Is there a way to search a name on this website?

Discussion in 'Online Rats' started by Need to know, Nov 14, 2016.

  1. Need to know

    Need to know New Member

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    Hello! I am married to a Tunisian and I'm in the processs of bringing him to USA . We have been together almost 4 years but just married in 2015. Everything had been ok until recently. My laptop broke and I was just using my phone. He knew that I could not accesss his Facebook account from my phone. 2 weeks later I brought a monitor home from work and hooked up my laptop to it. ( my screen was broken, ) I went in his account and found he was flirting with a lady ( she lives in his city) and talking to her every day. She was talking with him but not flirting back. He also had added a young girl who looked about 15 and was messaging her. He said that she is his friends niece . (He is 28) I woke him up the night I discovered the texts and told him it was over. After a painful 24 hours of crying ( both of us) skyping, calling etc. he convinced me that it was a mistake and that he was so sorry and just bored and lonely from the distance. I've tried to forgive him but I'm extremely worried about bringing him here. I have my 3 children to think about too, any advice would be helpful. Is there a way to search his name on this site?
     
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  2. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Hi and welcome :)

    On the upper right side of this page it says "search". You can put his name in. Not all rats are in the forums.
    In the gallery you´ll have to look at all the pictures. Some rats are there without their name.
    You also can send me his name, facebook and picture in a pm and I try to find out for you ;)
     
  3. Need to know

    Need to know New Member

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    Thank you
     
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  4. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    May I ask some questions ? Did you meet on the Internet 4 years ago, how often did you visit him in Tunisia before your marriage, he is 28 years old, what does he work, where does he live ?
     
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  5. Myriam

    Myriam Well-Known Member

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    For you as well there was distance and boredom...BUT YOU didn't cheat on him I guess, as these facts are NOT an excuse for cheating. He's doing what all rats do, sweet talking to his (friend's) Young niece, chatting up other ladies...so you now know that he isn't a trustworthy man. Just drop him, before you'll have to support him in your country!
    Turn this page and save yourself a lot of misery!
    Hope Heidi finds some facts...
     
  6. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    As @Heidi said you can search in the top right side, but for many of us it shows three small dots ... not the word search, click on the dots then choose the search options.

    You might like to have a look at my thread too.
    http://www.tunisianloverats.com/posts/237203/

    Very good you started to have your doubts now before you bring him to The USA best to be as sure as you can be.
     
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  7. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Myriam is right. Although I haven´t heard from you, dear Need to know, I think he is a rat and you are lucky you found out
    before he got to the States.
    He is 28 years old and you are 41 years old with 3 children. He flirts with other women the first chance he gets.
    Don´t get fooled by tears - they have a button, they push it and boom : instant tears :rolleyes:
     
  8. Myriam

    Myriam Well-Known Member

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    Need to Know, I think you already know deep Inside your heart the answer to your questions... This man is not good. Please reconsider getting him over to your country.
    Did you never ever, in the past, have some indication that he has a hidden agenda, such as getting the visa to the USA?
     
  9. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    Dear @Need to know , you mentioned a little facts about your husband, but enough to be sure he is not faithful to you. And if you think it will stop when you will be together, it will not stop. It's their nature. He is some kind of rat. I may assure you, his tears are just tears about possibility of missed profit.
     
  10. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    If you have bad feelings for him do not bring him to Europe becaurse he will not change maybe he arrive europe and do not will work who is get all bills you and do not think you will get a help from covernment so long you and him is married you have to support him . In his country his familiy is Control him but in Europe he is alone and think he is free
     
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  11. Masha

    Masha Well-Known Member

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    Good job you are checking him. Now ...it is bad news but you can be 100 per cent sure that this chatting up different women and young girls will repeat many times . When he comes to the US and every time you catch him and you will because I sense your gut feeling leads you well, you and him will be crying. Lost dreams! But yours are love and his are better life.Read my posts and make more fake accounts and chat him up. You will see what he's worth soon.
     
  12. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Awww, poor you. I hope you are ok? @Need to know, are you familiar with Tunisian culture? A large age gap is not accepted, the children of another man are not accepted. Can I ask, please...who paid for the wedding? Does he ever ask for money? I know we've all asked many questions on this thread, but the answers you give are important, the ladies here know what they are doing and you are probably too emotional and full of doubts to think logically right now. While your laptop was broken, you still had contact with him via your phone, so his excuse of being lonely does not ring true. Also, the instant he knew you could not access his FB account, he added other women. If those two relationships were innocent, why did he only start them when he knew you could not access his account? Why were those women only contacted when he knew you couldn't see? My rat had women that were 'cousins', but they were not cousins at all! If his relationships were innocent, why did he never mention them before? Listen to your gut, girl, it's telling you what your heart doesn't want to hear. The dramatic tears (trust me, I've seen many!), Heidi is right, they bring them on at the drop of a hat! It's the loss of the visa they mourn though, not the love. Have you and your husband spent much time together over the years? I'm assuming you have school age children that would limit visits? If this is the case, why did he suddenly only get lonely when your laptop broke, even though you maintained contact? Surely he would have been lonely throughout the entire relationship? Something isn't right here, if you are able to go through our posts and answer the questions, the answer will be there. Hugs xxx

    * Has your rat ever explained why he chose an older, American woman instead of a younger Tunisian woman, that can give him his own family and acceptance in his country? By older, I mean older than him, not that you are old :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2016
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  13. Need to know

    Need to know New Member

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  14. Need to know

    Need to know New Member

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    Yes we met online playing billiards in Facebook. After talking for one year online I visited him. We stayed in his families house , they are from Mezzouna. Like many Tunisians he does not have a regular job. He was working as an electrician in Libya until things got bad there and he had to come home. I have been to visit him 4 times.
     
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  15. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    You know Tunisia is very Down now People is desparate to travel to another country and they do eny to get outside please do not trust any one there they is smile up to Your face but it is shit behind Your back . They is is trouble makers and gold digers
     
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  16. Myriam

    Myriam Well-Known Member

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    How much time did you spend together in real life NeedtoKnow, because I suppose the 4th time you visited him was when you got married?
    Are there no other "signs", besides being at least virtually unfaithful to you, that could indicate his hidden agenda (visa and/or money)?
    Such as: you paying for the wedding, you bringing presents on his or his family's demand, you paying for evenings out and food, both of you sleeping together in the family house, etc. etc.
    You also have to know that a (quick) marriage with a foreign elder woman with children is almost always a bad sign...
    All rats say "age is Nothing but a number, your children are mine, I will work for all of us, I don't like tunisian women"...but once they've got what they want from you things change...
    As a mother you should protect your children from all forms of abuse by any man.
     
  17. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    @Need to know, I hate to say this to you when you are already so hurt and confused, but these signals are bad, really bad. On top of all these bad signals, you also have the prior mentioned infidelity. It would really help us guide you if we knew more information, who paid for the wedding is a big indicator. Your husband not having regular employment suggests that you must have paid. Who paid for your flights? Did you always stay in the family home prior to wedlock? Did you sleep unmarried in the same bed? In your almost four years together, how many days have you spent together in total? Does he ask for money/gifts? Why has he chosen you and not a young, Tunisian girl? I lived with mine, just visiting England from time to time, after spending much time with them, you see a completely different person and you yourself will change. Your information given so far, paints a very negative picture for me, but a few more details will tell us for sure. Are your assets protected? Everything you have should go to your children or chosen loved ones. Protect your kids, whether he is genuine or not remains to be seen, but your kids are genuine. I've learned the hard way about how any children involved get treated.
     
  18. Need to know

    Need to know New Member

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    I did pay for the wedding and of course all of my flights. But there is no possible way that he or his family can come up with 3,000. Dinar for me to fly there. His sister got married this summer and everything she brought into her marriage is on credit. I was there to witness her choosing her pots and pans and signing a paper for the credit. I see what they eat . Some days no meat . Some days just bread and shackchouka. They are poor. There is only one brother left at home, the youngest. The rest are married. 2 brothers in the military ( low paying) the other brother survives from his wife's teaching salary. He is an engineer. With a university degree. Can not find work. The whole family had to pitch in to pay for the car when it broke. They are still paying the credit. When he was working in Libya he never asked for a penny. Now he only works from time to time and when he doesn't get jobs I send him 25.00 a week. That's nothing. He was honest from the beginning that he wanted to get out of there for a better life. His family is very poor but they are lovely , they treat me the same as their Tunisian daughter in laws. His dad always has tears in his eyes when I leave. I really feel they love me. When all of this happened I told his sister, she told her parents and they locked him out of the house and his brother ( the oldest) had strong words with him. I don't know any woman ( foreign ) where the Tunisian paid her air fare. Maybe from Europe it's cheap but from USA it's from 1000-2000 for a ticket.
     
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  19. Need to know

    Need to know New Member

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    Also my home and car are in my name only. I will make a will that my home goes to my children.
     
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  20. Need to know

    Need to know New Member

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    Can you explain what you mean exactly that he changed when he moved in with you
     
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  21. Need to know

    Need to know New Member

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    Also yes we always stayed in his family home every trip. After we married we would stay in a hotel for a few days in one of the big cities but the majority of the time was spent in his house that he shares with his family .
     
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  22. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Yes, but you are not the one he will stay with for life :(

    His parents know him better than you. They did not believe that it was just boredom that made him flirt with other women....
     
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  23. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Listen, to put your mind at rest, because I know you're a soft heart that will worry
    about this (I was the same), no Tunisian family goes hungry, the entire extended family and friends all chip in to ensure that everybody has food in their tummy, a roof over their heads, medicine etc. I lived with my rat and his family and witnessed all this first hand, it is their culture and was an aspect I really liked, it often reduced me to tears. During Eid, families that have a sheep share the meat with any neighbours that couldn't afford a sheep. In Ramadan, those that are employed give the money they would have spent on food for the family to the poor. Even if the rest of the family didn't fast, the wage earner still has to donate the money. I felt dreadful, as they also had to pay for me during Ramadan, even though I'm English. So don't ever think your family will be hungry, let that be a weight off your mind :)
    The flights, I kind of understand, I also paid for my flights, but I now know it's wrong. If a Tunisian man cannot afford to support his woman, he should not make her his wife. I do think flights are just too far out of their price bracket, but the wedding is a different story. The groom pays for the wedding, the parties etc. The man must also gift his wife with gold and a furnished home, though as you witnessed, the wife buys her own pots and pans etc. This is their culture, it's the rules. I know us Westerners have a different lifestyle, but he should value you as highly as a Tunisian wife.

    I have no idea of the exchange rate with dollars. I do know that £25 is 75tnd though. That's 300tnd per month...it is the equivalent of a monthly wage, so for the family, you are giving them much money. The cost of living is really cheap, I know it's all relative, but your monthly contribution on top of their wage is a decent sum of money for them. @Need to know, they should not be taking any money from you, it is unacceptable in their culture :( I am trying to be really gentle with my words because I know you are probably hurt and shocked right now, but I'm struggling to pretty up the words. A decent Tunisian man does not take money from his wife...unless he is a rat. I will put a link on for you to read later that explains things clearly, because although I know, I feel horrible telling you.
    @Need to know, I adored my little Tunisian family, they were my family, I truly loved them like my own. His family spoilt me rotten, treated me like a queen, paid for everything bar my flights. The betrayal of the family ripped me apart, it still hurts like hell now, four months later. The betrayal of the family, especially his brother, hurts more than the betrayal of my rat. They know, chick :Cry: The whole family are in on the game, they think if their son/brother/nephew etc gets a visa, they will all benefit financially. The family approve the wedding to an older, foreign women because they know it's temporary (0-10yrs), and then the divorce will be done and he will marry his Tunisian fiance, this is usually a cousin and trust me, she is already waiting somewhere in the wings. The fiances agree to the scam marriage because ultimately, it gets them a house and gold. Tunisia is all about greed. He will not stay with you, they all want the Tunisian virgin wife, but they have to save up to 'buy' her. The family you love are in on the scam, they have proven this by allowing you to sleep together, whilst unmarried, in the family home. This is what happened to me too, I was told it was allowed because of my nationality, but it isn't, it's illegal. You should not even stay in the same house, let alone the same bed. The neighbours will turn a blind eye because it's a bezness deal and they think we are all whores, but were a Tunisian girl to behave that way, she would be disowned. I'll be back in a bit to explain how he changed.
    @Heidi, please could you pop a link on for Tunisia love :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2016
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  24. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    I think low payment is better than no money at all ;)
     
  25. Need to know

    Need to know New Member

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    Mango, the exchange is usually double. 25.00 = 52.00 dinar
     

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