How to burst your own Love Bubble

Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by Laura2014, Aug 1, 2017.

  1. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    There are many stages in the life cycle of a relationship with a Rat.

    The initial Love Bombing, all warm and fuzzy.

    The doubt creeps in and you begin searching, checking and finally find yourself here on TLR

    The rationalising, defending, excusing, hoping maybe yours will be the one in 100 to be genuine.

    Then the realisation, despite all the love you feel, the dependance that's developed that you have to let go....

    Some are lucky, their Rat has already turned, changed, become moody, less available and less interested. Moved on to a better offer.

    But for others the prospect of abruptly ending something that feels so good, fulfills a need and is still warm and fuzzy feels unthinkable. It's like giving away a big box of chocolates you want so much but you know is really bad for you.

    It's more than willpower, it's a life changing decision because you have to face the reality that something you really liked, loved and wanted so much is not good for you and which will probably break you in the end has to go.

    The realisation that the long term consequences outweigh the current warm and fuzzy.

    You will see the words Block and Delete here a lot. In the end it's the only way. To keep the door open is like keeping the box of chocolates in the house, the temptation is too great. There will be a down day to come when that box of chocolates is just too inviting, too easy to open and hard to resist.

    Giving up something that feels so good is very very hard. Only you can do it but sometimes we all need help.

    TLR is like a weight watchers class, always there to keep you on the straight and narrow. To bring you back when you falter. No one will judge you, everyone has a shared experience, not exactly the same but with the same emotions and feelings and the same outcome.

    Bursting your own bubble is hard. It takes courage to let them go, to resist the begging and pleading and protestations of "I'm different" I'm not the same, I'm a good guy, my heart is good or white even. I love you, I will take care if you".

    Filling the void which used to be full of good morning my love messages, good night sweetie, how are you my love, soon we will be together talk is very tough.

    I've noticed that the recovery time is about a year or eighteen months. Members become here active and giving support but gradually come here less and less as they return to some kind of normal life again but they still 'touch base' drop in to lend a word of comfort or advice.

    Day one is the hardest, it's the longest day of your life, day 7, 14, 21, soon it's a month, three months.

    There are periods when you falter, curiosity, or just missing someone pretending to care about you but it's like returning to a healthy diet the rewards are greater in the end if you resist.

    So taking a pin to the Love Bubble is very very tough but probably the best thing you will ever do for yourself.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2017
  2. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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  3. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    What a post!! The box of chocolates comparison is perfect :)
     
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  4. juicyfruit

    juicyfruit Well-Known Member

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    :(:sick::Not Worthy::Cry::Cry::confused:The missing of the "love bombing" is the hardest.
     
    Last edited: May 31, 2018
  5. roxy

    roxy Well-Known Member

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    Wow! What a post and so accurate.

    I'm one of those who came here for a lot of support back when it all happened in 2012. It became less and less as I picked my life up and moved on, but I still check in occasionally.

    This post is bang on!

    When my bubble finally burst it was almost a blessed relief!
     
  6. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    So nice you hop back on here occasionally and great for newbies to see that there is life after a rat.
     
  7. Daisy13

    Daisy13 Member

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    I'm still trapped in that bubble 6 days after kicking out - photon him annonymously to hear him pick up.
     
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  8. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Six days is nothing, it is just the beginning of the healing process....you have a way to go yet. Have a read of 'Wallah's coping strategy' it is perfect and will help to give you some understanding. Knowing you are not alone, that you are not stupid because so many others have fallen into the same trap is somewhat comforting. You will recover from him, but the process is slow and has many steps, the recovery duration differs for all of us, but the steps are the same for us all. Stay strong, stay with TLR....you will get through this :)
    No more anonymous phone calls....this man has left you bankrupt without a care in the world for his destruction of you...he is not worth your time.

    Have a read of this, the first page is enough :)
    https://www.tunisianloverats.com/threads/possible-coping-stratagy.2521/
     
  9. Daisy13

    Daisy13 Member

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    Thank you x
     
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  10. Big Bang Theory

    Big Bang Theory Well-Known Member

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  11. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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  12. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    So on point there Laura perfect . I dont feel mad anymore i fact i feel sensible hugs xx
     
  13. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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  14. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    Its comparable to a drug
     
  15. juicyfruit

    juicyfruit Well-Known Member

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    Yes but a "man made" drug. But TLR website is your "go to" for rehab.:)
     
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  16. juicyfruit

    juicyfruit Well-Known Member

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    Thank you TLR:)
     
  17. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    too true ... and you have to be ready for teh rehab and its gonna hurt but the good people on here make it tolerable. Even just knowing your not alone is a blessing. It takes time. I particulary recall the moment i realised i could not leave the good life and the man drug . It wasnt such a good life but it filled a gap somewhere but it was a very expensive gap to fill ( paid for by me ) and really it filled no gap at all. Not even literally ( hee hee ) no zibi lol . xxxx
     
  18. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    @Judithlyn
     
  19. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Unashamably bumping this thread. I think it’s where a few people are right now and maybe it will mean something to new members who haven’t found it or posted yet.
     
  20. Lexi

    Lexi Member

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    Unfortunately I deleted my post here.. bqz got many ...for me really nasty replys... did not go on this site to be offend
     
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  21. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry to hear that @Lexi, when was that? I don’t remember your post.

    If you need help and don’t want to post you can send a message to a member privately.
     
  22. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    . How are you Lexi? Hope you are not in contact with your vermin rat.
     
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  23. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Ah, no.....that's a real shame, Lexi :(
    I don't remember which rat was yours. I'll second what Laura wrote....only a PM away if you need to offload :)
     
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  24. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Sorry you feel this way, @Lexi . I personally don't remember any nasty replies. It's a shame that you deleted your thread and your album about the rape rat. Victims must be warned
     
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  25. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    It seems to me you are blaming members without any reason. There have not been any offensive message toward you in your thread. If people have just been wondering why would a woman decide to play with exposed rapist rat ( about whom she has been reading here before) it could not be an offense, it was just an attempt to understand the reasons.
     

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