Hi, its taken me a lot of courage to post this, as I'm not sure I want the answers!! Anyway, my story.
May 2020 in the midst of lockdown, one Saturday afternoon I got an FB message from a guy in Algeria. I was bored, I was doing the housework, my husband and I weren't getting on, so I thought sod it, I'll answer this absolutely devastatingly handsome young chap! (and this is something that I never ever would normally have done). Anyway, his name is Nourredine, he's from Algeria, (already the red flags were waving at me) He said he was 27, I told him I was 45 (I was 50, but do look younger) we chatted for a couple of hours and then I had to meet my friends online for drinks (remember those days
). He carried on texting me all evening, as I slowly drank lots of gin. We video called in the early hours and gosh I'd never seen such beautiful big brown eyes, I was completely besotted with him. So this went on the next day, it was so exciting, I found myself waiting for his reply, and he seemed to feel the same. And so started this wonderful love affair.
By day 4 he was saying how we should meet, me being ignorant about visas said oh you will have to come here, as I can't go to Algeria without my husband knowing, he said its not that easy, I need a Visa, I was like Oh? even for a holiday? He said yes, it was hard to get one unless there was someone who could help him, someone like me. Alarm bells set off in my head and I didn't speak to him for a couple of hours. I said to him oh thats what you want is it, a visa? He was like no no no, its not like that at all. What do I want a visa for? I only want to meet you, I don't want a visa. You come here then, f**k visas. So I decided I needed to be cautious, and whenever I mentioned it again he got very upset. So I didn't.
Next flag - I was checking his About info on FB. He was following hundreds of very well endowed english girls on FB, but none of them were on his friends list. And a Lot of them hadn't posted anything other than profile pics for about 3 years. When I asked him about it he said oh I did that when I was a kid, I don't know any of them, honestly I don't. So he unfollowed them all.
Third flag - I was practically stalking his FB, trying to find out more about him, looking at photos etc., when on his FB wall in 2018 (so 2 years earlier) was a happy birthday message from some woman called Leanne. She looked years older than me. He had replied to her message with a thank you. I asked him who she was. He denied knowing her, couldn't remember having a message from her. Said he didn't know her, he had no clue, he must have friended her years ago, along with all the others. He unfriended her. (his friends list has always been hidden) but he offered me his password to check his FB profile. I declined, as I didn't want to look. Anyway, I gave him the benefit of the doubt (more because I was enjoying spending time with him, and it broke up the tedium of lockdown) and moved on. Never mentioned it again, but it did niggle away at me.
Anyway, about 3 weeks in he told me he loved me. and it was love bomb central. but I loved it. I relished it. I felt fabulous. Then we realised we were both lying about our age. He was actually 21 ! (so 30 years younger
but we move ahem...) He had a very old mobile and had to keep leaving me to go and charge it up, so I offered to buy him a new one, he never asked me, never asked for money, I offered. It was a whole experience getting it to him without my husband's knowledge but I did it. He was so very grateful, he made a video of him opening his parcel when it arrived, his whole family stood and watched him open this mysterious parcel. In July 2020 his brother had seen his phone screen with love hearts etc., so he asked him about it. Nourredine told him about me and his brother said he would give him some money so he could come to meet me in england, if that was what he wanted. He was so happy he facetimed me with his brother - but this is the only time I ever "met" any of his family. I was a secret from his mother, and his other brothers and his sisters.
And this relationship continued all through 2020, all through 2021. He tried, really really hard, to get a job here, a training course, anything. (he's an electrician, and he's very clever, he could speak english when we met but now his english his just brilliant and he has a slight birmingham accent that he picked up from me ha ha). We spent hours together, on video call, texting, telephone calls, everything. We fell in love, utterly in love. September 2021 he realised he was never going to get a job that he could move here to do. I couldn't even help him get a visitor visa because my husband would probably have found out, I wasn't sure how i could keep it a secret, since you have to write a letter saying you're inviting him, he needed somewhere to stay and it was just too complicated. He kept asking me to come to him. He would look at me through the camera and say I love you, I want to be with you, come to me. just come to me. It broke my heart. I adored him. We finished each other's sentences, we knew each other inside and out.
Anyway, things changed this year. He started to become distant, didn't spend as much time on the phone with me, said he was tired all the time and sleeping. Then in March after a few weeks of this, he said his mother had told him he had to get married, he was the last brother who was single, his sister was getting married and as she was moving out his mother needed another wife in the house to help with cooking etc. His other brothers all lived in apartments built upstairs, and they had their own families. So he had to do this as he would still live downstairs with his new wife, he couldn't afford to build upstairs. He was meant to be getting engaged to his 18 yr old cousin. He said he said no, he wasn't doing it. He didn't want to marry her. He said none of his family would talk to him, he couldnt buy internet on his own and his brothers wouldn't give him their share because they weren't speaking to him so we had weeks of no communication. I tried desperately to get him to talk to me, but he wouldn't. Then he would come back and say he was so sorry for treating me like this. This went on and on and on. I was heart broken. But he would come back, it would be "normal" for a couple of days then he would disappear again. Finally in July he told them no. It wasn't ever happening. He was too young to get married. But he never really came back to me. i don't understand why if he wasn't getting engaged and he had said no, then why not still be with me? He has now blocked me on every social media app, all except whatsapp. We spoke a week last saturday and he said he had been trying to get me to hate him so I would leave him. He said he wanted to leave but he couldn't. I persuaded him to stay. He said he still loved me and he was so sorry for hurting me. I told him I would leave my husband but he had to give me time. Then last week he suddenly had no internet again, although my whatsapp messages all had two ticks on them, so they had been delivered. he text every day to say he didn't have the money but he could text me from his neighbours internet just to say hello and he would buy the internet on thursday. He did. He spoke to me on friday. We had a video call. everything was fine. I haven't heard from him since 1.15 last friday afternoon. He has looked at whatsapp once since then, on monday. He obviously has me in archive or he's just ignoring me, I'm not sure. He won't answer the phone or read my messages. He's just gone. But he hasn't blocked me.
Three other times last year we broke up, once by me, and twice by him. We spent hours on video call crying together saying goodbye and then we would change our minds and the next day be back together. This time he won't even say goodbye. So my question is does this sound familiar? Does this follow a pattern? Am I just being ridiculous? Thank you if you have read this far!!
