Met married and now 3 years later

Discussion in 'Ben's Corner' started by neela, Dec 28, 2013.

  1. neela

    neela Well-Known Member

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    referimg to Etoyec s last post None of this applies my Ex has been in regular employment since january 2011 same job and now has a second job too , his own flat with someone sharing to pay the rent , hes laughing all the way to the bank saving for the dream house in tunisia etc.....
    I want out with the least possible hassle and financial cost . The emotional cost over the last months was enough for me. But thanks for the Information on the german rules some of it I did not know.
    Thanks Crystal it is better than it was, I am learning and have managed to to take any backward steps now for 1 month
     
  2. crystal

    crystal The Punchy Scot

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    Glad to hear it Neela.. it is a long hard road... and sorry but my rat is still here ..and yes as much as we want to be Caramels... that is a hard road.. and I know I have done all I can to get justice.. but know what... I weigh up my family my friends my life. my future against my rat..and know what he is a pathetic no runner.. time is most important.. difficult and easy to say... but hate to say it but take the easy route.. pride.. again I hate to say it as goes against my gut...but you can't win my lovely... salvage... is the word... u now are the most important....
     
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  3. CUDDLE

    CUDDLE Well-Known Member

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    Hi Neela.

    Glad you are on the rd to recovery my darling..big hugs for you..

    I have been there got the T Shirt as they say.....being a fiery Celt i would normally fight the b****** Rat all the way..BUT this is important..Self Preservation is the key..The fight prolongs the agony im afraid.for me personally anyway..

    I admire Caramel i really do..but i believe sometimes we have to walk away and protect the rest of our life that is good...

    Whatever we do, however much we fight the Rat he/she will NEVER feel remorse..NEVER and you know what the best punishment is to ignore them..Dont ever give them a hint their action worries you..Hard but speeds up recovery in many cases.

    However for any ladies that prefer to fight i will support you, i will salute you because this is a very long, hard rd to travel...You ladies are stronger than me and well done i sincerely mean this....If an individual is able to address the Bezness issues at higher levels as Caramel and others have done that is a massive bonus not only for them but for all Bezness victims.

    Some campaign and challenge and some of us walk away....no right or wrong in either option imo anyway it is all down to us as individuals and what heals us fastest..This is the most important thing get closure and start to live again..

    Take Care Neela xx
     
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  4. Caramel

    Caramel Clairvoyante !!

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    Cuddle, I agree with all you said. In my case, I had so much to lose and he wasn't going to get away with divorcing me behind my back either. Can you imagine how I feel when two Tunisian wives were able to live in my house and I wasn't able to? It has been a long road for me which is now nearing an end but I am left with many scars. Fighting the campaign to get the law changed in the UK so that deception in marriage is made a crime, has given me a focus in helping others. I am much too busy to wallow in self pity and get depressed. My case has had one positive result in Tunisian law in that they have to divorce you in the country you both live in. Unlike before when they could send divorce papers to a false address and when sent back unanswered they were granted a divorce. Not only am I fighting for myself but for the many others who are unable to fight for many reasons, be it financial or emotional.
     
  5. crystal

    crystal The Punchy Scot

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    Caramel you are an inspiration and give hope to many.. you have achieved what I did not think possible.. I take my hat off to you and admire your strength and bravery. The TV programme aired was very good and opened up the full issue of marriage fraud, with so many different woman and the positions they were left in.. The biggest lesson to learn I think from the programme was to enable woman to think ahead and where they could end up after the scam, how difficult it is when the rats walk away and the impact financially on the victim for the years to come.. meaning that the scam has a long devastating road.. Point being made is that we are all individuals and have differing ways to come through the other side and move on, there is no right or wrong way to do this,, just as long as the decisions made is right for that person to enable them to move on.
     
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  6. Caramel

    Caramel Clairvoyante !!

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    I only filmed that programme two weeks before it was aired. One condition of going on that programme was that age wasn't mentioned in my story. I also wanted to highlight the marriages by deception and make sure we were not portrayed as Shirley Valentine characters. I achieved this and was very happy because it highlighted the Campaign.
     
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  7. neela

    neela Well-Known Member

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    Here is the latest the rat wanted to sleep with me on Friday, today he wants a copy of the translation of our tunisian wedding certificate, so he can go to the solicitor with it tomorrow, to start divorce proceedings. I have said I have no time tomorrow to meet him, he is laughing on the phone as he wanted to come to where I work and I said no he is an embarassment. I am starting to get angry and upset again as I had no contact and was doing well out of sight out of mind ... have written to a solicitor so I hpe I get to one before he does god knows what tricks he is going to try for... Its good advice not to let them know what you are doing or that they are getting to you thanks for that Cuddle must keep it in mind
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2015
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  8. neela

    neela Well-Known Member

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    divorce date set for 20 August 2015 proceeding went through on 22 may from his solicitor have had no contact now for weeks it hurts at times but I am so glad it will soon be over.
     
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  9. neela

    neela Well-Known Member

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    this website has helped me when things were rough I wish I had believed people back in 2013 but had to learn the hard way, thanks again
     
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  10. CUDDLE

    CUDDLE Well-Known Member

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    You will be ok Neela x
     
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  11. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Look at it like a experience and yes this is a very good page
     
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  12. MH007

    MH007 Moderator Staff Member

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    Bless you @neela we are all behind you......take care xxx
     
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  13. RedRose

    RedRose Well-Known Member

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    Good luck for the future Neela, now onwards and upwards xx
     
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  14. rose711

    rose711 Well-Known Member

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    @neela please keep posting as to how you are doing.

    Please keep your head up and don't look back.

    People come to realisation of what they need to do at different times.

    I feel that you have a great life in front of you.
     
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  15. Belladonna

    Belladonna Well-Known Member

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    Well when things started going sour ....you knew what was what and knew you could come here to talk to people that understand. Here's to a wonderful future!!!
     
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  16. Caramel

    Caramel Clairvoyante !!

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    Neela, you made the right decision in the end when the time was right for you. If you hadnt given what you considered the doubts you were having a chance to see his true intentions, you would've spent years wondering if you did the right thing and gave up too easily. Who knows, your reluctance to do what your instincts were telling you may prompt another victim to act sooner in future. Once a Tunisian displays signs that cause you to doubt genuiness a relationship, follow your instincts and get out.
     
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  17. neela

    neela Well-Known Member

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    I know of a young girl where i live who has marreid an egyptian nd all the signs are there but i cannot reach her....
    I believe my ex will reap the rewards of his actions.
    i felt sick often thinking about things but it definately gets better and I have learnt slowly to concentrate on myself and my life anyone new here should read this thread through to see what was been said as far back as 2013 scary really as it was all true.
     
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  18. neela

    neela Well-Known Member

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    Am now divorced have had a strange time after the divorce my ex declared he would always love me till he dies. I think no contact is really the answer i had managed well until we got near the divorce date and had to have contact. Now I am back to no contact as there is no need anymore. went on holiday was good am now back at work and getting on I need to build up a new life slowly.
     
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  19. ijs

    ijs Well-Known Member

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    LOOOOOOOOOOOL! :D
     
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  20. Fern

    Fern Well-Known Member

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    Really glad to hear you doing so well Neela. Best of luck for your future, wishing you much happiness xxx :thumbsup:
     
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  21. Lellaji

    Lellaji Well-Known Member

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  22. Lellaji

    Lellaji Well-Known Member

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  23. Delight

    Delight New Member

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    Hello honey sorry to say it's the difference in culture that pulls this kind of relationship apart.. He's grown up in a very different culture to u and in time this always shows its ugly head.but I think you realise this yourself.. Except it or move on and learn by it. Sorry harsh but true... From delight x
     
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  24. simple

    simple Well-Known Member

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    Hi delight ,,i agree it can be a lack of knowledge on our part ,,,but thats not the main reason for a rats existance .Intergrating cultures can and do work a lot of the time .It takes two to make a marriage work ,not one .Rats dont adapt ,they expect everyone else to adapt to their ways.Living in a different country with this mindset ,is wrong .But most of the time a rat only wants a visa because they believe the streets ae paved with gold outside of Tunisia and all he has to do ,is sit and wait for it to come to him.
     
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  25. Big Bang Theory

    Big Bang Theory Well-Known Member

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    No, it's the fact that the entire relationship is fabricated from the start, that the rat ONLY started and stayed in the relationship to gain money and visa. Neela's rat was just hanging on and stringing her along until he got his ILR.

    I do agree that in a genuine relationship the differences in culture and mentality are highly likely to tear the relationship apart - but there's a big difference between that and a Bezness relationship.
     
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