I need help!

Discussion in 'Online Rats' started by Katelynn Smith, Jul 29, 2018.

  1. Katelynn Smith

    Katelynn Smith New Member

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    Hello,
    I met a Tunisian man on a Pen Pal website. I am due to leave on September 1st to be married to this man. We talk all of the time. He has asked me for nothing. But, After he deleted his profile on that app months ago 3 weeks later I discovered he had put it back with no photo. It was there for 1 week then deleted.

    So something strange happened this week. We had a the best 4 hour conversation on Tuesday evening. He said that he would call the next day. I did not hear from him on Wednesday, Thursday then on Friday he sent a text saying he had a disagreement with his sister and was depressed but he said I love you so much. We have never missed talking on the weekends. I still have not heard from him through the app we speak on or the phone which is through the app.

    In the last 2 weeks I have spoke to his mother twice he translated. I do not understand why he is not communicating with me. He told me he had found the cook for our wedding party and a good man for our contract. I do not know what to think or what I should do. I am in the process of converting to Muslim my idea. Any suggestions will be very much appreciated.
     
  2. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Welcome to the forum @Katelynn Smith, can I ask a couple of questions? How long have you known this man? Have you met him in person?
     
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  3. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    Hi Katelyn.
    I will add some questions too,
    Have you this idea before meeting with your new friend?
    Is it any age gap between you and this man?

    First, I thought you are talking about my ex.:D He used to tell the same crap often.
     
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  4. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Hi Kathy, where are you from? Looks like you fell for him hook line and sinker. Sounds to me like you got a rat with a rat mother. You have never met him and want to marry him, why didn't you get to know him in person first. He might have bad breath (some rats don't show their teeth. They wait for the victim to pay for the fixing), a lame leg or arm or even have a hunchback.But whatever - love grows in unusual places....
    He has a disagreement with his sister and don't call you because he is depressed. That sounds very fishy. Imagine how he will react if he finds out that even in your country he has to work for a living and for sending money to his family and you disagree to finance it
    How long is this going on? What's his name and what part of Tunisia is he from?
    If I was you, I'd ban that unsensible glutz from my life. You don't need a cranky arsehole for a fiance
     
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  5. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    Just for the record, I have been a member on the PenPal site, but could not cope there more than month. I wanted to practiсe the language, but instead I had to block-block-block all the morons. Unfortunately, this is a cheap dating site now.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2018
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  6. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    If you want to convert to Islam, then it's your choice, but if you do it because of him, I do not think it's right. Have you ever read the Quran? I do not know this man, but I have a bad feeling that he has another woman in the back. You write that you have met him through the internet. Have you ever been to Tunsia? Tunisia has changed a lot in recent years to become stricter. Recommends you to read about Tunsia, language and culture.
     
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  7. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    What does he mean by "a good man for our contract" ? Is it going to be just an Islam marriage? That is not legally recognized in Tunisia. Is that why you want to convert to Islam? For that kind of marriage you don't have to do that

    Specially designated Notaries at the City Hall Registry Office “Bureau de l’Etat Civil a la Municipalite” perform marriages in Tunisia. Only marriages celebrated before such an official in compliance with Tunisian Law No. 57 August 1, 1957, as amended are legal. If one or both of the contracting parties are foreigners, Tunisian law requires that the marriage also fulfill the marriage requirements of the foreigner’s country. Neither a fixed period of residence nor publication of bans is required. A religious ceremony may subsequently be performed at the option of the couple.
     
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  8. Big Bang Theory

    Big Bang Theory Well-Known Member

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    have you ever been to Tunisia or a similar country?
    if not, you are in for a HUGE culture shock.
    the chances of him being a rat and only after money and visa are extremely high (99.9%).
    even if he's part of the 0.01% the differences in culture and mentality are so vast it will take you years to even begin to understand.
    I don't mean that 99.9% of Tunisians are rats but 99.9% of those who fish on the internet are - this is completely against their culture and only the lowest of the low scammer would do this.

    please read as much as you can here... I know a lot of it might seem far fetched but honest its not.
    also read this website:

    https://www.tunisia-love.com/what-is-bezness-in-tunisia.htm

    https://www.tunisia-love.com/start-of-relationships.htm

    I expect you have googled Tunisia and seen all the lovely tourist attractions, hotels and lots of tourists having fun. But this is not the real Tunisia - the reality (outside the tourist areas) is a world apart from the life you know.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2018
  9. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    So so many red flags with just that small bit of information from you.
    If nothing else please please do not marry him on your first visit its actually crazy.
    You wouldnt marry someone from your own country on the first meeting so why the exception? You do not have to convert and if this is his suggestion then it is haram for him to do so .a nikah marraige in tunisia is not only against the law this type of marraige is not legal and permits him to take several wives if he wants to .
    Stop, think and look at everything before you do something silly
     
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  10. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Hi Katelynn, welcome to the forum :)
    Wow....seems like you've got a sulking little toddler on your hands....I'm afraid this is typical rat behaviour :rolleyes:

    What part of Tunisia is he from? Any foreign exes? Is there an age gap? Has he mentioned a visa?

    My biggie here is: Why are you converting to Islam? Are you aware that this is not just a belief, but a complete and utter lifestyle, dictating your every move, from clothes, to the bedroom, to the food you eat?
    Are you aware of how oppressive Islam is for a woman? Are you converting from the heart, or for him? This is something you need to sit and think about long and hard.
    If converting to Islam was not on your agenda before this man....then you are doing it for the wrong reason.

    Am I right in understanding you have never met this man in the flesh?? If yes, why would you do that? Why would anybody marry a strange man off the internet....especially one from such a vastly different culture that will affect the freedoms and independence you've enjoyed up til now?

    I'm assuming you live far away from Tunisia, hence the strange, hurried wedding scenario? :confused: What do your family think of all this?

    At first, I will assume his contact was 24/7? This has now changed to periods of silence since you agreed to marry and convert to Islam? Do you want to be with a man that controls you this way? That ignores you now he has you hooked? That sulks like a toddler? It's a sure thing I wouldn't.

    I lived in Tunisia with my rat....the perfect gent on the internet, the most evil, bastard from hell in reality....and please, don't think any of his family and friends over there will help you should the shit hit the fan, because if he is the rat he seems to be from your opening post...then they are all in it together...and the mothers are the worse of the whole bunch.

    Sorry to be so negative, so doom and gloom, but I believe it is better to be honest, rather than mislead you with false reassurances and wish you a wonderful time.
    My gut says you are making the mistake of a lifetime in converting and marrying this stranger :(
     
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  11. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    How about traveling down there on vacation without saying that to him. Enter a hotel with a girlfriend or family. Travel around Tunisa and see the country. See how they are etc. Get some insight into the country but do not say anything to him. Because if you do, then he will probably meet you at the airport and you're only with him. Try to get to know the country first.
     
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  12. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    are you joking You do not know him just online. If you marry him the first time you see him. You marry a stranger
     
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  13. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    @Katelynn Smith i can see you got a lot of replies and you probably feel you were hit with both barrels of the gun. I promise you these replies come from people who have shared and lived your experience and know well how these relationships turn out.

    It’s not acceptable in Tunisia to seek a partner through the internet. People are desperate to leave Tunisia by any means. The future for young men is very bleak economically and marrying someone from another country is their first choice as a way of leaving. He may be telling you that he loves his country and wants you to join him there but it’s not true. They all say this. Once the marriage papers are signed he will ask you to start proceedings to get a spouse visa.

    The fact that his family appear to approve of the Union is another reason to be concerned.

    Im sorry to say that there may be another woman on the scene. Someone who has visited him there, keeping you both in reserve to see which one will provide the visa first.

    There are so many things you should be trying to find out. It’s perfectly acceptable to do background checks on him. A marriage in Tunisia only takes place when both families are certain there are no skeletons in the closet.

    You need to know a lot more about him, not just what he has told you. He may seem like the kindest most sincere person but as many (pretty much all of us) found out the reality is quite different. If you need information about him there are many of us here who can help you find out, indeed I’d say before you embark on a trip there it’s essential.
     
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  14. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Strange that his mother is so open. I do not believe in his apologies regarding his sister unfortunately think he is with another lady. Know that it sounds brutal but they have many women around
     
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  15. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    Why strange?:) Mostly, their mothers and all the family are in scam. All they play the same game.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2018
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  16. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    We must not talk about the mothers (pimps in the disguise of loving, family women)....it sends my blood pressure through the roof!! :D:D
     
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  17. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Well-Known Member

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  18. Katelynn Smith

    Katelynn Smith New Member

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    Hello, Thank you for the reply. We actually just started as pen pals and it has been 8 months. No, we have not met in person. We planned for a wedding in September I was leaving on the 1st but now since he is not contacting me every day as he had I am putting leaving on hold.
     
  19. Katelynn Smith

    Katelynn Smith New Member

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    I have been interested in converting for some time. I am 28 and he is 24 not sure if that is an age gap. We spoke for 4 hours on Tuesday and then nothing Wednesday or Thursday. Friday he sent a text directly not through Whatsapp. I have heard nothing since. What concerned me 3 weeks ago is that he reactivated his profile on the penpal site interpals and was there for a week and then deleted the profile again.
     
  20. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Well-Known Member

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    Last edited: Jul 29, 2018
  21. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    You are wise to put things on hold. Eight months is a very short time to decide to go to a foreign country and marry a stranger. I’m sure it’s been hard reading the responses but please stay, ask questions and read as much as you can. This sudden change in behaviour and contact is predictable, we have all been there. If anything he has done you a favour by raising doubts because you truly need to know more about this man, his family and culture before embarking on such a life changing journey. I’ve rarely heard a good outcome but have known many women here who ended up in adesperate situation. One young woman here did as you did, but the reality on arrival was dreadful. Staying in a filthy apartment, locked in and forced to marry him just so she could leave and get back to the USA. When she eventually saw the family home it was squalid, almost derelict with dirty mattresses on the floor. Nothing like the dreams and visions she had. She went for six months and escaped after two weeks.
     
  22. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    @Katelynn Smith , I'm wondering how you fell in love with a total stranger you know nothing about.
    What fascinates you about him?
     
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  23. Katelynn Smith

    Katelynn Smith New Member

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    Thank you for the reply. He has appeared very strict that he cannot be with a woman until marriage. He told me that we could not even hug until we are married. His mother only speaks Arabic but she has tried her best with English. The last time we spoke about 10 days ago with his mother she was crying tears of joy as she was happy her son found someone that made him happy and loved him.
     
  24. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Yes, they are great actors
     
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  25. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    What absolute bs that is. Its quite normal to hug and kiss even between 2 muslims before marraige, hes just telling you this to pull you into marraige.
    The culture alone could drive a sane person to alcohol. It is not easy and takes alot of give and take from both sides.
     

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