Help me please

black_angel

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Dec 16, 2014
Messages
517
Katousa, lets make some things clear.... He gave you silence and became cold cause you didn't give him money. You don't even have to guess that cause he told you that almost directly.
Now you should consider if you want to pay anyone to pretend that he loves you, cause this is exactly what you're doing.
You say that you read so many stories here and they're so similiar... now imagine that there are other forums like this one with hundreads of stories and many many many untold stories because the victims are too ashamed to talk about their experience or have no idea about sites like this. They all begun the same way, none of the victims will say "my rat beated me, treating me shit from day one". No.. the rats were perfect, loving, caring and amazing guys...Some of them even for long years..
 

Katousa

Active Member
Joined
Jan 5, 2016
Messages
139
Only do not get mad at me.. I listen to everything you're saying ... and you very help me.. but my heart doesn't want to agree with the mind.. In my head it sounds only one question.. why? I think maybe he's not a rat ... maybe he's really bad.. I don't know, you can call him a rat if he never promised ? if I'm not deceived with the promises? he immediately told me that he earns not very much .. he didn't ask money from me before and I thought we were just good together.. if I did something for him, just because I wanted.. and now when he really needed help.. I do nothing.. may be he thought that all of my words blah..blah.. and that at me it is impossible to rely in a difficult situation..maybe he now believes that I betrayed him..that he can't rely on me..??? I'm confused!!! I think I'm a fool that I can't accept the obvious..
 

black_angel

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Dec 16, 2014
Messages
517
Only do not get mad at me.. I listen to everything you're saying ... and you very help me.. but my heart doesn't want to agree with the mind.. In my head it sounds only one question.. why? I think maybe he's not a rat ... maybe he's really bad.. I don't know, you can call him a rat if he never promised ? if I'm not deceived with the promises? he immediately told me that he earns not very much .. he didn't ask money from me before and I thought we were just good together.. if I did something for him, just because I wanted.. and now when he really needed help.. I do nothing.. may be he thought that all of my words blah..blah.. and that at me it is impossible to rely in a difficult situation..maybe he now believes that I betrayed him..that he can't rely on me..??? I'm confused!!! I think I'm a fool that I can't accept the obvious..
 

Heidi

Inactive
Joined
Dec 9, 2009
Messages
14,380
Only do not get mad at me.. I listen to everything you're saying ... and you very help me.. but my heart doesn't want to agree with the mind.. In my head it sounds only one question.. why? I think maybe he's not a rat ... maybe he's really bad.. I don't know, you can call him a rat if he never promised ? if I'm not deceived with the promises? he immediately told me that he earns not very much .. he didn't ask money from me before and I thought we were just good together.. if I did something for him, just because I wanted.. and now when he really needed help.. I do nothing.. may be he thought that all of my words blah..blah.. and that at me it is impossible to rely in a difficult situation..maybe he now believes that I betrayed him..that he can't rely on me..??? I'm confused!!! I think I'm a fool that I can't accept the obvious..
Now don´t be so hard on yourself, dear. If you want to buy him, send him the amount of money he wants and tell him, when you come to visit him, you´ll bring more. This will restore his confidence in you, that you are a good little victim and he will love you for as long as you dish out the money ;)
 

black_angel

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Dec 16, 2014
Messages
517
Only do not get mad at me.. I listen to everything you're saying ... and you very help me.. but my heart doesn't want to agree with the mind.. In my head it sounds only one question.. why? I think maybe he's not a rat ... maybe he's really bad.. I don't know, you can call him a rat if he never promised ? if I'm not deceived with the promises? he immediately told me that he earns not very much .. he didn't ask money from me before and I thought we were just good together.. if I did something for him, just because I wanted.. and now when he really needed help.. I do nothing.. may be he thought that all of my words blah..blah.. and that at me it is impossible to rely in a difficult situation..maybe he now believes that I betrayed him..that he can't rely on me..??? I'm confused!!! I think I'm a fool that I can't accept the obvious..
Just ask yourself a question - would you break the relationship and leave the person you love just because he didnt give you money when you broke your leg? he is a rrrrraaattttt! wake up hunni!
 

Big Bang Theory

Administrator
Joined
Dec 8, 2013
Messages
3,428
Only do not get mad at me.. I listen to everything you're saying ... and you very help me.. but my heart doesn't want to agree with the mind.. In my head it sounds only one question.. why? I think maybe he's not a rat ... maybe he's really bad.. I don't know, you can call him a rat if he never promised ? if I'm not deceived with the promises? he immediately told me that he earns not very much .. he didn't ask money from me before and I thought we were just good together.. if I did something for him, just because I wanted.. and now when he really needed help.. I do nothing.. may be he thought that all of my words blah..blah.. and that at me it is impossible to rely in a difficult situation..maybe he now believes that I betrayed him..that he can't rely on me..??? I'm confused!!! I think I'm a fool that I can't accept the obvious..
Katousa I know how you feel, we all know..... my head knew my guy was a rat but my heart would not stop feeling for him....... blocking him and cutting all contact was the hardest thing I ever did..... I really felt like I was dying, like my heart would stop.....
But here I am now..... still alive and much happier, my heart is still beating....
Now I look back and I wonder how I survived all the confusion and emotions when I was with him...

It is very difficult and very painful but the longer you stay with him the worse it will be. And it will become more difficult when you finally leave him because it is sure you will in the end....

Please be strong and do not allow him to play anymore with your emotions... we are all here to support you and help you through the difficult time....
 

campers

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2014
Messages
109
Only do not get mad at me.. I listen to everything you're saying ... and you very help me.. but my heart doesn't want to agree with the mind.. In my head it sounds only one question.. why? I think maybe he's not a rat ... maybe he's really bad.. I don't know, you can call him a rat if he never promised ? if I'm not deceived with the promises? he immediately told me that he earns not very much .. he didn't ask money from me before and I thought we were just good together.. if I did something for him, just because I wanted.. and now when he really needed help.. I do nothing.. may be he thought that all of my words blah..blah.. and that at me it is impossible to rely in a difficult situation..maybe he now believes that I betrayed him..that he can't rely on me..??? I'm confused!!! I think I'm a fool that I can't accept the obvious..
This is exactly how he wants you to feel.......well this manipulation is very serious and cost me a lot of money......not so long ago. Only to then find that he was having a relationship with 2 other women. DO NOT LISTEN TO HIS LIES........or do as I did, ignore your feelings and go ahead anyway. Believe me, you will not have this man forever and you will lose money, time and emotions until he decides to have what he really wants. $$$$ is all he sees I'm afraid.
 

cheryl

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
May 28, 2015
Messages
463
Katousa you feel love; but real love needs two

; .. is his late behaving speaking love to you?
..is this best love how it could be for you? ( because love fades by time)

... as many rats; he only takes advantage of your love...

... btw; rat/not rat or tunisian/not tunisian but when man ignores your words; calls and worries it is about best time to let him go. ..
 

campers

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2014
Messages
109
Did we once let all this fall.on deaf ears?? I certainly did.....because where he had me emotionally was a very low and weak position. It breaks my hear.to see you @Katousa justify his behaviour and blame yourself.......that was me, and probably many of the other ladies here. Do what you feel.you have to do but rest assured there will always be support here when you need it and don't ever feel you cannot write here.

Unfortunately for most of us we have the scars to prove that we know this is classic rat behaviour from your man.....you have yet to see it clearly. We may all seem very straight but our intentions are to save you, not to dictate to you. Often we have to experience things for ourselves. Again, much love to you xx
 

stupidone565

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2015
Messages
296
@Katousa
After the first holiday i was with my rat i came across this site by accident ( was looking for the army thing) and i realized mine was a rat also.
I went back again, thinking i could handle it, after all i already knew he was a rat right.
So i went there the second time, first to get my money back i sent him and because i just wanted another holiday.
I can not explain what happened, my brothers came to help me with my money but one way or another, i told my brothrrs everything was ok, they went home and after then i felt sooo hard for him again.He was not angry with the money thing, he said it was just a mistake and he had planning to rent an appartment for us with my money and he was not angry i involved my brothers in it, in fact, he was twice as nice as the first time.

So knowing in my head he was a rat, my heart wanted to believe everything he said/did, he was so fking convincing. Then the beach attack happened and with all the terror and fear and feelings of shock it felt like we were getting closer then before, hell we went to the anti-terror demonstration together...
So i went back for the 3th (!!!!) time to spend one or two months in an appartment with him. I thought about that a looooong time but what pushed me over the edge was that somewhere here on this site someone wrote in another post that he would always keep you safe, if he was a rat he would do it to protect his investment, if he was not a rat he would do it because he would be a good moslim ( something like that).
He left me after 2 nights with no money, all alone in a strange country, not speaking the language, not knowing anyone.

So you see @Katousa , i was aware he was a rat by my head but my heart did not wanted to accept it.
After all what happened the second time i went there i STILL wanted to believe he was honest and he convinced me, because i WANTED it to be true.
They are so fking good in what they do, its unbelieveble.

I have the deepest respect for the ladys here who know their guy is a rat and DONT fall for it, i couldnt.

Its unbelieveble hard to listen to your head and not to your heart but all the ladys here know what they are talking about, most of them were where you are now.

Listen to your little inner voice and read everything you can here, specially about their behavior, how they can be so convincing, give it time and test him all the ways you can and THEN be pure honest to yourself. They are dangerous creeps from a strange world we can not imaging ourselves.They do this for their living and they are so damn good at it, mine even made me doubt myself after he left me, can you believe that????

Please be carefull and read, read and read!!!
 

Heidi

Inactive
Joined
Dec 9, 2009
Messages
14,380
So i went back for the 3th (!!!!) time to spend one or two months in an appartment with him. I thought about that a looooong time but what pushed me over the edge was that somewhere here on this site someone wrote in another post that he would always keep you safe, if he was a rat he would do it to protect his investment, if he was not a rat he would do it because he would be a good moslim ( something like that).
Now be realistic, dear, not even the UK Government and the travel companies deem Tunisia safe and because of one post you went back there ? If you want to blame anyone, after all that was written here, you can only put the blame on yourself schmoll.gif
 

stupidone565

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2015
Messages
296
Now be realistic, dear, not even the UK Government and the travel companies deem Tunisia safe and because of one post you went back there ? If you want to blame anyone, after all that was written here, you can only put the blame on yourself View attachment 17881
Yeah, was expecting this.
I do not blame anyone and went not back because of 1 post, i just thought it was a logical conclusion.
The only one i blame is me, thats why i call myself StupidOne and not SomeoneElseMadeMeDoIt.
 

Katousa

Active Member
Joined
Jan 5, 2016
Messages
139
I think all the time and can't understand that ... if they earn so little and it is difficult to live in Tunisia where they get the money to dress well.. they have name brand clothes.. sit in a cafe every day.. and how are they saving up for the Tunisian bride and the wedding? so not so bad as they say..
 

campers

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 19, 2014
Messages
109
They will have you believe they are in a terrible situation......and maybe the country is suffering now because of the terrorist attacks......but try to understand yourself living this lifestyle where you can wear designer clothes, not work, have apartment, drive a car and pay for fuel......and sit in the cafe all day and dance in the club's at night. Wow I'd sure like a life like that!!!

Where do you think the money comes from? The nice gifts? The freeloading life?
 

Katousa

Active Member
Joined
Jan 5, 2016
Messages
139
Nothing he is silent .. after he texted me that he was angry at me .. he is silent and not writing.. I listened to you on the forum and not send him anything anymore ... I just don't know what they're doing to us, what we want to help them .. sometimes I think I could give him was the last thing I have to help him.. but I'm holding on!!! and I think that if he needs money, not me.. I don't want.. and I still have a glimmer of hope that he will think again..
 
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