Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by Erearia, Dec 29, 2018.
All stories make me want to put all rats in a football stadium size blender
I do think there are degrees of ratiness. For me, using your child (or any child) for benefits (money, papers, sheer, hollow vanity "look what a beautiful, smart, accomplished child I made, without me being there as a father) is the lowest a man can go. The film Bezness as usual, already mentioned here, shows how the child, now grownup, of a Tunisian rat, is torn apart by this emotional blackmail, his confusion when he meets his miserable sperm donor, an old Tunisian rat doomed to smile & cheat for money until he dies.
Hi everyone! I'm sorry for going MIA, but real life got in the way. I just spent my past two days saving two innocent women from my abusive, lying, cheating, psychopath ex boyfriend (not a rat, but just as bad, if not worse). Will finish writing down my story hopefully tonight and then post.
That took a bit longer, I kind of took over the role of a therapist for one of the girls I saved from my ex. That was very draining. But it's all worth it in the end because there's two less women on this earth who will be used and abused in his psychopathic web of lies.
Back to my own story. What can I say about my own story ... first I would like to ask that the people who do know of his identity will not share it because I don't want this tied to me in any way just yet. We have been over there many times as a family or with family friends. I'll engage in occasional smalltalk with people, but that's it. A lot of conversations start with the fact that from my appearance they assume I'm one of them, then they try to talk to me, but all I can give in return is a confused look because I don't understand. So that makes them curious and I never miss the chance to just blatantly state that my father is Arabic. That's actually a pretty useful strategy, I feel like the only thing they somehow respect or fear is the prospect of this young woman's Arabic father being around here somewhere and seeing the rat chat his daughter up.
I read this a lot in people's stories and everyone is probably tired of the pre-justification of mistakes, but I do want to add a little backstory and say that I had been in an abusive relationship for 4 years that I finally managed to break free from about a month prior. I literally felt reborn, like a new person, there was zero sadness, no tears, I was just really starting to be myself again and discovering happiness after all the torment I went through. In hindsight this has made me very vulnerable.
So last year we went with friends like always. It had been a few days and I was content with the choice to go with this hotel due to the fact that the people there aren't really pushy or intrusive at all, everyone had been polite but not overly friendly. I was aware that most of these people are still rats, but as long as they leave me alone, I'm good. I didn't notice him for days because, well, I'm not there to notice people, but when I did see him all I thought was "Who are you?!". It's like someone stuck a spoon inside my usually rational, educated and responsible brain and just stirred it up. Everything was quite distant at first. He eventually asked me for my age and actually guessed me way younger, he thought I wasn't even legal yet. I feel like learning I was, was the turning point. He was still distant though, we exchanged maybe a total of 6 sentences in a week, it wasn't the usual loveydovey rat strategy. One time he asked to hang out, but I said no. One comment had left me a bit unsettled though and I felt the need to put him in his place. The day I had planned to do that, he wasn't there and I was leaving soon. In hindsight I should have let it go, but I was just so captured by him in a way.
Back home I couldn't let it go either, I was planning to contact him but couldn't find him online. I actually messaged someone else who worked there to help me find his social media, which he did. In essence you could say I ran after him, had I not done that, nothing would have happened. He messaged me and we talked a little. I had planned a trip prior to all of this with a few friends and figured why not go there, can't hurt, right? He was also elsewhere now and we would stay in all day anyways. In the following weeks we kept talking and he was happy that I would be back. When I got there with my friends he and his friends took us out, to places we would have never seen as tourists and we really had a great time. They also paid for everything, which actually made me feel a little guilty. I even asked my friends in private if we should give them some money (like, half for all our activities, nothing extra!!), but they said it's normal that men pay everything. He was completely wasted a few times and ended up kissing me, which I guess made me "his" in his head, because he was then suddenly laying down some rules for me to follow.
Sometimes we had great conversations, we talked a lot as a group about all kinds of topics. He was (in my opinion at the time) very honest and open, shared things I probably wouldn't have shared to someone I just met. At the time I felt like that was in a way courageous because there could have been the chance we are completely scared away by it. I personally took it as neutral information, I'm not very judgey nor into criminals, but in hindsight I believe he has no issues sharing because a lot of women fall for that bad guy image. Then there were times where he talked such nonsense that all I could think was "Thank God your handsome face is distracting me from the shit that comes out of your mouth".
The next day we were out he was super distant, as if the previous night never happened. He told me in private he's a bit low on cash because of the job situation (which I knew was 100% true and seemed really plausible at the time) so he can't take me and my friends everywhere all the time. I said it's not a problem, he's been taking such good care of us the past days, without him we could have never gone out as much as we did, so I didn't mind paying for a drink or two. When we were with him no one dared to speak to us or even look at us and if they did, he immediately went after them. I was even worried a few times that there's about to be a big physical fight. Before he told me he's low on cash he already ate and drank a bunch though without a cent in his pockets and because we felt embarrassed at the restaurant we ended up paying for it. My friends were tired so me and him ended up going out alone. It was late and I didn't have a lot of money on me, but it would have sufficed for what he wanted. It made him very upset though, he was convinced it wasn't enough and he ended up leaving me in the middle of the street.
I was confused and upset, especially because I had expected something different after the nights before. Me and my friends had talked about it and wondered if it correlates with how much we pay for. Because if it's true, then he's literally a prostitute. We actually humored it a bit and said if he reaches out today, we'll invite him to go out with us (as we wanted to go anyways and one time we had gone alone and it was horrible, we felt a lot safer with him). And we were right, the night was on us and we had a great time. Suddenly he also found his affection for me again and I hate to admit that it was again like someone fried my brain. I had him completely figured him out prior to that, but I now started making excuses for his behavior. My abusive ex would constantly tell me I'm a controlling bitch who destroys everything with snooping around and making up ridiculous stories in my head and unfortunately that stuck.
He ended up telling me that night that he's so afraid I'll think he wants me as a ticket to Europe, it's not like that at all, basically a whole entire rant about that. He actually told me himself about rats, those websites and how it's the rats' fault that the honest ones don't get a chance anymore. He'd constantly say if he wanted to be with someone for a visa, he could easily do that and I honestly believe that - I have never seen such large groups of women of all ages be after someone so much than I have witnessed first hand at the hotel. And he's been doing this for a decade. In hindsight I don't think he wants to leave as badly as he claims, collecting money and gifts is way more comfortable and profitable.
We ended up going out a few more times alone or as a group, we paid for rides there and back but at the time I didn't see it as something bad because after all it'd cost the same if he's with us or not and I also didn't feel like (at the time) the few drinks I paid for really made a difference. He knew he shouldn't even ask for money because I wouldn't provide it. He made it clear I'm wife material, for a while he believed (because of a misunderstanding) that I'm the virgin bride he's been waiting for. In general he got very, very innocent vibes from me, not purposely, I'm shy and reserved by nature and that often comes off as having a certain innocence. At one point we ended up at a place for a night that I honestly don't want to know the details of because of how sketchy it was. That entire night was an ... experience of its own that left me more confused than ever (I kind of want to share but at the same time it feels weird to do so). I didn't recognize myself, at home I don't even go for coffee in a public place with a stranger from the internet, I brought myself into dangerous situations more than just this once during my holidays.
I had planned that the moment we go our separate ways, it'll stay like that. Back home I couldn't let it go again, he also did his part guilt tripping me (Don't you trust me, why don't you trust me, why do you say such things, why do you ask so many questions). I still had the fresh memories of my abusive relationship where I was made to believe everything was my fault. He would beg for me to go back and eventually I agreed. When everything was arranged, he went MIA for a week or so, with no explanation at all upon his return. It kinda died down from there, talking got less from his side, I was going back and forth about my decision, I was afraid of being by myself down there. I got the feeling I wasn't really welcome, his efforts seemed minimal and a few of his wordings made it seem like everything was going to be on me financially, which is not what I'm about. There were a few key indicators that eventually made me call off the whole thing. I think he didn't expect me to go through with my threats of calling the whole thing off, but I did and there has been silence ever since.
I like to think back to the good times we shared and feel thankful in a way that I got away before I could really get myself into really deep trouble. My mother's experience should be a big enough lesson for me. I know some people involved with rats who aren't so lucky and they are now married or in the process of getting married and I can see it fall apart right in front of my eyes. I guess the moral of my story is that even the best knowledge and experiences don't always protect you from this kind of stuff when you find yourself in a very vulnerable state of mind, I also learned yet again that believing in the good side of people is more often than not just dumb to do. Last time I did that I stayed with an abuser for 4 years, this time I misjudged a rat. In hindsight it seems absolutely ridiculous that it was specifically me, the woman with the rat father who almost fell for what a rat tells her.
Sorry again it took so long, this is the short version of my own experience. I'm aware nothing really happened and so many people have it so much worse, but I wanted to show that even growing up with this awareness did not protect me 100%.
Smart girl for getting out when you did!
I think these rats are good at fixing up victims and potential victims and adjusting their approach so they can hook you.
Don’t ever feel stupid. They hook their prey on an emotional level. It’s something we are not conditioned to defend. They figure out the kind of guy we would go for and they be that guy.
First of all...thank you for sharing.
It takes a lot of strength to walk away from an abusive relationship. Even better knowing that you managed to save two women from the same fate from your ex.
1)As for the rat...he definitely acted accordingly to rat behavior. The paying for everything in the beginning, is rat tactic. They are always expecting something in return later on.
2) He tried to play innocent by pretending he wasn't after a visa when he clearly was. Make no mistake, they are ALWAYS after something. Also, they can't handle questions from intelligent women. They will flip it around on you to make you look like the perpetrator.
3) There are no such things as good times, or good memories with them. They were never real, a lesson maybe, but that is all.
Good that you broke it off with him. How long ago was that? He will be back though, they don't give up easily.
It's not as easy for rats as your rat said. Otherwise Tunisia would be empty of rats
Yes. They’d all be here.
Thanks! I think ultimately knowing what I know saved me from things going down the drain any further, because their act is damn convincing and had I not had first hand experience with my family, I'm not sure I would have figured it out so fast. Funny side note, before I ever spent a night with him I was convinced he screws anything in sight with the amount of beautiful women they can choose from, but when we did spent the night together he had me completely convinced that what we just did was completely against his morals, meaning he's probably more innocent than I thought. Having a bit more distance to the whole thing now I can say that in hindsight that was most likely just an act as well and complete bullshit, but it's fascinating in a way how convincing they can be.
It's been months, in the beginning I tried crawling back to say Hi a couple times, I didn't get the silent treatment but the conversation also didn't lead anywhere. Since then absolute silence, I lost my desire to ever talk again and I honestly believe it will stay that way from his side as well (is that naive?). I truly believe he is not dependent on me in any way, shape or form. There is probably a whole entire collection of women waiting on the sidelines that a little fish like me isn't of importance. Plus I'm probably also not the most comfortable victim, I ask too many questions.
That's true! I just figured 10 years being in the business and being quite the handsome fella at that (he even has the straightest, whitest teeth, never seen that on rats before, hahahaha), he for sure would have made it by now if he really wanted to. It was ridiculous, literal hoards of women following him around everywhere he went. No way there wasn't at least one who would've married him. I really think it's just more comfortable to collect money and gifts - he is always very well dressed, brand name clothes, great style. I was thinking from the start that these are probably gifts from women while my friends said it's probably just fake stuff. It's also not that I wasn't willing, while in my pink bubble I did offer my help and he could have went with that, ultimately he was the one who didn't go for it. So that made me think he doesn't want to leave as badly as he claims.
To be honest.... he doesn't sound that bad....In any country visited by lots of tourists there is holiday romance and adventure, things you would never do at home....Your story sounds just like that.
Playing the devil's advocate here... there are also plenty of women going there for sex, an escape from their routine back home. So the guys over there never really know which woman is for real, just as the woman that is for real never really knows whether the guy is also for real.. A lot of hidden agendas from both sides....
Drama. Most people should just date or marry people they know directly from their neighborhoods. It would fix a lot of this nonsense.
And when you vacation, never speak with anyone for too long. That's my only advice. And, of course, never speak with anyone on Facebook or social media. Especially now... these rats know the system too well and it's too easy to blame it on a woman. That's what I would do honestly, if I could go back. Block every single person I didn't know who sent me a friend request.
I did say I didn't have it nearly as bad as some people on here, but it's also not a competition of who has it the worst I think. I know I didn't want it to be true but Heidi and Mango were right when I messaged with them privately, there's a reason there's pages and pages about him on here from a long time ago and he most likely has not changed, hence he is a proven rat. Did he get his chance to fully rat on me? No, not really, because a part of me had it figured out from the start and I stopped it before it could go anywhere. Had I gone back again, who knows where I would be today. The part about being more carefree and reckless on holiday is true, but I personally count my behavior to being vulnerable from my abusive relationship I had just gotten out of. I've been going for years and years and never engaged in anything previously.
What you said about the women going there for sex is true as well and I have thought about how it makes them feel that they can't trust the women's intentions either, but then I came to the realization that literally none of them are looking for real love anyways, it doesn't exist the way it exists in our culture. To most of them it's probably just a huge ego boost that yet another beautiful girl wants to be with them.
Your father sounds almost EXACTLY like my partner (since25 years) who is not Tunisian but is from another country which shall remain nameless. Kids with different women , lazy, fallen out with entire families ( including his, mine, and our kids) - only difference is, I can’t get rid of him .
Ironic that I turned to a Tunisian man online for moral support ....
Maybe there was an element of curiosity to see if they were all alike, possibly trying to find some of the original traits that attracted you or maybe you are attracted to men from foreign countries?
I think it's really amazing that you're starting to dust yourself off and realize the deeper reasons for why you were vulnerable to these types of men. That's key to getting out and making sure you have a better future.
I'm going through the same kinds of questions, one is mainly why I was vulnerable to a man who essentially swings both ways. His best friend is a prostitute for male tourists and Tunisian men, as well. I can see it was my own brokenness and low self-esteem that allowed me to empathize with... broken men with low self-esteem - and I had no idea the storm of abuse and confusion that would bring into my life, because once he had authority over me, all of his issues of not being able to provide, to be monogamous, and struggling with his bromance, bi-sexual/daddy issues came to the surface. And, his victimization and women-blame tendencies were off the hook... like a deadly weapon!
If I had been at the right point in my own head before making this journey to Tunisia, I would have noticed the passive-aggressive, beta-male behavior of my rat, and that would have sent me running in the opposite direction. I should have really responded to men who exude alpha, protector, upfront, honest, and directly heterosexual vibes! How I got roped into feeling bad for, and conceding on my boundaries, is a deeper issue... it was because I wasn't completely healed up from past stuff; like many other victims here (not all, but many have similar stories).
I feel like when I resolve past issues, I will be looking for a partner to is able to provide for me financially, emotionally and commitment wise, the same way I am able to provide for them. It won't be a relationship started in a broken place, where I'm having to concede on issues for the sake of feeling bad for, or crying over someone else's problems in life. I won't need that, and neither will my partner.
I think you hit the nail on the head with the “ brokenness and self esteem issues “.. there must be something relating to our past maybe ( well, in my case I’m sure of It) that makes us seek out these dysfunctional type of guys.
I’ve always wondered why I’ve never been in a relationship with a “normal “ man - a provider - someone equal to me ( not showing off lol)
You had a difficult experience jisela and i hope you’re healing from it .. I really hope you meet the guy you deserve in the future
Dad update: Since some tourist got him a smartphone, he's had a more convenient way of contacting me. Usually I'd avoid phone calls for months until it gets too annoying. It's kinda like a chore that you really hate doing, but in the end it's gotta get done. It was funny, because I got an accidental (or maybe not so accidental?) voice message of a tourist woman (who speaks my language) explaining to him what a voice message is. He was mumbling "ah, ok, ok, yeah" in the background. It honestly wouldn't surprise me if he tries to find a woman even now at his age who brings him back here, because as I explained, he lost his unrestricted visa. I can just imagine him going like "oh I have a daughter in country x, here, look at her!" to every tourist he meets.
The little girls' birthdays are coming up. The one in Tunisia is shipped off to the grandparents. He's going to visit her at the end of the month. He texted me, saying it's her birthday soon and my other sister's birthday (who is here with me) 11 days later. Just sucks that it's not and he can't even remember his own kid's birthday. Funny story: She was born on a 20th, he was visiting together with me at the hospital for 4 consecutive days. On the 4th day he brings a bracelet, engraved with the date "22nd". 20+4=22??
He's also really eager to have a call, says he needs to talk to me about a few things. Who wants to bet he's going to beg for money? If it wasn't for the little one, I would have cut him off long ago. But I want her to be old enough to understand and have a way of contacting me before doing that.
What age is the child? For all you no could be one of his neices this is another scam get u involved with the kids then cos they don't buy toys u land up bringing stuff over for them more money. A lot of kids there land up in hospital with diseases of there bones that's with all there inbreeding. Cos they all think its normal to marry first cousins a nation full of cuckoo clocks lol
She's about to turn 3. I've got a trustworthy source who has seen him with his now deceased wife, been at the wedding, saw her pregnant. He's got no nieces this age, the entire immediate family is fallen out with him because of his behavior, his brother is dead, his sisters aren't of child bearing age anymore. Plus everyone but him is well off, they are scientists, doctors, lawyers and engineers, no one has any reason to be part of any scam. Of course it's a strategy of "oh look this poor little girl has nothing", she knows me from pictures as "the woman who will bring toys, clothes and chocolate". But I have never sent anything for the child and I never will, no toys, no clothes and definitely no money. It's really the same kind of scam that the rats use in relationships. Trying to make you see they have nothing and making you feel bad in the process. Personally for me it's harder when it's a child, but just like with normal rat situations, it's just a matter of not falling for the words. I only support what I see, which is his other kid here who he's not associated with either.
When she grows up and wants to come find me, she can, my doors will always be open to her. If he manages to come back here and brings her, again, my doors will be open to her. But no money or gifts will be send by me, ever.
This is exactly like me ,in all my relationships I’ve tried to ‘ fix ‘ them ,because they were dysfunctional. God knows why ,maybe I need someone to need me ? I think when you’re first role model of a man ,your father,damages you in your childhood that it’s hard for us to accept love from men , and put boundaries in place etc . When the one male in your life let’s you down,who never ever should,where do you go from there?
The same goes for me. I can’t seem to find a normal man. I think I want to care too much, help them, think I can fix and need to fix their problems. At the moment I am thinking that I rather stay single than meet a loser again.
Hard question. But, honest ladies many of these men are pretty messed up in general, too.
I don’t think we should bear all the burdens of it. These guys seem to run around lying and romancing until they get tired and eventually want to settle with someone, but they can break those marriages just as fast and easy as anything else.
Men like rats just burn through life fast. They cheat on everyone and everything including their homework. Many of them have dropped out of school. When I look at the details of these guys, I think they all have a scary background and story. Tunisia is a scary place.
I own the fact that I was running ragged before this relationship and that made me make a bad judgment call, but I can’t own the con because obviously there was a lot of work put into it