i love him, but what if?

Lellaji

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Joined
Jul 28, 2015
Messages
790
Give her the biggest virtual cuddle ever - she needs one xxx
yes i do and patience also, im sorry im talking alotttttttttttt
i have no one else to confide this to and im so ashamed , really embarassed and sorry for myself that this happened
and he knows my history and my ultra sensitive and cautious nature....its like barbaric and i dont want to think more about what he's doing there, i didnt know and i will never know :Not Worthy::Cry:
 

Lellaji

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Jul 28, 2015
Messages
790
Hello Lellja

First thing I want to do is send you a special cuddle ..cos you need that ...

Your story is very common I am afraid ..many relationships/marriages have been ended via a text message..

Lets just think about this for a minute...Marriage is very important ,it is a commitment to another for life. we exchange vows/promises....and from our side these are genuine...Howver to the RAT it is just another set of words..empty meaningless words...

He dont get his own way when HE wants and it is ..byeee I am gone and you know what he thinks ok t i will do that by text....This is an emotionless/heartless/evil human being...no question A RAT....

I sense from you posts that you are very kind and sensitive soul and you are also very VULNERABLE...the RAT has sensed all of this and used it to HIS advantage...

No more must you allow this to happen.....Never ever be attracted to one of Arabic descent again...they will pick up on your kindness and use it against you.....

I am not being harsh but i think you are looking for a Fairy tale ending, hearts and flowers kinda lady...No way you will find with these men ...

I believe you need to take lots and lots of time to recover yourself and take the time to LOVE YOU....

This is a very important step because it will help you so much in the future.....With this step you will find the right man ...You will not NEED a man but you will be with him cos you WANT to be a very big difference...

Hard as it is going to be in the next few weeks, you will get over this if you block and delete..Use every resource available to you to aid your recovery.....visit here day and night if it helps..get it all out, then move on ....and start the rd to recovery and self worth.....

Now i know you are on holiday to Niagra Falls ..enjoy how many of us would love to be there ..I would that is for sure...Enjoy and look at the beauty that surrounds us in the Natural world....

I send you all the very best wishes ...

Cuddle xx
@CUDDLE you see how GOD works...i was planning this long before this shocking loss..im glad GOD allowed me to follow thru with this mini vacation and with my girls as often times i travel alone and to other countries and yes usually for my man. and now keep hearing more and more about these rats...i have been on other sites too back when i was married to moroccan and the problems we had ohhhhhhhhhhh the stories and nightmares too...i told myself no more arab men, no more long distance online trusting and shit, tho i had alot of great memories most all led to heartbreak and nowhere. when you see the whole picture this man i believe was my GOD send you know, my angel , THE RIGHT MAN in my life, and you are right about what you say about me as everyone does ..but then why to get hurt so much , i didnt see such sickness and depravity in all my life as i have with my experiences with arab men, and i do know how to treat my man and i am unconditional
GOD sent me to this site, i stumbled upon it somehow and i am thankful ok, b/c when i hear your rationalizations or opinions from outside looking in and also going thru same things well...im happy to found this group and glad you accepted me...this is not something ever going to go away and i still feel worst yet to come, i think he was already set in his mind he wasnt "good enough ' for me not able to 'give me the life i deserve' " too expensive to have", sorry for himself but go ahead and throw away ur chance totally now b/c i figured you out and quick..i like how you call them rats and you know what im started to see him as one too, i hate to but he leaves me no choice he will somehow deal with consequences of HIS actions, if not now later and even GOD would NEVER accept this from man who married a woman and it being FAKE, and this man talking about how he answers to GOD and knows what GOD will do when muslims are bad with others, bad with ur own wife..anyway of course i blame myself but i know deep down he knows the truth about me and well im glad i didnt invest in the visa journey again, he definitely was not worthy
 

Lellaji

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Joined
Jul 28, 2015
Messages
790
So glad to here from you after your trip. My weekend was good as we had great weather.

As far as counseling, there might be low cost or free counseling for victims of domestic abuse. Abuse is more than hitting and experts know that.
yes weather in canada was great !
 

Laura2014

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Staff member
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Nov 10, 2014
Messages
4,061
Hi, yes I am a lot better thanks, I had a lovely weekend with guests and that was a huge distraction and have managed to do a fair bit of work today. Also slept better last night. Had a horrible day on Sunday, but so much better today, so that's an improvement. I know it will get better. Do I miss him and the contact and my fantasy thoughts, yes all the time, but I am luckier than most, mine is sadness at lost dreams of what might have been, it never really got off the ground, so many people here have lived the dream and thought it was all Ok and then had such a disappointment. So I count myself lucky. Glad your holiday was good. I wish I could get away for a while, no phone and no internet, but not possible at the moment. Also sending you a big hug x
 

alemancita

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Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
263
Dear @Lellaji , glad to hear your WE trip was nice and you enjoyed some quality time with your loved ones . And please keep on talking a loooootttt:cool: let it all out and share your thoughts and feelings with us , as we all know , how much this helps, when you have no one else who would be able to understand , how you feel at the moment . I agree : you should have done a counseling after this experience with Mr. Marocco ....... and when the first shock is over, please dont skip it this time ....its so important. I did it myself after my bezzie and it was really the best decision in my life. It took some time , but now I am really MYSELF and able to maintain and normal and healthy relationship ......and you deserve the same my dear ...... monday hug to you:love: xxxx
 

Tiger

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Jul 4, 2013
Messages
1,129
THANKS @Tiger THE HORRIBLE THINGS I BEEN THRU AND OTHERS HAVE BEEN THRU WAY WAY WORSE I HATE TO COMPLAIN AND FEEL SO DESOLATE AND DESPERATE WHEN SURELY I AM NOT, BUT LOVE SO POWERFUL OK AND HE FOOLED ME INTO GOING HIS WAY WITH HIM AND NOW HE DROPPED ME OK AND HOW I CARED FOR HIM SO MUCH AND I NEVR WANT TO THROW IN FACE ALL I DID FOR HI M, ALL UNCONDITIONALLLY BUT JUST SO USED I FEEL NOW AND LIKE HOW COULD HE NOT WANT ME:???????? YOU DONT WANT ME? LOLLL YOU GOING TO JUST REALLY THROW AWAY AND FUCK UP THE ONE THING WE KNOW HE WANTED A WAY OUT OF TUNISIA AND I TOLD HIM THAT TOO, NOT TO FACE OF COURSE I NEVER HAD MY CHANCE YET TO FACE HIM OK BUT I TOLD HIM I GUESS I WAS JUST UR WAY OUT OF UR COUNTRY (AS I MAY OF SUSPECTED BUT NEVER EXPECTED) AND I WAS ONLY AS GOOD AS WHAT I COULD GIVE EVEN THO MY FATHER IN LAW GOT IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW (AND MAYBE HE LIES ABOUT REASON FOR MONEY, WOULDNT BE SURPRISED) BUT IAM SUPPOSED TO TRUST...SO FATHER IN LAW IN TROUBLE WITH LAW COURT LAWYER WHOLE BIT AND I SEND MONEY TO GET HIM OUT OF TROUBLE OK
AND SO THEN WHEN HE PRESSES ABOUT VISA AND COMPLAINING IM DRAGGING MY FEET AS IF IM THE ONLY CONTROLLING HERE SO YEAH HE COMPLAINS AND THEN I HAVE NO MONEY NOT ONLY FOR VISA APPLICATION BUT MYSELF AND MY KIDS CUZ IM FCKING POOOR AND SINCE VACATIONING THERE DEC 27-JAN 11 SPENDING ALL MONEY AND LOSING MONEY FROM HOLIDAYS AND TRAVEL AND EXTRA BAGGAGE TO BRINGING EVERYTHING TO THEM FOR XMAS AND OTHER STUFF YOU HAVE NO IDEA I MEAN HE HAD IT GOOD MAN SO WHY? AND I WASNT BUYING HIM I LOVE HIM OK AND I DID MY BEST AND IN END I THINK HES UNGREATFUL ENTIRELY FOR MISUNDERSTANDING ME WHEN I SAID THAT THE MONEY FOR THE VISA WENT TO FREE UR FATHER AND HE GOT MAD ABOUT THIS ON MAY 27 AND WE HAD SEEN EACH OTHER LAST ON THIS DAY VIA SKYPE BUT ALL IN ALL HIS CONTACT BECAME LESS AND LESS AND HE WAS MORE ANGRY AND HOPELESS BUT I WAS AROUND AND AVAILABLE AND BY HIS SIDE BUT HE GIVES ME SILENCE ALOTTTTTTTTTTT WHEN HES MAD AND HE WANTS ME TO TRUST HIM HOW? IF I CANT SEE ACTION OR SEE HIM WHAT HE'S DOING THEN I NEED TO HAVE CONTACT ON PHONE IN EMAILS OR SKYPE OR WHATSAPP WHATEVER...HE JUST LIKE DISAPPEARS AND ALWAYS WITH EXCUSE ANYWAY I M GOING OFF AGAIN, SORRY....I SEE NOW THAT MAYBE HE GOT SOMEONE ELSE TO HELP HIM WITH VISA, WOULD I BE SURPRISED REALLY NOT B/C I HAD WORST THINGS HAPPEN SO WHY SHOULD I HAD BELIEVED HIM AND ALL HIS BULLSHIT WHEN HE SAID HE WAS REAL, NEVER LEAVE ME, NEVER TURN BACK , NEVER TALK BAD , NEVER HURT ME?? REALLY AND HE'S THE WORST OF WORST????????????? YES THEY, ARAB MEN, ALL I HAVE BEEN WITH AND KNOWN MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY AND ITS OUR FAULT FOR MOST THINGS
Hi. Yes it is horribal what you have been true!! But i am sad to say this is their true face. It is so hard to belive in our wildest dreams, but this is how they use and abuse. And all we get back is acusing for not love enought, not do enought, not give enought. It is like they think we have a money tree in our garden where we can go and pic money or a golden goose making golden eggs for us every morning ready to pic. It is hard to leave , not pic up phone, to delet and block. Sometime also have to change phone number. But it get better every day, belive me. You have children . Take care of them. And also take care of your self. In time you will see it was good he show his real face before he could hurt you more and steel more from you. He would been as a mill stone around your neck if he had mannage to get to you. I send to you the biggest warmest hug on earth. Stay strong girl. You will be happy again
 

Lellaji

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Joined
Jul 28, 2015
Messages
790
Hi, yes I am a lot better thanks, I had a lovely weekend with guests and that was a huge distraction and have managed to do a fair bit of work today. Also slept better last night. Had a horrible day on Sunday, but so much better today, so that's an improvement. I know it will get better. Do I miss him and the contact and my fantasy thoughts, yes all the time, but I am luckier than most, mine is sadness at lost dreams of what might have been, it never really got off the ground, so many people here have lived the dream and thought it was all Ok and then had such a disappointment. So I count myself lucky. Glad your holiday was good. I wish I could get away for a while, no phone and no internet, but not possible at the moment. Also sending you a big hug x
i have no problems leaving phone and internet alone. thats why i loved being in tataouine with him and his family im so depressed cuz im just always planning on going to see him and now.....i should make other plans. i have to work, i support myself, no choice, sometimes i must look so far away and down and depressed here but really the medicine helps me function and relax, when i think about it , i lose it
i sort of feel like our dream never took off either, i mean i went to see him for 3 weeks we got married, went back 15 months later....that's how long it took me to get back and then i was there 3 weeks again and of course we were planning and CERTAIN TO STAY TOGETHER BUT WE NEVER STARTED OUR LIFE OK I MEAN MARRIED YES OF COURSE FIRST MAJOR STEP MORE THAN THE FIRST STEP BUT....WE NEVER HAD A CHANCE, HE NEVER LET IT HAVE A CHANCE, HE LITERALLY GAVE UP ON ME AND US AND WELL..HERE COMES THE TEARS AGAIN...IM GLAD YOU FELT BETTER AND I WISH ONE OF YOU GUYS LIVED NEAR ME...I COULD USE A FRIEND AROUND HERE :rolleyes:
 

Lellaji

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Joined
Jul 28, 2015
Messages
790
Hi, I am the Philadelphia suburbs.. if you need someone to talk to and some support let me know.. Currently I am in Md, but my parents live in PA and I go often.
THAT WOULD B GREAT @joon !! WHAT PART OF SUBURBS ARE THEY? YES I WOULD MEET YOU WHEREVER...WHERE IN MARYLAND?
 

Lellaji

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Joined
Jul 28, 2015
Messages
790
Dear @Lellaji , glad to hear your WE trip was nice and you enjoyed some quality time with your loved ones . And please keep on talking a loooootttt:cool: let it all out and share your thoughts and feelings with us , as we all know , how much this helps, when you have no one else who would be able to understand , how you feel at the moment . I agree : you should have done a counseling after this experience with Mr. Marocco ....... and when the first shock is over, please dont skip it this time ....its so important. I did it myself after my bezzie and it was really the best decision in my life. It took some time , but now I am really MYSELF and able to maintain and normal and healthy relationship ......and you deserve the same my dear ...... monday hug to you:love: xxxx
@alemancita
:love:
 

Lellaji

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Joined
Jul 28, 2015
Messages
790
Hi. Yes it is horribal what you have been true!! But i am sad to say this is their true face. It is so hard to belive in our wildest dreams, but this is how they use and abuse. And all we get back is acusing for not love enought, not do enought, not give enought. It is like they think we have a money tree in our garden where we can go and pic money or a golden goose making golden eggs for us every morning ready to pic. It is hard to leave , not pic up phone, to delet and block. Sometime also have to change phone number. But it get better every day, belive me. You have children . Take care of them. And also take care of your self. In time you will see it was good he show his real face before he could hurt you more and steel more from you. He would been as a mill stone around your neck if he had mannage to get to you. I send to you the biggest warmest hug on earth. Stay strong girl. You will be happy again
@Tiger
:love: REALLY MEANS ALOT , ALL OF YOU , TAKING SUCH NICE CARE AND CONCERN FOR ME
THANKS ALOT
 

Lellaji

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Joined
Jul 28, 2015
Messages
790
DAY AFTER DAY HE GROWS FARTHER AND FARTHER AWAY
I DIDNT THINK ID LOSE THIS MAN
MY BEST FRIEND OR SO I THOUGHT
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO HEARTLESS
MAYBE I HAD HURT SOMEONE TOO BEFORE AND NOW IM GETTING PAID BACK
BUT I DID EVERYTHING I COULD FOR HIM
WE WERENT JUST LOVERS BUT HE SAYS THAT'S ALL HE IS FOR ME, IS JUST MY 'LOVER'
JUST SO HURTFUL
 

Tiger

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Joined
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Messages
1,129
DAY AFTER DAY HE GROWS FARTHER AND FARTHER AWAY
I DIDNT THINK ID LOSE THIS MAN
MY BEST FRIEND OR SO I THOUGHT
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO HEARTLESS
MAYBE I HAD HURT SOMEONE TOO BEFORE AND NOW IM GETTING PAID BACK
BUT I DID EVERYTHING I COULD FOR HIM
WE WERENT JUST LOVERS BUT HE SAYS THAT'S ALL HE IS FOR ME, IS JUST MY 'LOVER'
JUST SO HURTFUL
Dear Lellaii . You are not to blame . Never think like that. He did use you b/c you are a kind and warm hearted person. Like i say in another tret here. they do not think like we think. Everything we look at like a prove of comitment is just a game to them. And belive me. The karma bus will come to him. He is the one who have lost. Not you. Stay strong . We are all here to suport you
 

Amira

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Messages
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They like to have to much Control over us women and they do not like to hear answer no . But to be a yes girl is only broke you Down . It is better to say right out where the feet is and if he do not Accept well the door is open and he can walk away . Stop to be a Nice girl
 

Tiger

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Messages
1,129
They like to have to much Control over us women and they do not like to hear answer no . But to be a yes girl is only broke you Down . It is better to say right out where the feet is and if he do not Accept well the door is open and he can walk away . Stop to be a Nice girl
Yes you are so right.
There are a saying.....IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE, THE DOOR IS OPEN
IF YOU WANT TO STAY, THEN STAY
BUT YOU CAN NOT STAND IN THE DOOR.
I feel many of the rats are standing in the door with the hand out just to take. And to run the moment they do not get what the demand from us.
 

CUDDLE

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Joined
Jan 3, 2011
Messages
2,259
@CUDDLE you see how GOD works...i was planning this long before this shocking loss..im glad GOD allowed me to follow thru with this mini vacation and with my girls as often times i travel alone and to other countries and yes usually for my man. and now keep hearing more and more about these rats...i have been on other sites too back when i was married to moroccan and the problems we had ohhhhhhhhhhh the stories and nightmares too...i told myself no more arab men, no more long distance online trusting and shit, tho i had alot of great memories most all led to heartbreak and nowhere. when you see the whole picture this man i believe was my GOD send you know, my angel , THE RIGHT MAN in my life, and you are right about what you say about me as everyone does ..but then why to get hurt so much , i didnt see such sickness and depravity in all my life as i have with my experiences with arab men, and i do know how to treat my man and i am unconditional
GOD sent me to this site, i stumbled upon it somehow and i am thankful ok, b/c when i hear your rationalizations or opinions from outside looking in and also going thru same things well...im happy to found this group and glad you accepted me...this is not something ever going to go away and i still feel worst yet to come, i think he was already set in his mind he wasnt "good enough ' for me not able to 'give me the life i deserve' " too expensive to have", sorry for himself but go ahead and throw away ur chance totally now b/c i figured you out and quick..i like how you call them rats and you know what im started to see him as one too, i hate to but he leaves me no choice he will somehow deal with consequences of HIS actions, if not now later and even GOD would NEVER accept this from man who married a woman and it being FAKE, and this man talking about how he answers to GOD and knows what GOD will do when muslims are bad with others, bad with ur own wife..anyway of course i blame myself but i know deep down he knows the truth about me and well im glad i didnt invest in the visa journey again, he definitely was not worthy
 

CUDDLE

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Jan 3, 2011
Messages
2,259
Yes Lellaj

as we say God works in mysterious ways....

Your husband does NOT believe in GOD this is an idea they like us to believe in but in reality it is a lie, the same as everything else is about them...

I thought I knew my husband inside out..boy how wrong i was...I rang him one evening all the while he was speaking to me, at the SAME time he was speaking to a young girl on an internet site !! At the very same time can you believe and never would anyone guess ..but i had irrefutable proof...just goes to show exactly what they are capable of....

They are capable of things you would only see in horror movies .....All ex victims are now VICTORS...as life with a RAT is NOT life.....

I urge you to invest your time and your energy into your family where the work is hard at times but the rewards are good...

I will send you as many Cuddles as you require each and everyone will be genuine and from my heart..

Take Care of yourself

Cuddle xx
 

Amira

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Joined
Aug 5, 2014
Messages
3,216
thought I knew my husband inside out..boy how wrong i was...I rang him one evening all the while he was speaking to me, at the SAME time he was speaking to a young girl on an internet siteTo Catch him in his internet look you have to stay Close to his computer for 24 hours .Will a honest husband do some thing wrong behind his wife and make her upset ofcourse not . It is better for us to do not Waste Ours time on them and i agree a life With these kind off men is only give you troubles . You never know what happend NeXT time . They is not real men but boys
 

Amira

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Joined
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Messages
3,216
DAY AFTER DAY HE GROWS FARTHER AND FARTHER AWAY
I DIDNT THINK ID LOSE THIS MAN
MY BEST FRIEND OR SO I THOUGHT
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE SO HEARTLESS
MAYBE I HAD HURT SOMEONE TOO BEFORE AND NOW IM GETTING PAID BACK
BUT I DID EVERYTHING I COULD FOR HIM
WE WERENT JUST LOVERS BUT HE SAYS THAT'S ALL HE IS FOR ME, IS JUST MY 'LOVER'
JUST SO HURTFUL
To understand these kind off People is impossible . But dear Lellap why stay together With a man you can not trust . You do not know what he do behind Your back and belive me you never know what happend NeXT time it is a risk to stay With them and if you stay With them for long time you will loose a lot off Money
 

Tiger

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Joined
Jul 4, 2013
Messages
1,129
thought I knew my husband inside out..boy how wrong i was...I rang him one evening all the while he was speaking to me, at the SAME time he was speaking to a young girl on an internet siteTo Catch him in his internet look you have to stay Close to his computer for 24 hours .Will a honest husband do some thing wrong behind his wife and make her upset ofcourse not . It is better for us to do not Waste Ours time on them and i agree a life With these kind off men is only give you troubles . You never know what happend NeXT time . They is not real men but boys
Yes they are really boys. They are like spoild boys all their life. We are not a partner to them , no matter if we are younger or older then them. We are their new Mom.And like teenagers boys hide their life from Mom, they hide their games from us. And we become a "mom" who have to follow their behavir and punish them like a child for wrong doing. We have to give them food, home and clothing, and also pocket money like we do with a teenager in the home so they can go out and have fun with their friends afther school. We have to fight to get them out of bed in the morning like a teenager who is tierd of school and want to skip school, but this is not a stupid teenager, This supose to be your husband. A grown man!! It is like having a child in home that never grow up no matter how old he get
 

Amira

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Joined
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Messages
3,216
Yes they are really boys. They are like spoild boys all their life. We are not a partner to them , no matter if we are younger or older then them. We are their new Mom.And like teenagers boys hide their life from Mom, they hide their games from us. And we become a "mom" who have to follow their behavir and punish them like a child for wrong doing. We have to give them food, home and clothing, and also pocket money like we do with a teenager in the home so they can go out and have fun with their friends afther school. We have to fight to get them out of bed in the morning like a teenager who is tierd of school and want to skip school, but this is not a stupid teenager, This supose to be your husband. A grown man!! It is like having a child in home that never grow up no matter how old he get
A moslim lady she told me they is like a slaves for them men and i ask her if she have to Accept every thing he do and she say yes and to make a divorce it is a shame . Well i try for many years to understand arab culture but i fond out it is impossible for me to understand them ?i can not Accept a man who is hit his wife looking for another women get be angry when he get answer no and when you try to get a honest answer out off them they never give a honest answer . Real hope less . West and East is like a day and night
 

Lellaji

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 28, 2015
Messages
790
Yes Lellaj

as we say God works in mysterious ways....

Your husband does NOT believe in GOD this is an idea they like us to believe in but in reality it is a lie, the same as everything else is about them...

I thought I knew my husband inside out..boy how wrong i was...I rang him one evening all the while he was speaking to me, at the SAME time he was speaking to a young girl on an internet site !! At the very same time can you believe and never would anyone guess ..but i had irrefutable proof...just goes to show exactly what they are capable of....

They are capable of things you would only see in horror movies .....All ex victims are now VICTORS...as life with a RAT is NOT life.....

I urge you to invest your time and your energy into your family where the work is hard at times but the rewards are good...

I will send you as many Cuddles as you require each and everyone will be genuine and from my heart..

Take Care of yourself

Cuddle xx
was feeling a bit calmer, not better but just getting on with it and then i saw something this morning, from his sister, now this breaks me down again, now im crying at work
 
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