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Love rat or relationship ending naturally?

Lily Mae

Major Ratslayer
Hi all,I went to Tunisia for the first time in May with my mum,that's where I met him,he was working at the hotel where we stayed, I'm 32 and he told me he was 27,we was talking for a few days and he told me he liked me and then he asked me to meet during the day for a coffee i asked him why he liked me because he is gorgeous he said he liked me because I was shy and when I spoke to him I spoke from the heart (probably against my better judgement) I decided to go, we went for a drink and a walk on the beach we chatted and got on really well, he was so confident and made me laugh, I was due to go home and he asked me to keep in touch with him and gave me his phone number and Skype, I honestly thought maybe we would keep in touch for a few weeks and that would be it, I was a bit wary as my mum had been to Tunisia before and this waiter she met tried to get her to send him money when she got home for a new phone, that's when she had looked into love rats a little bit, (but even she thought he was genuine he never asked for anything in the whole 4 and a half months)when I got home I went on Skype and saw his profile that's when I realised he lied about his age he was actually only 22, I spoke to him and had a go at him for lying to me about his age, he told me he only lied about his age cos if he told me the truth I would of never given him a chance,( which was true) he said he wanted me to get to know him before i judged him on his age. After much thought I decided to carry on chatting to him and over the months we got really close we talked about everything, talked at least 3 times a day, when he was on his breaks from work, texted,skyped regularly. I went to visit him in august, we had a brilliant two weeks together even tho he had to work a lot, I went to meet his family and they were lovely to me,on this holiday was when I really started to fall for him, I was shocked at how strongly I felt about him in only 4 months it was so quick, when it was time to go home we both was really upset, I cried, he cried. Once back home we carried on skyping and talkin, I missed him so much,and we arranged that I would go see him again at Xmas. The hotel he worked at started laying off more staff because the summer holidays was over, so he was really worried about that. Then about two weeks ago I hadn't heard from him all day and couldn't get hold of him, then the next day I finally managed to get in contact and he was really depressed and just said he would contact me when he felt ok, I was confused he just wouldn't talk to me,then I managed to get out of him that he lost his job, his mum was in hospital she needs an operation and his brother got caught smoking hashish and was in jail, this all happened within a couple of days, we remain in contact on and off but his whole attitude changed all he keeps saying to me was he needed time and please understand how he feels and that his not angry of me, he still said he missed me but he is not the same person, I tried to not contact him because I spoke to my friends about it and they said I don't deserve to be treated like this, but I just can't seem to forget the lovely and sweet person he was before this last two weeks it's like he is a whole different person.I did try to ignore him and after a couple of days he would send me a text and it would bring it all back, I just can't seem to forget about him even though I know he needs to treat me better, I understand he is going thru a lot especially at 22, he is now shouldering all the responsibility of his family because of his mum being in hospital and his older brother in jail, and his sisters will rely on him and he has no job to support them all but surely that would mean that it would be good to have someone unconnected from his family to talk to, I don't understand why he has cut me off it just doesn't make any sense, he hasn't actually asked me for anything but I know from reading on this site that the age gap would be frowned upon, I don't know if he is a love rat or just a relationship that's ending, I didn't know if anyone else had a similar experience, I think it's the randomness of it all that gets me, i just feel lost,it doesn't make any sense, I don't know if this is part of some big plan to make me feel like this then he will reappear and ask me for money cos of all his problems,I just can't work it out,thanks in advance
 

campers

Ratslayer
Hi all,I went to Tunisia for the first time in May with my mum,that's where I met him,he was working at the hotel where we stayed, I'm 32 and he told me he was 27,we was talking for a few days and he told me he liked me and then he asked me to meet during the day for a coffee i asked him why he liked me because he is gorgeous he said he liked me because I was shy and when I spoke to him I spoke from the heart (probably against my better judgement) I decided to go, we went for a drink and a walk on the beach we chatted and got on really well, he was so confident and made me laugh, I was due to go home and he asked me to keep in touch with him and gave me his phone number and Skype, I honestly thought maybe we would keep in touch for a few weeks and that would be it, I was a bit wary as my mum had been to Tunisia before and this waiter she met tried to get her to send him money when she got home for a new phone, that's when she had looked into love rats a little bit, (but even she thought he was genuine he never asked for anything in the whole 4 and a half months)when I got home I went on Skype and saw his profile that's when I realised he lied about his age he was actually only 22, I spoke to him and had a go at him for lying to me about his age, he told me he only lied about his age cos if he told me the truth I would of never given him a chance,( which was true) he said he wanted me to get to know him before i judged him on his age. After much thought I decided to carry on chatting to him and over the months we got really close we talked about everything, talked at least 3 times a day, when he was on his breaks from work, texted,skyped regularly. I went to visit him in august, we had a brilliant two weeks together even tho he had to work a lot, I went to meet his family and they were lovely to me,on this holiday was when I really started to fall for him, I was shocked at how strongly I felt about him in only 4 months it was so quick, when it was time to go home we both was really upset, I cried, he cried. Once back home we carried on skyping and talkin, I missed him so much,and we arranged that I would go see him again at Xmas. The hotel he worked at started laying off more staff because the summer holidays was over, so he was really worried about that. Then about two weeks ago I hadn't heard from him all day and couldn't get hold of him, then the next day I finally managed to get in contact and he was really depressed and just said he would contact me when he felt ok, I was confused he just wouldn't talk to me,then I managed to get out of him that he lost his job, his mum was in hospital she needs an operation and his brother got caught smoking hashish and was in jail, this all happened within a couple of days, we remain in contact on and off but his whole attitude changed all he keeps saying to me was he needed time and please understand how he feels and that his not angry of me, he still said he missed me but he is not the same person, I tried to not contact him because I spoke to my friends about it and they said I don't deserve to be treated like this, but I just can't seem to forget the lovely and sweet person he was before this last two weeks it's like he is a whole different person.I did try to ignore him and after a couple of days he would send me a text and it would bring it all back, I just can't seem to forget about him even though I know he needs to treat me better, I understand he is going thru a lot especially at 22, he is now shouldering all the responsibility of his family because of his mum being in hospital and his older brother in jail, and his sisters will rely on him and he has no job to support them all but surely that would mean that it would be good to have someone unconnected from his family to talk to, I don't understand why he has cut me off it just doesn't make any sense, he hasn't actually asked me for anything but I know from reading on this site that the age gap would be frowned upon, I don't know if he is a love rat or just a relationship that's ending, I didn't know if anyone else had a similar experience, I think it's the randomness of it all that gets me, i just feel lost,it doesn't make any sense, I don't know if this is part of some big plan to make me feel like this then he will reappear and ask me for money cos of all his problems,I just can't work it out,thanks in advance
I'm sorry to hear your story......it sounds all too familiar, I'm afraid to say. It's all a game to draw you in......the gaps in contact, telling you he feels depressed so you begin to feel responsible for that. The stories about his families needs are all hints for you to offer help.

I speak from the same experience, this happened with my rat around the winter time too......I've currently just discovered 2 other long term girlfriends. If it sounds dodgy, it probably is......trust your instincts. I wish I had sooner.......but you got to be ready and do it in your own time.

Be strong xxx
 

simple

Major Ratslayer
Hi Lilly mae,,,,,yes this is all planned out ,everything is a set up to scam you .His behaviour,right from day one is to get to this point now ,hes got you tied up and in knots and soon he will contact you and ask if your ok and that he misses you and didnt want to worry you with his problems ,but wanted to sort it out for himself,,,,,This will be word for word ,i guarentee this !!!He will make you offer help and if you do he will refuse at first ,,,,then he will break down and say he has no other way ,,,my advise ,,tell him and his rat family to take a hike and get out now before you get in to deep .He is a big rat and his family are in on it too,,,Rats never end relationships they break contact for a while to let you stew ,Delete him for your own sake
 

Lily Mae

Major Ratslayer
Thanks for your reply, sorry to hear you have experienced similar,how have u coped? I just can't believe he can be like this, he has changed from the perfect guy, I should of known he was too good too be true, I kept saying to him I didn't trust people but he won me round now I just feel so stupid for trusting him
 

Lily Mae

Major Ratslayer
Hi Lilly mae,,,,,yes this is all planned out ,everything is a set up to scam you .His behaviour,right from day one is to get to this point now ,hes got you tied up and in knots and soon he will contact you and ask if your ok and that he misses you and didnt want to worry you with his problems ,but wanted to sort it out for himself,,,,,This will be word for word ,i guarentee this !!!He will make you offer help and if you do he will refuse at first ,,,,then he will break down and say he has no other way ,,,my advise ,,tell him and his rat family to take a hike and get out now before you get in to deep .He is a big rat and his family are in on it too,,,Rats never end relationships they break contact for a while to let you stew ,Delete him for your own sake
Thank you for your reply, I just am having a hard time accepting that he never had feelings for me, I just feel stupid for falling for it, I used to question him if he really liked me and he said " why would I talk to u" and go to Internet cafe to skype you and spend two weeks with you if I didn't like you, so I suppose in my head that made sense, how stupid of me
 

simple

Major Ratslayer
Thank you for your reply, I just am having a hard time accepting that he never had feelings for me, I just feel stupid for falling for it, I used to question him if he really liked me and he said " why would I talk to u" and go to Internet cafe to skype you and spend two weeks with you if I didn't like you, so I suppose in my head that made sense, how stupid of me
NOOOOOOOOOOOO dont ever feel stupid and i understand how your feeling right now ,it hurts and its humilating ,but youve done the right thing by seeking our advise,,,,Weve all been where you are right now ,,no one is laughing ,we all feel for you and we know how cruel and maipulating they can be ....Once you get over the humiliation ,you will see that you were one of the lucky ones that got out before it became intense .They are master con artists and it is easy to believe them ,you have done nothing wrong ,your not stupid ,infact you are clever to investigate a bit ,,Well done xxxx
 

black_angel

Major Ratslayer
Dont feel stupid and dont be worried cause he is perfectly fine and so is his family. Just cut him off unless you want to suffer more than you already do. The whole story about his problem had nothing to do with the reality. He left you not because he didnt want you to worry but to make you send him money till he could sort his "problems" and become "the same loving person". Yeah... your money will make him be perfect again. Please, cut him off. He is not a good person. Never was. Its all just a game. Im sorry but thats true. Wish you all the best.
 

FoolInLove

Major Ratslayer
Hi Lilly Mae.
We have all felt stupid, naive and foolish, but you really don´t have to.
As said they are great actors, and there is no doubt he is trying to make you send money!
I´m so depressed,( i feel like kill my self ). Rat style!
And don´t you worry, he is perfectly fine and just trying to screw with your head.


Lots of hugs your way
xx
 

Lily Mae

Major Ratslayer
NOOOOOOOOOOOO dont ever feel stupid and i understand how your feeling right now ,it hurts and its humilating ,but youve done the right thing by seeking our advise,,,,Weve all been where you are right now ,,no one is laughing ,we all feel for you and we know how cruel and maipulating they can be ....Once you get over the humiliation ,you will see that you were one of the lucky ones that got out before it became intense .They are master con artists and it is easy to believe them ,you have done nothing wrong ,your not stupid ,infact you are clever to investigate a bit ,,Well done xxxx
Aww thank you this actually made me cry a little, I just feel so empty at the moment I know with time I will get over him but when you are used to your time being spent communicating with someone everyday it's kinda hard to let them go, I'm so tempted to text him or ring him but I'm gonna try and be strong and not do it xx
 

Lily Mae

Major Ratslayer
Dont feel stupid and dont be worried cause he is perfectly fine and so is his family. Just cut him off unless you want to suffer more than you already do. The whole story about his problem had nothing to do with the reality. He left you not because he didnt want you to worry but to make you send him money till he could sort his "problems" and become "the same loving person". Yeah... your money will make him be perfect again. Please, cut him off. He is not a good person. Never was. Its all just a game. Im sorry but thats true. Wish you all the best.
Thanks for your reply,I suppose part of me still worries if he is telling the truth about his family, and I cut him off, that will make me a bad person for 'deserting' him when he needed me
 

FoolInLove

Major Ratslayer
Aww thank you this actually made me cry a little, I just feel so empty at the moment I know with time I will get over him but when you are used to your time being spent communicating with someone everyday it's kinda hard to let them go, I'm so tempted to text him or ring him but I'm gonna try and be strong and not do it xx
Please stay strong. WE can bomb you with messages
troest.gif
 

simple

Major Ratslayer
Aww thank you this actually made me cry a little, I just feel so empty at the moment I know with time I will get over him but when you are used to your time being spent communicating with someone everyday it's kinda hard to let them go, I'm so tempted to text him or ring him but I'm gonna try and be strong and not do it xx
Its a habit more than anything else ,,,You will come to realise that you didnt love him ,he just invaded your space and didnt give you time to think ,Skyping and calling 3 or 4 times a day is an addiction ,not love [on your part].Spend your time on here and ween yourself off the addiction .We all have a lot to say ,so will talk when ever you want xxxxxx
 

Lily Mae

Major Ratslayer
Hi Lilly Mae.
We have all felt stupid, naive and foolish, but you really don´t have to.
As said they are great actors, and there is no doubt he is trying to make you send money!
I´m so depressed,( i feel like kill my self ). Rat style!
And don´t you worry, he is perfectly fine and just trying to screw with your head.


Lots of hugs your way
xx
Thanks for your reply, I think that's the thing for months I have been telling people what a great guy he is, and now I look like a bit of a twat, he is massively screwing with my head, I just feel a mess xx
 

simple

Major Ratslayer
Thanks for your reply,I suppose part of me still worries if he is telling the truth about his family, and I cut him off, that will make me a bad person for 'deserting' him when he needed me
He and his family are well and healthy ,see if you can find him on dating sites and other social media sites ,,,,,,He will have plenty of accounts somewhere .
 

FoolInLove

Major Ratslayer
Thanks for your reply, I think that's the thing for months I have been telling people what a great guy he is, and now I look like a bit of a twat, he is massively screwing with my head, I just feel a mess xx
Just tell what happened to those you trust, and tell the others it just was to hard with the distance, and then you can write with people here. We all understand what you are going through.
xxx
 

FoolInLove

Major Ratslayer
He and his family are well and healthy ,see if you can find him on dating sites and other social media sites ,,,,,,He will have plenty of accounts somewhere .
True. I remember joining here, and i was scared to death that he would see it was me.
Mother Hen told me not to worry, they have so many on the go, they won´t know. I was like Arhhhh no way! He will know!. He may have one ex he lied about, thats it.
Oh boy i was wrong. They usually have at least 3-4 going at the same time, and even more..
xx
 

Lily Mae

Major Ratslayer
Its a habit more than anything else ,,,You will come to realise that you didnt love him ,he just invaded your space and didnt give you time to think ,Skyping and calling 3 or 4 times a day is an addiction ,not love [on your part].Spend your time on here and ween yourself off the addiction .We all have a lot to say ,so will talk when ever you want xxxxxx
It's definetely a habit, cos we would always speak certain times of the day, so I'm finding those times the hardest, I will definetly come on here, the support you have all shown me already is amazing thank you all xxx
 

black_angel

Major Ratslayer
Thanks for your reply,I suppose part of me still worries if he is telling the truth about his family, and I cut him off, that will make me a bad person for 'deserting' him when he needed me
Yes you can be ready to hear words like these from him. He will want you to feel guilty, make you look like uncarring and selfish person but you shouldnt even treat serious these words. You know what you are and you dont need him to tell you if you are bad or good. He probably wont let go of you easy but be strong. And yes, as simple says, he keeps you bussy with him, steals your time till you will not know what to do and how to live without him contacting you and till you do everything to get that "lovely guy" back. They all do that. Be strong, we are here to support you. Dont look back just go ahead till its not too late.
 

campers

Ratslayer
Thanks for your reply, I think that's the thing for months I have been telling people what a great guy he is, and now I look like a bit of a twat, he is massively screwing with my head, I just feel a mess xx
His intention is to make you a mess, till you don't know your arse from your elbow.....then the kill begins. Do not show him you're hurt and upset. Show him nothing......they are manipulative and we fell for it, not as the strong women they met, but after months of torment which is ABUSE an emotional al level.
Stay strong sweety, remeber who you are and keep your dream......just lose the tunisian part of it xx
 

FoolInLove

Major Ratslayer
I can't believe they would lie about someone dying, how sick are they, thank you for the support, it's lovely of you all xxx
It´s not to be mean. They REALLY do. And that is so unbelievable for us.
We would NEVER lie about a family members dead or health.
They are NOT normal. Selfish greedy and disgusting people who use others for own gaining!
I know it´s hard to cope, but it´s true. :(
 

Lily Mae

Major Ratslayer
He and his family are well and healthy ,see if you can find him on dating sites and other social media sites ,,,,,,He will have plenty of accounts somewhere .
True. I remember joining here, and i was scared to death that he would see it was me.
Mother Hen told me not to worry, they have so many on the go, they won´t know. I was like Arhhhh no way! He will know!. He may have one ex he lied about, thats it.
Oh boy i was wrong. They usually have at least 3-4 going at the same time, and even more..
xx[/QUOTEi wouldn't know where to start to be honest, he deactivated his Facebook and I know that's not his real name anyway, and his animator name was different from his real name, so he could be under any name ha ha, that's what I'm kinda scared of if he finds out I posted about him and his family on here xx
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
It's definetely a habit, cos we would always speak certain times of the day, so I'm finding those times the hardest, I will definetly come on here, the support you have all shown me already is amazing thank you all xxx
Hard as this is to hear but the reason you spoke at certain times of the day is because he would be talking to other women at other certain times.

My rat had alarms on his phone reminding him who to text etc - I always received texts at the same time each day and that is why.

Great idea to say you called it off because of the distance etc.

He will most definitely turn on the charm big time once he knows you are on to him.

Losing his job, his mum being ill - a family member in prison are all predictable rat quotes I promise you.

Stay with us, stay strong - you will have wobbles and may even contact him but you will get stronger and stronger day by day.

MH xxxx
 

Lily Mae

Major Ratslayer
It´s not to be mean. They REALLY do. And that is so unbelievable for us.
We would NEVER lie about a family members dead or health.
They are NOT normal. Selfish greedy and disgusting people who use others for own gaining!
I know it´s hard to cope, but it´s true. :(
Oh I do believe you,but Wow that is definetely not normal, u have to be seriously messed up in the head to make stuff like that up, and all of this to scam money out of people it's sad really xxx
 
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