My experience - would really appreciate some help

Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by Erearia, Dec 29, 2018.

  1. Erearia

    Erearia Active Member

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    Hi everyone!

    I joined about 2 months ago so I could do some digging on someone and have been reading here a lot. Let me start by saying I'm a child of a rat so I have been and am very educated on the topic (from a different perspective, but still - they act just as ratty with their own children when it comes to money, gifts, emotional manipulation). Never thought I'd be one to engage in anything beyond smalltalk on holiday because I know so much, but here I am. Still, thankfully nothing major happened to me and things probably ended before they could really start.

    Actually nothing about my encounter seemed like the classic rat at first. A friend of mine was involved with a rat too and that was completely different. I just think mine has had a lot of practice. Things got a bit ugly when I uncovered a (small) lie and ditched plans. A small part of me always worries I did him wrong by cutting ties, (we're not in contact anymore), but deep down I know it's better this way. I know they are known to always come crawling back sooner or later, but I'm convinced he doesn't have to act that way because he has enough women throwing themselves at him left and right, the choices are mere endless to not get held up with a specific one. Don't profit from her - next.

    I've found a thread on "mine" on here, but it's from almost a decade ago, haven't found anything more recent here or on other forums in other languages. Actually I found this right after I met him but swore it can't be him due to details about himself he's told me that weren't adding up with the timeline of that thread. Well, turns out he is. There are no pictures on him here, but I know for sure it's him. Am quite good at digging up stuff, during my research I've actually uncovered about 3 others I've seen around with friends this year to be rats (one is on here, it's one where there haven't been any updates in a while) and will comment on it soon. I'm honestly just so happy when I see posts on here from a long time ago and then see those same guys around and they are still there working their awful jobs and still haven't found anyone stupid enough to marry them and take them to Europe.

    Anyways, I don't want to name him because to be honest I'm very afraid of the consequences if he finds out. But I'm really curious if anyone of the long term members remembers anyone coming here asking about him in the more recent years. Maybe someone asked in private or knows someone who knows him? Maybe even from a long time ago? (I just can't imagine no one has found their way here in such a long time considering he's been working in the hotels for almost a decade and is quite popular with the ladies... unless he really changed like he said, but who am I kidding?). Unfortunately the people commenting in the old thread haven't been active in years. I'd love to ideally find someone who knows him who I could talk to. I'm really needing this last bit of info from someone who knows him to turn me away for good with 0 risk of ever seeking communication again (have been quite good but don't trust myself completely just yet). I'm the kind of person, it's hard for me to close a book when I haven't read the last page, if that makes sense.

    So long story short, I'd love if someone could privately help me out, but I really don't want his name or picture on here because I don't have clear proof of anything. I promise to share more of the story here soon. The more people know about this kinda stuff the better!!

    Have a lovely evening, ladies.
     
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  2. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    Welcome Erearia,
    Heidi and mango is the ones to PM
    They will dig the craftiest rat out from under any hole. They claws are sharp, sorry to see you here.
    But happy you found us and asking for help.
    Good luck
     
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  3. Epiphany

    Epiphany Well-Known Member

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    Hi Erearia, sorry for the unfortunate circumstances but you came to the right place. You will receive the help you need.
     
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  4. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Welcome @Erearia, just to clarify, you have found your rat here but not a picture, but you are certain it’s him ( we do sometimes have people with the same names). You are the daughter of a Rat relationship. Was your father/ mother Tunisian?

    You can send a PM to a well known member to look for any further information. As suggested, @Heidi , @Mango Chutney myself, @Laura2014 or @Liona. We will be happy to look for you.
     
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  5. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    We're on it, chick :)
     
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  6. juicyfruit

    juicyfruit Well-Known Member

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    Hi welcome to TLR.How can we help you?
     
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  7. Bostons

    Bostons Well-Known Member

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    Just popping in to say welcome! I hope you find the answers you seek!

    If or when you feel comfortable I'd really like to hear you story.
     
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  8. mira

    mira Active Member

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    Hi Erearia, you did right to come here and ask for help. I did so a couple of
    days ago and was helped a lot here. I can tell you I start to feel a little bit beter every
    day now, thanks to the ladies from this site. Even wished I asked to do some digging earlier. I am curious about your story too, so whenever you feel too. Take care.
     
  9. Erearia

    Erearia Active Member

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    Thanks! :) Yes, I've found him here a little while ago and I'm 100% certain. I did quite some digging myself already and the hotel is mentioned in that thread, so all I had to do was look up videos and pictures online of that year and recognized him. There's also a fb account mentioned there that doesn't exist anymore but I have definite proof that it used to be his. And yes, my father is from there and a rat.

    I definitely will! I just need a little more definite info first before I share things that might not even be as bad after all. :)

    Thanks to everyone else who replied too!
     
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  10. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    So cruel for you to know that your own father is a love rat. Do you want to contact him? or have you put it on the shelf
     
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  11. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Does your mother have any contact with him?
     
  12. Erearia

    Erearia Active Member

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    I could probably write a book about this topic. My mother got married to him after a short amount of time, brought him over to Europe, it's the classic picture book rat story. Right before I was born she left him, didn't want me growing up in such a mess, but by that time he could stay here because they were married for too long. My mother swears he would have never left her, I mean, life's very comfortable when your wife has a great job and provides a stable life, right? My mother doesn't speak to him at all, any communication goes through me at this point.

    He's come around about every few years, his interest for his child(dren) grows when he gets into these pseudo emotional phases where he'll cry to anyone about how unfair and horrible his life is, all fake of course and it doesn't last long. Or when he needs to show off to friends. Saw him once when I was 6, then again when I was 13, then he came back around when I was 17. He's always lived in the same city, but I had no interest in seeing him. The times I did spend some with him taught me that he's a lying idiot full of himself.

    A few years ago he made a big mistake. He ended up returning to Tunisia "for a little while" but didn't know he can't be out of the country for longer than 6 months or they'll deny him entry back into Europe. So now he's living there like all the other rats, back at the hotels and it seems to make no difference that he's not 25 and handsome anymore. Just the other day he proudly announced that a woman brought him a brand new smartphone from Europe, but he didn't like it, so a few weeks later she was back with a better one.

    I seriously have so many stories about him and his ratty ways, I can share more if you ladies are interested in hearing about it. :)
     
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  13. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    So sorry you been through this all your life.
    It's unfair that you are the voice for both parents.
    I won't allow that to happen with mine.
    Of course we love to hear from such a courageous person.
     
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  14. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    understand in a way that you do not want contact with him. But he is your father and yes they do not take responsibility for their children it is true unfortunately. The mother tried to endure for the longest time, but in the end the patience ended.
     
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  15. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Oh yes please ...
     
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  16. Epiphany

    Epiphany Well-Known Member

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    Shaking my head right now.....and please do share
     
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  17. Erearia

    Erearia Active Member

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    Let me see what I can think of on the top of my head ... no clue actually how he ended up in the hotels. That entire family is full of educated people, I have uncles, aunts and cousins who are doctors, lawyers, engineers, biologists... It is just him that turned out like this and a lot of his relatives have cut ties with him too. Here in Europe he had the idea of opening up a restaurant. He had a work permit but obviously couldn't purchase the place, like, he couldn't sign for it. My mother was really against it and refused to sign, it was her own parents who were super in favor of this and she ended up signing for the loan on the restaurant and the restaurant itself. Everything was going well for a while, then she found a drawer with unopened letters ... bills. He hadn't paid anything in months, had no sense of business, it was too late. My grandparents and aunt ended up quitting their jobs to try to save it, but the mess he made was too big. My mom ended up 180k in debt and was in private insolvency for over a decade. Of course he got out of it clean, his name wasn't on anything.

    I mentioned ratty ways with their kids, emotional manipulation. He frequently calls, cries on the phone like a baby (A+ acting) and begs for money. Side note: Never paid a penny for his kids. Maybe I would help if I knew the money was actually going towards something useful like his rent that he keeps begging for. But give this man money and it'll be gone within 1 night for alcohol, cigarettes, the usual. Threats on the phone are common too: "Do you want it to be your fault that I lose my home?"

    The times I spent time with him, all I wanted was to spend some one on one time, mentioned that to him every time. And every time we'd end up in a café where by pure coincidence of course all this friends were waiting and he could show off his "beautiful daughter that he's so proud of because look just how beautiful and smart and successful she is". Gag. Followed by a bunch of men staring me up and down, old women pinching my cheeks, loud comments in arabic that I don't understand.

    A couple of years ago I got a text from him telling me he's gonna be a dad again - crazy timing, at this point I could pass for the child's (young) mother. He did this on purpose in my opinion, I was cutting ties with him and he knew my biggest wish from my childhood was a sibling and this is something he'd get me with. How convenient that this woman crossed his path. So I went to meet him and the woman who was 8 weeks pregnant at the time, he'd known her "2 or 3 months or so". Her entire pregnancy I kept texting him, asking about the baby. He frequently invited me to go pick out stuff for the baby, but I was busy with university and honestly didn't want to see him. He told me they'd let me pick her name (little did I know the woman had NO idea about all of this). A few days before the birth I suddenly got this feeling that if I want to know my sibling, I need to take matters into my own hand, so I asked him to give me the phone number of the woman. My sister was born a few days later and I spent a lot of time at the hospital with the mom, that's when I would find out that he was MIA for the entire pregnancy and only showed up at her doorstep a few days prior because he'd lost her phone number (and I had asked for it). All the times he invited me to go shopping with them didn't even exist, it was all for show.

    This is getting kind of long, I apologize! The story with the new baby is worth telling, I'll follow up with that one in a different post. :)
     
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  18. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    :Cry:
     
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  19. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    This is a lesson for all women to stay far away from men in from these dating sites or holiday romance. As long as one does not know the person well enough then it ends in disaster I think. It has nothing to do with religion or skin color. Dangerous to get out of touch when you do not know the reason well enough
     
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  20. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    My rat liked my photos on Instagram for a long time. Then he dropped me a DM. It was not a dating site and my photos were mostly scenery. So they can be lurking anywhere.
     
  21. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    The best thing is to avoid overloading yourself or pictures online
     
  22. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    This is fascinating stuff, Erearia....no need to apologise....it's very interesting for us to read the perspective of a child, inadvertently born into rat world.

    Your descriptions may also be helpful for the Western mothers of anchor babies....they need to realise that the rat will be back, once the child is of an age that he/she may financially beneficial.

    It's a very cruel set of circumstances.....and to this day, it never ceases to amaze me how low these rats will stoop for greed :Evil:
     
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  23. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    True. I keep a max of 15 to 21 photos up at a time. I rarely show my face or body. Mine are mostly scenery. The rat on the other hand, was completely opposite. He had his face in every photo. Mostly head shots. A few of him standing or with friends. But mostly just him.
     
  24. Mystery

    Mystery Well-Known Member

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    I didn't meet mine online it was at a family wedding. He Never been in the tourist trade to lazy. Never posted a pic of me anywhere. 100 % correct though you just need to put in your from a western country and they will hunt you down.
    His pic is posted twice but don't even look like that anymore.
     
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  25. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    It is interesting to see how your father manipulated people, from your point of view.
    My dad lived off my mom, but he worked, he just lived way beyond his means. My mom even supported him after they divorced! When my mom died, I wouldn’t pay him anything. He still hates me for for that.
    In your case, your dad is a Rat. The drama and stories must be entertaining. I can’t imagine his horror when he found out he was stuck in Tunisia.
    I am glad you are strong and don’t play into his games. He’d leave you broken if you let him.
    I hope you’ll get to see your baby sister often.
     
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