How can I get rid of a Kairouan rat???

Discussion in 'Rat Behavior' started by Kenji, Nov 1, 2018.

  1. Kenji

    Kenji Member

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    I stumbled across this forum around 9 months ago and it has truly saved me, so before I share my rat tale I truly want to thank everyone for sharing their experiences and advice xx.
    My story started in September 2017, I went to Tunisia for the first time , as my brother was getting engaged to a Tunisian girl. I had no interest in meeting a man, just wanted sun and to lay by the pool. Until I saw a hotel security guard who was stunning... red flags should have gone up when on our first 5 minutes alone he gave me one of his rings, told me he loved me and wanted to marry me. Still when I look back at this I could kick myself for being so stupid. The next day I was whisked off to meet his family and spent the next week going out and about with them. It appeared the family had money so I thought I was safe... I did not spend a single dinar.. I returned to the UK and we were messaging all the time, he gave me his fb password and on his messenger there were loads of messages to women from around the world.... I asked him if he is out looking for a visa nd he claimed it was his cousins using his Facebook... messages to women saying he loved them and the women were rightly saying “you do not even know me!”... still I continued and I returned to Tunisia in October 2017.... this visit was totally different... I had to pay for absolutely everything... and he was quite happy to sit back and let me pay so this raised a red flag... but he seemed so genuine and his family were so lovely I thought it was me being judgemental... the family were all talking about us getting married and what can I say I got swept away with it all.... the rat told me that we would both pay our share for the wedding... I would need 20,000 dinars and I asked him will he pay the same and he said yes and he would buy my gold in line with the tradition there. I returned to the UK.... I planned to return in November and we were going to start wedding arrangements.. before I returned there was a lot of invitations to women on fb and he kept disappearing to the country where his cousins lived and would be out of contact... they all like to drink beer in the field... I saw all the invites and so I told him I am finished and he can keep drinking and playing on fb.... he says that someone (his Tunisian ex cousin) had hacked Facebook and was sending the invitations and it’s not him.... I did not speak to him for a couple of weeks as I wanted out... his cousin contacted me and she told me he had gone to police it’s was not him sending invitations. I started to speak to him again and I told him I m not sending 20,000 dinars for the wedding. I will be there with him and so he pay and I pay... he had asked for an iPhone and Adidas trainers and jack Daniels... so there I was taking all of this out there.... I have to say that I have never ever been as stupid as this and I am deeply embarrassed at my stupidity.... I returned in November and I was so unhappy with him I refused to make wedding plans... I was already trying to get out of this relationship. I was due to return in December to make arrangements for the wedding on New Year’s Eve... but I made excuses not to go... I said I was ill as I knew I had to get out of this... he was so upset that I did not go and would not pay for a big wedding he ran off to the country to a wedding and drinking... he had no concern of me being ill but just the annoyance that we were not going to be married and what people would say... after all the trouble on fb I did not trust him, we set up a new Facebook and strangely all the invitations stopped, so I thought how come this one was not hacked? Stupidly mid-December we were talking as his family were convincing me he had changed ... I went to Tunisia on Boxing Day with,y do,ents for marriage as I had done my bands and got my birth certificate copies. The family were so full on about the wedding I got caught up in it and as I was alone I felt I had no option, how could I say no.. no big wedding was planned but a small party at his house... I had to pay for everything. Day before we were going to sign contrac he tells me I have to buy my own ring... I cried, how cold I have fallen so low as this.... so I gave him the money so when we were in the shop it looked like he had bought the ring... I bought the most expensive ring in the shop as he thought he would keep the money left over so I spent it all on my ring! Then he wanted a party out in the countryside and I paid for that too. Another 5000 dinars..... just a do and tables so I could not work out how that cost 5000..... the night before I returned to the uk he asked me for a 1000 to buy a tool so he could work, I told him to sod off! I returned home... I told no friends I had married just my mum and brother.... I returned in February and beforehand told him I have no money and so do not ask, if you do you will never see me. I had been arguing with him at how disgusting it was that I had to pay for the wedding and my own ring.... I just wanted out.... the. Two days before I returned he said there was a summons from military and he would have to go unless we give them money... he said it would be 800 plus a bribe of 400 dinars.... I told him sorry no I have nothing... he has spent everything I have (he had not but I wanted to see if it was me or my money he loved)... so at the airport I said to him, if I give this money to you it is my last and I will have nothing, will you take it?//. Well, he did but you all knew that right!.... since then I have not returned I am in a living hell of trying to get-etc rid of him.... I do not know if I am married in the UK, how to divorce him... can I trust a lawyer in Tunisia was I have zero trust of anything there. He is constantly messaging saying he loves me and blah blah blah,... I have blocked quite a few times then I get scared that I need to know where he is to divorce.... so can anyone help me? I need this torture to end... I told him it’s over but he continues and comtinues with the emotional shit... I do not love him and will not return to him, I want out. How can I end this? Part of me does not want to pay to divorce him, I told him I paid enough he can divorce me.... sorry this is so long ladies...
     
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  2. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Well done, Kenji :)
    Don't worry about the length of the post....just keep pouring it all out.....I've written a few novels on here myself :D
    Let him divorce you...he can pay. You can find out from his birth certificate.
     
  3. Eelleennaa

    Eelleennaa Well-Known Member

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    I am sorry you had to go through with this. I would say if you only married in Tunisia and you never made the marriage legal in UK you can just let it that way and it isn’t important. Then if he wants to divorce you legally in Tunisia, that is his own problem.

    Block him everywhere on social media and delete. If you can change the phone nunber then it could be a really good idea to do that.

    I know it is not easy when we stand in the middle of the all. I am also there just now. But it is hard. I am trying to focus on seeing friends, family, getting out and doing things I like and being with my children. Maybe that could also help you on this difficult time? I also find that talking to somebody, getting it all out, it couls be here on tlr, with a friend or family member or/and with a therapist, helps a lot. There more we tell our story, the more we pricess it, the more power it looses and it becomes just that, a story. It will get better and you deserve much more.

    But you already left and that is the biggest step and it shows strength. I also feel a bit stupid to have fallen for it afterwards but there is nothing stupid about being vulnerable, in love and loving with an open heart. That is a gift, we just have to protect ourselves. But we are far better off than them. They can never change and will always be stuck in their miserable fake worlds with no real love or true emotions or bonds.
     
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  4. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Yes you can :) https://www.etatcivil.gov.tn/Madania/web/indexen

    Him being a rat, he wants to get married again. Just relax and ask for his birth certificate every 6 month (that's how long it takes to get his divorce registered on his birth certificate) ;)
     
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  5. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    How angry I am!! I am so furious! When such a stories end up?!
     
  6. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    God help this rat if he ever becomes a member!! :D:D
    And he will deserve every word flung at him! :Evil:
     
  7. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Did he marry her? :)
     
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  8. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Welcome @Kenji, please don’t apologise about the length of your post. Reading it will help a lot of women who are involved in relationships and teetering on the brink of getting married. What has happened to you is classic behaviour. We try and warn people but they think we are exaggerating so your post is incredibly important.

    It demonstrates exactly the isolation and pressure to marry people feel when there. You are not the first to be pressured into a marriage they didn’t want.

    It’s great you got out. What a horrible experience. I think your marriage is automatically registered in the UK. You can sit it out and wait for him to divorce you. That may take a long time because he will keep trying to reunite with you and promise you everything. Or you could get a good lawyer in the UK and a Tunisian lawyer and start the process yourself. Be mindful if you have personal assets that currently as your husband he is your next of kin. If you are waiting it out then make a will. He would be entitled to everything you have.

    I’m sure he will want to marry again and once he’s given up on reuniting he will want a divorce. It’s much cheaper inTunisia.

    I hope your brother has more luck with his Tunisian wife.
     
  9. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    I think Kenji should not start any divorce processes, she has spent enough money already. Also I am not sure her marriage is legal in UK. @Going for the limit could help us to clear things up, I think.
     
  10. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    I think now it is automatically registered. Before you had to tell the government but now it’s an automatic thing after the civil contract signing.
     
  11. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    I agree. HE should pay!
    Kenji already spent a fortune on this prostitute.

    Kenji, Laura is right....protect your assets, and do it fast.....ensure he gets nothing....he already had enough :Evil:
    He can divorce you real cheap in Tunisia...and you don't even need to be there. Try to get some advice from a solicitor in England....a lot of them give the first half hour free...this should give you some ideas with how to proceed.

    If you are not in a hurry to remarry....you can sit this out for as long as it takes, whereas rat....he will NEED a divorce, to enable him to fish another victim....he can't wait long :thumbsup:
     
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  12. Beverley

    Beverley Well-Known Member

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    hi, your situation sounds so much like mine was, i knew when i was going through the marriage i shouldn't be doing it,but felt so pressured, ended up paying for everything, the price for everything was always doubled...i have been trying to break free from him for about 2 years now, its hard believe me.... he has applied for a divorce twice and twice he has cancelled, he's still trying to get his visa, i have blocked him but he still finds a way to get to me, please please be strong and protect your assets, these rats are ruthless and will stop at nothing to get what they want.... many times i felt i was going to fall back into the trap, but i come on TLR and read and read and read till i get my strength back....this site is an absolute god send xxxx please be strong
     
  13. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for what as happened to you.
    I can tell you that you are married in Tunisia you are legally married in the UK.
    They stopped registering in uk in 2015.
    First of all you can't get a divorce until you been married for 1 year..
    You can get a legal separation. If you did a contract saying what is yours ECT is his then I would suggest you make a will.
    Leave him nothing, now unless you want to remarry then I would wait let him pay for it.
    I am sure he will do it once he wants a divorce.
    I hope this helps.
     
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  14. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    He can not divorce you till 1 year as elapsed
    He will need send you papers for you to agree to the divorce if you don't sign then you will need to go to tunis to give your reasons why or just sign and send them back.
    He might get them sent to the wrong address that's the norm.
    Birth certificate well mine got 2 one with my name one without.
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2018
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  15. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    With this, I'm under the impression that after three letters are sent (usually to the wrong address), the divorce is done anyway, without the victim ever having to enter Tunisia :confused:
    Even if a contract was signed saying that nothing was to be split, personally....I'd get a legal will drawn up anyway, because as far as I'm aware....a Tunisian document is worth nothing outside of Tunisia :confused:
    I could be wrong though, so @Big Bang Theory, where are you? We need to pick your brain please :D
     
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  16. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    I paid for my wedding rings the wedding Every thing. I was told 10 min before we got married.
    I was crying I didn't want to get married he came to me said not now all my family and friends are here. In a strange country alone is quite scary how can you run.
     
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  17. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    I'm going through this and I'm not allowing him to say I was immoral and abandoned him.
    So I had a lawyer write I did not agree and stated my reason. Yes my documents are legal in the U.K. from tunis. If they not legal you wouldn't need a divorce from uk.
     
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  18. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    If you are married in UK, I do not think you need to apply for divorce in Tunisia and I would not rely on a lawyer down there or other Tunisians. Can not say I have had such a good impression of Tunisians. Try to arrange everything from your own country
     
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  19. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    You can divorce him from the UK however you will still be married in Tunisia. Unless you want to marry another Tunisian I would not bother. Or if you ever want to return. Let him do it don't waste your money..
     
  20. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    If you have not registered your marriage in UK then the marriage only applies in Tunisia I think. But I understand you very well that you want to get out of this he is a fraudster and unfortunately I think he has been lying for you in day one and this also applies to his family. If you have no plans to marry again, I would have put everything on my mind because I do not think that he will volunteerfully give you divorce right away. Be glad that your marriage is not registered in UK
     
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  21. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    It automatically registered here in uk so it's a legal marriage.
     
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  22. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Not good well, she has a problem. Then he must also approve divorce
     
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  23. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Do not think he will approve divorce if he does not earn money on it
     
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  24. Bostons

    Bostons Well-Known Member

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    I'm not sure how the divorce thing works as I am American... I just want to say that I am glad you got away and I am happy that you are here. I hope that you continue being strong!
     
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  25. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    You can divorce in the uk and you will be free to marry again except in tunisia .
    Apparently its a simple process to divorce in tunisia but you will have to attend the court there for the initial process, i am not sure of the cost though.
    There is a thread on tunisia.com of the process and reputable lawyers that other people have used.
    If you ticked the box before the wedding that you both have equal share to any assets you may have please draw up a will stating your leaving everything to family members etc.
     
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