My experience - would really appreciate some help

Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by Erearia, Dec 29, 2018.

  1. juicyfruit

    juicyfruit Well-Known Member

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    :( Just like the son of a Tunisian father and a European mother who made the film "Bezness..as Usual". His father still expected him to send him money like he was an ATM!:Evil:
     
  2. tipme

    tipme Well-Known Member

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    What a bastard. There your family give up there jobs your poor mum left in debt. They don't take responsibility for nothing. Don't pay no bills You should right everything get it out of you. My daughter never got nothing of her dad was together 8years and he reared this whores kids. My daughter says when he dies she will jump all over his grave.im sending you a healing angel try not to get this fucker in your head cos he's not worth your time. Your a beautiful girl and its his lost xxx
     
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  3. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    A rat is a great dissapointment, a neglectful rat father is a travesty. Your story says so much about how even with golden tickets and great opportunities they squander opportunities and fail in every way possible, as a husband father and provider.
     
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  4. juicyfruit

    juicyfruit Well-Known Member

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    A male rat is nothing but a sperm donor:Evil:
     
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  5. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
    Happy New Year to everybody . Let the new start with new sheets and put all the problems behind you. Try to do the best for you and yours.
     
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  6. Croydon girl

    Croydon girl New Member

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    Happy new year Amira!
     
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  7. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    Happy New Year!
    D163DC6B-23CB-457B-B208-ED7AF8D13F5F.gif
     
  8. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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  9. Erearia

    Erearia Active Member

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    Good morning ladies, not quite the New Year yet here, but happy new year to everyone! I'll reply to some of your posts and then follow up with a new story about my rat dad in the next post. I came here to learn more about my own possible rat experience, but sharing this is actually quite nice and gives me confidence to share more of my own experience soon too. Thanks to everyone for being so nice on here! :)

    Thanks! I hope that story can be helpful to mothers and kids alike! I feel like the first bigger generation of the rats' kids are approaching and it's key for them to know they can't give into the rat just because they are "family". Personally for me, he is not my father, he is not my family. He's a sperm donor, nothing more than an acquaintance at best. It takes more than blood for me to be family. But they are very good at emotional manipulation with their kids. Relatives track me down on social media regularly and even though they have a dislike for him, they still say "but he's your father, you have to help him". And for being financially beneficial to them .. it's definitely true. He's very interested in my academic achievements and what I do for work, not because he's an involved father, but because he wants to know how beneficial I'm going to be. I'm a very honest person and I despise the fact that he's led me to lie countless times for my own protection, about my studies, about my jobs, about where I am and what I'm doing. Would never tell him I'm going to Tunisia, even though I do go and he frequently asks. I lie about work, I lie about my studies. It's not who I want to be, but it protects me from his endless begging for money at least temporarily.

    They are entertaining, I have to admit. I'm personally quite far removed from him emotionally, he's never been worth anything to me so I didn't go through a loss or disappointment, so I take everything that happens with humor to make it a bit more bearable. Sometimes you don't know if you should laugh or cry and laughing is just the better option. In the grander scheme of things it's obviously horrible though what he has done and is doing. As for his horror when he found out - he plays it cool of course. "He'll take care of it, it'll be fine, don't worry". ;)

    This is something I will never be able to wrap my head around. They want nothing more than the golden ticket to Europe, when they get it, it really is a chance of a lifetime for them. And how many of them actually take that chance, make something of their life? I want to say close to none actually do. It's a shame really. I've talked about this with my friends this year, we were involved with rats as I've mentioned. They are too greedy to take a real chance, they always want more. Girl A might take him to Europe, but Girl B-Z will send money .. why give that up just because Girl A is providing the ticket? I personally have good connections to someone who knows people in the music industry in my country, my rat had the immature dream of dancing for famous people, which ironically I could have been able to fulfill or at least open that door for him. If someone opens a door for me to fulfill my dream, I'd take it. They always talk about how desperately they want to get out of Tunisia, but the greed of wanting more more more always wins. Sorry, I got a bit off topic here. :whistle:
     
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  10. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    What kind of job is this? I never heard of it :confused:
     
  11. Croydon girl

    Croydon girl New Member

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  12. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    A well known star choreography team.
     
  13. Erearia

    Erearia Active Member

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    When you're a professionally trained dancer for someone relevant or if you're a good dancer and know the right people, it can actually be quite the lucrative job. That said, it's never a long term career and the professional dancers I know all have a degree to fall back on, as people in that industry should have, rat not included. ;)
     
  14. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Oooooh, sounds like a possible career for our 'gifted' rat....Yasmine Barbara :thumbsup:
     
  15. Erearia

    Erearia Active Member

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    Here's the continued story: The day my sister was born I met up with him and we went to the hospital together. It was a very strange atmosphere, a lot of tension in the room. This woman has been nothing but welcoming over the past few years by the way, it could have gone very different but at this point she's really more family to me than my father could ever be. He didn't bring a gift, nothing. Didn't want to hold her "because that's for women". All he cared about was if this child looked like him or not. For some reason he was worried it might not be his, he was looking at her fingers and toes, whispering in my ear if I think it's his. He took me out of the room, told me everything about our history has to stay a secret, we can't trust this woman. Back in the room I got to hold her for a little bit, then the mom wanted her back, of course I gave her back. My father then yelled at her in the hospital room to let me hold the baby some more. This woman just gave birth to her first child and had to be yelled at by him.

    He was there the whole time so I couldn't really talk to her, we exchanged some questioning looks though. I asked her if she needed anything for the baby and she said she doesn't have a stroller yet. My father likes to pretend to be generous so he offered to take care of it. Out of the hospital he told me he doesn't know anything about babies, I'm a woman so I should pick out the stroller. So I did, met up with him at the store to buy it, only after the cashier had scanned it he went like: Uhh sorry, got no money, can you pay for it?

    The next day I went back to the hospital. It wasn't even noon and I had told my father I won't be there until 3 in the afternoon, to give me enough time to talk to this woman. I really can't explain it but I just knew something was very wrong. My imagination couldn't even come up with what I was about to hear though. He had given her a wrong name(!!) and told her he's Italian!! He told her so many lies about my mother, said she made his life living hell and tries to go between me and him, keeps me from him, which is not true. He said me and him have such a great relationship though despite all that and we see each other all the time. She was shocked to learn I've seen him only a handful of times ever. One time that woman went to my father's apartment, she asked him why there are no pictures of me anywhere. Obviously he doesn't have any because he doesn't care, but he told her I came by the other day and took them to make an album for him. Lots of crap like that. He told her he bought his apartment a long time ago and will gift it to me later, turns out his welfare was paying rent for this place. He cried to her many times about how horrible it is that I'm being kept from him (fake tears). He tried to get her to move into a bigger place with him that he "promised he would pay for later".

    His last job here was an assistant of some sketchy doctor who temporarily rented out real estate to foreigners. Behind that doctor's back, my father would tell the people double the price, then keep half for himself. Or sometimes just to make money at all, he would tell them a cheap price, then pay nothing to the doctor and just spend it all in one night.

    Not even 2 weeks after my sister's birth he told us he's going home for a few weeks to take care of some stuff, but he will be back in 3 weeks. Well, we've been waiting for 4 YEARS now for that return.

    This is getting quite long again, so I'll follow up with more a bit later. :)
     
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  16. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    They should have a networking meeting with the guy who’s Rihana’s nephew
     
  17. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Ah, my friend King Kong of Gafsa :D
    Bloody hell!!! The lies :eek: He really is something else :eek:
     
  18. Erearia

    Erearia Active Member

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    Yeah, something else is the only way I know how to describe him.

    The cherry on top of everything was probably about 2,5 years ago. I try to stay away from that family as much as I can, there's maybe 2 people I keep in touch with veeeery occasionally and one who I talk to maybe once a week, he's a 2nd degree cousin or something, knows my father but very distantly. He provides me with info, as much as he hears at least which is only a couple times a year when the family comes together. So one day 2,5 years ago I text him, if he's heard anything new about him. He replies that apart from his second daughter, which isn't even really news anymore, he's heard nothing.

    Just for confirmation I asked him "the little girl he has here, right?". He then proceeds to tell me he got married over there and had another baby. My sisters aren't even 1 full year apart in age and that Tunisian wife happened late but yeah it did happen (cliché fulfilled). That's when something in my head clicked. As we walked to the hospital he said something strange, that I didn't think anything of back then, but it suddenly made total sense. He asked me if I'm happy now that I've gotten my wish for a sister. I told him yes, apart from the fact that she could literally be my own, I'm happy. He then asked "if I want another sister or brother, who knows what the future holds, maybe it'll happen". I told him no, I'm perfectly content with the one I've got and that was that. In hindsight I'm 100% convinced he knew at that time that he was going to marry this woman and have a baby with her and he never intended to come back after a few weeks. What a brutally calculating idiot. One of my favorite comments from him is when I asked when he's coming back and he told me: "Well, I've got a wife and kid now, I can't just leave". Ah right, it's not like you already had children elsewhere who might need a father.

    I don't know if I should call it karma or what, because what happened is really horrible and I don't wish it on anyone, but the wife ended up passing away unexpectedly a few months ago. The little girl is only a toddler, she's been shipped off to the grandparents now. Again, he has a million excuses and cries to me regularly about how horrible it is that he is separated from his little girl since he works in the hotel. He sees her like once a month. He's been begging me to come take care of her and my heart breaks for these little girls, I regularly help out with my sister here financially and taking care of her, but I can't travel there all the time to play nanny for him. His ultimate goal is to take the little one back here, if he manages that I'm 100% certain he will end up dropping her off with me one day and never coming back for her.

    That's it for now, getting quite long again. :)
     
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  19. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    How old is your father? I’m deeply sorry you are living with this situation. Can understand it because I’m living it from other perspective. Happens that kind of people are not aware of their children needs, feelings nor illusions. They are egoists and only interested on their own. A random call and that’s all they can give but never effort, never ready to rip off of their shirt for their kids... but karma shows up usually when they get ill and old, then they want those kids to have mercy on them and they rely on their good heart to ask them for support. It’s a delicate situation, how to raise a kid without resentment but also not easy prey for their own progenitors?
     
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  20. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Age has nothing to say but one takes responsibility for their actions. Stand for what you do
     
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  21. Erearia

    Erearia Active Member

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    He should be 51 now. And yeah, it's definitely difficult. Personally my mother always told me growing up that he has made some mistakes in his life and that he doesn't always tell the truth and is not the best at keeping promises/making commitments, but that shouldn't keep me from getting to know him and making my own experiences - and I did. Basically she sent me into it with a (in my opinion) fair warning to not get my hopes up, but I definitely never felt resentment or anything like that. I do think it is very dependent on the personality of the child though. I never questioned the "why" growing up, never really wondered about him, never felt like I was missing anything.

    The only conflict I have with myself nowadays is that I feel a sense of responsibility for these little girls and I can't do enough for them in my mind. I constantly worry if they are going to grow up okay. My sister is a very emotional little girl. She already asks a lot of questions, she's missing him a lot even though she doesn't know him. When she sees a guy with a darker complexion on the street she asks them "are you my daddy?". I have a feeling she won't take it as well when she grows up, but lying to her is also not a solution.
     
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  22. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    This is tragically the same kind of man he is. But he should take responsibility for his children. She feels sorry for her little one
     
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  23. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Doesn't matter if he doesn't have money but I think he should stand up for his children. It costs nothing to care or to call and ask how you are
     
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  24. Amira

    Amira Well-Known Member

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    Has he married a Tunisian woman now?
     
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  25. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    ♥️Love this part.
     
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