Maybe he is, maybe he isn´t?

Vanilla

Active Member
Hello everyone. I am new here. I have been visiting the site for months, but only registered a few days ago. I have been reading the posts and my heart gets heavier and heavier. I was too scared to post, i want to believe he is diferent because of the things we lived and things that are impossible to fake, but there are so many "buts", specially his changed behavior....
I was already aware of the scams but not at this level. I met him online more than a year ago. Our relationship evolved a lot, that is why i need help. I need to investigate him because my head is full of doubts, but also i don't want to be unfare with him. So, if there is someone out there to help me, i would prefer a trusted member, a moderator maybe, with who i can share more details in private.
Thank you so much in advance.
 

simple

Major Ratslayer
Hello everyone. I am new here. I have been visiting the site for months, but only registered a few days ago. I have been reading the posts and my heart gets heavier and heavier. I was too scared to post, i want to believe he is diferent because of the things we lived and things that are impossible to fake, but there are so many "buts", specially his changed behavior....
I was already aware of the scams but not at this level. I met him online more than a year ago. Our relationship evolved a lot, that is why i need help. I need to investigate him because my head is full of doubts, but also i don't want to be unfare with him. So, if there is someone out there to help me, i would prefer a trusted member, a moderator maybe, with who i can share more details in private.
Thank you so much in advance.
Hi @Vanilla ...prehaps pm @MH007 or @Mica ...they will help Just click on the name and start a converstion ,,,its private and confidential ...
 

Storm

Senior Rat Expert
Hello everyone. I am new here. I have been visiting the site for months, but only registered a few days ago. I have been reading the posts and my heart gets heavier and heavier. I was too scared to post, i want to believe he is diferent because of the things we lived and things that are impossible to fake, but there are so many "buts", specially his changed behavior....
I was already aware of the scams but not at this level. I met him online more than a year ago. Our relationship evolved a lot, that is why i need help. I need to investigate him because my head is full of doubts, but also i don't want to be unfare with him. So, if there is someone out there to help me, i would prefer a trusted member, a moderator maybe, with who i can share more details in private.
Thank you so much in advance.
Hi Vanilla welcome.

I understand how you feel. It can be overwhelming reading on here at times. I read on here for a long time before joining.
It was so hard at first seeing so many similar scenarios that was happening in my relationship.
 

Vanilla

Active Member
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to get in so much details because someone could recognize my story. We never know who reads the posts here... But i see very similar scenarios in here also. But one thing that scares me is the "bipolar" behavior. It has never a middle term. It's like heaven or hell. I've already been with him in person, he is not in Tunisia, that is another reason i don't want to be exposed. Like i said before, i was aware of the visa scams and that is why i trusted him in the first place. I still want to, but he is getting really sneaky, i feel like he is hidding something from me, but i search and search and can't find anything! And the worst part is i am in this alone, i can not talk to family or friends about it because they were all against me from the beggining and will not support me. I don't need any more doubts or condemnations. I just need to know the truth to get peace of mind. :(
 

Bubbly

Major Ratslayer
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to get in so much details because someone could recognize my story. We never know who reads the posts here... But i see very similar scenarios in here also. But one thing that scares me is the "bipolar" behavior. It has never a middle term. It's like heaven or hell. I've already been with him in person, he is not in Tunisia, that is another reason i don't want to be exposed. Like i said before, i was aware of the visa scams and that is why i trusted him in the first place. I still want to, but he is getting really sneaky, i feel like he is hidding something from me, but i search and search and can't find anything! And the worst part is i am in this alone, i can not talk to family or friends about it because they were all against me from the beggining and will not support me. I don't need any more doubts or condemnations. I just need to know the truth to get peace of mind. :(
Dont get into details but do you suspect he is cheating on you ? What is his legal and professional situation ?
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
Hi Vanilla welcome.

I understand how you feel. It can be overwhelming reading on here at times. I read on here for a long time before joining.
It was so hard at first seeing so many similar scenarios that was happening in my relationship.
Yes it was the same for me....often a behavior change is a huge red flag. Welcome Vanilla and I am glad you are here.♡
 

SouthernGirl

Major Ratslayer
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to get in so much details because someone could recognize my story. We never know who reads the posts here... But i see very similar scenarios in here also. But one thing that scares me is the "bipolar" behavior. It has never a middle term. It's like heaven or hell. I've already been with him in person, he is not in Tunisia, that is another reason i don't want to be exposed. Like i said before, i was aware of the visa scams and that is why i trusted him in the first place. I still want to, but he is getting really sneaky, i feel like he is hidding something from me, but i search and search and can't find anything! And the worst part is i am in this alone, i can not talk to family or friends about it because they were all against me from the beggining and will not support me. I don't need any more doubts or condemnations. I just need to know the truth to get peace of mind. :(
Run for your life! Bipolar signs, nagging feeling he’s hiding something from you (your guts are trying to tell you something), family and friends not willing to be open to you and communicate.. Why wasting your time when it sounds like deep down you already know.
Investigating is certainly the right thing to do in this case. You may get the answers you need. Unfortunately, they are good at hiding things, they know all the ropes, and you may not find anything. I hope you find out something and get peace of mind.
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
Don't get me wrong. I don't want to get in so much details because someone could recognize my story. We never know who reads the posts here... But i see very similar scenarios in here also. But one thing that scares me is the "bipolar" behavior. It has never a middle term. It's like heaven or hell. I've already been with him in person, he is not in Tunisia, that is another reason i don't want to be exposed. Like i said before, i was aware of the visa scams and that is why i trusted him in the first place. I still want to, but he is getting really sneaky, i feel like he is hidding something from me, but i search and search and can't find anything! And the worst part is i am in this alone, i can not talk to family or friends about it because they were all against me from the beggining and will not support me. I don't need any more doubts or condemnations. I just need to know the truth to get peace of mind. :(
That gut feeling usually is never wrong and when that search mode sets in....it can be very exhausting. We know what you are going through and we are here to help and support you in anyway we can. ♡
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
That gut feeling usually is never wrong and when that search mode sets in....it can be very exhausting. We know what you are going through and we are here to help and support you in anyway we can. ♡
Welcome vanilla I had the same gut feeling something wasn't quit right. In the beginning all sweet and loving then the complaining being. You don't understand them. They read your texts but don't answer you. When you say or do something they don't like they are quik angry. I had his password from Facebook but he didn't know I had a tablet where I never logged out at his acount. You have to be patient but they will show their true selves. When he said goodnight he thought I was sleeping then he started texting to random women and quickly deleting the texts. A woman should listen to her gut feeling. I know what you mean other people don't understand this. You will find help and support here
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
Welcome vanilla I had the same gut feeling something wasn't quit right. In the beginning all sweet and loving then the complaining being. You don't understand them. They read your texts but don't answer you. When you say or do something they don't like they are quik angry. I had his password from Facebook but he didn't know I had a tablet where I never logged out at his acount. You have to be patient but they will show their true selves. When he said goodnight he thought I was sleeping then he started texting to random women and quickly deleting the texts. A woman should listen to her gut feeling. I know what you mean other people don't understand this. You will find help and support here
Very true words
 

JGG

Major Ratslayer
Very true words
Vanilla I became a member here in 2018 when I started my relationship with my Tunisian....I was very concerned because I was a lot older than my rat. I was still in that Love Bombing phase with him when I came here....I read many threads...many posts and talked to a few very wise and helpful ladies who just asked me to be very careful and to go into the relationship with my eyes wide open. I too felt that my rat was different....he wasn't like most...he never asked for money...was always there for me and so on. I decided to remain a member of TLR but wanted to give him a chance....it took a year and a half of this crazy relationship to finally end it and make my way back here. We understand that you are on a journey and that you must discover your path in your own way. Please just know that we are here and all you have to do at anytime is to reach out your hand and we will be here to take it and guide you. Safe journey our new friend :)
 

Vanilla

Active Member
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. He never asked me for money, but his life is not at all what i imagined. He does not work at the moment. I think he is cheating, yes. That is my main suspicious. But there may be more to know.... I am so scared of what i can find out... :(
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
Vanilla I became a member here in 2018 when I started my relationship with my Tunisian....I was very concerned because I was a lot older than my rat. I was still in that Love Bombing phase with him when I came here....I read many threads...many posts and talked to a few very wise and helpful ladies who just asked me to be very careful and to go into the relationship with my eyes wide open. I too felt that my rat was different....he wasn't like most...he never asked for money...was always there for me and so on. I decided to remain a member of TLR but wanted to give him a chance....it took a year and a half of this crazy relationship to finally end it and make my way back here. We understand that you are on a journey and that you must discover your path in your own way. Please just know that we are here and all you have to do at anytime is to reach out your hand and we will be here to take it and guide you. Safe journey our new friend :)
I was very much the same, I stumbled on TLR whilst researching Tunisia and visas etc. I did get a lot of negative comments and was accused of being a sex tourist BUT I also received a lot of advice on signs to look for, red flags etc. I also took the decision to carry on and go back again but this time I was armed with the knowledge I got from TLR and very quickly realised that he was a rat! If I hadn't come across TLR I would not know the signs and would not have protected myself.

All we can do is advise and arm members with the combined knowledge so that they can try and look after themselves.

Thank you @Vanilla for finding the strength to post.

MH x
 

MH007

Administrator
Staff member
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. He never asked me for money, but his life is not at all what i imagined. He does not work at the moment. I think he is cheating, yes. That is my main suspicious. But there may be more to know.... I am so scared of what i can find out... :(
I would be more concerned at the damage he is going to cause you mentally and financially - we are all scared of the truth if it isn't what we want to read however the truth could prevent and save you from this rat.

I cannot tell you how dangerous these men can be - It still haunts me to this day that we had a lovely lady that finally took her own life despite our support - tragic.

Take care of you

MH x
 

Jane

Major Ratslayer
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. He never asked me for money, but his life is not at all what i imagined. He does not work at the moment. I think he is cheating, yes. That is my main suspicious. But there may be more to know.... I am so scared of what i can find out... :(
Hi vanilla sent you a private message
 

Butterflies

Major Ratslayer
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. He never asked me for money, but his life is not at all what i imagined. He does not work at the moment. I think he is cheating, yes. That is my main suspicious. But there may be more to know.... I am so scared of what i can find out... :(
I feel for you really we know how you feel. Isn't it better to know if he is honest or not?
 

Poppy

Major Ratslayer
Hello everyone. I am new here. I have been visiting the site for months, but only registered a few days ago. I have been reading the posts and my heart gets heavier and heavier. I was too scared to post, i want to believe he is diferent because of the things we lived and things that are impossible to fake, but there are so many "buts", specially his changed behavior....
I was already aware of the scams but not at this level. I met him online more than a year ago. Our relationship evolved a lot, that is why i need help. I need to investigate him because my head is full of doubts, but also i don't want to be unfare with him. So, if there is someone out there to help me, i would prefer a trusted member, a moderator maybe, with who i can share more details in private.
Thank you so much in advance.
Rats are able to fake pretty much everything. Nothing is impossible to fake for them. Crying is a good example.
 

Poppy

Major Ratslayer
Welcome vanilla I had the same gut feeling something wasn't quit right. In the beginning all sweet and loving then the complaining being. You don't understand them. They read your texts but don't answer you. When you say or do something they don't like they are quik angry. I had his password from Facebook but he didn't know I had a tablet where I never logged out at his acount. You have to be patient but they will show their true selves. When he said goodnight he thought I was sleeping then he started texting to random women and quickly deleting the texts. A woman should listen to her gut feeling. I know what you mean other people don't understand this. You will find help and support here
They all chat with many women....and talking about living together with each of them. Disgusting!
 

Vanilla

Active Member
That is why i don't want to openly share my story, i prefer remain "undercover". He has no visa because he over stayed... (Iknow what it souns like) but there are a lot of twists and turns to the story that i can't share here. I shared in private with the administrator. :(
 
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