i love him, but what if?

MH007

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@Lellaji

It's so upsetting to read how distraught you are and each and everyone on here will wish they could wave a wand to take the hurt away, but we can't.

If you are, as you say rambling, carry on - get it off your chest that is what this site is all about.

I can't help thinking maybe you should see your Dr - be honest about how much sorrow you feel and even how much you may be leaning on alcohol just now. I am not judging you in any way shape or word but I think some professional counselling or even medication may help you through these dark few weeks.

I hate to be harsh but his sister is in on the rattery too :(

Lean on your family - even if they don't understand they will help wipe your tears - my Son never fails to amaze me with his non judgemental views on my mistakes and always supports me even when I have been a pain in the ass - even sat with me whilst I have had too many Vinos n sobbed bless him :D

You will get over this.

Much love your way

MH xxxxx
 

Belladonna

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I feel bad.... You are trying to make sense of a senseless bezness . It was to get a green card.... It was what they do... They are heartless and I swear soul less. That is all it was about.... The family always support the rat.... ALWAYS it is all about what benefit the family. Our rational caring about others upbringing .... That is not them so trying to make excuses or figure it out will not work... We just do not think like con men. I wish I lived nearer.... Just please realize you deserve much more in life than a user liar con man. Please see that.
 

Tiger

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@Tiger its all true, and i have been all these things and more, its a curse to be a woman, anyway this morning i found another sad note, this one left by his sister, now im really worried and so sad , im at work crying again b/c i cant believe this shit and im supposed to be a mind reader and KNOW what's going on with him and over there??? i cant and the time that keeps elapsing from us...my god and the family knows and is in on it all now? im so hurt man, i was thinking i can just forget and like pretend it never happened but he involved his sister now..:Cry:
:Not Worthy:
It is normal for them to do like this. Just remember, if his sister really had love you and has been ur friend she never block you. You have just been a bank to them. When you stop paying of, you are nothing to them. Drye ur tears girl. He and his family is not worthy of one of your tears. Now you see their true collors. They are fake people, just peeing up to you as long as they could drain you out for money and gifts. I talk hard, but this is the truth about them.
 
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Lellaji

Guest
@Lellaji

It's so upsetting to read how distraught you are and each and everyone on here will wish they could wave a wand to take the hurt away, but we can't.

If you are, as you say rambling, carry on - get it off your chest that is what this site is all about.

I can't help thinking maybe you should see your Dr - be honest about how much sorrow you feel and even how much you may be leaning on alcohol just now. I am not judging you in any way shape or word but I think some professional counselling or even medication may help you through these dark few weeks.

I hate to be harsh but his sister is in on the rattery too :(

Lean on your family - even if they don't understand they will help wipe your tears - my Son never fails to amaze me with his non judgemental views on my mistakes and always supports me even when I have been a pain in the ass - even sat with me whilst I have had too many Vinos n sobbed bless him :D

You will get over this.

Much love your way

MH xxxxx
@MH007 i had seen the doctor, on meds already and really all that getting me thru without losing it entirely...i was just having normal , what is normal in this time , but normal day and then to find that last message from her just burns....i will have to keep talking as before arriving here to this site i was harboring it all alone and the kids dont know exactly what up, no one does, im just breaking down and just to think of all rats before hes the worst one, but you know what i said to him when i met him "GOD ALWAYS SAVES THE BEST FOR LAST" thanks GOD, thanks and yes MH007 I am in very bad way but i been staying away from alcohol alot bc/ i started exercising again
 
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Lellaji

Guest
i want to drink and just sleep every night
i have to resist going over messages and old emails and photos and shit
i cant do it
its like it didnt exist i guess

but if i drink on the medication it makes me worse and i like getting up early and
having normal healthy day b/c as i said i was hoping to try to have another baby one day....one day...
 

MH007

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i want to drink and just sleep every night
i have to resist going over messages and old emails and photos and shit
i cant do it
its like it didnt exist i guess

but if i drink on the medication it makes me worse and i like getting up early and
having normal healthy day b/c as i said i was hoping to try to have another baby one day....one day...
You can do it and you will do it! I felt a hell of a lot better after I deleted every message photo etc - almost like an acceptance. It's like playing an old love song over and over - it will never make you feel happy.

Be strong - you can do it gal

Xxxx
 
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Lellaji

Guest
I feel bad.... You are trying to make sense of a senseless bezness . It was to get a green card.... It was what they do... They are heartless and I swear soul less. That is all it was about.... The family always support the rat.... ALWAYS it is all about what benefit the family. Our rational caring about others upbringing .... That is not them so trying to make excuses or figure it out will not work... We just do not think like con men. I wish I lived nearer.... Just please realize you deserve much more in life than a user liar con man. Please see that.
i cant believe how blown over i was by his charm and words and lies
mostly all words tho and how they dwindled and his contact with me more and more
always excuses
you are right i cant understand cuz ive always been so good and so caring and giving and trusting
a fool is what id been
i mean someone with my tender heart cant understand the evil of others
and its just gutting me daily thinking how we were and how i felt with him and that i really loved him and no way shape would i think to let him go or leave him even i thought its too much on me or too hard, NOOOO i committed to him, i truly wanted him money or not! but now im seeing about the FAMILY scenerio but funny how he said he was so tired of them milking him and holding him back and down and how i was the only one to understand him or even care to be there for him and help him, he called them all vultures, at the time of our 'separating' (meaning his lack of communication n silence) he was at odds with his 2 brothers and always feeling fed up there but now he going to encase himself in their circle and im the outsider??????????????? like im a shit?
oh believe me i am acquiring alot of hate here, and that's not good either
he told me "i m going to make you hate me"
wtf i said WHO SAYS THAT TO THEIR WIFE?????????????????
and i said Plz i cant hate anymore, it's going to kill me
and it's true he just put the nail in coffin for me and im just that disposable
i have been let down and fcked by every man in my life before and up to him
never thought this would be the worst blow of them all, the icing on the cake
and just completely annihilated me
i dont even look the same
ive been getting back into losing weight thinking id be planning my trip to see him again over the holidays now i barely eat and have no appetite im walking 4-10 miles sometimes a day and dropping weight like crazy, it's good and bad b/c i know im not hungry or eating b/c im so preoccupied and anxious
anyways i am trying if you will to hold it together
i havent decided if i should even accept any invitations from any other men b/c i guess im still legally bound by marriage and dont need to complicate a new relationship over this
but fact is having to even mention this marriage is like scar on me
i dont want anyone to know about it, it's invalid as far as im concerned
if i could divorce him and make it not count....is there a way to do that? or is our marriage on record here, i dont know, i havent claimed him on anything here yet or changed my name
but i wanted to
i wanted to take his name, dammit im cry8ing again
 
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Lellaji

Guest
It is normal for them to do like this. Just remember, if his sister really had love you and has been ur friend she never block you. You have just been a bank to them. When you stop paying of, you are nothing to them. Drye ur tears girl. He and his family is not worthy of one of your tears. Now you see their true collors. They are fake people, just peeing up to you as long as they could drain you out for money and gifts. I talk hard, but this is the truth about them.
:Not Worthy::Cry::Cry::Cry: @Tiger unbelievable is all i can say, speechless, i hate myself
 

MH007

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:Not Worthy::Cry::Cry::Cry: @Tiger unbelievable is all i can say, speechless, i hate myself
Do not hate yourself!!

You have been kind and loving - all this tourment must be killing your children - how many do you have? They will want to help so open up to them - please.

Never ever hate yourself or feel guilty or worthless - these rats are despicable and if it wasn't for the kind genuine Tunisians I would want the country to rot in their own faeces - your rat isn't one of the kind and genuine ones I hasten to add!!

Xxx
 

Tiger

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:Not Worthy::Cry::Cry::Cry: @Tiger unbelievable is all i can say, speechless, i hate myself
STOP GIRL!!!! You most NOT hate yourself!!! It is not you it is something wrong with. You are the normal person in this story. It is him and his family who are the preditors here. they did take advantise of you b/c you are a normal human beeing with normal human feelings and empati. Get angry girl!! Be angry at the ones who deserve all the anger you have inside of you!!! Who the hell do these fucking people think they are!!!! They are like animals treating you like they have done!!! This man do not deserve ONE of your tears!! He do not deserve you at all
 

Tiger

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STOP GIRL!!!! You most NOT hate yourself!!! It is not you it is something wrong with. You are the normal person in this story. It is him and his family who are the preditors here. they did take advantise of you b/c you are a normal human beeing with normal human feelings and empati. Get angry girl!! Be angry at the ones who deserve all the anger you have inside of you!!! Who the hell do these fucking people think they are!!!! They are like animals treating you like they have done!!! This man do not deserve ONE of your tears!! He do not deserve you at all
This song is for you. Watch it
 

MH007

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This song is for you. Watch it
Love that song - the two most poignant bit's are 'going to catch a cold from the ice inside your soul' and 'I wish I had missed the first kiss' I have posted this before as a perfect song xxxx
 

Tiger

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Love that song - the two most poignant bit's are 'going to catch a cold from the ice inside your soul' and 'I wish I had missed the first kiss' I have posted this before as a perfect song xxxx
She sing my words. And look at her face and eyes!!! This girl sing like she mean every single word !!! Love it just love it
 

Tiger

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She sing my words. And look at her face and eyes!!! This girl sing like she mean every single word !!! Love it just love it
And the best part is "DON`T COME BACK FOR ME!! DON`T COME BACK AT AL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

MH007

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It's all in your mind??? Typical rat phrase.....
 

Tiger

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It's all in your mind??? Typical rat phrase.....
YES!!!! IT IS FROM RAT MANUAL!!!! YOU DON`T UNDERSTAND!!! YOU MAKE IT IN YOUR HEAD!!!! They always brag about their diplome!!!I wonder where they hide their diploma from the Street universety??!! Maybe their Mom have it hide in her bedroom wall?? B/c they must have exelent grades in this universety
 
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Lellaji

Guest
Do not hate yourself!!

You have been kind and loving - all this tourment must be killing your children - how many do you have? They will want to help so open up to them - please.

Never ever hate yourself or feel guilty or worthless - these rats are despicable and if it wasn't for the kind genuine Tunisians I would want the country to rot in their own faeces - your rat isn't one of the kind and genuine ones I hasten to add!!

Xxx
@MH007 i have 3 kids but my it's my daughters im closest to, and yes im trying to get closer to them even tho after so long i make him my only world and thought and future..not that i wont help my kids or be there for them, its just that i was ready to leave here and finally start the life i had longed for with my husband, i havent even mentioned his name, i dont think i can utter it, i tell you i just came from lunch...happy hour came early...i think his sister kicking me in the face is what kills me, this woman after all i sent to her for her first baby and also when she needed money i sent it to her with NO hesitations, i dont care about the money where is any respsect towards me? i have neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr in all my life been so offended and put down
 
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Lellaji

Guest
Exercising was my best therapy but we are all different, I used to put my music on and pound the harbour!

Silly enough it was only when I thought I was healed I ended up on meds but I cannot blame my rat completely - I was in a 9 year relationship with a guy here in the UK who was narcisstic and beyond but it took my rat to break my barriers and I was a mess!

Ask @Big Bang Theory bless her lol - just because I was out with a male friend in Tunisia I thought he was ashamed of me, only my friend through sympathy - so what I am saying is never ever be ashamed hunni......getting help is a step forward.

I actually had dinner with friends last week n they set me up with 2 perspectives lol one was a no no from me the other one I nicknamed out of my league lol my confidence was so low. Anyway Mr out of my league didn't leave my side all night, walked me home holding my hand and it felt good - typical stubborn me haven't taken it any further.

What I'm trying to very rambly say is dont let these men destroy you - there is life after them.

I did feel good afterwards and went home with a glow - felt worthy again.

*edit* I also couldn't have got through my recent blip without my partner in crime @Eddie and @the nutty professor all 3 (including @the @Big Bang Theory) I have met in real life and are all amazing.

Stay with us - We are genuinely real people that care.

You will feel worthy again soon......

Much love

MH XXXXX

Edited like an Oscar speech lol
@MH007 i appreciate you taking the time to stay with me and listen, its all anyone can do i guess, just as i was so happy to be away from here, its easy to be distracted when you are surrounded by others and having fun but then its back to life and well i have brain that works over time and i have feelings that are beyond sensitive so sensitive in fact im physically disturbed by all this ....just such sorrow and sobbing ....i guess i never thought anyone could be so heartless and just dropping off the face of the earth and tying my hands behind my back while he tortures me and shits on any good memory i could ever have of us...im so sad, im sorry, really feels like death to me , to think im now possible unwelcome with his family and his home as if that's how he feels i made him feel....even if he did text me again, which he wont, what could i say? i honestly feel i cant forgive him, or trust him ever again, what a disgrace and this man says that im his dignity and if anything touches me it touches him,,, ok i need to go into the thread for TYPICAL THINGS ARABS SAY TO WOMEN...oh you are my dignity...really im not ur dignity im just the dump you took in the toilet and flushed it down, no 2nd thoughts about it, gone and washed away forever....sick now
 
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Lellaji

Guest
STOP GIRL!!!! You most NOT hate yourself!!! It is not you it is something wrong with. You are the normal person in this story. It is him and his family who are the preditors here. they did take advantise of you b/c you are a normal human beeing with normal human feelings and empati. Get angry girl!! Be angry at the ones who deserve all the anger you have inside of you!!! Who the hell do these fucking people think they are!!!! They are like animals treating you like they have done!!! This man do not deserve ONE of your tears!! He do not deserve you at all
@Tiger, you are right , i know you are, sometimes i do curse out loud and say fck you mtherfckers as if i need them or something NO I DONT , i dont need anyone ok
and im not the one looking for ways out of my life and self, i wanted to share my life and what i had to offer just sorry i couldnt offer the 400 and some $$ it took to start application the time he started whining about it...and sorry but after the way he's treated me in the past didnt make me want to act anymore faster on it, im not stupid ladies as i said, i just have this stupid heart of mine and well hopefully now its completely shriveled up and dead b/c i dont want to risk to feel a damn thing anymore
im happy being hateful, really
 
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Lellaji

Guest
Love that song - the two most poignant bit's are 'going to catch a cold from the ice inside your soul' and 'I wish I had missed the first kiss' I have posted this before as a perfect song xxxx
@Tiger thanks for the song, always up for good new music, i have alot to share too so ill see over in the song dedication section for the broken hearts..for christ's sake every song in the book written about love and love lost, i know im not the only one, or with worst case...it just feels the worst for me
 
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Lellaji

Guest
And the best part is "DON`T COME BACK FOR ME!! DON`T COME BACK AT AL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@Tiger, im guilty of not being able to let go, in any relationship, even if its bad , i have hard hard time
it takes me along time to get out of my system even if someone new around to rebound or cover the pain it doesnt just go away for me, and this one , well it going to be the death of me for sure and well i feel that i wish i can say DONT COME BACK TO ME but that's what he wanted i believe more in power of forgiveness and showing myself the bigger person, the sweeter one so he eat his heart out and see what he lost
 

MH007

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Stunning picture of you all - they are your life not some dead beat rat that gave all the chat - why even think of leaving these beautiful young ladies for a nobody - a fake actor c'mon hunni wake up Pls - do you want to break their heart by leaving them for a low beat visa hunter? Pls as a parent I know my son wouldn't stop me but it would break his heart.

Pls stop and think.

Xxxx
 

Tiger

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@Tiger, im guilty of not being able to let go, in any relationship, even if its bad , i have hard hard time
it takes me along time to get out of my system even if someone new around to rebound or cover the pain it doesnt just go away for me, and this one , well it going to be the death of me for sure and well i feel that i wish i can say DONT COME BACK TO ME but that's what he wanted i believe more in power of forgiveness and showing myself the bigger person, the sweeter one so he eat his heart out and see what he lost
Lellaji you are not alone with that feeling here. To be bit of a rat take loooong time to heal. And i think the scare will stay forever. And you have been bitten twice!! The scare will be there. It will always remind us about what happen when they petray us. It will be difficult to trust 100% Do not now think about what future bring. Don´t jump into a new relation now .Stay on your own two feet and try to build your relation with your children and family and friends. And when time comes, find a man from your own country. The problem with us women are that we often do the same over and over again. We pick the same kind of men and get burnd over and over again. I am sure there are many good trusting men in your country, just like here. But let this be in future, not now. Now you need to rebuild yourself and to get on your feet again. Then when you give yourself the time you need you will come out of it stronger then you ever been. And yes, we sometime want them back, and we also take them back. But belive me, it will not be long before you stand in the same shit again. They are like the wind. They turn in secounds. From perfect love to Hell. So give yourself time. screem!! curse!!! But put yourself first. Your helth and your life is the most inportant here. Let him sail his own way. But do not let him drag you under time after time
 

joon

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Messages
361
Miss Lellaji, it is not your fault. Many of us come from cultures that aren't used to having to manipulate others to survive, so we love blindly. I am married to a Turkish man and have had a Tunisian fiancee years ago, both are highly educated and neither needed me for a Visa or citizenship, but I will tell you they come from a very different world than we do.
 
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Lellaji

Guest
Stunning picture of you all - they are your life not some dead beat rat that gave all the chat - why even think of leaving these beautiful young ladies for a nobody - a fake actor c'mon hunni wake up Pls - do you want to break their heart by leaving them for a low beat visa hunter? Pls as a parent I know my son wouldn't stop me but it would break his heart.

Pls stop and think.

Xxxx @MH007 thanks for the compliment...i wish my heart felt as full as it should
 
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Lellaji

Guest
Lellaji you are not alone with that feeling here. To be bit of a rat take loooong time to heal. And i think the scare will stay forever. And you have been bitten twice!! The scare will be there. It will always remind us about what happen when they petray us. It will be difficult to trust 100% Do not now think about what future bring. Don´t jump into a new relation now .Stay on your own two feet and try to build your relation with your children and family and friends. And when time comes, find a man from your own country. The problem with us women are that we often do the same over and over again. We pick the same kind of men and get burnd over and over again. I am sure there are many good trusting men in your country, just like here. But let this be in future, not now. Now you need to rebuild yourself and to get on your feet again. Then when you give yourself the time you need you will come out of it stronger then you ever been. And yes, we sometime want them back, and we also take them back. But belive me, it will not be long before you stand in the same shit again. They are like the wind. They turn in secounds. From perfect love to Hell. So give yourself time. screem!! curse!!! But put yourself first. Your helth and your life is the most inportant here. Let him sail his own way. But do not let him drag you under time after time
@Tiger:(
 
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