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My gut and heart say YES.. my brain says I'm crazy!

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soblue3

Guest
Yes, of course I know what his business was, I simply chose not to share it with the board.

Hi Cydney,
i am happy things are going well for you. I also have married a very nice tunisian guy last summer and he is still the same as before. Still not trying to scam me, still not causing me any grief. the only thing causing me grief right now is the waiting. I am not sure yet if he will come here or i have to settle there. We are trying to research what i could to for a career if i was to move there. I also loved it in tunisia. I loved his family and the weather, clothes, food..and him of course so i dont think it would be the worse thing that could happen if i was to settle there.
 
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sarahhhhh

Guest
I have fallen for a Tunisian man from an online dating site.. I feel like I must be a crazy person for this. The really strange thing is that my heart and my gut are not sending up any red flags or warnings AT ALL and my gut has never been wrong before.... It's only my brain that is telling me to be cautious based on the experiences of others.. so I figure why not involve experts who can view this with a critical eye.. Here is the background..
About me: I am an American non-muslim woman and also a 40 year old widow. I was married to my Jordanian husband for 5 years until his sudden death 5 years ago. We were deliriously happily married though I have to admit, the first year of marriage was ROUGH until we got over the culture shock. After my husband died, our house was foreclosed on and I struggled a lot emotionally and financially. I'm back on my feet and supporting myself, but certainly not at all well-off. I'm renting an apartment, I drive a 16 year old car, have zero savings , and I'm working as a clerk in a department store.


How we met: About three years after my husband's death, I felt ready to re-enter the dating field. I had a few short but failed relationships.. nothing special. On a whim 5 months ago, I decided to open my search field in the online dating site I was using to "world-wide" and I clicked on the profile of a man in Tunisia and immediately was intrigued. According to the site's matching techniques, we were a nearly perfect match.. which was something that I had not seen very often when using the site. The next day he sent me a message because he had seen that I had browsed his profile. We had a nice conversation about my favorite Tunisian hottie: Saber Robai and we have communicated every day since.

About him: 35 years old. He was born in Tunisia and raised in Germany and UK until he was 14 when the family moved back to Tunisia and left at 19 and lived in the United States illegally for four years with his Uncle until he voluntarily left the country to return to Tunisia. He is fluent in Arabic, German, English and French (his English is EXCELLENT.. way better than most immigrants I know who have been here for 20 years!) He has since been living in Tunisia. He was in business with his brother who lives in the UK but they sold the business just before the revolution. He is not currently employed. He is fairly religious but not a zealot.

How he answers my questions:
Why don't you find a nice Tunisian woman to marry? Answer:"Because they don't want anything to do with me because I don't have a good job or education. My parents tried a few times to connect me with women here but their parents won't go for it because I don't have good education and they fear for their daughter's future over the long term once the money I have from the sale of our business is gone, there is too much uncertainty in my life to make me a desirable husband for a Tunisian woman... Also, even if I did find a good Tunisian woman who agreed to marry me, I don't want to stay here, I want to go to UK with my brother or I want to go back to the USA, but that would be hard for a Tunisian woman because she would be lonely and would miss her family.. of course if I marry a Tunisian woman, I won't be able to go to USA anyway because USA visa is hard to get, but even in the UK I worry that she wouldn't be happy because she wasn't raised the same way I was in Europe"


When I asked him how important marrying someone who would enable him to live outside of Tunisia was he answered: "Well, it's not a secret that I want to leave here. I don't see much of a future for myself here with no education, It's not like I can just go to college here at any time the way you can in the USA. I did not even finish high school so the way is shut for me here. I do have a good head for business, but even that is hard right now. I am lucky because I do have some saving from the sale of a business I had with my brother. I could live off of it for the rest of my life if I stayed in my family home here in Tunis, but I want more than that, I want a wife and Insha'Allah a family.. but I can't ask my wife to come live in my family home and I can't offer her a good life here in Tunisia.. So yes, I think it is better to have a wife who can go someplace else so we can have a good life together for both us."

He told me that his parents and brother and sisters know how we met, but that he doesn't want to tell anyone else and asked me to just tell people that we met when he was living in the USA and that we recently reconnected. I was concerned that he is requesting that I lie to people. I asked him why he would ask me to lie and he said: "It's for both of our benefits, people here don't understand and they don't have good opinion of online dating and think it is just for finding easy sex and if we tell them how we met they will maybe not respect my wife or our marriage"

I am planning to go there on March 4th and as long as he is everything that he claimed, I will marry him 2 weeks later. I had assumed that I would just stay with him at his large family home in a spare bedroom but he says ABSOLUTELY NOT.. When I asked him why he said: " Even though we know that we would have different rooms and it would be innocent, people would think bad of you, you can't stay here because the bride must stay with her family until the wedding, but since you don't have a family home here, then I will put you in a hotel until the wedding. You don't understand how it is here, it isn't because we don't want you here in our home, or because you are not welcome in our home, you are of course welcome with us.. My parents love you and are very happy to have you in the family, but it is just that people will talk bad about you if you stay here in our home before marriage and I couldn't bear to have anyone say anything disrespectful about my wife"

Other facts:
He asked me to come to Tunisia and marry him after four months of daily skype calls and phone calls. I have skyped with his Mother, Father, two of his sisters and his brother.. He has skyped with my sister and my mother. His mother and youngest sister have skyped with my mother and sister as well. All of his family speaks English very well.


He sent me $700.00 for me to buy my wedding dress despite the fact that I told him I wanted to pay for it myself. He said no, that he would pay, but that $700.00 was all that he budgeted... if I liked something that cost more, I could pay the difference or he could send me more money to pay it but that would mean that he would buy me less gold. I told him that it wasn't really necessary for him to buy me ANY gold and he insisted stating: "well this is how we do here and you should have everything that any other bride in Tunisia has, so we going to go to the gold market when you come here and you are going to choose your gold"


I expressed concern about quitting my job and giving up my apartment and just packing off to Tunisia where I couldn't work and contribute financially...He told me that it's ok if I don't even have even have a penny but if I did have a little bit of money that it would be for my personal use only and was not to be contributed to any household expenses. (which is not at all shocking because it is the same as what my Jordanian husband insisted.. even though I worked part time throughout our marriage, he wouldn't allow me to use any of the money for anything in the household and was only to be used for the extra things I wanted) He has disclosed to me his exact amount of savings and proposed budget for wedding and for our future until we anticipate that he'll be able to get a visa to the USA. After the wedding expenses of the Hall, food, band, honeymoon, hotel for me prior to the wedding, and gold for me are paid, he will still have a large enough nest egg to immigrate to the USA and pay for a place to live AND purchase a small business if he wants to. He's certainly not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but he's not a pauper either.


He has booked and paid my flight and hotel already. He has also booked the honeymoon for two weeks and booked a hall and photographer and someone to do the food... and said that his family will be inviting 200 guests. My sister, mother and sister-in-law are also coming and he booked and paid hotel for them as well, but they are paying their own plane ticket. My father is also coming but he is arranging and paying for his own hotel. (not staying with mom because they are divorced)


Sorry for the really REALLY long post, I just wanted to give as much insight as possible. My family is very supportive and they really like him and his family a lot and feel he is being sincere....but I have some friends who are extremely skeptical and insist that I am being scammed for a greencard. He has already admitted very freely that he was indeed hoping to meet someone who would afford him the opportunity to make a life outside of Tunisia and honestly this does not concern me. With my late husband, he had been living here illegally for several years so when we got married, a greencard was part of the package and still we were the envy of all around us for five glorious years. Also I feel like if this man was just looking to get out of Tunisia, he could do it with a lot less effort and expense than he is taking with me!


Do any of the things that he's said to me sound false or like what he's saying doesn't match with the reality of Tunisian culture? Like him asking me to lie about how we met? or not letting me stay with him prior to the wedding? Or sending me money when I didn't want it? Again, I have ZERO uneasy feelings in my gut.. I've been in the online dating world for two years now and I've had interactions with many MANY scammers from all over the world and almost right away something seems "off" with them.. but with this man everything seems very right, but my brain is telling me to look at the situation critically....Also I did check his photos with tineye and GIS and received no hits other than the one profile from the online dating site that we were both on.
How did both these men get into USA illegally?
 
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sarahhhhh

Guest
I live in Tampa Florida. I immigrated legally to the USA from Tunisia 10 years ago with my wife and son. We are American now and we enjoy life and freedom in the USA.
A lot of my follow Tunisians around the place where I live came here in the 90s and have a white christian American partner and they live peacefully.

Dating somebody online comes with its own risks. It's not about Tunisians or anybody else. It's about getting into a relationship without the usual physical attraction. Things can be good or bad even with a christian American.
You married a Jordanian/Arabic man so you know Arabic man/women, with a good faith, are very protective of their partner and kids and they will never let down their family. It's why, in America may be not in Europe, theses relationships last long. Americans are always afraid from marriage and get separate after the first serious life bomp.

I think this guy was honest with you. You are not a financial target. He spend the money to be with you. He was honest and didn't lie to you. I think you should take your chance and rebuild your life. And like any relationship, you have to make efforts to make it succeed and last. If he introduce you to his family, he's not a love rat.

I hope you happiness and may God protects you.
how did you immigrate legally may i ask?
 
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jayne thomas

Guest
This story sounds so suspicious , and definetly a buisness set up on his part anyway, as in all buisness ventures , you got to speculate to accumulate, I really hope im wrong for your sake
 

Cydney

Major Ratslayer
This story sounds so suspicious , and definetly a buisness set up on his part anyway, as in all buisness ventures , you got to speculate to accumulate, I really hope im wrong for your sake
Yes, you're wrong Jayne. I know him, and his brother and I know the type of business it is as well as what goes on in the day to day operation of the business. Of course it's definitely a risk and I was initially against it since we had already completed the immigration process and he had his US VISA in his passport already and we threw that all away to stay in Tunisia and start this business but it's his money after all and we will reapply for immigration once the business is stable and he can turn it over to other family members to run hopefully in a year or two. On the plus side, I get to spend more time in Tunisia with my in-laws
 
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