help ????

Discussion in 'RAT-DAR' started by kisses, Mar 4, 2010.

  1. kisses

    kisses New Member

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    hi guys,

    im new to this site & would like to say hello to all. Like many on this site, i 2 have a tunisian boyfriend who is 15 years younger than me & we have bn seeing each other 4 almost 3 years now..........like most couples we have had our ups & downs but we hae mangaged 2 sort all out. my boyfriend like many tunisians is keen 4 us 2 b married but at present im still awaiting a divorce & i dont like 2 take marriage 2 quickly. I also have a 13yr old daughter who has not met or knows about my boyfriend......... my daughter is aware i have friends in tunisia but ie not disclosed any more 2 her cos i think its best only 2 do that when divorce is finalised & im sure that my boyfriend is gonna b the man i hopefully live the rest of my life with........so im trying 2 be very cautious with my daughter as she is the last person i want hurt in this situation.

    my boyfreind is very kind man & buys me presents & pays 4 car hire & appartment when im there if he has the money so he does do things 4 me & not take take, however cos of our age difference which is 15 years it is always a nagging doubt in the back of my mind that maybe all he sees his a passport & maybe im being foolish 2 think someone younger than me would b interested in me 4 realy. im 43 years old & i do look younger 4 my years but i wouldnt say as much as the 14 years the age difference. He also has some friends all over tunisia who i have met & not liked cos i see many of them most probably using their european girl freind 4 money, easy living & hopefully passport as an end resul, which worries me much, if he 2 is doing the same with me. We've also had some problems with facebook, emails etc. so 4 my own peace of my mind & my daughters future im gonna name my boyfreind & see if i get any info relating 2 him...........good or bad............im willing 2 take rather sooner than later. HIs name is Anis Ben Mabrouk, student living in sousse, aged 27, but he <7 family orginally from tunis, city matika.

    thanks :D
     
  2. Hi Kisses,
    Welcome to TLR (f)

    I have to say I dont recognise that name as being mentioned here previously, im sure if any of the other girls (or guys!) here do they will let you know! B)

    I hope you have found yourself an honest guy :D

    I understand your niggling doubts due to the age gap, but there are alot of members here who are happily married to their tunisian guys and some of them are age gap relationships (h) xxxx
     
  3. GaileIrene

    GaileIrene Innocent provocateur!

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    Sometimes people don’t like what I write, so I decided to put a disclaimer on my post - it’s too early in the morning to draft a proper one, so here is a temporary construct -

    “Facts, opinions and BS, presented at TLR by its contributors, should not be construed as fact or allegation concerning your particular case. Comments should not be assumed to be directed at the party to whom they are addressed. Circumstances may vary.

    The information contained on TLR is for information purposes only. TLR does not hold itself out as providing any love, immigration, legal, or other advice. TLR does not make any recommendation or endorsement as to any information submitted by any contributor or linked to this website. In addition, TLR only offers valid or invalid opinions regarding the nature, potential value or suitability of any particular love interest. The information and opinions divulged herein may not be suitable or applicable to your case. If you have any doubts you should investigate further.

    The material on this website does not constitute advice and you should not rely on any material in this website to make (or refrain from making) any decision or take (or refrain from making) any action.

    This website contains links to other websites which are not under the control of and are not maintained by TLR. TLR not responsible for the content of those sites. TLR provides these links for your convenience only but does not necessarily endorse the material on these sites.
    TLR does not make recommendations for engaging with, departure from, or otherwise interacting with a love interest. It is up to our visitors to make their own decisions.
    If you don't approve of this site, or any of the recommendations contained herein, please turn off your computer.” DRAFT DISCLAIMER DATED 4 MAR 2010.​

    Ready, Kisses?

    My profession is not diplomacy. Hopefully you won’t get mad at me. Fortunately, it doesn’t look like you are under the lunacy-inducing aspects of falling in love. That helps.

    He’s 27 years old and he’s a student?! What is he studying? Where? Does he have an understanding of the subject matter he professes to be studying? Investigate. (He may be having natural thoughts: no job or prospects for a job, no chance of getting married, this is the only way to get out of the country and make money.)

    Your point about his friends engaging in not nice things is very important. If you want to know about a man, look at the company he keeps.

    You mentioned some email and FaceBook problems. Take a fresh look at those problems. You might see a pattern of behavior or information you missed the first go-round.

    The age difference is big. He might be willing to stay with you for some years. But eventually, once he’s got his ILR and becomes better off financially, he’ll long for fresher pastures.

    I am worried about your daughter - in a few years she will be old enough for him to take an interest in her. You are 43, he is 27, she’s 13. He’s right in the middle, see?

    I’m glad your divorce case is not yet finalized. He was a diversion to make you feel good for a while until you got back on your feet again. Take care of yourself, your daughter, and get rid of the baggage in your life. Seek someone more appropriate.

    Your friend,
    Gaile Irene
     
  4. hind

    hind Member

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    Welcome to the site :D I've only been here for some days myself, but find the site very usefull and everybody very nice.
    I have to agree with both Becky as well as Gail Irene. There are relationships with a big age difference that work out very well and I really hope yours is one off them.
    And who I am to judge you or your relationship. But like Gail Irene I have little doubts. I dont know what kind off email/facebook problems you had, but always keep in mind where there is smoke there is fire. So judge this with your mind. You seem to me like a sensible woman to do so.
    Also the fact that you come out of a divorce. When we have problems in our life we all want somebody who loves us and who treats us like a princess, but does this mean we really love this person???
    From your post I understand you have your doubts and I can understand why.
    I think its very wise that you keep your daughter into consideration as well. I can only admire you for this.
    I think nobody can tell you what to do, we can only share our opinions and feelings with you.
    Use your heart but even more use your head and I really hope everything works out for the best for you and your daughter.
    xxx
     
  5. alAzima

    alAzima Administrator & Voice of Reason Staff Member

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    Welcome to TLR (f)

    I do not believe that this name has ever been mentioned here and I have no knowledge of the man you speak of. Those are all good signs. I am sorry that you've had some problems in the past and it does seem like you have a very clear head and mature approach to the relationship. Perhaps it's one of those cases where it's best to cautiously see where it goes and allow the chips to fall where they may.

    I wish you the best and I hope that it all works out well for you.

    I did want to add that it's not so uncommon for someone to be studying at 27. I do believe they have an extra year in their basic studies than we do in the USA and I don't think they begin studies until 6 years old. My husband was 25 when he came to the USA and had just finished his studies in law. He completed elementary school, middle school, highschool and entered the University in 2002. He spent 5 years there and the last year was intensive law exams - What I'm saying is depending on what the person is studying, when they began school + the extra year it's possible that at 25 or 26 they are just completing their degree. Also that doesn't factor in if they failed a year and had to repeat it. (Happens often in the University studies) Tunisians on our site might have more insight into that.

    But then again it's also possible he's not really " studying " but just paying the money each year to continue entering the University to avoid the military or having a real job. That happens too.
     
  6. Beansontoast

    Beansontoast Moderator Staff Member

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    The age difference is big. He might be willing to stay with you for some years. But eventually, once he’s got his ILR and becomes better off financially, he’ll long for fresher pastures.

    I am worried about your daughter - in a few years she will be old enough for him to take an interest in her. You are 43, he is 27, she’s 13. He’s right in the middle, see?


    No!!! If he is a good ,honest man ,the age will NOT make a difference. The age difference is not big ,mine is bigger and I know for a fact ,he dotes on me and will not go to greener pastures ,43 is not even bloody old!!! At 43 a woman is at her best and as for having an eye for the daughter...unless he is a bloody pervert he won;t even think of her in that context....no good ,normal man would.My daughter is 5 yrs younger than my husband and is a bombshell ,but he sees her as my daughter and NOTHING else.
     
  7. alAzima

    alAzima Administrator & Voice of Reason Staff Member

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    I totally agree (f)
     
  8. tunisblue

    tunisblue Active Member

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    i agree, someone who loves you, loves you. and a woman is not even in her prime till 45 and men peak around 25! they should be grateful! plus if a man is interested in 'older'(though some 'older' woman look much younger and act even more so and vice versa) than thats what he likes! taste is taste and no two are the same.
     
  9. tunisblue

    tunisblue Active Member

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    had a second thought, if older women/younger man would work anywhere it is with tunisians! , asking for forgiveness now, but tunisian men are big freakin babies who want to be taken care of just like their momma does from the start.. they need older women who do not have to learn everything. but a mature woman who knows what a man needs and wants and is willing to do it. the mjority i know of do not want to raise and teach a child, they want their wives to know and do everything right off the bat..... commence with the bashing...:innocent: i can take it
     
  10. paula01

    paula01 Well-Known Member

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    I agree.....Ive been with mine 10yrs now and have an age gap. My daughter was 9 when we met, and he thought of her as his daughter too, and would NEVER have thought that way about her 100%.
     
  11. GaileIrene

    GaileIrene Innocent provocateur!

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    The comments of some of our illustrious forum contributors about daughters remind me of one particularly juicy scandal. Mia Farrow broke up a 12-year relationship with Woody Allen, the story goes, after she discovered he had taken nude photographs of her adopted daughter and was apparently “in love“ with the girl. Allen later married the daughter who was more than 30 years younger.

    In another vein, perhaps some of our U.S.-based Tunisians have heard this bit of gossip that circulated in the Arab community. Supposedly a Tunisian took up with an American woman in Kentucky or Missouri (I’m not even sure of which state) and then married her daughter! Apparently he did this because he needed immigration papers and the mother wasn’t free to marry. (He left the country later after he ran into some legal trouble.) I heard the tale, but the facts are fuzzy. Can any of you corroborate this story?

    I remain TLR’s most Guileful and Innocent provocateur! :innocent:
     
  12. Veritas

    Veritas The Contessa

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    GI Girl :ben:

    I, for one, like what you write!:O We don't all have to see things from a single point of view! If nothing else, it offers food for thought!! Keep it up, Agent provocateur!!:ben::ben::ben:
     
  13. WouldI

    WouldI Guest

    Welcome kisses! I've not heard your guy's name previously and he has definitely not appeared on here to date (unless he has another name). I think you've had a great range of replies already so I won't do an 'Abigail' ;) (i.e. I'll keep it brief!). You're clearly already thinking things through and have an awareness of what can happen, which will stand you in good stead - the challenge is to not allow the bad experiences of others to create problems in your own relationship where there are none. Keep your wits about you but enjoy your relationship xxx
     
  14. WouldI

    WouldI Guest

    Woop woop looking forward to hitting my 'prime'! :ben:
     
  15. tunisblue

    tunisblue Active Member

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    laugh all you want but its true:tongue:
     
  16. Beansontoast

    Beansontoast Moderator Staff Member

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    Yep ,believe me ,I am going down on the other side.
     
  17. kisses

    kisses New Member

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    Hi guys :)

    just wanna thank u all 4 ur replies & yes the replies were varied which is good cos all what has bn mentioned ive thought of...........u know us women we dont like 2 4get any possible eventuality even if its virtually impossible.........so yes im keeping a very watchful eye on all but like others have said ive gotta watch it deoesnt spoil the relationship by adding problems or creating issues that r not really there. I think its hard 4 us women who r older than our tunisian boyfriends cos of their reputation u feel as if u have 2 b continually one step ahead cos the players tarnish it 4 the real ones which just makes it difficult sometimes 2 see clearly. But hey much thanks.........its nice 2 know that i can say what i want on this site & all understand it means a lot 2 me ............ :) xx
     
  18. chefref

    chefref Member

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    No bashing from me! :D I've been told as much by my fiancee, who is 9 years younger! Women his age were a train wreck, didn't know what they wanted and didn't want it when they got it. That's not to say that he's a big baby, but that he appreciated finding someone who already knew who she was and didn't need him to tell her! B)
     
  19. WouldI

    WouldI Guest

    Glad you found the posts useful - you'll always get a balance of opinions here as there's a mixed bag of experiences. I hope that you stay as happy as you are now and that he treats you well xxx
     
  20. kisses

    kisses New Member

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    :D thanks & yes ur right it is a mixed bag but like u said a better balance of opinions......& i will keep u all updated on the highs & lows of dating a tunisian LOL
     
  21. WouldI

    WouldI Guest

    hehehehe been there, done that, bought the wedding dress :ben:
     
  22. kisses

    kisses New Member

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    awww its nice 2 hear that some of these relationships do stand the test of time & have a happy ending. good luck & best wishes 2 u both xxx :)
     
  23. WouldI

    WouldI Guest

    Thanks (f) - marriage is when the true test starts LOL :ben: xxx
     
  24. Meeeeeeee tooooooooooooooo! :ben:
    Dont forget the babies too Woodz! Lol
    Tunisian bambinos we have squeezed out over the last few years!! :ben::ben:

    Hi Kisses,
    Quite a few of the women here are married to tunisians. :ben:
    I know most people assume because this site is a love rat site we are all women scorned! :tongue: Lol
     
  25. Etoyoc

    Etoyoc Well-Known Member

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    It is like eating - some prefer the meat of the cow, some the meat of the calf...
     

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