Lucky escape thanks to this site

Discussion in 'Rat Behavior' started by Bebby, Dec 23, 2018.

  1. Bebby

    Bebby Active Member

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    Ok so I am obviously new on here, but I have been reading posts for a while now, which I am so glad I did.
    Back in August this year, I took myself and my son to Tunisia for a well earned break.
    I only chose tunisia as it seemed to tick all the boxes for us. Water slides, beach, all inclusive and cheap etc. My son is 12 and the idea it eas a closed complex also appealed so he could have a bit of independence.
    I have seen single for 3 years and always enjoyed my independence.
    So, Tunisia. Obviously being a single mum I was a target for the many waiters etc at this complex. I rebuffed all and eventually I was pretty much left alone.
    Then I made the mistake of talking to one guy. Let's call him A.
    Very sweet guy, very complimentary. I wasnt sure and just put it down to a holiday kiss .
    Left Tunisia and A was constantly in touch , texting, calling sending me selfies.
    After time I grew to long for his messages. He made me feel like a princess. Obviously I had never heard of the term bezness so I had bo reason to not believe everything he said to me.
    We looked into a visitor's visa for him but he said it wouldn't work for various reasons. So he asked me to go back and visit him. Which I was planning to on boxing Day. But my mum and my son were both so unhappy about this. But still I continued with my plan.
    I was about to book the flights in October, and sent A a screen shot of the flights.
    He replied and said ''dont book anything yet, we have plenty of tine for that"
    Of course I was upset, but also alarm bells were seriously starting to ring.
    I asked for an explanation, he tried to fob me off with some sort of joke. In the end I told him he must tell me why. He said he couldn't talk at the moment and he would call me later to explain (obviously to give him time to get a story together)
    I waited and waited for the call that night. Nothing. So eventually i called him and he gave me some story about him getting a job on a cruise ship. He didn't know when this job would start etc .
    So we kept talking. Then eventually at the beginning of December, he told me that he wasn't starting this work until end of January so I could book my flights. I should have been happy, but I was just confused. I had a bad feeling in my gut now, and I couldn't quite put my finger on why.
    So I this is when I started to do some research. Found this site and hey presto. It all clicked into place. All the things these rats say and do...he had pretty much done all of it.
    So I tell him, actually I have just realised, I don't have enough money to come see you...just to see how he would react.
    It took a week and eventually he completely ghosted me! What a surprise! Obviously not so attractive now I have no money.
    So I am assuming he went back to another one of his potential women...one with money!?!
    I was gutted at first, but after reading more of other people's experiences, I now realize what a lucky escape I had.
    I wish more people in these situations knew about this and similar sites. It's saved my sanity! Thanks guys!
     
  2. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Hey Bebby, welcome and well done, you!!! :)

    I always feel so happy to know a victim in the early stages of bezness has found us and gotten out fast....it makes all our hard work, time and effort so worthwhile.....it also makes the levels of abuse we get on here from site rats worth tolerating :thumbsup:

    With regards to the ghosting, it won't last....so enjoy the silence while you still have it.....he will be back, but only after enough time that he thinks you have missed him...all part of the narcissists bigger plan.

    He won't believe you have no money....I tried that one too.
     
  3. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    These double posts are driving me mad! I'm trying to delete one, but at risk of sounding like a rat....my internet is really dodgy :D
     
  4. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    Welcome, Bebby :)

    So he did not know which time his victim no 1 would come to visit him (the one with the sure money)

    He tried it before....

    Normaly, that's when the rats are busy with another victim ;) If you don't mind, what's his name and hotel he works?
     
  5. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    Yep probably waiting for confirmation of when the offical girlfriend would be going.
    So eager for you to go to him until he found out when.....
    I am happy you realised quick but mango is right he will be back, he is probably with a victim now and will come up with some lame excuse why he hasnt spoke to you.
    Prepare yourself for his outrages excuses
     
  6. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, haha.....wonder which one he will use? :D
    Staying with family with no internet?
    Stolen, lost or broken phone?
    Military call up?
    Prison?
    In hospital?
    Car crash?
    Family member or friend sick/dead/in hospital?
    Account hacked?
    Working away, no internet?
    No money for a top up?

    I'm going with, oh....how to choose, how to choose........lost phone :D
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2018
  7. Bebby

    Bebby Active Member

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  8. Bebby

    Bebby Active Member

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    Sorry still learning how to use this site.
    He did henna tattoo at the one resort aqua park. I was drawn in mainly because he didn't seem to be a sleaze ball. Little did I know
     
  9. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Quote Bebby:
    So he worked at one resort aqua park. Amir Benbli....

    Get to work, Heidi!!! :D
     
  10. Going for the limit

    Going for the limit Well-Known Member

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    The possibilitys is endless mango i just cant say right now.
    Maybe there will be an excuse non of us has heard of before haha.
    They are just so predictable
     
  11. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    I always eagerly await that exciting moment, but so far, they have let me down because of this:
    But after Mystery's ambulance and Beverley's imported Swiss snow as gift requests....I haven't given up hope just yet :D
     
  12. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Good to hear that you got out of it before any damage had occurred. Sometimes we want to believe they are honest but these guys have ladies everywhere we are just a toy for them. If you had put more emotions and time into this relationship then it would have had great conventions for you. Have heard about women traveling up to several times a year to visit their so-called boyfriend something that is both expensive and stressful i think
     
  13. RatSnatcher

    RatSnatcher Well-Known Member

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    So glad you got away before he mentally dragged you down and your son too. They have no mercy. The excuses are endless and the mind games will have you thinking you're crazy.

    Like @Mango said, he will be back. He also may be watching your social media accounts. They ghost for a few reasons. The main two I am familiar with is 1.) They are with another victim and 2.) Its an attempt to try to provoke you, make you miss him, make you crazy, make you jealous. This is the weird one to me, BUT they do it. It only made me distant and suspicious. Did me the total opposite. So thanks to my rat for using that dumb strategy.

    Block, delete and move on. I had to learn the hard way to emotional detach yourself and never look back.

    We are here for you. Merry Christmas by the way!!!!
     
  14. Bebby

    Bebby Active Member

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    Hey guys. Sorry for the late replies. I was with friends.
    I know exactly what he is doing with the ghosting (again thanks to this site) So I decided last week to play a little game of my own with him. Updates will follow, but believe me, I won't ever be falling for such a scam ever again. This whole thing had an impact on my relationship with not only my son, but my mum too. Never again.
    I saw on one thread that the tour operators should inform people of this bezness... I think that's such a good idea. If I had of known what I know now, I wouldn't have got myself in that situation in the first place. I feel so lucky to have found out before it was too late. Thanks again guys. You really have helped!
     
  15. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    I look forward to hearing the details!! :D
    Yes, I've written a few times that rat damage does not just affect the victim, but his/her close family and friends too.

    There is a lot of frustration when they can see what's going on, but we can't......I understand just how deep the frustration is now that I'm on the other side, as we witness it here frequently with Amiga stage victims.

    Also, the rat often drags the victims family into his shit, either with threats or by alienating the family/friends from the victim.
    They cannot risk anybody raising concerns which lead to the victim having doubts....seeds planted and ready to sprout and grow....plus, they want the victim to be totally dependent on them.....this is real narcissism....and it's nasty, real nasty....recovery is hell.
     
  16. Bebby

    Bebby Active Member

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    I have read a lot of your posts. And I commend you all for your posts. It really hit home reading them all. Keep up the good work
     
  17. Bebby

    Bebby Active Member

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    Well I was well and tetru sucked in. And I consider myself to be streetwise. I am not stupid. Same as all of you. It's crazy how they get into your head!!
     
  18. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    Sorry for what he did to you. Unfortunately he,ll be back. Probably the snow for the ice rink melted or the ambulance broke down.
    My guess it will be a brilliant excuse.
    So happy you found this site and you was aware of his ratty behaviour.
     
  19. Bebby

    Bebby Active Member

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  20. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Everything with these guys is just tragic but I can well understand that you do not want to be single for a long time but to bet on a foreign boy without knowing his culture or language is a risk. The Tunisian culture seems very difficult and old-fashioned. They do not accept divorced women, single or well-grown adults so who is it they accept their own girls but if you ask them straight out then you get the answer that they do not like their culture and they say that they like the west but that is not because they call all western girls too light and if you join a boy in from Tunisia then you have to accept his culture and live it but he will not accept yours. Great that you've screwed him through
     
  21. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Hello Bebby! It really brings joy every time a new girl comes with these news, an early escape. I believe the same: he won’t just leave you alone for the simple reason you were ready to travel again to see him. He could come with outrageous excuses but now you are aware and strong. Hugs and merry Christmas!!
     
  22. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Welcome @Bebby, I too love it when someone finds the site early and can potentially be saved from misery later down the road.

    Oh he’s a classic rat, lovely tender words, love bombing, silent treatment. He’s a well rehearsed rat. He will be back, like nothing happened, all the usual; I have some big problem, my father/ mother/ brother was sick, nearly die... OMG someone fix my phone, stole my money, blah blah...

    I’m dismayed he may be yet another one heading for a cruise ship!! Is there no where one can go on holiday without meeting them!

    Have you checked for multiple Facebook/ Instagram accounts? Other western girls as friends? Presumably you haven’t seen him in the gallery yet but he sounds like a professional rat so I’m sure he has lots of firm.

    Have a read of the thread; IF ITS YOUR FIRST TIME HERE READ THIS.

    Just be relieved you didn’t expose your son to further contact with him.
     
  23. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    No :D
    Quite honestly, with the sheer volume of rats that have made it here via scam marriage or illegally....I don't think I'd even feel safe from them on holiday in Great Yarmouth :D
     
  24. Discovery

    Discovery Well-Known Member

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    That’s the fastest way to find out if he’s a rat. They all disappear when we cut off the money! Glad you are ok! ❌⭕️❤️
     
  25. RatSnatcher

    RatSnatcher Well-Known Member

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    Right. Or cut off the promise of marriage which would have led to a Visa. I agree.
     

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