i love him, but what if?

Belladonna

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2015
Messages
138
Been thinking about you and hope you are well. The Ladys are right do not cry or stress or even talk to him...... It's hard to believe I know but he does not feel or even care
. Vent and keep talking to us.... It does not feel like it now but best it came out Before you invested all that money trying to get him a visa( most likely a waste of money and time anyways) AND he should be taking care of you...... Not you taking care of him and him laying on all the guilt on you what a piece of S h )t he is. Please just let him divorce you/ he will gave to to go on with his next victim .... You just take care of you and your children. You deserve someone that loves you and does not use you for a means to an end. You will find that a real love ... But for now pamper yourself / block him and do not let him draw you back in to his scheme. Sending a big hug .... It will get better .... It is just a shock right now.
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
:)These People is make me sick and angry . Yes they is poor but it is not a excurse to be so :Evil:and Cold . But what i do not understand they is pray 5 times a day and look Down on women who drink alkohol have a boyfriend etc and all times bla bla but it is Accept to take Money from women hit her and lie for her it is Accept .In my eyes they are very doble morals and fake . Yes i can visit Tunisia Egypt etc but i will never again be invalid With them . Becaurse they is always :)up to Your face but when you walk out off them door you really do not know what they is talk about .:confused:
I understand you and I appreciate your time. As I said, I was fooled not once, but twice?? I have seen all good sides and bad sides and hypocrites and cheats and liars who all pose behind the wall of Islam. Not my place to judge, I am not perfect, but trust me Karma is a bitch.
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
North Afrika have same culture . Men is on top and women Down . Well for them it is important that she is Virgin and if she is not no one will married her . Yes they is look Down on us women from west and talk bad about us
hard to believe seeing as how willing they are to get involved and so 'quickly' with us and sleep with us and oh the age is no thing and the distance and oh you have kids, will take them like my own and well i guess i have enough experienced enough bullshit and lies to write a novel ok, it is sad and pathetic but now hopefully here, i can find my relief and release...i have heard these men say they WANT AND OLDER EXPERIENCED WOMAN b/c they are less problematic...now i see why i guess..we can hold our own , support ourselves and we already know how to take care of it all, unlike the sheltered poor virgins who have to learn everything and are probably way more demanding and clingy...
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
Dear @Lellaji , i can see, that you are not able to get one word of the things all the nice ladies are trying to explain to you at the moment, as you are still in a state of shock and cant face, what really happened. So stay with us , vent your emotions and try to calm down a bit . Only one thing : He didnt love you , no one who loves someone is able to act like he does . And i know thats hard to face , but you will get it one day . You are blaming yourself as he manipulated you to believe , that all and everything is your fault. But its in fact not . True love will flow in both directions and if someone dumps you like you mean nothing to him : BELIEVE him ! I am sending you some big, warm hugs for now and keep on letting it all out , because this will help you the most at the moment xxxxxxxx
@alemancita thank you for your sweet words of comfort. i know im not the only whose heart been broken or broken this way or broken more than once, but there is a time when you finally feel you got it right and met the right one and well...yes it going to take alot more mulling over and crying and well tho i thought id never love again after that rat moroccan, at least i tried , but i dont think i can ever trust another soul again, especially a man. I keep thinking he doesnt even ask about me, he doesnt care or think about me...if im alive, dead , if i took my own life...anyway i have not tried to reach him since he last contacted me on my birthday 7/24/1972, to which i got no birthday wishes just for me to see "where life drove us" (meaning where it drove him or where I drove him to) and well he said that because of my 'fragile' 'broken' mental state it would be confusing to keep contacting me and that he wont bother me anymore, and no word now, almost full week, how callous, how cold, how cruel
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
He didnt love you , no one who loves someone is able to act like he does .He is only thinking about Money and to get out off Tunisia i think and yes if a man real loves a women he will do every thing for her .
hard to swallow ok, "he never loved me" ? just thinking about the time we spent and all we said and then our marriage...im sorry i ve never been so disrespected or betrayed by anyone esp someone i trusted more than anyone...whatever....as he said "it doesnt matter"
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
He didnt love you , no one who loves someone is able to act like he does . And i know thats hard to fac if he really loves her he will fight for his marriage and yes she will after a years see what kind off man she has been married to . But if he in future try to take contact With you again . Be Cold
i doubt he'll contact me, i know it will be hard not to answer
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
Most relations end in disaster Yes they do . They is a nightmare men
most normal relationships do expire at some point but our story never quite begun
im not a quitter and i believe that in love anything possible and im quite the stupid little dreamer
still HOPING for that LOVE and will never find and i dont know why but i dont like American men at all , i was married 1st time to one and he was a different kind of rat
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
Oh Lellaji, you need some rest and sleep, I can feel how tortured you feel and how distraught you are. At some point you will be able to re read what the lovely ladies here are saying. It will hurt you but will be necessary for you to read if you are to recover. The best thing to do at times like this is do nothing. Just vent and get out all your emotions here. But don't do it with him, don't plead or contact him, don't ask for explanations, whatever the temptation. Their ego is already inflated beyond reason and for him to see how distressed you are will only add to his pleasure. I have had some lovely kind and also harsh advice here, but it has all helped. I hope there is someone where you are who is with you. It's such a lonely place to be when you are heartbroken. The hardest thing to come to terms with is that HE DOES NOT CARE about your distress, it won't make him change his mind or feel sorry for what he has done. They are from a different gene pool, devoid of the genuineness gene and they don't bleed in the same way. They only bleed from their pockets. Or as my rat said his pucket!! Sleep, eat, breath, bath do all the things you need to do to get through this awful time. In a few days it will feel a little better, in a few weeks a lot better. Don't spill your heart to him, you waste valuable energy you need to recover.
Oh Lellaji, you need some rest and sleep, I can feel how tortured you feel and how distraught you are. At some point you will be able to re read what the lovely ladies here are saying. It will hurt you but will be necessary for you to read if you are to recover. The best thing to do at times like this is do nothing. Just vent and get out all your emotions here. But don't do it with him, don't plead or contact him, don't ask for explanations, whatever the temptation. Their ego is already inflated beyond reason and for him to see how distressed you are will only add to his pleasure. I have had some lovely kind and also harsh advice here, but it has all helped. I hope there is someone where you are who is with you. It's such a lonely place to be when you are heartbroken. The hardest thing to come to terms with is that HE DOES NOT CARE about your distress, it won't make him change his mind or feel sorry for what he has done. They are from a different gene pool, devoid of the genuineness gene and they don't bleed in the same way. They only bleed from their pockets. Or as my rat said his pucket!! Sleep, eat, breath, bath do all the things you need to do to get through this awful time. In a few days it will feel a little better, in a few weeks a lot better. Don't spill your heart to him, you waste valuable energy you need to recover.
@Laura2014 thanks to you also for your words and i know all words may sound the same, dont forget i have been down before but obviously still not out, still hanging in there, for my kids. when he did come out of nowhere with wanting to end things and see me for last time, even after hardly conversing over weeks,, i mean of course i felt something, of course there was a reason that sparked it but all in all and after whats been said by him (which is very little and DEVOID of feeling or kindness) I cannot imagine this is what he's been thinking about doing? this is his better option? id rather have death ok then this AGAIN !!! AND HE KNEW IT ! THE WORST PART IS HE KNEW EVERYTHING AND HOW VERY FRAGILE AND APPREHENSIVE I WAS TO GO WITH ANOTHER ARAB AND VISA AND BLAH BLAH...ONLY THING MAKES ME BETTER IS THE MEDICATION IM ON, I CANT BE OFF IT, I KEEP BREAKING DOWN AND I TRY TO KEEP ALL MEMORIES PHOTOS AND MESSAGES AWAY..I CANT BELIEVE ANYTHING NOW...RIGHT?
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
Dear Lellaji, Your messages brought tears to my eyes, to think of all the emotions rushing through you right now. I remember feeling that way, the shock, the confusion, the hurt, the betrayal, the guilt, sadness etc. etc.
It's good that you can come here and release some of those emotions, you need to work your way through this stage and, like @alemancita said, stay with us and vent your emotions.
Most of us have been there and so we understand, you can say whatever you need to here, we will all support you and try to help you through this.
Please read as many of the stories here as you can, it really does help you to come to terms with what's happened and to realise that you are not alone and YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME
Sending you a big hug and lots of love
@Big Bang Theory THANK YOU and i do not forget that you are all here for your own reasons and once i get beyond this babbling broken stage where i just keep rehashing it all, i will be able to be a better support to all of the others and have good contributions and also get to know your own stories, if you like to share but if you are like me i will get to point where to never hear his name ever again.
how can he think to say and do what he has and think id take him back??????????? he's not afraid im mad at him? or its going to ruin things permanately?? unfathomable really that i am really not any worth at all to be missed or even to be accountable to.
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
No hate is just distructiv. And as long as you hate you cant let go and put all this bad bihind you and move on. The thing is that marriage/ relation between a western woman and a tunisian are a coulture shock. They do not think like us. Like i say in the tread i wrote about playing with a rat is that what we look at as comitment is just a game to them. In us they only see a chance to get a better life. A new start in the West or that we invest in them with our money. They see so many of their friends get this. They sit in the coffie and share their expiriance

This is very true. Spend time with friends, go shoping (or window shoping) do not stay alone. It is so hard times for you now. Been there done that. Force urself to take a shower, fix ur hair and put on ur makeup. It is like living in hell now, but it get better. And when u start to se clear you will also see the truth. Then i belive you will be so angry!!!! But do not hate and sit on ur hands and do no revange!! Just think "Fuck you!"" and let him sit in his rat nest. Best revange is to move on and not text or answere anything from him. Show a happy face ( even if you are down) and open a new page in your book. Belive me, you are happy ascape
that's something about me that's hard, once i get into this deep level of depression its hard to get out no matter what and being away from him most of the time im already extra nervous and emotional and always waiting so now i have nothing, to look forward to or to see his face to make me smile or whatever, i dont need to explain how someone's presence or involvement in your life can make a huge difference..i just feel like he's dead and well i have been getting back to my normal self little by little b/c i hate myself this way and the kids seeing me so distraught it worries them, they been so sweet. tomorrow we are going to canada for few days to see niagra..will be so hard for me to plan another vacation that i always long for and to see him but now i will have to make other plans, i cant believe i wont be back the in the place i love with the man i love ...sorry just hopeless
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
Well I took my own advice last night (and a couple of Nytol Herbal) and slept for seven hours the first time in months, the day just seems a lot calmer. Not great but I have been able to do some other things today and obsessed a lot less. Thanks
wow i was bad the first week without having seen my doctor, now with the anti anxiety i can fall asleep..its the uncontrollable crying and sobbing that i can stop..i cant watch anything or even listen to music much, everything is a reminder, i dont know how he does it living in the places where we met and had our memories, sleeping in our bed there....oh god where;s the tissues, but good for you Laura that you slept well, if anyone want to share their story with me thru private message you can, tired of myself now
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
Been thinking about you and hope you are well. The Ladys are right do not cry or stress or even talk to him...... It's hard to believe I know but he does not feel or even care
. Vent and keep talking to us.... It does not feel like it now but best it came out Before you invested all that money trying to get him a visa( most likely a waste of money and time anyways) AND he should be taking care of you...... Not you taking care of him and him laying on all the guilt on you what a piece of S h )t he is. Please just let him divorce you/ he will gave to to go on with his next victim .... You just take care of you and your children. You deserve someone that loves you and does not use you for a means to an end. You will find that a real love ... But for now pamper yourself / block him and do not let him draw you back in to his scheme. Sending a big hug .... It will get better .... It is just a shock right now.
wow you guys all have been thru hell too and thanks for sending hugs and care my way, i dont have any friends here if you can believe that and my only girlfriend lives far far away and she herself is married to man from Jordan and they are now living separately but still married and seeing each other..to be honest i didnt blurt to the world and my family about my marriage to my current husband b/c NO ONE WILL ACCEPT HIM OR OUR RELATIONSHIP after the way i was burned before , everyone knows my divorce from moroccan nearly killed me ok and how stupid id be to go this route again, they warned me not to so i didnt tell no one, maybe you say oh thats for the better, but i had planned on telling them once i was more certain of our plans and i didnt want them to NOT accept him just based on his being arab or from arab country...i dont blame them, they dont want me to be hurt
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
No hate is just distructiv. And as long as you hate you cant let go and put all this bad bihind you and move on. The thing is that marriage/ relation between a western woman and a tunisian are a coulture shock. They do not think like us. Like i say in the tread i wrote about playing with a rat is that what we look at as comitment is just a game to them. In us they only see a chance to get a better life. A new start in the West or that we invest in them with our money. They see so many of their friends get this. They sit in the coffie and share their expiriance

This is very true. Spend time with friends, go shoping (or window shoping) do not stay alone. It is so hard times for you now. Been there done that. Force urself to take a shower, fix ur hair and put on ur makeup. It is like living in hell now, but it get better. And when u start to se clear you will also see the truth. Then i belive you will be so angry!!!! But do not hate and sit on ur hands and do no revange!! Just think "Fuck you!"" and let him sit in his rat nest. Best revange is to move on and not text or answere anything from him. Show a happy face ( even if you are down) and open a new page in your book. Belive me, you are happy ascape
i never could PUT ON a happy face, i should try and im quite negative right now, every nerve on edge everyone on my hate list and well my emotion written all over my face, i dont even look the same
he killed my spirit and my hope
 

Laura2014

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Messages
4,045
Ah Lellaji, you sound a little better too this evening. The medication will kick in soon, but don't become reliant on it as sometimes its better just to grieve for what you have lost rather than delay it. I know that feeling of being sick and tired of being sick and tired and feeling that my friends had heard it regurgitated enough but it helped so much at the time. They were just frustrated that about every two or three weeks I would be in the same state of despair. I think they are all pleased I have finally taken a positive step forward. I know its not an easy road ahead, I miss him dreadfully, but it is easier today. Whenever I think sad thoughts I hop on here and get grounded again. My experience has not been anywhere near as bad as yours, you totally committed yourself to your marriage and had hopes for the future. I was filled with doubts from the first few weeks so I guess I never really enjoyed much of the whole experience. Having read the post this evening from the girl who has been left alone in an apartment after they cleared her bank account then I count myself very lucky. Keep coming back there is always someone here day or night, thankfully.
 

the nutty professor

Bad Teacher
Joined
Aug 9, 2012
Messages
1,655
Ah Lellaji, you sound a little better too this evening. The medication will kick in soon, but don't become reliant on it as sometimes its better just to grieve for what you have lost rather than delay it. I know that feeling of being sick and tired of being sick and tired and feeling that my friends had heard it regurgitated enough but it helped so much at the time. They were just frustrated that about every two or three weeks I would be in the same state of despair. I think they are all pleased I have finally taken a positive step forward. I know its not an easy road ahead, I miss him dreadfully, but it is easier today. Whenever I think sad thoughts I hop on here and get grounded again. My experience has not been anywhere near as bad as yours, you totally committed yourself to your marriage and had hopes for the future. I was filled with doubts from the first few weeks so I guess I never really enjoyed much of the whole experience. Having read the post this evening from the girl who has been left alone in an apartment after they cleared her bank account then I count myself very lucky. Keep coming back there is always someone here day or night, thankfully.
Wise words
Xx
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
Ah Lellaji, you sound a little better too this evening. The medication will kick in soon, but don't become reliant on it as sometimes its better just to grieve for what you have lost rather than delay it. I know that feeling of being sick and tired of being sick and tired and feeling that my friends had heard it regurgitated enough but it helped so much at the time. They were just frustrated that about every two or three weeks I would be in the same state of despair. I think they are all pleased I have finally taken a positive step forward. I know its not an easy road ahead, I miss him dreadfully, but it is easier today. Whenever I think sad thoughts I hop on here and get grounded again. My experience has not been anywhere near as bad as yours, you totally committed yourself to your marriage and had hopes for the future. I was filled with doubts from the first few weeks so I guess I never really enjoyed much of the whole experience. Having read the post this evening from the girl who has been left alone in an apartment after they cleared her bank account then I count myself very lucky. Keep coming back there is always someone here day or night, thankfully.
@Laura2014 i may sound better but am i ? its still too new and would i ever be fine? i never thought to get over that moroccan but with him living 2 mins away from me with my EX BEST FRIEND, yes best friend ok, i divorce him, she took him and well you think im overjoyed to bring my current husband here? well i would have , i never said i wouldnt , i was just moving with caution and i dont know what vibes he got from me but all my actions always showed love ok and believe me i hate to say this but the current husband did VERY VERY LITTLE , next to nothing but just spend sometime with me and had me there during my stays, never sent a dime, said he couldnt send anything from tataouine and lastly tried to send me something like 2 months ago after i just sent him money and he said he couldnt send the package bc it was over a pound ..can u believe this? of course you want to see the best in the one you love and believe all that it is said but a woman of my intelligence and instincts and experience cant buy that he couldnt send me a package over a pound...unreal , the more i think like you said the more angry i become
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
my mind is still racing after 2012 divorce from mococcan and how he did me
living with hate isnt much healthier or better than living with regret or devastation
so i got over the moroccan and MY EX best friend how? how? how?
pushed it away
filled with hate
all memories just destroyed and away from me
i still see them together on the train near my home
sometimes when he fights with her he finds his way over to my side of town
this is ex moroccan and see how he thinks he can still creep around me?
believe me i have been fcked by every man in my life
evry one
BUT this one takes the cake
going to take more than strong meds and drinks to help me get over and forget but im still trying

running for the border..i always travel outside my country, which i am, but finally sticking closer to home this time..niagra falls here we come....i'll try to resist the urge to jump over
 
L

Lellaji

Guest
at least with current husband being so far i dont have to worry to run into him and see his face and it make it that much harder...GOD this is sickening:sick::Cry:
 
A

alemancita

Guest
My dear , at least you are able to sleep at night now. first babystep....dont try to force yourself to put a smile or makeup on , you are not the type for that , i see;) you need your time to grieve and give yourself this time, its completly okay to cry, yell and close yourself away for some time .....believe me ...i have been there too and the river of tears WILL stop one day and you will feel suddenly better.. ...... Niagara Falls ? sounds great ..wish i could come with you ....take care my dear ...big hug xxxx
 

Big Bang Theory

Senior Rat Expert
Joined
Dec 8, 2013
Messages
3,293
i never could PUT ON a happy face, i should try and im quite negative right now, every nerve on edge everyone on my hate list and well my emotion written all over my face, i dont even look the same
he killed my spirit and my hope
NO!!! He did not kill your hope and spirit, he just squashed it half to death under all his bullshit - I felt like this too, I felt dead but now I'm back to who I was before and your spirit and hope will grow back too xx
 

Amira

Rat Expert
Joined
Aug 5, 2014
Messages
3,269
i doubt he'll contact me, i know it will be hard not to answer
Please Leilap if he try to take contact With you again do not show him that you is miss him and do not Call him or send a sms . One Thing i learn about arab men . They is very selfish and they is always put them self on top . They is not men but boys .
 

Amira

Rat Expert
Joined
Aug 5, 2014
Messages
3,269
most normal relationships do expire at some point but our story never quite begun
im not a quitter and i believe that in love anything possible and im quite the stupid little dreamer
still HOPING for that LOVE and will never find and i dont know why but i dont like American men at all , i was married 1st time to one and he was a different kind of rat
Some times it is hard to Accept fact and honest i can understand Your feelings but when Your husband/ex left you for some weeks ago it is best for you to stay Cold . Becaurse they loves to talk to much to them friends about women . They can sit on :coffee:shop all days and talk about women .
 
R

rose711

Guest
if im not back over weekened have a great weekend
im already consumed on here so cant wait to get back
thanks you guys !! god bless
Please keep posting. We want to know how you are doing.

Also, please consider going for therapy for domestic abuse. At least talk to a counselor. You can get help and the people here that say they went to counseling, and worked hard, seem to improve much faster than those who don't.

It can't hurt you to try.

A vacation at Niagara Falls sounds great!
 

Amira

Rat Expert
Joined
Aug 5, 2014
Messages
3,269
if im not back over weekened have a great weekend
im already consumed on here so cant wait to get back
thanks you guys !! god bless
Have a Nice weekened and take care about Your self and yes it is best to look to Your future and forget Your past :)
 

Laura2014

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Nov 10, 2014
Messages
4,045
@Laura2014 i may sound better but am i ? its still too new and would i ever be fine? i never thought to get over that moroccan but with him living 2 mins away from me with my EX BEST FRIEND, yes best friend ok, i divorce him, she took him and well you think im overjoyed to bring my current husband here? well i would have , i never said i wouldnt , i was just moving with caution and i dont know what vibes he got from me but all my actions always showed love ok and believe me i hate to say this but the current husband did VERY VERY LITTLE , next to nothing but just spend sometime with me and had me there during my stays, never sent a dime, said he couldnt send anything from tataouine and lastly tried to send me something like 2 months ago after i just sent him money and he said he couldnt send the package bc it was over a pound ..can u believe this? of course you want to see the best in the one you love and believe all that it is said but a woman of my intelligence and instincts and experience cant buy that he couldnt send me a package over a pound...unreal , the more i think like you said the more angry i become
I know it seems like one step forward one back, but on Monday I thought I would not survive the week, well its Friday and I am still here and nothing terrible happened. Just have to keep going, doing stuff and every-time I think about him, find something to do. Early mornings are the when I feel sad, he thought of a new day without contact but that's the reality so we just have to get through another day. I hate the thought that I am wishing my life away though so that I am far enough ahead to not think about him anymore. Life is precious and I don't want to waste any more of it thinking about someone who probably has not given me a second or even a first thought.

I know I will be OK, I have been through worse things, but he will probably spend much of his adult life looking for any way out of Tunisia.
 

Amira

Rat Expert
Joined
Aug 5, 2014
Messages
3,269
my mind is still racing after 2012 divorce from mococcan and how he did me
living with hate isnt much healthier or better than living with regret or devastation
so i got over the moroccan and MY EX best friend how? how? how?
pushed it away
filled with hate
all memories just destroyed and away from me
i still see them together on the train near my home
sometimes when he fights with her he finds his way over to my side of town
this is ex moroccan and see how he thinks he can still creep around me?
believe me i have been fcked by every man in my life
evry one
BUT this one takes the cake
going to take more than strong meds and drinks to help me get over and forget but im still trying

running for the border..i always travel outside my country, which i am, but finally sticking closer to home this time..niagra falls here we come....i'll try to resist the urge to jump over
You divorced Your ex in 2012 maybe you was to fast With the man from Tunisia ? Problem With arabian men is they is always give us all fauls when some thing wrong happend and to get a honest answer from them it is real :mad:and impossible .but one thing i learn stop to excurse them . They will never see them faul i think :sick:and it is better to stay alone than to be together With one you do not trust or are afraid to come home to
 

Tiger

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Jul 4, 2013
Messages
1,113
When i talk about "putting on a smiling face" was that don´t let him see u suffer and let him belive he have you under his shoos to step on. B/c like that it will be no limits for what bad things he can say to you just to hurt you more. They love when they can make you guilty and hurt. That is their revange. To break you totally. There are no empaty .
When i told to put on make up it is b/c when we go true this trauma it is so easy to let us self go and neglecting ourself. No sleep, no food. Even if our inside feel like living hell it is important to do the things we normally do.
So i do not belive a dash of lipstick and a shower can solve the hard time , it will not. What i did try to say was that don´t let him know how down you really feel. It was ment as a protection
 
Top Bottom