How to find out if some one is ratting on me

Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by mira, Dec 26, 2018.

  1. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    I had just 3 weeks of normal in my life.
    It was wonderful to feel blissfully happy even if I was living in shit.
    Then the nightmare started. I want want me me me give me give me. The constant wanting begging. If I didn't give all hell broke lose.
    I was on my own not knowing the langauge being a prisoner. I got pregnant quickly. It got worse after each child, he would tell me he would stop when we had children of course that was another lie. I had no one to turn to just him his family only wanted me to be his cash card wife.
    I do believe his family was pressuring him to treat me bad. They would tell him he's not a man if he didn't beat me for opening my mouth.
    His sister told him go with other woman because I was pregnant. If I ever see her I swear her big nose will be splattered across her face.
    His SIL hit my daughter, because she sat next to her husband. I have so much hate inside me I just feel like exploding. His sister stole my money and I hear her tell him don't spend your money on her. I have so much I want to say, the stories I can tell you living as a rat wife because this is what I was. Until he is history I'm still a rat wife.
    I sympathise with everyone of you here, each of us got our own unique story to tell.
    Be assured they are all horror stories. :Cry::Cry:
     
  2. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I don't really care about him anymore. I just wanted to be able to talk about what he said and did - and to be able to have other people look over it and share a viewpoint on it without fear of something being taboo or off limits - because my situation was bad.

    When you go through so much abuse from a person, it's important to be able to understand WHY. That's all I ever wanted was the truth and an honest answer, but I could never get that from him. So, I had to start to dig to find answers. I had to fight for the details and the truth, because he was so crafty and would never give it.

    I remember being cold in December of 2017 reading these forums... also being in Zaghouan, feeling like a leper, like some sort of evil person (you can feel the judgment), and I was so upset because I knew my rat wasn't telling me the truth... I remember one of the most painful realizations was that if I had children with my rat that he could abandon them one day. I tried so hard to understand how he could destroy the lives of our children. I realized it was because I was nothing to him, and I was a 4th class citizen to him... that I didn't matter, at all... I was just an evil, American woman...

    I eventually asked him if he would abandon our children, indirectly trying to connect with him emotionally to gain reassurance. He would always try to shut down my questions. So, I had to basically plead with him to see innocence in my children, even if they would be considered "half-American." I told him to think of their lives. I also remember reading about the part where they divorce you to marry a Tunisian virgin. The pain in those moments literally seared through me, and I will never forget it. I had to survive in the craziest ways. Often it was crying when he was asleep and I was sleeping next to him, picking up the pieces, saying my goodbyes, and having those honest conversations alone.
     
  3. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    You will never get a honest answer, to do so would mean they were lying. A radical muslim won't lie directly to you. They will rather shut they mouths and let you think all kinds of things.
    They not normal , yes we have culture differences they just freaks of nature. Rats that is x
    I wish none of us got involved with these men.
    I can't keep going like this it's killing me and not out of love but the feeling of emptiness
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2019
  4. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    I can’t even imagine how you would feel. I went through similar feelings and the hurt and I was totally messed up, And i never even met my rat. I know I wouldn’t have survived if I went to Tunisia. I do understand the hurt and confusion. I wanted to know why. I couldn’t get past the lies and the fact I was being used. It never occurred to be that I would be used that way. Sure people try to con for money, but not by faking love to that level. For me it was a horrible roller coaster. Uncontrollable crying - out of the blue then anger, sadness, feeling totally useless as a person, the list goes on. The need to talk to him was so strong, even tho I knew he was already on to someone else. Mine had a local girl at the same time. Probably his fiancé.
    All I can say is that I was devastated. The mental damage was so hard to get through.
    You will feel the ups and downs too.
    ** hug **
     
  5. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Funny isn't it, how it still hurts.
    I spent that final month saying my mental goodbye to him, I despised him to the point that looking at him, hearing him, just generally being around him literally made me feel nauseous.

    My dislike for him in the end was so intense, it's hard to describe it, but a part of me also pitied him....because he is pathetic, he was and always will be a nothing, a failure, never good enough for me, never good enough for my kids.....but I felt like I'd failed him too....because I knew I was walking away from him forever and leaving him to carry on with his pointless existence.

    Despite all that.....when I understood the truth: His lies, deception, betrayal, the complicit family and friends.....and the reason why.....it cut like a knife...it hurt like hell..... even though I didn't even like him or want him anymore.
     
  6. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    How old was your daughter when the freak jealous beat her:Evil: how easy to act this way towards nieces-nephews who the hell they think they are?!? I dislike nosey rat sisters. Want them all married with rats :Evil:
    Thankfully your six children are now safe with the best opportunity to grow and develop their own dreams, thanks to your effort and braveness to get out of there. ♥️
     
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  7. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    Yes, it is incredibly brave. Survival mode.
    Like something you’d see in a movie.
    I so happy all of you made it
    Sometimes I am worried for the victims That must still be there. Maybe not strong enough to escape, or haven’t found their opportunity yet.
     
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  8. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings or offended anyone in trying to communicate yesterday and today. :love:
     
  9. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    We are all riding the roller coaster, ♥️ Wish you feel better soon. Xx
     
  10. Masha

    Masha Well-Known Member

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    :D Of course. I agree. It is just my nature that I do not like to see us women suffering for a long time. My dad once saw my teary when a nasty boy was violent at school . He took me to the garden and said : ''And now I will teach you how to fight." Kick here, fingers in his nostrils.".I will spear you the rest. I remained like that to my own horror.[​IMG]My life motto is : trust only your ass cause it is always behind you and my favourite book is : Why do men love bitches''. I really believe that if women are strong and crafty players all rats will shrivel up. I like this TED talk.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2019
  11. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Me too, but the key to that is education....which we are all striving hard (and taking a lot of abuse) to succeed at.
    I think we're doing a pretty decent job, but there is still lots of work to do.....and it's crucial that we are brutally honest, with the desperate hope that our efforts will give victims the strength and confidence to run fast....in the opposite direction to bezness :)

    Will watch the video in a minute :thumbsup:
     
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  12. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Oh my God.....that made me cry! :Cry:
    Her strength and positivity are admirable....but wow....so many cruel twists of fate :(

    Even as a therapist, it took her three years to confront her loss, before moving forward. I know her loss was different, but it's kinda the same.....we are grieving the loss of a loved one, trying to process the events that led to that loss.....both are bereavement processes, neither are instantaneous, it takes real mental strength....but it does happen....of that, I have complete faith :)
     
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  13. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the brutal honesty part. I have to say I really admire feminist Muslims right now who are working to combat the patriarchy in Arabic countries and religious extremism. I really connect that with the men who agree to bezness. They have no respect for women, and it's founded in concepts and ideas that demand to be challenged and exposed. Muslim feminists are really amazing to watch and you can find a lot of their materials online. There are feminists fighting in patriarchy in Saudi Arabia, right now. Men and women. Some have been imprisoned.

    I am a fundamentalist Christian who admires Muslim feminists! And, I support women's rights. So, when we talk about the topic of terrorism, I don't think it needs to be a dividing thing, because there are many Muslims out there trying to fight patriarchy and terrorism (and things like bezness), and there are Christian women fighting against it, too - who are being brutally honest about it. Sometimes, we are completely fighting each other, and I think that's o.k.! I'd like to believe something will result from hacking away at this stuff and exposing it.

    There are ex Muslims, athiests, Christians and all other religious groups in Arabic countries, as well as the LGBTQ, and other minorities. There are orthodox Jews and orthodox Muslims occupying similar territories every day. Some hate each other brutally, and some do not. And, here we are on the outskirts afraid to talk, at all. The most impoverished and restricted minorities (of course women) in Arabic countries admire us and look to people in democratic countries for solutions. They are expecting us to think about their suffering and lack of freedoms. We are victims here, but we are also representing other victims.

    When you speak honestly it encourages others to fight for freedom, identify corruption, identify flaws, identify themselves and their own feelings and emotions, judge crime, punish it, and combat against radicalism and other kinds of evil in our communities. So, don't stop speaking and don't worry about being "PC" and don't buy into the fact that everyone is a racist and that we need to live in fear - there is absolutely a way to talk about the worst political, religious, and cultural issues, get facts straight, and be there for other victims (even if it's an uncomfortable process, challenging, and at some times exhausting and painfully emotional).
     
  14. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    I'm a survivor of a Tunisian Love Rat and hell no, I'm not here to fight for humanitarian rights or terrorism in toto. I'm here to help victims of Tunisian love rats according to their needs . I think that's what the TLR forum is about. I do worry about "PC", we all should. I'm here for the victims and don't mind at all if it turns out to be an uncomfortable process, challenging, and at some times exhausting and painfully emotional
     
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  15. Judithlyn

    Judithlyn Well-Known Member

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    That video is not available in Japan!:Cry:
     
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  16. RatSnatcher

    RatSnatcher Well-Known Member

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    This gave me life. I say the same thing it gets tight, but its right. As uncomfortable as it was for me to admit that I got bamboozled by 2 rats, I needed to speak my truth.

    I want to say this, when we are speaking, we are speaking on RATS. Whether that rats a terrorist rat, a princess rat, a crying rat, gay rat, female rat, groupie rat, etc. We are not talking about an entire continent/country of people. I see this a lot. Each person can only tell their experience from what they have gone through. That should never be up for debate. We need to respect each others opinions on how we were treated based on OUR experiences. Let's try to do that seriously. My first rat was very religious and supported terrorism. I would call him a terrorist, of course. His mind frame was to terrorize others that he didnt like outside of Islam.

    Let's not abort the mission. Catching rats and helping victims.;)
     
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  17. Judithlyn

    Judithlyn Well-Known Member

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    Our rats were so much alike! I remember being frightened by his thinking, and his secretive, silent, dark side. Now I know, he had other victims on the side, but listening to those scary sounding imams worried me. It was in Arabic so I did not understand, but he faithfully listened to that crap!
     
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  18. Judithlyn

    Judithlyn Well-Known Member

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    I felt exactly the same way! It sure took me a very long time to recover, but I’m so thankful that I finally made it through! I’m a rat survivor! Never again though! I figure anyday, Abdelhak’s ugly mug will show up on here again from another victim! I can not imagine living my entire existence as a con artist! Pathetic bunch of idiot morons! It’s so nice to be really free from that piece of garbage! :thumbsup:
     
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  19. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I respect what you do, Heidi. I’m just saying basically that I’m not hiding in my rat’s closet filled with scary stuff, shame, dolls, and harissa, anymore. I know my situation is complicated and differs, a little. But, I see other victims respond to the stories here. It makes me happy that other victims respond to the honesty. :love:
     
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  20. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    The victims and survivors here don't hide their scary stuff, as far as they can, without being abused by their rats. Everything else is done here in PMs. I see your situation no more complicated then others. The members speak their minds here and that is as it should be :)
     
  21. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I got a lot of the stuff out last year, thanks to you ladies. But, this ugly part of it was the last point that made me feel really sick, scared and ashamed - it still does really, really upset me. I think this part of it makes me feel the most sick, because my rat posts stuff like "don't speak with the dogs" and "salafist support" after the fact of the marriage. It's basically like saying, "She's a dog, and I hope she dies." It warps my mind.

    I was a little crazy before I met my rat, but I'm sure as heck much more unstable after this marriage. I hold responsibility in that I made a reckless decision marrying him, but I really didn't want this outcome. I don't think I need to talk about all of the sick details, all of the time, because for as good as it feels to air it out, it's also extremely painful. But, somehow after I get sick or cry, I feel normal.
     

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