I’m confused and need some advice

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
I told my ex and he laughed and said for me to enjoy and he doesn’t care
Hammy, I’m having a forum break for a bit, but I just read this thread offline and was so miffed, I felt the need to login and comment.

I am so bloody angry! :mad: Enjoy? Enjoy being raped and trying to recover afterwards? Yeah, coz we all enjoy being raped! Omg....I’m seriously angry :mad:

That comment says everything about him, and about rat mentality in general. How can anybody laugh about somebody being raped? It beggars belief! He would only care if it happened to his mother or sister....he doesn’t care about it happening to a Western woman, and in truth....he would not care if it happened to a Tunisian girl outside of family, a rat will say we deserved it, we provoked it :Evil:
They are despicable!

When he tells you he doesn’t care, sadly, he speaks truth.....he stopped caring the minute your purse closed, and it gives me great pleasure to see this rat and the rapist exposed to warn others.

You are strong, no matter how negatively you may feel about yourself, you are so much stronger than you realise.....because only a strong person would have the strength to expose these men and warn others.

In time, you will need to seek professional help to complete your healing, there is no shame in this, I myself have been in long term trauma counselling since November ‘18.
It’s a strong person admits she needs help :)

Stay strong :love:
I don’t want you to get in trouble! violence isn’t the answer but thank you
With regards to this, Hammy....I’ve written many times on this forum: In Tunisia, there are two laws, there is the law of the land and there is the cultural laws/norms.....the country lives by the latter, which is why none of us victims will ever see justice there.

The offer GFTL put here, that is the cultural norm in Tunisia, that is how they deal with things, so Mr GFTL and the others would not get in trouble....even if they got caught, a bit of cash in the relevant, corrupt hand would see any complaint wiped from a file.
This is just the Tunisian way....they deal with things themselves, and I can understand why in this instance....as it reflects badly on Tunisia and it’s men in general....they want to show that not everyone is like the rapist and the rat.


* As a quick side note here, I have seventeen pm’s and countless notifications....I don’t want to venture around the forum just yet, hence adding this here: I will read and reply to all messages when I’ve finished having this bit of me time :)
 

Liliana

Well-Known Member
He said he is single and ‘only loves me’ suggesting he’s no other girlfriend. I’ve met his mum and everything
Please just stop and no more.They do that to fool you, your unmarried and you met his parents. This is not acceptable in their culture, you must actually be married and then you can meet them. My husband is Egyptian and he married me and his parents sent money for our wedding and we also chipped in. I went to visit them and they treated me well and still they always ask after me. If he really loved you he would come to you and marry. Then you would of met his parents. They should send you money not the other way around. It is hard to find a good genuine Arab Muslim, but when you do they stick by you.Also if he really loved you, he should asked you to marry in a proper Islamic ceremony. I have had my ups and downs but I am still married after 15 years and we have a daughter.
He said he is single and ‘only loves me’ suggesting he’s no other girlfriend. I’ve met his mum and everything
 

Femme Fatale

Inactive
What the hell. You marry then meet the family ? What a load of ....... if the family especially the mother do not like you then No way in hell will a person be marrying her son
Ridiculous that is
I know this to be true. My rats first girlfriend was Tunisian. His mom did not like her at all. She was too materialistic, per his statement. She left him because he couldn’t fund her lifestyle at the time as a college student and she married a French guy instead. He didn’t chase her cus his mom didn’t like her in the first place, so it was cool with him that she left. 3 year relationship according to him. I don’t believe his story about her being materialistic because she had a PhD in Bio (something), so she could probably fund her own lifestyle. Didn’t add up. I think his mom didn’t like her, so he started to not like her either and that dissolved the relationship.
 

Femme Fatale

Inactive
Yep. All true. He was so excited that his mom actually liked me. At that time, I didn’t know he was a rat. But I did find it odd that, after a month, she liked me. I had not given her a reason to like, nor dislike me. I had only known her son for maybe a month. But he emphasized a lot how much his mom adored me. His dad liked me too, but was a quiet man. His sister and brother liked me, as well as the brother in law.

But when I found out his lies, none of them would hold him accountable. They would just pretend it didn’t happen and try to get us to keep having a relationship.

Hindsight is 20/20, thinking about it now, it would annoy the hell out of me if I was married into a family that is always in our business. Like, his family knew EVERYTHING! That was annoying. My friends thought it was weird too. Different cultures, I get that, but this was too much. There’s no way I’d be with a man who tells his family all of our business. Even if he turned out not to be a rat and I was wrong, I could never be with him again due to those factors. His mom would email me when we disagreed, and I would be blindsided that she even knew so quickly. Just weird.
 

Mystery

Inactive
Yep. All true. He was so excited that his mom actually liked me. At that time, I didn’t know he was a rat. But I did find it odd that, after a month, she liked me. I had not given her a reason to like, nor dislike me. I had only known her son for maybe a month. But he emphasized a lot how much his mom adored me. His dad liked me too, but was a quiet man. His sister and brother liked me, as well as the brother in law.

But when I found out his lies, none of them would hold him accountable. They would just pretend it didn’t happen and try to get us to keep having a relationship.

Hindsight is 20/20, thinking about it now, it would annoy the hell out of me if I was married into a family that is always in our business. Like, his family knew EVERYTHING! That was annoying. My friends thought it was weird too. Different cultures, I get that, but this was too much. There’s no way I’d be with a man who tells his family all of our business. Even if he turned out not to be a rat and I was wrong, I could never be with him again due to those factors. His mom would email me when we disagreed, and I would be blindsided that she even knew so quickly. Just weird.
Well I met my mil before I got married.
She liked me because she wanted me to pay for her a villa.
Guess what she's still bloody waiting.
She also liked. Me because I was keeping the whole family. I was not allowed to spend 1 dinar on myself my money was thier money not mine. It would go in a pot and his so called sister was taking it.
I moved the money after my daughter caught her she didn't speak with me for 4 days giving me the evil look.
Haha now she work for her money and I don't talk to her for a life time not just 4 days. I just love it.
 

Femme Fatale

Inactive
Well I met my mil before I got married.
She liked me because she wanted me to pay for her a villa.
Guess what she's still bloody waiting.
She also liked. Me because I was keeping the whole family. I was not allowed to spend 1 dinar on myself my money was thier money not mine. It would go in a pot and his so called sister was taking it.
I moved the money after my daughter caught her she didn't speak with me for 4 days giving me the evil look.
Haha now she work for her money and I don't talk to her for a life time not just 4 days. I just love it.
:mad:

Just pathetic. This is a way that rats and their families get over on victims by pretending as if their families are so in love with us. Then when married, they drain victims financially and emotionally.

I despise a manipulative, deceitful person. Don’t you just hate it when you can see right through people and they pretend. When I found out my guy was a rat, I was so angry. He said, my mother really wants to see you. No, she does not, trust me, she doesn’t for her sake, back off, is what I told him.

Mystery, you’re a strong woman that I can say. They stole a lot from you.

The families put victims through just as much hell as the rat.
 
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Epiphany

Rat Expert
Well I met my mil before I got married.
She liked me because she wanted me to pay for her a villa.
Guess what she's still bloody waiting.
She also liked. Me because I was keeping the whole family. I was not allowed to spend 1 dinar on myself my money was thier money not mine. It would go in a pot and his so called sister was taking it.
I moved the money after my daughter caught her she didn't speak with me for 4 days giving me the evil look.
Haha now she work for her money and I don't talk to her for a life time not just 4 days. I just love it.
:mad:

Just pathetic. This is a way that rats and their families get over on victims by pretending as if their families are so in love with us. Then when married, they drain victims financially and emotionally.

I despise a manipulative, deceitful person. Don’t you just hate it when you can see right through people and they pretend. When I found out my guy was a rat, I was so angry. He said, my mother really wants to see you. No, she does not, trust me, she doesn’t for her sake, back off, is what I told him.

Mystery, you’re a strong woman that I can say. They stole a lot from you.

The families put victims through just as much hell as the rat.
It's hard to comprehend how all these rat families behave.
I never met my rats family, not on video call nor regular call. I always refused. Something about it didn't sit well with me.
Hearing about the way they act makes me glad that I didn't get to know any of them. Despicable people.
 

Liliana

Well-Known Member
What the hell. You marry then meet the family ? What a load of ....... if the family especially the mother do not like you then No way in hell will a person be marrying her son
Ridiculous that is
Sorry did not mean to upset you, North Africans are different to each other. I should of explained it better.
 

milala

Well-Known Member
:mad:

Just pathetic. This is a way that rats and their families get over on victims by pretending as if their families are so in love with us. Then when married, they drain victims financially and emotionally.

I despise a manipulative, deceitful person. Don’t you just hate it when you can see right through people and they pretend. When I found out my guy was a rat, I was so angry. He said, my mother really wants to see you. No, she does not, trust me, she doesn’t for her sake, back off, is what I told him.

Mystery, you’re a strong woman that I can say. They stole a lot from you.

The families put victims through just as much hell as the rat.
That’ so messed up. My rat is here in America. He is married to an old rich woman. His mother and his sister have written me telling me of his love for me. How he is in America because of his love for me only. And how he was paralyzed for 2 years because of stress and he is having symptoms again again because he loves me so much . They beg me to talk to him
 

Heidi

Inactive
That’ so messed up. My rat is here in America. He is married to an old rich woman. His mother and his sister have written me telling me of his love for me. How he is in America because of his love for me only. And how he was paralyzed for 2 years because of stress and he is having symptoms again again because he loves me so much . They beg me to talk to him
Don't fall for that crap! Rats use that story all the time :whistle:
 

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
Yes maybe Egyptians are different to Tunisians, I am just sharing my experience. There are Egyptian men who are like these Tunisian men. There tactics no different.
That’s strange. My cousin is married to an Egyptian.....has been for many, many years. Not only did the family meet my cousin before the wedding.....her parents (my auntie and uncle) flew over to meet him and his family before approving the wedding. His family were at the wedding. They had two weddings, one in Egypt, one in England. He had to give up his Egyptian nationality, they have three children, he’s worked hard from day one.
Is this an Egyptian Muslim tradition? To not meet this bride until after the wedding? My cousins husband is Coptic Christian.....I don’t know if this makes a difference.
Seems weird not to meet the daughter in law until afterwards :confused:
 
Okay so I went on holiday in March to a hotel and met a guy there. First few days he wasn’t bothered with the girls there then I started giving him attention more than the rest and he started to give me more attention. We kissed and had sex on my last night there. We kept in contact and he said he really liked me. Then he asked for money for clothes and I told him I didn’t have it. He never asked for another penny again for a while. Another girl there told me that he liked a Thomas cook girl there and told her that me and him didn’t have sex or anything. I confronted him about it and he denied it and his mate also messaged me telling me it was lies. So I looked past it and kept in contact. We got more serious and I was coming back in May. He asked for clothes for his little brother so I bought some hulk stuff just because it’s his little brother who had been through a lot with operations and stuff. His friend asked me for a phone for my fella and I said I had no money so I didn’t but after a while I paid £50 for a second hand phone for him. I paid for the taxis and coffee out there for him as it was cheap for me. He said he loved me and I met his family in May. I was so happy with him. I left after a week and he was upset as was I. He’s still kept in touch but I heard he told a new girl working there he was single which clearly he isn’t but I also confronted him about that and he went crazy saying it’s lies. More crazy than the last girl I confronted him about it. it’s got to the stage now where he’s online and ignoring me because he’s working. But it’s getting annoying and he’s complaining about money to me but never directly asks as he knows I wouldn’t give him any. Anyway I’m going back on Saturday and I’m confused to know if he is legit or not as to everything that’s happened. I feel I can’t trust him to even get serious but I also love him and can’t let him go. He tells me he misses me and loves me all the time and hasn’t spoke about marriage kids or moving away which makes me think he’s serious but his actions are proving otherwise with these girls and online ignoring me for hours and even at night. He finishes work at 11 and doesn’t message me till nearly 1 maybe 2 in the morning. Any advice?
Why do you foreigners always find/hook up/"fall for" hotel workers? Is it that hard to go to cities like Marsa, Gammarth, etc and find civilised, educated locals who won't ask for you to pay for them but will pay for you instead, as any real gentleman, regardless of his financial conditions, would do?

I won't even get into his behaviour being appauling and unacceptable. He's a donkey. Find yourself an adequate man in adequate men circles if you have Tunisian fever.
 
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Hi! Well this is also a rat tactic, they want you to believe there are hundreds of “better” girls that are interested in them. So the victim will feel the need to do more effort to keep the freaking rat happy. He doesn’t deserve you.
Mine kept asking for pictures to see how big I was in my waste hips and legs. I’m not big. He said ohh I love your curves. But I have to have big and this was so childish he said boobies. What size are yours? I said none of your business. Before that he told me he FORBID me to cut my hair. And told me to make my cousin leave it was inappropriate
 
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