I NEED YOUR HELP!!!

Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by Katiaaa002, Apr 7, 2017.

  1. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth - Staff Member

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    I will not talk about my current situation, but let me assure you that I´m very happy :D
     
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  2. Bess

    Bess Member

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    Good :) I respect your privacy.
    Its not you specific you I was talking about but in generel.
     
  3. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth - Staff Member

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    Well, I´m glad, for a minute I thought that you wanted to tell me politely to get the hell out of here 24.gif
     
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  4. Star USA

    Star USA Member

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    I can't imagine what all the new victims will do without all of your knowledge, experience and good words !
    :love:
     
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  5. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth - Staff Member

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    We are a great team and I´m proud to be here :)
     
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  6. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    Here it should be "group hugs".:)
     
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  7. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth - Staff Member

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    55f9d9662f098_group-hug(1).gif :)
     
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  8. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    Brilliant post.
     
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  9. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Moderator

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    I don't hurt anymore, I'm in a very happy relationship with a real man, have healthy children, a new car and a college course, I am happier than I could have ever dreamed of being....but I will stay with this site forever. I will stay here to support women that need our help through their recovery process, I will help victims that are asking for guidance, I will out rats on anyones behalf, I will continue to post links to this site everywhere, I will continue to educate people on bezness, I will do everything in my power to ensure no woman feel like I did.
    I was suicidal when I came here, do you know who gave me strength, support, kept me fighting, stopped me giving up on life? It was the long term members here, those with knowledge, wisdom and caring hearts. 24/7, there was somebody here for me for every wobble. I had Heidi, Crystal, Spartacus, Magic and Anita Hospita...I will never forget how they never gave up on me, no matter how I ranted. I want to be like them, I want to make others feel that they are not stupid or failures.
    You know when you go to the doctors, take your kids to school etc, you have more faith in the more long term experienced staff members...well that's what it's like here. I don't hate my rat, I don't love him, I don't miss him, I'm happy to talk about my experiences on here to help others, but in real life, I don't think of him, I don't care, I am desensitised to him. This is why I am able to help others, why the long term members are so useful.....because we just don't hurt anymore. It's like my life with a rat was somebody elses now, it all seems so surreal. I laugh now, I laugh so, so much again...and I never thought I'd laugh again after Houssem.
     
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  10. black_angel

    black_angel Well-Known Member

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    to calm you down - I'm happy, I'm not alone/single and the only thought I give to my rat sounds " I hope he forgets my name one day and stop messaging me" ;) and even if I speak about him now believe me that I feel nothing. Couldnt care less if he is dead or still alive to be honest.
    Yes, I moved on but I didnt forget, forgive and not even going to because that was the lesson of my life and Im going to use that lesson now to help others till they didnt experience the same. What I meant in my post is that some of us got hurt less and some more. Some victims spent a month, some a year with their rats and some many years. They got hurt much more than you can imagine and not only on the feelings level if I can say so. You should know that for many of the women here it was not a holiday romance but long term relationships where the love, trust, and many other things were involved. Try to imagine a woman who spent years in such relationship with a rat, lost her family, friends, the life she had lived before and is now left alone with a baby from him, betrayed, lied to, psychicaly exhausted whitl nobody to talk to about it cause who is able to understand it all? while he has a brand new victim saying that the mother of his child is simply a jealous bitch or deny to even know you. Would you ask her why she can not move on ? For some women only a week is enough to move on and find a new love, some are not able to do that even after 10 years cause too much damage has been done. We are not all the same my dear and the rats are not only the wrong choice. They are much more than that. The women, new ones who come here should be aware of everything that rats are capable of. Some of the stories here are really tragic, unbelievable but still true.
    I was not exactly reffering to myself but saying in general.
    I'm not digging in what went wrong and why. I know the answears very well :) But I wouldnt know them if not the people on here, their support and wise words. Without them I would be probably in grave now since Im not such a black angel as it may look like ;)
     
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  11. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Adversity will make us stronger. It's no fun to have been used. The worst part is that they almost always find new victims and they can not see what kind of people they are with before it's gone for a while. Of course, we always try to warn them and talk seriously with them but ultimately it is up to each individual whether to listen to the warnings or not. In a situation with a bad one, it is also difficult to trust anyone again. Must admit that when I see couples where she pays for everything and he does not lift a finger so I will be very provoked. It is better to be alone than to have a man who does not respect you. Many women suffer because of repression and this honor. It's horrible when both children and women are suffering because of these men's behavior therefore I will never understand a culture that accepts such differential treatment
     
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  12. Bess

    Bess Member

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    Amira, Black angel, and mango chutney nice to know , thanks for your replay.
     
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  13. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Moderator

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    That's exactly it, just how I feel! I just feel nothing, absolutely nothing...a beautiful, blissful, nothingy kind of nothing....and it's great!
     
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  14. Star USA

    Star USA Member

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    Mango and BA, I am so glad for you that you feel this way. And the fact that you are here, feeling like that and sharing it with us encourages me, that it's possible, that it will happen to me too someday.
     
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  15. black_angel

    black_angel Well-Known Member

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    so glad to hear that.. keep going on girl <3
     
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  16. black_angel

    black_angel Well-Known Member

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    of course it will. look.. there is so many things you can do, places to go to, people to meet... after some time he'll be just a memory and you will love and appreciate your life even more than before.
     
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  17. Star USA

    Star USA Member

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    I will be so happy with just not missing him anymore...
     
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  18. black_angel

    black_angel Well-Known Member

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    you need time my dear. Don't expect from yourself too much on the early begining. It's normal that you mis him, cry from time to time. It's really everything normal and healthy. That's just the way we're coping with it. With most of the bad experiences in life right? Try to appreciate yourself, do something for yourself. You are not guilty of being a good hearted person, not guilty of him being what he is. I asked myself a milion times why me? I dont think that I've ever done in my life anything so bad to diserve that, none of us did. That's just happened and you have no other way than to try to get your life back on the right track. Cry when you need, scream when you need but don't forget that with every next day without him you are a step forward. You diserve much more than a lying cheating trash.
     
  19. Star USA

    Star USA Member

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    Thank you dear Black Angel
    I know that you are right, every day is better, and I know that the day that I won't miss him anymore more is getting closer.
    We really do deserve more than these rats...
    Thank you:)
     
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  20. Katiaaa002

    Katiaaa002 Member

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    Star USA: I hope you will get better day by day! This is not easy but you have to keep in mind that it worths it! You deserve to find someone that will love you for who you are, for the person you are Inside, not for the country you live in, your passport, or what you have. They are the stupid and poor people in this relation. They are able to play with feelings and this is the worse thing a man can do to a woman!
    I have always been shocked seeing them in action and hearing them telling me their stories as I go to Tunisia very often and have friends there and they often tell me how they find their 'victims' and what they do. And, I fell in love with one of them knowing most of their methods! But we will get stronger! This is not a failure but a life lesson dear! You are the clever person: you stayed loyal, honest, kind to this man. You were truly in love! And you should not be ashamed about that: they should! I wish you the best :)
     
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  21. Star USA

    Star USA Member

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    Thank you dear Katia, you are so sweet!
    And smart too although your young age.
    Yes, you know, although I know all of these facts I still had a hard time missing him...
    But I can honestly say that it's really a lot better these past few days.
    Thank you for your support dear :love:
     
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  22. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    Yes sometimes I too get nostalgic but sometimes the past looks better than it was . Really I feel stupid but I'm fighting it within myself at least here you are not judged people understand the grip it has . I laugh at a luxurious holiday for a quarter of the price of a rat holiday where I stayed in a dirty apartment apartment was alone often and not fed. The last straw really was that he wouldn't get me clean water to drink and I had to drink the Tunisia water . That really pissed me off. After the 1000£S of pounds and gifts I gave him it must be about 15,000£ or more for such disgusting treatment in the end. If there is karma I hope it gets him. But the best feeling is nothing no love no looking back they are forgotten and no longer important to us. I'm not religious but I read the other day a quote you only miss what you cling to . Hugs to all . And Heidi (joke) bet you buried him in the desert cxx
     
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  23. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth - Staff Member

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    ;) was that a lucky guess or did you do some digging 24.gif

     
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  24. Star USA

    Star USA Member

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    But the best feeling is nothing no love no looking back they are forgotten and no longer important to us. I'm not religious but I read the other day a quote you only miss what you cling to .


    This is what i am looking for, not feeling nothing for him anymore, and I am in the right direction.
    Thank to you, to Mango and to other members here I know it's possible.
     
  25. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth - Staff Member

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    Those friends should be outed too popc1.gif
     
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