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Marriage from Hell

Peacock

Major Ratslayer
It happened to an American woman that her bf lives in Tunisia she went to visit came back bruised but she went back 6 months later I heard he did the same so...... oh and the mental abuse is always for her HE IS AWFUL once it happens I don’t think it will stop regardless what country the guy is from but especially these guys
The first time a man hits a woman is the time for her to walk away. They will always be violent once they have lashed out. No woman deserves to live in fear. Ladies, never let a rat near you again after he has hit you (or robbed you etc)
 

Sabrina lasser

Major Ratslayer
I can relate to how you feel SG. Whenever I come across domestic violence it fires me up. I also experienced it in childhood and as an adult and it makes me angry as well. I despise violent men, they cause so much damage and the mental harm they do never really goes away. I wish every woman could escape the violence and fear.
Well done to anybody who gets rid of a violent partner!
Yes I remember my dad hitting my mom several times when he would drink I think that’s one reason I never married.. she did finally divorce him
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
The first time a man hits a woman is the time for her to walk away. They will always be violent once they have lashed out. No woman deserves to live in fear. Ladies, never let a rat near you again after he has hit you (or robbed you etc)
It is so “funny” you said that because that’s exactly what my Mom had told me when I was still pretty young, maybe a teenager. She said these exact words “you do not accept the first slap”. I had her on the phone yesterday and we talked about my dad and his abuse (we never talk about it. It’s been so long they’ve been divorced) so it was strange to revisit the past with her. Many abuse victims feel stuck out of fear or because they still love them or blame themselves (because these men are good at convincing them it’s their fault) or other reasons like financial.. but there is help out there. There is always a way out and there is a life after being with an abusive rat. Victims don’t have to feel stuck forever. These men are not stronger than their victims and victims can take their power back. They are only cowards who take advantage of the kindness and the patience of the women who love them.
 

Hannah Rayyan

Ratslayer
This is my first posting, not sure if Ive done it right - I am still married to a Tunisian but he is back in Tunisia now because he mentally and physically abused me bruising my arms and stomach on many occasions because I had an opinion on many things one being controlled - has this happened to anyone else?
Hi Wisedonatlast,

I’m very sorry he hurt you like this. These men in general do not like women having their own opinion, but they love the liberal life WTF.
Mine was warned by his mother that I was too smart :p
He did not dare hurt me though but resulted in hitting the walls instead. I would have sent his Ass to jail.
 
I stayed in a violent relationship for way longer than I should of ( not Tunisian)
My excuse was I could handle myself .
He hit me I hit back and so on .
This wasn't a weekly thing or even monthly but when it blew it exploded
I should of realised the first time it was toxic but I stayed .
Anyway when I lost my brother I hadn't laughed or smiled in weeks and one of my friends came to visit me
And she made me laugh ..
My ex said after she had left ..I don't want her here anymore .
What i hadn't realised over the course of the time wasn't just the physical it was the mental side
He wanted me to be miserable he wanted to keep me in that place .
From that point I was adamant I was going to leave him .
The next weekend Would be when I would do it .
That weekend I was packing my things and he arrived home early and caught me
A fight broke out and he was smashing everything in the house we became physical with each other .
Him hitting me and me hitting him
Next I knew I was at the bottom of the stairs with the telephone cable around my neck and the police breaking down the door .
From that point on I never went back.

My point is the physical scars can heal but the emotional ones never seem to go
From the first slap or the first sign of mental abuse people need to leave .
They don't change it's in them living and breathing .
Weather they saw it growing up or weather they are just controlling manipulative violent freaks they will not change.
People need to get out .
Well done you for making that step
 

WisedonatLast

Active Member
I stayed in a violent relationship for way longer than I should of ( not Tunisian)
My excuse was I could handle myself .
He hit me I hit back and so on .
This wasn't a weekly thing or even monthly but when it blew it exploded
I should of realised the first time it was toxic but I stayed .
Anyway when I lost my brother I hadn't laughed or smiled in weeks and one of my friends came to visit me
And she made me laugh ..
My ex said after she had left ..I don't want her here anymore .
What i hadn't realised over the course of the time wasn't just the physical it was the mental side
He wanted me to be miserable he wanted to keep me in that place .
From that point I was adamant I was going to leave him .
The next weekend Would be when I would do it .
That weekend I was packing my things and he arrived home early and caught me
A fight broke out and he was smashing everything in the house we became physical with each other .
Him hitting me and me hitting him
Next I knew I was at the bottom of the stairs with the telephone cable around my neck and the police breaking down the door .
From that point on I never went back.

My point is the physical scars can heal but the emotional ones never seem to go
From the first slap or the first sign of mental abuse people need to leave .
They don't change it's in them living and breathing .
Weather they saw it growing up or weather they are just controlling manipulative violent freaks they will not change.
People need to get out .
Well done you for making that step
Not sure I am replying to everyone in the right place but thank you so much for all your comments, I didnt realise there were so many people out there going through the samething as me, I will definately make an appointment to see a Councillor now and stay chatting on this site - thank you everyone x
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
This is my first posting, not sure if Ive done it right - I am still married to a Tunisian but he is back in Tunisia now because he mentally and physically abused me bruising my arms and stomach on many occasions because I had an opinion on many things one being controlled - has this happened to anyone else?
Hi @WisedonatLast firstly hi there! Great news that he is back in Tunisia and you are now away from him and safe once again.
How long were you with him and then married for ?
Tell us your story if you want to and of course only if you are ready , you're in good hands at TLR xx
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Not sure I am replying to everyone in the right place but thank you so much for all your comments, I didnt realise there were so many people out there going through the samething as me, I will definately make an appointment to see a Councillor now and stay chatting on this site - thank you everyone x
Stay focused on your healing process and look after yourself. The relation with your friends and family will be back in due time when you are in a better mindset and can be open about it to them. They knew you before the rat so it shouldn't be a problem to accept your explanation on how he treated you. Everybody makes mistakes in life and follow his own path nobody should judge you about it you couldn't have known he was going to treat you like this. You will find your strength again give it some time xxxxx
 

WisedonatLast

Active Member
Hi @WisedonatLast firstly hi there! Great news that he is back in Tunisia and you are now away from him and safe once again.
How long were you with him and then married for ?
Tell us your story if you want to and of course only if you are ready , you're in good hands at TLR xx
Thank you, with him for 5.5 years married 4 years makes me sick to think of everything x
 

WisedonatLast

Active Member
And was he always violent or not?
I didnt really see it in the beginning before marriage (obviously it got worse) but on thinking about it for example, kicking me under the table in the hotel reception because I was looking for a waiter to bring me drinks, grabbing my arms and pushing me over, on my wedding day I had a bruise on the back of my neck, knocked me over because I was on the balcony and it thought I was staring at the workmen but I wasnt, I was looking at the construction work (you know how different all the health & safety is in these Countries), all the screaming and shouting we used to do as he never wanted to go out in the beginning - I was blinked by love I think :( x
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
I stayed in a violent relationship for way longer than I should of ( not Tunisian)
My excuse was I could handle myself .
He hit me I hit back and so on .
This wasn't a weekly thing or even monthly but when it blew it exploded
I should of realised the first time it was toxic but I stayed .
Anyway when I lost my brother I hadn't laughed or smiled in weeks and one of my friends came to visit me
And she made me laugh ..
My ex said after she had left ..I don't want her here anymore .
What i hadn't realised over the course of the time wasn't just the physical it was the mental side
He wanted me to be miserable he wanted to keep me in that place .
From that point I was adamant I was going to leave him .
The next weekend Would be when I would do it .
That weekend I was packing my things and he arrived home early and caught me
A fight broke out and he was smashing everything in the house we became physical with each other .
Him hitting me and me hitting him
Next I knew I was at the bottom of the stairs with the telephone cable around my neck and the police breaking down the door .
From that point on I never went back.

My point is the physical scars can heal but the emotional ones never seem to go
From the first slap or the first sign of mental abuse people need to leave .
They don't change it's in them living and breathing .
Weather they saw it growing up or weather they are just controlling manipulative violent freaks they will not change.
People need to get out .
Well done you for making that step
I am so sorry you was in such a bad relationship and yes the scars heal but it always stays with you for the rest of your life it makes you aware of these type of men. These type of men control every move you make and it still goes on these days. Now the police and the law are on your side but not always. When this happened in my childhood it was normal this man came back home and the violence started again. Most women had nowhere to go as it was shamefull and there where no women shelters in these days. So happy this has changed now and women can talk about it and start a new life
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
I didnt really see it in the beginning before marriage (obviously it got worse) but on thinking about it for example, kicking me under the table in the hotel reception because I was looking for a waiter to bring me drinks, grabbing my arms and pushing me over, on my wedding day I had a bruise on the back of my neck, knocked me over because I was on the balcony and it thought I was staring at the workmen but I wasnt, I was looking at the construction work (you know how different all the health & safety is in these Countries), all the screaming and shouting we used to do as he never wanted to go out in the beginning - I was blinked by love I think :( x
Women are in my eyes to understanding on how a man treats us. You should have stopped it then and there but as you say you are in love with him and you accept it or think he will change it is just stress or he is jeaulous. No... It is not love it is controlling you on how you should behave and the violence starts. I am so sorry he did all that to you I am happy you are away from him you are on your way to a new life you took back your power over your life xxxx
 

Tigerpants

Major Ratslayer
I didnt really see it in the beginning before marriage (obviously it got worse) but on thinking about it for example, kicking me under the table in the hotel reception because I was looking for a waiter to bring me drinks, grabbing my arms and pushing me over, on my wedding day I had a bruise on the back of my neck, knocked me over because I was on the balcony and it thought I was staring at the workmen but I wasnt, I was looking at the construction work (you know how different all the health & safety is in these Countries), all the screaming and shouting we used to do as he never wanted to go out in the beginning - I was blinked by love I think :( x
So 4 of the 5 years he was or could be....he probably reined it in at first. OK well you're out and now here to get and give advice xx
 

WisedonatLast

Active Member
I am so sorry you was in such a bad relationship and yes the scars heal but it always stays with you for the rest of your life it makes you aware of these type of men. These type of men control every move you make and it still goes on these days. Now the police and the law are on your side but not always. When this happened in my childhood it was normal this man came back home and the violence started again. Most women had nowhere to go as it was shamefull and there where no women shelters in these days. So happy this has changed now and women can talk about it and start a new life
That must of been awful for you too, the pain is immense isnt it and you still have it deep down inside you? x
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
That must of been awful for you too, the pain is immense isnt it and you still have it deep down inside you? x
Yes it stays with you but it moves to the back of your mind untill something happens. You learn to live with it and as said before here the scars heal. I sure hope you go to council to help you with these emotions and talk about it as it helps you a great deal to get it of your chest xxx
 

WisedonatLast

Active Member
Women are in my eyes to understanding on how a man treats us. You should have stopped it then and there but as you say you are in love with him and you accept it or think he will change it is just stress or he is jeaulous. No... It is not love it is controlling you on how you should behave and the violence starts. I am so sorry he did all that to you I am happy you are away from him you are on your way to a new life you took back your power over your life xxxx
I really wish I had of done now but at first some of the things he done I thought was so nice, even the checking up on me every 1 hour or so by video not even thinking it was the control kicking in. Oh theres a lot more to this story after I cancelled his visa but when I feel ready I'll do another post on another subject. I hope you are getting there slowly too x
 

Peacock

Major Ratslayer
Not sure I am replying to everyone in the right place but thank you so much for all your comments, I didnt realise there were so many people out there going through the samething as me, I will definately make an appointment to see a Councillor now and stay chatting on this site - thank you everyone x
It helps knowing that you are not the only one who has had to go through such difficult times.
Time now to start living life the way you want and now you can create a happy life for yourself x
 
I am so sorry you was in such a bad relationship and yes the scars heal but it always stays with you for the rest of your life it makes you aware of these type of men. These type of men control every move you make and it still goes on these days. Now the police and the law are on your side but not always. When this happened in my childhood it was normal this man came back home and the violence started again. Most women had nowhere to go as it was shamefull and there where no women shelters in these days. So happy this has changed now and women can talk about it and start a new life
Awh thanks butterflies
But this thread isn't about me
Just wanted her to know I know how it feels and how hard the mental side of it can be .
Onwards and upwards for her now though
With the right help
 

confuseddotcom

Senior Rat Expert
These stories make me so angry, these men are such pieces of sh*t!

You will get past it, you just need to take the first steps. What helped for me personally was working out, I also went back to church, which I’d in fact abandoned for years, and I learnt about a much stronger love, an accepting and unconditional love... something that’s a foreign concept to a lot of these men. And I just realised at that point that what I had was not really love at all. But everyone has their own different coping methods, and ways of getting their confidence back.

IMO counselling/psychotherapy is a wise step but it’s the not the be and end all. What it will do is bring you out of the denial phase and to terms with the why’s and what’s of your trauma, but to get your confidence back you will need to practice self love and assertiveness, really get in touch with your body and your mind through spirituality, enlightenment... you will experience anger at some point... try boxing, imagine he’s the target...
 

Sabrina lasser

Major Ratslayer
These stories make me so angry, these men are such pieces of sh*t!

You will get past it, you just need to take the first steps. What helped for me personally was working out, I also went back to church, which I’d in fact abandoned for years, and I learnt about a much stronger love, an accepting and unconditional love... something that’s a foreign concept to a lot of these men. And I just realised at that point that what I had was not really love at all. But everyone has their own different coping methods, and ways of getting their confidence back.

IMO counselling/psychotherapy is a wise step but it’s the not the be and end all. What it will do is bring you out of the denial phase and to terms with the why’s and what’s of your trauma, but to get your confidence back you will need to practice self love and assertiveness, really get in touch with your body and your mind through spirituality, enlightenment... you will experience anger at some point... try boxing, imagine he’s the target...
So true #church#bible need I say Praise God
 

Amira

Major Ratslayer
This is my first posting, not sure if Ive done it right - I am still married to a Tunisian but he is back in Tunisia now because he mentally and physically abused me bruising my arms and stomach on many occasions because I had an opinion on many things one being controlled - has this happened to anyone else?
Glad he's not near you. You did the right thing by sending him back. Hope your divorce papers are in order
 
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