i love him, but what if?

Heidi

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Joined
Dec 9, 2009
Messages
14,169
his family doesn't want to answer my questions they don't know why I'm upset they don't want to get involved they're going to take his side anyway even though I know that they love me and they know that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him
Sorry dear, his family is in on the scam. They want him to make lots of money in the States, then come home and marry a nice, young tunisian virgin. If you have a child by this time, doesn´t count
 

Tiger

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Jul 4, 2013
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This is a sad story, but sure it is not first time i hear stories like this. At the moment they see that visa is no smoth sailing, the abuse start. They cant wait forever, have no future together, loose their time +++. This is first of all to see if they can push you to make progress vith the visa application. If they see this not give resultat, the divorse talk is next. And belive me, they do not take a dime to do so. You are a bad investment. And they have no remorse to make the new "milking cow" pay for their divorse from you. The lovewords fall easy like peas from a bag. And it is just words. Dont mean a thing.
It is hard to realise that a person can be so mean and hearless. But this is the icecold truth. You must cut him out. Let him sort out the divorse himself. Close the book and move on. Find a man from your own country. And stay miles away from al arabic. Most relations end in disaster.
 
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Lellaji

Guest
This is a sad story, but sure it is not first time i hear stories like this. At the moment they see that visa is no smoth sailing, the abuse start. They cant wait forever, have no future together, loose their time +++. This is first of all to see if they can push you to make progress vith the visa application. If they see this not give resultat, the divorse talk is next. And belive me, they do not take a dime to do so. You are a bad investment. And they have no remorse to make the new "milking cow" pay for their divorse from you. The lovewords fall easy like peas from a bag. And it is just words. Dont mean a thing.
It is hard to realise that a person can be so mean and hearless. But this is the icecold truth. You must cut him out. Let him sort out the divorse himself. Close the book and move on. Find a man from your own country. And stay miles away from al arabic. Most relations end in disaster.
was already scammed once or so it seems....different Arab ...moroccan...u think young tunisian Virgin is ideal than a real woman? ?
 
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Lellaji

Guest
This is a sad story, but sure it is not first time i hear stories like this. At the moment they see that visa is no smoth sailing, the abuse start. They cant wait forever, have no future together, loose their time +++. This is first of all to see if they can push you to make progress vith the visa application. If they see this not give resultat, the divorse talk is next. And belive me, they do not take a dime to do so. You are a bad investment. And they have no remorse to make the new "milking cow" pay for their divorse from you. The lovewords fall easy like peas from a bag. And it is just words. Dont mean a thing.
It is hard to realise that a person can be so mean and hearless. But this is the icecold truth. You must cut him out. Let him sort out the divorse himself. Close the book and move on. Find a man from your own country. And stay miles away from al arabic. Most relations end in disaster.
I will love 2 see if he has to try to contact me again after all that was said between are texting and believe me I didn't let it go easy I will say that the door was definitely left open from my side even though it is it is apparen't I'm suffering I would really be surprised if he would even have the face to come back just to f*** with me more and try to gain papers he sorta made it clear like f*** me and f*** the papers he swears he will never have another woman or he will never love another blah blah blah Mary one blah blah blah
 

Tiger

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Joined
Jul 4, 2013
Messages
1,113
I will love 2 see if he has to try to contact me again after all that was said between are texting and believe me I didn't let it go easy I will say that the door was definitely left open from my side even though it is it is apparen't I'm suffering I would really be surprised if he would even have the face to come back just to f*** with me more and try to gain papers he sorta made it clear like f*** me and f*** the papers he swears he will never have another woman or he will never love another blah blah blah Mary one blah blah blah
Ohh they do not let go so easy. And belive me they have the guts to try again. They belive that we are so desperat in love that we will tolerate what ever they do. Remember these guys are brought up to belive that they are totally upper class. Their think they can get away with everything. How many have not years after divorse get a maoning rat on the phone... i never stop loving u, miss u so much. Just to see if the cow still could give a little milk
 
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Lellaji

Guest
Basically I'm left feeling that it's my fault that he is going to continue suffering there and he's going to do whatever it takes to save himself because I don't care enough and I don't take it serious enough and he can't wait enough to start a family ... this is the thing and one of the things that was said was that I couldn't understand because these men pride themselves on being the man and that's why I'm saying I don't think he felt that he could be man enough to support me and us living together there and that was just a cop out why I wasn't going fast enough with the papers and he's just like a dead weight on me.., I mean I'm driving myself crazy trying to look at it from his side but either way I couldn't give up the person that I love that I would fight for that and I would do everything I could possible to prove that I was worthy of those papers and I guess that's why he's offended because I don't trust completely but yet I put my trust in him and he's already backing out over papers over money and I'm sorry I'm the victim here I'm the wife here on the woman he supposed to be taking care of me he supposed to be at least contributing and we talked about all the stuff many times and even came up before the marriage but you know what he just had to have me and I was the one and it was going to be different and blah blah blah
 
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Lellaji

Guest
I think he's just embarrassed back home and I think people asking questions automatically about the visa and it's automatically a pat on the back like you're getting out of here and when you leave and when is your new life starting he would never dream in a million years that I would want to live in Tunisia but guess what I really did and I was going to sacrifice everything my whole life and I even have children here I just can't believe and I'm glad that I'm talking to you guys because the more that I talk to you the more angry I get but there's no taking back the words he said to me and they are unacceptable and even I have limits and I was getting to my limit with him even before he came out of nowhere and started saying things about who plays tennis in time and blah blah blah I could feel what he was getting at he was pressuring me he was changing he's getting frustrated there but I did everything I could to help I was always around I never made myself completely unavailable although there were times I can't be a hundred percent available it just sucks I don't know how I'm going to get over it I really don't and especially since it's the second time that this has happened to me and I never thought I could get over the first time
 
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Lellaji

Guest
What I mean was I could feel that things have been changing from his side but its not really quickly and his attitude changed and he's not the same with me at all whatsoever and words can be as sharp as a knife and between us there must have been words spoken that definitely upset him from my side although it was nothing it wasn't true I think it touched a nerve but I have to be honest with him and I wasn't disrespectful to him I never insinuated about splitting off or anything I would never think in a million years like no way I'm married to you for life like that's the truth maybe I'm just old fashioned losing hope is an awful thing cuz it means you don't have faith :(
 
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Lellaji

Guest
Have you read my tread on "rat behavior"? it is cal "playing with a rat is a dangerus game. Here you can see som typical rat behavior and how they gain ur trust just to use u
Who would think that somebody would actually use this as a scam I mean I know that it could happen in some people are users but to see it on such a large scale and to see it happen to me so easily with a certain kind of a man with the most certain familiar background yeah I'm learning a lot of life lessons but surely there's got to be a place for me in heaven for trying to do something good for the person I loved and not us using someone and throwing them out like a piece of garbage as if they were nothing I went from being a million percent hi in love happy hoops dreams I would do anything to just a complete zero to have nothing to missing my best friend my person and my love I already miss him so much I haven't seen him since January
 
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Lellaji

Guest
I know I should hate him and I know that's what he wants I feel like if I believe that he just use me for a visa then he was right in saying that I never trusted him and I would never believe in him and I would be too nervous to move on the papers but I had practical reasons why I was waiting and while we were waiting and I gave my reasons of course I'd love to live with him here that would be so ideal I feel like if I believe that he just use me for these is that he was right in saying that I never trusted him and I would never believe in him and I would be too nervous to move on the papers but I have practical reasons why I was waiting on why we were waiting and I gave my reasons of course I love to live with him here that would be so ideal things are so complicated and he knew that I didn't ask for marriage
 

Tiger

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No hate is just distructiv. And as long as you hate you cant let go and put all this bad bihind you and move on. The thing is that marriage/ relation between a western woman and a tunisian are a coulture shock. They do not think like us. Like i say in the tread i wrote about playing with a rat is that what we look at as comitment is just a game to them. In us they only see a chance to get a better life. A new start in the West or that we invest in them with our money. They see so many of their friends get this. They sit in the coffie and share their expiriance
 

Amira

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Aug 5, 2014
Messages
3,248
I will love 2 see if he has to try to contact me again after all that was said between are texting and believe me I didn't let it go easy I will say that the door was definitely left open from my side even though it is it is apparen't I'm suffering I would really be surprised if he would even have the face to come back just to f*** with me more and try to gain papers he sorta made it clear like f*** me and f*** the papers he swears he will never have another woman or he will never love another blah blah blah Mary one blah blah blah
Your story is so sad and i feel so sorry for you . But one thing is sure i can not belive this People . . Please take care about Your self and do not take him back. It is better for you to fond a man from Your culture i think .
 

Amira

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:)These People is make me sick and angry . Yes they is poor but it is not a excurse to be so :Evil:and Cold . But what i do not understand they is pray 5 times a day and look Down on women who drink alkohol have a boyfriend etc and all times bla bla but it is Accept to take Money from women hit her and lie for her it is Accept .In my eyes they are very doble morals and fake . Yes i can visit Tunisia Egypt etc but i will never again be invalid With them . Becaurse they is always :)up to Your face but when you walk out off them door you really do not know what they is talk about .:confused:
 

Amira

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was already scammed once or so it seems....different Arab ...moroccan...u think young tunisian Virgin is ideal than a real woman? ?
North Afrika have same culture . Men is on top and women Down . Well for them it is important that she is Virgin and if she is not no one will married her . Yes they is look Down on us women from west and talk bad about us
 
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alemancita

Guest
Dear @Lellaji , i can see, that you are not able to get one word of the things all the nice ladies are trying to explain to you at the moment, as you are still in a state of shock and cant face, what really happened. So stay with us , vent your emotions and try to calm down a bit . Only one thing : He didnt love you , no one who loves someone is able to act like he does . And i know thats hard to face , but you will get it one day . You are blaming yourself as he manipulated you to believe , that all and everything is your fault. But its in fact not . True love will flow in both directions and if someone dumps you like you mean nothing to him : BELIEVE him ! I am sending you some big, warm hugs for now and keep on letting it all out , because this will help you the most at the moment xxxxxxxx
 

Amira

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He didnt love you , no one who loves someone is able to act like he does .He is only thinking about Money and to get out off Tunisia i think and yes if a man real loves a women he will do every thing for her .
 

Amira

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He didnt love you , no one who loves someone is able to act like he does . And i know thats hard to fac if he really loves her he will fight for his marriage and yes she will after a years see what kind off man she has been married to . But if he in future try to take contact With you again . Be Cold
 

Laura2014

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Nov 10, 2014
Messages
4,049
Oh Lellaji, you need some rest and sleep, I can feel how tortured you feel and how distraught you are. At some point you will be able to re read what the lovely ladies here are saying. It will hurt you but will be necessary for you to read if you are to recover. The best thing to do at times like this is do nothing. Just vent and get out all your emotions here. But don't do it with him, don't plead or contact him, don't ask for explanations, whatever the temptation. Their ego is already inflated beyond reason and for him to see how distressed you are will only add to his pleasure. I have had some lovely kind and also harsh advice here, but it has all helped. I hope there is someone where you are who is with you. It's such a lonely place to be when you are heartbroken. The hardest thing to come to terms with is that HE DOES NOT CARE about your distress, it won't make him change his mind or feel sorry for what he has done. They are from a different gene pool, devoid of the genuineness gene and they don't bleed in the same way. They only bleed from their pockets. Or as my rat said his pucket!! Sleep, eat, breath, bath do all the things you need to do to get through this awful time. In a few days it will feel a little better, in a few weeks a lot better. Don't spill your heart to him, you waste valuable energy you need to recover.
 

FoolInLove

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Messages
3,117
Oh Lellaji, you need some rest and sleep, I can feel how tortured you feel and how distraught you are. At some point you will be able to re read what the lovely ladies here are saying. It will hurt you but will be necessary for you to read if you are to recover. The best thing to do at times like this is do nothing. Just vent and get out all your emotions here. But don't do it with him, don't plead or contact him, don't ask for explanations, whatever the temptation. Their ego is already inflated beyond reason and for him to see how distressed you are will only add to his pleasure. I have had some lovely kind and also harsh advice here, but it has all helped. I hope there is someone where you are who is with you. It's such a lonely place to be when you are heartbroken. The hardest thing to come to terms with is that HE DOES NOT CARE about your distress, it won't make him change his mind or feel sorry for what he has done. They are from a different gene pool, devoid of the genuineness gene and they don't bleed in the same way. They only bleed from their pockets. Or as my rat said his pucket!! Sleep, eat, breath, bath do all the things you need to do to get through this awful time. In a few days it will feel a little better, in a few weeks a lot better. Don't spill your heart to him, you waste valuable energy you need to recover.
:D



And it is such a good post Laura, and i love to see you are feeling better and better :love:
 

Big Bang Theory

Senior Rat Expert
Joined
Dec 8, 2013
Messages
3,292
Hello
I had wanted to start my own thread here and tho my story is much more complicated and pain staking than what Im about to tell you, I am in a fit of utter devastation as my husband has "left me" because "he cannot wait forever". Certain words just stick in my mind, forget the fact that time and time again he's not available to me, poor or not poor there are ways and if someone wants to be in touch they would.
Is keeping in touch too much to ask.
I happen to be very perceptive and instinctual, I had already been married to a Moroccan and that ended badly, now to have my heart reluctantly opened and completely annihilated because honestly without warning and with complete affirmation and coldness I received my desertion through texting.

i just needed to find a place to vent and be with others going thru same thing.
as someone already burned and lost by loving supporting and bringing to USA a previous spouse, I had no business to be in the position to try this again. It's unfathomable that this is happening. All my hopes and dreams and everything he ever said but when I read all what you write , what was I thinking??

I know now Im just babbling , with no clear point to my story. Bottom line, I am 43 years old.
I thought i found my soulmate finally, the man of my dreams, the life that i had longed for. Its all been ripped from me apparently because "he cant' wait forever".

I never and he convinced me, it wasnt about the visa, tho i have been there and seen the life, I know they want to get out. I was totally paying attention to more and more comments and signs from his side and then he turned it around on me as if i was moving fast enough, this and after the fact I just was with him back in January of this year and was planning to return to try and have a baby.
I kept feeling us bickering more and more and him mentioning more and more me bringing him there even tho i wanted to live with him there and the typical "NO WAY , NO HOW" response
so it was always on me and up to me, i never said that i wouldnt do the application. We were married in September of 2013....after only a 5 month relationship online. I couldnt have been more convinced of his words and feelings and promises. Even having done similiar risk before and failed, this man had me snowballed. Now to sit and think...it really was all for a visa??? He didnt think that id test him first...I mean we didnt even make our 2 year anniversary..
well this is going on 3 weeks now since he broke the news that he's LEAVING ME and flat out said IM NOT UR HUSBAND ANYMORE AND CANT BE AVAILABLE TO YOU ANYMORE...i have no words...and sure this coming after having not had much contact between us and some bickering but still....im in shock, i cant believe, i wasnt given the proper respect or way in him breaking things off..not that it makes it any easier but not even a face to face on skype...i cant bear it, i cant function b/c i made this man my life and was so good to him and sacrificed so much and was there when I needed him...i cant imagine it was all words....i cant imagine HIM being like the rest of these rats..his family "faking" their feelings, i could never bear to leave him at airport but now to never see his face again to have no resolution .i had to defend myself and plead through texting b/c i was BROAD SIDED....i kept thinking with terrorism increasing so much and not only my safey there but his...maybe he feels hopeless , he's mentioned hopeless but do you just drop the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE YOUR WIFE, MOTHER OF YOUR CHILDREN< BEST FRIEND into toilet like a piece of shit b/c papers couldnt be filed right now..its' a matter of money IM POOR TOO OK and i dont complain to him about my issues but now saying "its for your own goood" "you are better off without me" CRAP! I know better, I know when something going on, I just dont know what it is ...i figured married for 2 years before filing just to make sure and have things SOLID for proof of genuine relationship...we are married for christ's sake...im a mess, this man has turned on me 100% in the blink of an eye and this is how he does me when we hit rough patch? yet i didnt hear the word divorce and i dont think he can do this without my permission or consent.
thank you im sorry i found this site by chance and so glad b/c as i already know there are too many of these cases going on and on and on...just so gutted our life never even began :(
Dear Lellaji, Your messages brought tears to my eyes, to think of all the emotions rushing through you right now. I remember feeling that way, the shock, the confusion, the hurt, the betrayal, the guilt, sadness etc. etc.
It's good that you can come here and release some of those emotions, you need to work your way through this stage and, like @alemancita said, stay with us and vent your emotions.
Most of us have been there and so we understand, you can say whatever you need to here, we will all support you and try to help you through this.
Please read as many of the stories here as you can, it really does help you to come to terms with what's happened and to realise that you are not alone and YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME
Sending you a big hug and lots of love
 

Tiger

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Jul 4, 2013
Messages
1,113
No hate is just distructiv. And as long as you hate you cant let go and put all this bad bihind you and move on. The thing is that marriage/ relation between a western woman and a tunisian are a coulture shock. They do not think like us. Like i say in the tread i wrote about playing with a rat is that what we look at as comitment is just a game to them. In us they only see a chance to get a better life. A new start in the West or that we invest in them with our money. They see so many of their friends get this. They sit in the coffie and share their expiriance
Oh Lellaji, you need some rest and sleep, I can feel how tortured you feel and how distraught you are. At some point you will be able to re read what the lovely ladies here are saying. It will hurt you but will be necessary for you to read if you are to recover. The best thing to do at times like this is do nothing. Just vent and get out all your emotions here. But don't do it with him, don't plead or contact him, don't ask for explanations, whatever the temptation. Their ego is already inflated beyond reason and for him to see how distressed you are will only add to his pleasure. I have had some lovely kind and also harsh advice here, but it has all helped. I hope there is someone where you are who is with you. It's such a lonely place to be when you are heartbroken. The hardest thing to come to terms with is that HE DOES NOT CARE about your distress, it won't make him change his mind or feel sorry for what he has done. They are from a different gene pool, devoid of the genuineness gene and they don't bleed in the same way. They only bleed from their pockets. Or as my rat said his pucket!! Sleep, eat, breath, bath do all the things you need to do to get through this awful time. In a few days it will feel a little better, in a few weeks a lot better. Don't spill your heart to him, you waste valuable energy you need to recover.
This is very true. Spend time with friends, go shoping (or window shoping) do not stay alone. It is so hard times for you now. Been there done that. Force urself to take a shower, fix ur hair and put on ur makeup. It is like living in hell now, but it get better. And when u start to se clear you will also see the truth. Then i belive you will be so angry!!!! But do not hate and sit on ur hands and do no revange!! Just think "Fuck you!"" and let him sit in his rat nest. Best revange is to move on and not text or answere anything from him. Show a happy face ( even if you are down) and open a new page in your book. Belive me, you are happy ascape
 

Laura2014

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Staff member
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Messages
4,049
:D



And it is such a good post Laura, and i love to see you are feeling better and better :love:
Well I took my own advice last night (and a couple of Nytol Herbal) and slept for seven hours the first time in months, the day just seems a lot calmer. Not great but I have been able to do some other things today and obsessed a lot less. Thanks
 
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