, and we usualyy saw each other every day. but i have to do pay for him restaurants or cinemas because he can t work wothout documents. I made this for 2 years. In this time.we have a lot of discussions because he get angry really fast expecially when I said is not the time for me for marriage wait. but that make him crazy so he usually say bad words...he said I make him lost time I was a wore...I am without brain....ecc..then blocked me and after 2 or 3 days he come back saying sorry. That for two years. He says me I never trusted him and his love for me. He said that he really was in love with meand was his type of women he wants to get old with. But I really was always insicure about him. I dont know way. Proba ly for my personality.Then he start a new relationship with this ex. I have meet her yesterday and she is an escort she said to me. I was shocked because how could this is possible if you love me to bump me for an escort to do documents?? But that was...then he come.back to me after one month but the things and brak with her because he said he loves me. I promise him to marry him. But these 5 months I take him back were the same. Because i wasn t so happy to pay for rent or do all those thing for him. Yes he prepare me meals or take care of the house instead of me but there were some discussion about my family. Bcs my family was always contrary of our relationship and so my dad and mother usually take me aome messages to come back home and to sleep home not in his house
And that make him.angry and chick me out of his house and trow me some objects back me like sunglasses or keys. so in the end of that papyrus I want to say I am blind for him really and I start to write in thise site because I read about other similar story with this arab men.....arab men are love and pain togheter. I really try to get a peaceful relationship but he take a lot of drama. I don t know if that is a culture of north african or his personality.
 
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Eros

Member
Ahhhh.....he said also if we have children they will chose the religion ( christian or muslim) when they are adults. What do you think is true or a lie??
 

simple

Ratslayer
Ahhhh.....he said also if we have children they will chose the religion ( christian or muslim) when they are adults. What do you think is true or a lie??
The child will be recognised as muslim its automatic and legal,,if the father is muslim ,so will the child be....In my opinion ,he is a rat and a cheat,,He can apply for new papers,if he lost them ,so can work .He dosnt want to work.Your family is right ,he is no good ..Im surprised he dosnt hit you ,he sounds arrogant enough,to throw you out of the flat you pay for.Please dont trust him anymore ,he will be your nightmare if you stay with him..Let him go .The arab mentality is not for western women ,women are second,with no freedom.
 

Amira

Rat Expert
I don t know if that is a culture of north african or his personality.
Would not say that it is common to sell drugs or to get over to Europe via a boat it must be the last variety of men. Arabic culture values honor as very important but the problem is the difference between men and women. He demands that you follow his culture and not the other way around. They are actually very proud of their culture but they are unable to accept our lives with alcohol less clothes etc. If you fall in love with a man from this area then you need to swallow a few camels with his way of life. Don't be a lady, it doesn't help
 

Liona

Rat Expert
however he comes in italy with all documents but he losts them because he was sent in jail for drug.
These are just his words...Anyway the person who has been in jali (!) for the drugs (!) sounds like a dangerous one for me.
You pointed out we are speaking emotionally :) , this is beause your story reminds about our own stories and many others. And we know which the end of those stories was.

You have been already living in drama. And your own inner voice is trying to tell you this is not what you want. Please don't ignore it. Even if you can't explain "why" you feel doubts.
But I really was always insicure about him. I dont know way. Proba ly for my personality.
Dear Eros, I don't want to preach, I just want to ask you, please, don't hurry up to jump in this marriage. Because the money you have lost already and will lose for him are the the smallest loss. The most difficult part is to pick up oneself together when you feel yourself absolutely devastated and broken.

When you have the time, please read this thread ( post #2 on the first page will be enough) about rat's common quotes. https://www.tunisianloverats.com/threads/common-rat-quotes.545/
 

Amira

Rat Expert
Or be a lady and don't "sell" yourself that cheap to someone bloody lier and parasite.
Agree. He has been in prison for drugs and it is serious. What kind of friends does he have? No she should stay extremely far away from this man is my opinion.
 

CUDDLE

Junior Rat Expert
DearEros

This man is a Rat ..indeed he has all the usual features of a RAT with added bad qualities too...Your life will NEVER be peaceful if you stay with this man...He is blackmailing you into marriage this is NOT love this is selfish, controlling ,manipulative behaviour....

Yes of course his words are designed to make you think he cares for you BUT the reality is very far from this fact..

You have looked after him , fed him housed him. been intimate with him...of course he has liked this treatment...nice and easy life no stress for him at all !

Eros please now think of yourself take a step away from this man...IF he is geniune he will accept this and stay warm and friendly towards you.....If he is off with his EX then you have your answer he is a big RAT as a person does not jump onto another relationship like that if they have feelings for you....

I really feel your pain many of us have felt this and from experience and from my heart i want you to understand this man is definitely not behaving like a good person ...walk away while you can .....
 

Eros

Member
The child will be recognised as muslim its automatic and legal,,if the father is muslim ,so will the child be....In my opinion ,he is a rat and a cheat,,He can apply for new papers,if he lost them ,so can work .He dosnt want to work.Your family is right ,he is no good ..Im surprised he dosnt hit you ,he sounds arrogant enough,to throw you out of the flat you pay for.Please dont trust him anymore ,he will be your nightmare if you stay with him..Let him go .The arab mentality is not for western women ,women are second,with no freedom.
Lost the paper in the sense that he let to expire his green card because he was in jail and he don t think to do nothing
 

Eros

Member
And another thing I never ever say to anyone was that: he said me after three months of our story.....he tried to make me pregnant because my mum and my father didn t accepted him and he was afraid to lose me. But than he said : I saw that your belly didn t start to grow... and when he said me that it was one year that we was togheter. AND I
JUST forgive him to do that to me. But for that reson I start to have panic attacks now because I don t feel secure in sex. I asked to use preservative but he doesn want to. I start to use pill contraceptives but he said stop it because allah didn t want to use this. If you love me you trust me.
 

Eros

Member
I am little bit sad because his brother who lives near me said that he is angry with me because I promised to him and his family in Tunisia to marry him but now I said them I have some doubt....and that make him angry because he said is normal to argue with your boyfriend in a couple
 

Eros

Member
His brother and his family are really different from him...his brother come in italy 10 years ago and he always work here..he now has a tunisian wife with 2 children....he never ever was involved in crimes
 

Eros

Member
Agree. He has been in prison for drugs and it is serious. What kind of friends does he have? No she should stay extremely far away from this man is my opinion.
He have no friend becauss he said that he doesnt trust to anyone and he dont talk also to arabs who live near him. He said me it will always me and you. I am his friend mum and family.
 

Liona

Rat Expert
His brother and his family are really different from him..
His brother is the same shit as your rat. I am sorry, but it's time to call the things by their names. Your "love" is bloody cheap heartless rat who is telling you nice stories, though even these stories are total crap.
Go to the little cosy cafe, as Amira advised you above, grab a cup of the best coffe ( I know you have it in Italy) and imagine your best female friend tells you what you have told us here. What would be your ideas about her relationship?
I know it's almost impossible to think clear as long as you are in close contact with a rat. So take a pause and start to think, think a lot before you put yourself in the hell. Try to read the stories on this site.
 

Eros

Member
But i dont really understand why one month he decide to broke with me and start to live with his ex..he said me that he know his ex when he was young...and he already know that he was an escort and she had sex with many of his friend. But in the past he started a relationship with her and he said is only for sex....but when they come together this year and have a relationship and than he broke with her and come to me.....i do a thing. I contact her on instagram...she in the first time was angry with me but then she find a new boyfriend and decided to give up about me and him....so we start to have conversation and i write her about his behavior toward me....and than she want to meet me and we met last week after 5 months she broke up with him. She do read his messages who he send to her...and in one of that messages he write to her he said he started to love her...and send her sing of love....after only two weeks of messaging with her.....but the problem is he said always to me he didn t love her but do all thing because she promised him to marry him and do documents
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
We wish we could hug you too - you comev across as a sweet lady but is being manipulated.

Even if you used condoms these rats have been known to pierce them through the wrapper with a pin! He knows he would have an even bigger hold over you and more chance of a visa.

If his brother was any kind of decent man he would give his brother a good hiding - they talk with their fists.

Your parents have obviously seen through him - he will isolate you from them but will be manipulative about it and you wont even realise.

Please stay with us on here - we can give great virtual hugs x

MH x
 

Eros

Member
She is an escort..!!! Really she let me see how she works....let me see how she lives...she have clients in italy to make sex and work like this. She also frequents night clubs... she did this life to maintain hher 2 children...because she has 2 girls when she was 12 years old.but what in this earth he thinks??? He said to her to convert to islam and give up this work.... but i really want to know how he can compare me and her...i have studied at university i have 2 degrees. I do sport...i am an equestrian girl...i have only 3 boyfriend in my life and lost my virginity when i was 26 and now i am 29....but how can he broke with me....i don t want to judge her for her life....because she had a lot of sufferings and come from a disastered family...but me and her are two different kind of girls...but in my mind i think if he really loved me i try to find a girl similar to me no?? To do a family...if he loved me and the things dont work woth me as he said to me when he start with her...he have to tried with a girl who was similar with me...he said i was his type of girl who want to marry....so why he start to live one month with that girl!!!!!!
 
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