Love rat or relationship ending naturally?

Heidi

Inactive
Joined
Dec 9, 2009
Messages
14,380
It's a process you have to go through unfortunately. and you do have to acknowledge your feelings, this is healing, we would all like to skip this process, but you can't it is being called human.. the shock, the sadness, the hurt, the confusion, the worthlesssness, the self hate, the self analyzing, the what ifs, the detective stage, the overcome stage, the crying stage. the amiga stage (most dangerous)

THE ACCEPTANCE STAGE>
anger, revenge, counselling, grief,
Moving on:D life after the rat, new begginings, new future, relief, financialy stable, family,friends, work, home, car, relationships, new head, new hopes/ dreams. optimist, appreciate what you had and what you nearly lost for a rat. clarity of thought. strength, made it to the top of the mountain all be it a bit bashed and bruised but much wiser, after climbing from the murky pond, - LUCKY ESCAPE.

T he hard stuff is the moving on, but there is no other option, the problem exists and the rats win if you do not, difficult yes but very possible and what choice is there, to end up mentaly unstable.. no be strong...
Remember.. these are mere men. who are they to take your life and abuse you:mad: they had you for a short time. dont let them take your future.. BE STRONG/... plenty fish in the sea.

These men are nothing without you, they only advanced because of your help, this is the best Karma, take you away and they will burn and fall.. but they just don't know it yet.. unworldly, uneducated, and not self sufficient.. they have not won.. they are the losers just to thick to realise it.. laugh in their face.. head up shoulders back and walk tall..
eclipsee_gold_cup.gif
 

Tiger

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Jul 4, 2013
Messages
1,129
It's a process you have to go through unfortunately. and you do have to acknowledge your feelings, this is healing, we would all like to skip this process, but you can't it is being called human.. the shock, the sadness, the hurt, the confusion, the worthlesssness, the self hate, the self analyzing, the what ifs, the detective stage, the overcome stage, the crying stage. the amiga stage (most dangerous)

THE ACCEPTANCE STAGE>
anger, revenge, counselling, grief,
Moving on:D life after the rat, new begginings, new future, relief, financialy stable, family,friends, work, home, car, relationships, new head, new hopes/ dreams. optimist, appreciate what you had and what you nearly lost for a rat. clarity of thought. strength, made it to the top of the mountain all be it a bit bashed and bruised but much wiser, after climbing from the murky pond, - LUCKY ESCAPE.

T he hard stuff is the moving on, but there is no other option, the problem exists and the rats win if you do not, difficult yes but very possible and what choice is there, to end up mentaly unstable.. no be strong...
Remember.. these are mere men. who are they to take your life and abuse you:mad: they had you for a short time. dont let them take your future.. BE STRONG/... plenty fish in the sea.

These men are nothing without you, they only advanced because of your help, this is the best Karma, take you away and they will burn and fall.. but they just don't know it yet.. unworldly, uneducated, and not self sufficient.. they have not won.. they are the losers just to thick to realise it.. laugh in their face.. head up shoulders back and walk tall..
This is so true. Ending the relation is hard at first. The doubths are there. Is it me who are crazy? Did i do the right thing? With long distance relations most of us have made our scedual after how much time he give us. We have give up friends, family and have stay near the computer or ohone just incase he contact. We have spend long nights talking. And this has been so big part of our life. The first weeks are the hardest. What is he doing now? Is he missing me? will he contact? Also even if he is blocked we make a friend look him up on FB just to see what he do. All this is normal.
But when the first no contact month is over it get better. Just the feeling that you can go to bed at night and sleep to next morning. Go to work with a clear head. Not overthinking all the time. All the bad words from the night spinning around in your head. Not the asking for money. Not the blame for the visa did not go true. Who have not after an argument at night wonder if he just leave? Wonder if he have already start the divorse prosess? Feeling like living in limbo? All the time stress , never know what mood he will be in.
Staying under pressure like this over long time is ruin your helth and most of all the psykic stabillity in our life.
Dont make a Rat do this to you. No person that have any love would do this. And think. If you still have not get him into your country, how would life be when he is like this when he is far away? How will he be if he is under the same roof ? Think of all the time he have go crazy at the phone. No control what he say. How do you think he would act if he was in the same room with you?
And how about the economi if he come? Do you have money so he can feel happy? B/c he will come with two emty hands. And in his mind he have the right to get money from you. Money to buy himself stuff + also often send money home to his family.
Can you aford to do that? Pay for all daily life living + give him money to spend+ send money to his family?
Most who have get the rat into their country find that he have no plan to work. No, that is not right, he did have a plan to work. But he wanted a "good" job. But did he have the skills for that? no!! So he go into same old like he did at home, Not take any kind of work. In their mind if you work for others they abuse you. They do not have the thinking that a company pay you for your time and labour. So what will be the resultat? You get a angry , blaming rat in your home. And believe me, all bad that in his mind happen to him is your foult!!!
Who would have a life like this?
This is a part of the healing prosess. To see the truth. and also see what kind of life it would be with them. They are like children. They can not see them self. And they envie and blame others for everything.
There sould be a warning sighn about beznes and love rats at every destination in Tunisia. Now you have enter the land of prostitusion. Everybody is for sale here.
Be smart. Get out at a early stage in the relation. Run for the hills. The sorrow and pain they are capebal to bring on you will take years to heal from. But when you get out it is like getting out of a torture chamber and finely feel you can breath free again and see the sun
 

Tiger

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Jul 4, 2013
Messages
1,129
@crystal whats the stage called when u STILL want to smash their face in !
It cal cutting of all good feelings and let them get what they deserve. It is cutting loose and see the shit like it really is. And Karma bus is riding, they do not know the scadual it run after and not when it stop at their door. But it is running and it come.
Just remember they are the loosers. They sit in the same shit they have always been. Then their words are true. No hope, no future, no nothing.
That is the best smaching face that can happen, and it will.
 

Lily Mae

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
176
It's a process you have to go through unfortunately. and you do have to acknowledge your feelings, this is healing, we would all like to skip this process, but you can't it is being called human.. the shock, the sadness, the hurt, the confusion, the worthlesssness, the self hate, the self analyzing, the what ifs, the detective stage, the overcome stage, the crying stage. the amiga stage (most dangerous)

THE ACCEPTANCE STAGE>
anger, revenge, counselling, grief,
Moving on:D life after the rat, new begginings, new future, relief, financialy stable, family,friends, work, home, car, relationships, new head, new hopes/ dreams. optimist, appreciate what you had and what you nearly lost for a rat. clarity of thought. strength, made it to the top of the mountain all be it a bit bashed and bruised but much wiser, after climbing from the murky pond, - LUCKY ESCAPE.

T he hard stuff is the moving on, but there is no other option, the problem exists and the rats win if you do not, difficult yes but very possible and what choice is there, to end up mentaly unstable.. no be strong...
Remember.. these are mere men. who are they to take your life and abuse you:mad: they had you for a short time. dont let them take your future.. BE STRONG/... plenty fish in the sea.

These men are nothing without you, they only advanced because of your help, this is the best Karma, take you away and they will burn and fall.. but they just don't know it yet.. unworldly, uneducated, and not self sufficient.. they have not won.. they are the losers just to thick to realise it.. laugh in their face.. head up shoulders back and walk tall..
This is so true, thank you, I'm a massive believer in karma, what goes around comes around, I should just be thankful that he showed his true colours before I gave up everything for him ( because I was on the verge of doing that) I have had a lucky escape:) One thing what is the Amiga stage?
 

Lily Mae

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
176
This is so true. Ending the relation is hard at first. The doubths are there. Is it me who are crazy? Did i do the right thing? With long distance relations most of us have made our scedual after how much time he give us. We have give up friends, family and have stay near the computer or ohone just incase he contact. We have spend long nights talking. And this has been so big part of our life. The first weeks are the hardest. What is he doing now? Is he missing me? will he contact? Also even if he is blocked we make a friend look him up on FB just to see what he do. All this is normal.
But when the first no contact month is over it get better. Just the feeling that you can go to bed at night and sleep to next morning. Go to work with a clear head. Not overthinking all the time. All the bad words from the night spinning around in your head. Not the asking for money. Not the blame for the visa did not go true. Who have not after an argument at night wonder if he just leave? Wonder if he have already start the divorse prosess? Feeling like living in limbo? All the time stress , never know what mood he will be in.
Staying under pressure like this over long time is ruin your helth and most of all the psykic stabillity in our life.
Dont make a Rat do this to you. No person that have any love would do this. And think. If you still have not get him into your country, how would life be when he is like this when he is far away? How will he be if he is under the same roof ? Think of all the time he have go crazy at the phone. No control what he say. How do you think he would act if he was in the same room with you?
And how about the economi if he come? Do you have money so he can feel happy? B/c he will come with two emty hands. And in his mind he have the right to get money from you. Money to buy himself stuff + also often send money home to his family.
Can you aford to do that? Pay for all daily life living + give him money to spend+ send money to his family?
Most who have get the rat into their country find that he have no plan to work. No, that is not right, he did have a plan to work. But he wanted a "good" job. But did he have the skills for that? no!! So he go into same old like he did at home, Not take any kind of work. In their mind if you work for others they abuse you. They do not have the thinking that a company pay you for your time and labour. So what will be the resultat? You get a angry , blaming rat in your home. And believe me, all bad that in his mind happen to him is your foult!!!
Who would have a life like this?
This is a part of the healing prosess. To see the truth. and also see what kind of life it would be with them. They are like children. They can not see them self. And they envie and blame others for everything.
There sould be a warning sighn about beznes and love rats at every destination in Tunisia. Now you have enter the land of prostitusion. Everybody is for sale here.
Be smart. Get out at a early stage in the relation. Run for the hills. The sorrow and pain they are capebal to bring on you will take years to heal from. But when you get out it is like getting out of a torture chamber and finely feel you can breath free again and see the sun
Yeah I didn't realise how much social stuff I stopped doing to make time for him, and how much they take over your life,i used to go to bed quite early but I found myself staying up to the early hours of the morning waiting to talk to him or skype him and be absolutely shattered for work, I know it's not gonna be plain sailing getting over him, and I'm going to get rubbish days but I hope soon the good days outweigh the bad days:)
 

magic

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Mar 11, 2015
Messages
2,363
@lilymae i was going to ask about the amiga stage too ! Yes,i also had a lucky escape.i was giving up EVERYTHING for this 'man' and wat did he (and wd continue) bring to the table! Sweet fa
 

Lily Mae

Well-Known Member
Joined
Sep 18, 2015
Messages
176
@lilymae i was going to ask about the amiga stage too ! Yes,i also had a lucky escape.i was giving up EVERYTHING for this 'man' and wat did he (and wd continue) bring to the table! Sweet fa
That's the thing they don't give you anything or give up anything it's all totally one sided, I think for me personally maybe I fell for the whole living in poor country thing and wanting to "save" him cos I loved him, so I didn't see it as giving stuff up, that probably makes no sense ha ha
 

magic

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Mar 11, 2015
Messages
2,363
@CUDDLE hi lovely.wen ur rat finished it was he living with you? And the closure thing is the worst.i asked mine for explanation for wat happened..for my closure..he just didnt acknowledge it! Like they are god and do not have to ANSWER for any of their despicable behaviour
 

magic

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Mar 11, 2015
Messages
2,363
@Lily Mae well thats the brainwashing that we all wanted to 'save' them from their poor poor life.its only money right.we love each other.go for it etc.but then i noticed ..hey..his house is better than mine.his clothes n trainers better.he says he needs aftershave ..mmm but wats that in his case? And the big alarm ...why does he always get time off 'work' to see me !
 

Heidi

Inactive
Joined
Dec 9, 2009
Messages
14,380
Don´t forget, Karma nip them in the ass already the first time the minute the relationship is over, all hope is gone to get money, the second time is, when you find TLR and make them public and they try again another victim and Karma is waiting....
In the end, they turn religious - and Allah is waiting for them teufelfeile6pe345kasy.gif
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
Joined
Oct 26, 2010
Messages
3,814
@crystal whats the stage called when u STILL want to smash their face in !
normal magic... normal.... human reaction.. that is what we are and no emotions should be supressed... it will pass.. and you will find where you need to be to move on..believe me when I say this.. you have a future without this rat.. stronger,wiser, and for sure better.. just go out and get it... and.. no-one seems to address the fact that we still love them.. this also is no shame... we are not cold and calculating we were merely the only one in the relationship... but when we get to the end and been through the process, we realise that actually..did we love them.. or love the thought of them.. like one lovely escapism.. fairy story.. away from our normal lives.. there is nothing wrong in being romantic and reaching for the moon and the stars..life would be very boring otherwise..
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
Joined
Oct 26, 2010
Messages
3,814
(Amiga Syndrome) when it is clear that the relationship is false and you have a rat.. but choose to believe that your's is different.. even although the evidence is strong.. to excuse them, find excuses for them.. anything but face the truth.. this is dangerous as.. if they think thta you have sussed them and accepted them they abuse lie and cheat even more cause they think they control you. therfore you get in even deeper.. many come on here., i call them the fans.. and more sympathetically victims.. but is is a stage I accept.. who wants to believe the worst.. and sink or swim...
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
Joined
Oct 26, 2010
Messages
3,814
That's the thing they don't give you anything or give up anything it's all totally one sided, I think for me personally maybe I fell for the whole living in poor country thing and wanting to "save" him cos I loved him, so I didn't see it as giving stuff up, that probably makes no sense ha ha
yes makes huge sense.. their biggest assett and scam is the sympathy card...
 

CUDDLE

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Jan 3, 2011
Messages
2,259
@CUDDLE hi lovely.wen ur rat finished it was he living with you? And the closure thing is the worst.i asked mine for explanation for wat happened..for my closure..he just didnt acknowledge it! Like they are god and do not have to ANSWER for any of their despicable behaviour

Hi magic

Yes he was still living with me when he did this..He packed all his things while i was out and was gone..rang later in the day to end the marriage and would not meet with me ever again..

Non closure according to experts is dangerous.....
 

Heba

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2015
Messages
183
Yes that's part of the reason that they are " allowed" to treat us bad, because we are less human in their eyes so it's legitimate for them as we are not " equal " (...),

But this goes in phases for them as far as I have observed and known. In one moment my x husband would not let us sit in a place were alcohol is served, the next moment he works in a bar ...

For a while he was praying exactly to the book up 4 in the morning etc, next moment bying his marihuana and forgot all about it..,

One moment demanding I should wear long skirts etc, next month " oh you would look good in jeans"..,

And SO on, very littel consistent and extreemly manipulative, whatever he liked at the moment.

He used the religion almost as he used the women, so munch for Faith!
Xxx
Yes and with me is was like religion only were for women. Had to wear that and that and god forbid i wear too much makeup outside amd then sometimes it was okay with makeup and perfume outside was a no go for me while he was taking a shower In it daily. He had his holy period for himself for a while then he went back to normal.
 

crystal

The Punchy Scot
Joined
Oct 26, 2010
Messages
3,814
Hi magic

Yes he was still living with me when he did this..He packed all his things while i was out and was gone..rang later in the day to end the marriage and would not meet with me ever again..

Non closure according to experts is dangerous.....
cowards allof them.. cluck cluck.. and the worst disrespect ever.. like you were a nothing.. arsehole... akin to a death.. heartless B.......
 

magic

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Mar 11, 2015
Messages
2,363
@CUDDLE omg wat a bastard coward.the audacity of them wen they say well never see them again! They are NOT god ! I struggle with the non closure too..i dont want the anger to consume me.i hate them..the thumbs up! The slimy smirk..smile! Did u ever find a way to contact him and tell him how u feel.i wrote my dad a letter telling him wat i thought of him.xx big hugs cuddle xx
 

CUDDLE

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Jan 3, 2011
Messages
2,259
Magic thankyou for your hug:)

No i never found him or a way to contact him and i learned after a lot of soul searching to let go..I just put it away from me....I had NO other choice it was sink or swim..

I was saved from madness because of this site...I stay now to repay my debt...

If i can help just one other person from the pain and hurt a RAT causes i will be very happy ..
 

magic

Junior Rat Expert
Joined
Mar 11, 2015
Messages
2,363
@CUDDLE hi hun did u have kids together..im really angry that he involved MY kids.my daughter..beautiful.sweet..always had his back as she was the only one who met him.fool me but not my kids.all i can say is..its a good job hes so far away..i think my 28 yrold son would like 'a word' with his rat face ..
 
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