Is there anybody on here that has any good stories/ things to say about the men??

simple

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 1, 2011
Messages
7,061
He must still pay for the marriage ,what ever his circumstances .If he wants a Tunisian wife he must pay .All rats lie when they say they dont want Tunisian woman ,,this is what they want for sure,,,And they will cheat a European to get the money.
 

Alien

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
2,975
He must still pay for the marriage ,what ever his circumstances .If he wants a Tunisian wife he must pay .All rats lie when they say they dont want Tunisian woman ,,this is what they want for sure,,,And they will cheat a European to get the money.

Thanks Simple! That's so sorrow. :-(
 

Amber

oo la la ;)
Joined
Feb 4, 2012
Messages
1,295
But if the man never have status, good job, properties, he will not be able to get married ever?

And if he fall in love with a same aged young Europan girl, he will also keep the tradition instead of love? Will he give up his love for tradition? Everybody? No exception? Will every Tunisian men chose to marry with a Tunisian women who was chosen by his family instead of his feelings about a same aged european girl? Instead of love? Is it impossible that he gives up the tradition and chose the love with the European girl? Or Tunisian men never feel real, true love for anyone? They have no feelings like love at all??? Never?

Sorry, I will never understand, how anybody can chose an arranged marriage instead of love. It does not make sence to live with somebody and with her children without love. :-(
Alien , it doesn't make sense for us "westerners "but it is common in 3/4 of the world ! in Africa mainly , but also in Asia , first spouses even choosing themselves the other spouses to be good workers and helpers ...
Don't try to use your glasses to understand all that , that's the trap , just accept it . This looks sad to us but they don't even question it you see...You need to read on and on here and you will have a picture of the culture . As simple said , the tunisian society is not based on love marriages but financial arrangements . Even for the genuine people i mean , they choose a socially and morally acceptable partner and in the best cases they might find the way to attachment, respect and tenderness not love ...
 

Alien

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
2,975
Alien , it doesn't make sense for us "westerners "but it is common in 3/4 of the world ! in Africa mainly , but also in Asia , first spouses even choosing themselves the other spouses to be good workers and helpers ...
Don't try to use your glasses to understand all that , that's the trap , just accept it . This looks sad to us but they don't even question it you see...You need to read on and on here and you will have a picture of the culture . As simple said , the tunisian society is not based on love marriages but financial arrangements . Even for the genuine people i mean , they choose a socially and morally acceptable partner and in the best cases they might find the way to attachment, respect and tenderness not love ...

Yes, but love doesn't hold on forever - of course I beleive in forever love, and I'm very faithful to my partner as my friend also was to her rat - but in a relationship, and in a marriage as well, from time to time the fire, the passion, and the pink cloud pass away, and love will transforme to likeing, to a partnership, and to respect and tenderness. So it's almost the same, isn't it?
Neither of Tunisian men wish to marry a girl, whith who they love eachother, and time after time they live in likeing and in a good partnership together ?
I' ve read somewhere in this site (I don't know, where..) that one of the members - Laurence, if I remember well - lives in Tunisia with her Tunisian husband for long time, and she is very happy. That's the proof for me, it must be some Tunisian men who want to live in love and like with his woman, instead of an arranged marriage. But my friend has found a wrong man. Or can't I see it well?
 

Amber

oo la la ;)
Joined
Feb 4, 2012
Messages
1,295
Yes, but love doesn't hold on forever - of course I beleive in forever love, and I'm very faithful to my partner as my friend also was to her rat - but in a relationship, and in a marriage as well, from time to time the fire, the passion, and the pink cloud pass away, and love will transforme to likeing, to a partnership, and to respect and tenderness. So it's almost the same, isn't it?
Neither of Tunisian men wish to marry a girl, whith who they love eachother, and time after time they live in likeing and in a good partnership together ?
I' ve read somewhere in this site (I don't know, where..) that one of the members - Laurence, if I remember well - lives in Tunisia with her Tunisian husband for long time, and she is very happy. That's the proof for me, it must be some Tunisian men who want to live in love and like with his woman, instead of an arranged marriage. But my friend has found a wrong man. Or can't I see it well?
Dear ,
i don't know where to start , too many things to say about all this ...just a few thoughts , that's not love that doesn't last forever , it's the physical attraction mainly or the intense sexual hunger of the first years and not always ,depending on your "duet" and your life style ( distance , children etc ...).Once the "first bubble " of blind love fades away it gives place to a much more solid and deep feeling of real love when the couple survives this phase of desillusion and that is real love when you love the real person , with qualities and defaults , when you actually accept and still love the true human being , the personnality , the way to belong to the world and see life and every single part of body and soul of your partner. You are blind to any other person . When you reach this , your heart and body are in velvet and you can grow and developp your inner self and your couple with all the security you get from this fullfilling relationship, meeting counscious and unconscious needs. My words are poor to describe it in english sorry.
Building a life on these bases and working on your relationship , having also a "foundation myth" to recall and take support from in harder times ,is very decisive and unique ,and in my opinion is very different from getting to like someone in the end . You can like and sleep with many people , you don't love many people in one's life .When you have loved someone the real way, you know the difference with attachment and parternship.When you have shared this ,even when time goes on , you still feel something very unique for this special person not only tenderness , respect , a very specific emotion this only person brings ,that doesn't fade away and on the contrary can grow .Saying that ,Generalization is impossible , i guess some arranged marriages can turn out to love , why not but i think it's very rare, an unexpected result and a chance.

There are happy marriages with tunisians , some members seem to be happily married but you have no idea the work it requires , they tell it themsleves ,due to cultural differences , and they are exceptions .There' s a huge developpment gap regarding to the status and role of women in a marriage . These mixed marriages need quite modern and intelligent tunisian men .What is about sure is that you don't find good men in animation teams or among tourism workers . Most of them, especially nowadays with the economical and political wreck ,want to flee Tunisia and use european women as a means to an end .
 

Alien

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
2,975
Dear ,
i don't know where to start , too many things to say about all this ...just a few thoughts , that's not love that doesn't last forever , it's the physical attraction mainly or the intense sexual hunger of the first years and not always ,depending on your "duet" and your life style ( distance , children etc ...).Once the "first bubble " of blind love fades away it gives place to a much more solid and deep feeling of real love when the couple survives this phase of desillusion and that is real love when you love the real person , with qualities and defaults , when you actually accept and still love the true human being , the personnality , the way to belong to the world and see life and every single part of body and soul of your partner. You are blind to any other person . When you reach this , your heart and body are in velvet and you can grow and developp your inner self and your couple with all the security you get from this fullfilling relationship, meeting counscious and unconscious needs. My words are poor to describe it in english sorry.
Building a life on these bases and working on your relationship , having also a "foundation myth" to recall and take support from in harder times ,is very decisive and unique ,and in my opinion is very different from getting to like someone in the end . You can like and sleep with many people , you don't love many people in one's life .When you have loved someone the real way, you know the difference with attachment and parternship.When you have shared this ,even when time goes on , you still feel something very unique for this special person not only tenderness , respect , a very specific emotion this only person brings ,that doesn't fade away and on the contrary can grow .Saying that ,Generalization is impossible , i guess some arranged marriages can turn out to love , why not but i think it's very rare, an unexpected result and a chance.

There are happy marriages with tunisians , some members seem to be happily married but you have no idea the work it requires , they tell it themsleves ,due to cultural differences , and they are exceptions .There' s a huge developpment gap regarding to the status and role of women in a marriage . These mixed marriages need quite modern and intelligent tunisian men .What is about sure is that you don't find good men in animation teams or among tourism workers . Most of them, especially nowadays with the economical and political wreck ,want to flee Tunisia and use european women as a means to an end .

Hi Amber, Sorry for my bad english, I wanted to write exactly this, but with only one word. But that was exactly for what I thought.
 

Alien

Well-Known Member
Joined
Oct 17, 2013
Messages
2,975
Its very rare for a Tunisian man to marry a Tunisian woman who is older than him ,its not done ..Also a high percentage of marriages are arranged ,so love is not in the equation .Even if its a "love marriage" the male members on the girls side must approve ...There is no eloping or running away to marry ,or any sort of refuge for "lovers".Love is not an option ,when families chose a bride for their son .In Europe its all about love and understanding and compromise .Two different ideas and values .


A sorrow film about arranged marriage. :(:Cry:



The title is:

bab l3arch +18 الفيلم التونسى باب العرش



It's interesting to watch from 1:03:20h



Is this really what they want????:Cry::Cry::Cry:
 

jodi

New Member
Joined
Apr 21, 2014
Messages
23
Just wondering if there are any happy endings out there .....
Imhappy with my man..we are together three years online and I went to see him last feb.We became even closer and he proposed..Im sure he is a great guy and not at all like the men that dupedmany of these women.Sadly when i tell my life-all I get is bad comments and saying I need counselling..You wont get much support for a relationshi so dont waste your time here...
 

LittleMissSunshine

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2010
Messages
168
Some of us are happily married to non-rats. But the primary point of this site is to help and support those who have been duped, abused and exploited by Tunisians (men and women). There are Facebook groups - but I prefer to be in those relating just to recipes. I have Facebook friends married to Tunisian men who I turn to for support and advice if necessary. Just hit the search button - like Chez says there are a number whose members would be only too happy to get to know you, Jodi x
 

jodi

New Member
Joined
Apr 21, 2014
Messages
23
Some of us are happily married to non-rats. But the primary point of this site is to help and support those who have been duped, abused and exploited by Tunisians (men and women). There are Facebook groups - but I prefer to be in those relating just to recipes. I have Facebook friends married to Tunisian men who I turn to for support and advice if necessary. Just hit the search button - like Chez says there are a number whose members would be only too happy to get to know you, Jodi x
thanks for ur kind words and consideration..I will search this.
 

Etoyoc

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 9, 2009
Messages
845
Well, it depends - mostly on what one is willing to tolerate and accept and what not. I have seen some "happy marriages", but also a lot of "happy" marriages that most people wouldn't call as such, since they won't accept what one part is accepting.

There is no "guide" about happy marraiges, because every person is different and every mix of 2 persons makes it even more different. However, you need to consider, above all difficulties that you will run into with a man of the SAME culture that has basically the same values, the same education, the same socialisation, that all these things will be totally different, up to even the opposite, with a person from another culture.

Let me give you just a few examples:

Individualism - young people trying to break free from their parents and make it on their own? YES! This is a value that is much supported in our culture. But in arabic cultures, it is exactly the opposite. Married or not, people will stick with and for their family, even to the point that their own life, and that of their partner, will suffer.

Freedom - women can do what they like and talk to whom they like? YES! THat is what our culture is made of. In arabic cultures, it is the exact opposite. Women are supposed to stay at home, and that means literally "at home", clean the house, ideally every day, raise the children, cook the meal, talk and care for other family members who will visit often and sometimes stay a couple of days. While the man is working, wheeling and dealing and sitting in a cafe.

Bragging - We have been educated not to brag with what you got? YES, we have been! Not in Tunisia, because life there is all about status and what you've got. You got a washing machine? Nice! A car? Great! And because you are so rich, the family and friends will line up at your door to wash and being driven somewhere. You live abroad and come home without a suitcase full of brand name presents? Well, there goes your status, because on the very next day, the whole family, friends and the whole village will know that you are a failure, because very obviously, you couldn't make it abroad and come home a beggar, bringing shame to your parents and the whole family.

And this list goes on and on ... and on and on.

I have met "happily" married women who went to visit the family of the husband, only to sit there for days, not speaking the language and not being able to leave the house. For me, this is not a happy marriage.
I have met "happy" married women whose husband sends, month after month, money to the "poor" family at home, while the couple itself has no money to fix the broken washing machine. Happy marriage?
Some men in "happy" marriages leave the house from time to time, not saying where they go or when they come back. Sometimes, when they come back, the wife gets a good beating for not being a mind reader and having the meal on the table. Certainly not a happy marriage.

But still - there are a lot of this kind of marriages going on. And there is the opposite, as well, tunisian men who feel completely out of place, because the wife is not respecting him (listening to him, not dressing like he wants, meeting friends), because he is not or cannot maintain the family (because he has no work or only earns a little).

And so, in effect, the partners are living in a marriage, but they each have to accept things that they would normally not accept - and the marriage itself may be happy and working fine, but one, or even both partners, are not.

And, please mind, all that I have written here goes to "normal" marriages, not counting the many, many ones that are bound to fail by default, because the male partner only wanted to secure the status of "European citizen".
 

Ariel

Under the Sea
Joined
Sep 30, 2011
Messages
0
I guess it depends on the very definition of being 'happy' - some people are happy just to be in a marriage irrespective of the quality and nature of that relationship, some people are happy to forego equality in a relationship, change everything about themselves and become subservient to the dominant partner, some people are sufficiently happy that others might perceive them as being happily married, even if they are not ;). The truly happy marriages are not measured in terms of their longevity and probably not even in terms of 'happy times' per se, but probably in terms of how two individuals maintain, support and enhance each others lives such that they are each 'happier' and more fulfilled being together than they would be apart.

I still live in hope haha! :D
 

wallah

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2009
Messages
1,704
Several of the ones that I had in mind were ladies who had brought their husbands to UK and the husbands had failed to settle and after several years , returned to Tunisia as a family. Once here, the problems started as the liberal husband became more traditional and with it, the less liberal attitude to their relationships ------------- that's when the rot set in. If asked, yes, all the ladies would like to go back, but the kids are now Tunisian and they'll not leave them. How often I have heard the saying, ''When the kids are grown up, I'm off'', but I wonder sometimes, will they?? Who knows.
 

LittleMissSunshine

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2010
Messages
168
thanks for ur kind words and consideration..I will search this.
You're welcome. You get to know people in the same situation as life moves along, and it's important to have those people in your life because your "normal" friends don't always understand as it's alien to them and they aren't used to it x
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
Joined
Oct 26, 2010
Messages
3,820
Well, it depends - mostly on what one is willing to tolerate and accept and what not. I have seen some "happy marriages", but also a lot of "happy" marriages that most people wouldn't call as such, since they won't accept what one part is accepting.

There is no "guide" about happy marraiges, because every person is different and every mix of 2 persons makes it even more different. However, you need to consider, above all difficulties that you will run into with a man of the SAME culture that has basically the same values, the same education, the same socialisation, that all these things will be totally different, up to even the opposite, with a person from another culture.

Let me give you just a few examples:

Individualism - young people trying to break free from their parents and make it on their own? YES! This is a value that is much supported in our culture. But in arabic cultures, it is exactly the opposite. Married or not, people will stick with and for their family, even to the point that their own life, and that of their partner, will suffer.

Freedom - women can do what they like and talk to whom they like? YES! THat is what our culture is made of. In arabic cultures, it is the exact opposite. Women are supposed to stay at home, and that means literally "at home", clean the house, ideally every day, raise the children, cook the meal, talk and care for other family members who will visit often and sometimes stay a couple of days. While the man is working, wheeling and dealing and sitting in a cafe.

Bragging - We have been educated not to brag with what you got? YES, we have been! Not in Tunisia, because life there is all about status and what you've got. You got a washing machine? Nice! A car? Great! And because you are so rich, the family and friends will line up at your door to wash and being driven somewhere. You live abroad and come home without a suitcase full of brand name presents? Well, there goes your status, because on the very next day, the whole family, friends and the whole village will know that you are a failure, because very obviously, you couldn't make it abroad and come home a beggar, bringing shame to your parents and the whole family.

And this list goes on and on ... and on and on.

I have met "happily" married women who went to visit the family of the husband, only to sit there for days, not speaking the language and not being able to leave the house. For me, this is not a happy marriage.
I have met "happy" married women whose husband sends, month after month, money to the "poor" family at home, while the couple itself has no money to fix the broken washing machine. Happy marriage?
Some men in "happy" marriages leave the house from time to time, not saying where they go or when they come back. Sometimes, when they come back, the wife gets a good beating for not being a mind reader and having the meal on the table. Certainly not a happy marriage.

But still - there are a lot of this kind of marriages going on. And there is the opposite, as well, tunisian men who feel completely out of place, because the wife is not respecting him (listening to him, not dressing like he wants, meeting friends), because he is not or cannot maintain the family (because he has no work or only earns a little).

And so, in effect, the partners are living in a marriage, but they each have to accept things that they would normally not accept - and the marriage itself may be happy and working fine, but one, or even both partners, are not.

And, please mind, all that I have written here goes to "normal" marriages, not counting the many, many ones that are bound to fail by default, because the male partner only wanted to secure the status of "European citizen".
Great post and so true and a very balanced post..
 

jodi

New Member
Joined
Apr 21, 2014
Messages
23
You're welcome. You get to know people in the same situation as life moves along, and it's important to have those people in your life because your "normal" friends don't always understand as it's alien to them and they aren't used to it x
True .Some of my friends that are married or have boyfriends here-always ask me why did u like him? arent u scared ?I get all kinds of dumb questions asked and I just smile and nod..knowing what i know and what i feel..
 

Laurence

Well-Known Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2010
Messages
3,236
2 years of internet relationship, 1 meeting (and proposal!) in real life...is this a real healthy relationship according to most people???
I don't think so. Go and live with him for some longer time (at least a good year) and then you can say you know the man behind the screen...
You're in love with an image you made of this man in your head, an image that is far from realistic and that will fall into pieces once he's got what he wants: get OUT of his country and obtain papers to remain there!
The questions of your friends (real ones) are not dumb Jodi, they're just normal and justified...you're the one having a problem, just being taken in by an internet image that meets your weaker points and makes you dream...please do wake up!
 

BrownGirl

Moderator And Queen of Summaries
Staff member
Joined
Oct 30, 2010
Messages
4,796
2 years of internet relationship, 1 meeting (and proposal!) in real life...is this a real healthy relationship according to most people???
I don't think so. Go and live with him for some longer time (at least a good year) and then you can say you know the man behind the screen...
You're in love with an image you made of this man in your head, an image that is far from realistic and that will fall into pieces once he's got what he wants: get OUT of his country and obtain papers to remain there!
The questions of your friends (real ones) are not dumb Jodi, they're just normal and justified...you're the one having a problem, just being taken in by an internet image that meets your weaker points and makes you dream...please do wake up!
Lost cause Laurence, don't waste your breath.
I am glad that Jodi has some real friends who will hopefully stand by her when she needs them, because the TWAGs online certainly will not. In fact, they are probably talking about her in private messages. What they don't talk about on the sites are the times when their husbands have been kicked out and taken back, the times when they have been beaten and mentally abused. How do I know this - because it is talked about behind their backs. Not everything is rosy in the Facebook "i love my Tunisian husband" world ;)
 

wallah

Well-Known Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2009
Messages
1,704
And, as you probably know BG, anyone who says anything even remotely negative and honest, are reprimanded as ''this is a facebook page for the happy fiances and wives of Tunisians and we do not want to hear stories of being scammed and cheated'' There are none so blind as those who cannot see springs to mind!
 

marilyna

Chocolate Connoisseur
Joined
Dec 14, 2010
Messages
4,137
Lost cause Laurence, don't waste your breath.
I am glad that Jodi has some real friends who will hopefully stand by her when she needs them, because the TWAGs online certainly will not. In fact, they are probably talking about her in private messages. What they don't talk about on the sites are the times when their husbands have been kicked out and taken back, the times when they have been beaten and mentally abused. How do I know this - because it is talked about behind their backs. Not everything is rosy in the Facebook "i love my Tunisian husband" world ;)
Interesting to hear what is really happening in the lives of the TWAGS, if only they knew what their friends post behind their backs.
 
Top Bottom