New member needs advice

Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by Aysha, Oct 24, 2018.

  1. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    New here, been reading posts and getting some info from here for awhile. And we all know why I’m here. I’m 39 year old living in U.S and engaged currently to a 35 year old man from Tunisia. I had jump come out of a 10 year abusive relationship and had been single mom for 5 years after. When a friend introduced me to a Muslim dating site where she met her husband. And well after weeks of literally thousands of responses . I met a man that swept me off my feet. We talked and Skyped from the first day we met. He speaks perfectly good English so communicating wasn’t a problem. After about 6 months I decided to go visit and finally meet. And it was nervous and exciting meet I only stayed a week. We now have been together little over 2 years and a month ago I visited for the second time . And again I was convinced he was my soulmate. But some things still don’t add up. At the time we met he said he was living with. A Russian man “I never met” who is his roommate. He would go talk to me in the bathroom “ for privacy”? Since it was a 1 bedroom apartment and he said he slept on th couch. One day “ he was talking to me by audio of Skype and I here a woman voice say “ who are you talking too?. And he replied to her, “ my brother “and disconnected the call. He called me back about 5 min later and I asked him who she was and he said “ my roommates girlfriend. And I asked why did you tell her you were talking to your brother he said” because it’s no one business who I’m talking too”
    Another time again in th bathroom while we were talking I heard a women voice she first knocked on the door then said “ is everything ok?” Again he said the roommate girlfriend. After more into the relationship we shared each other Facebook and me curious I saw older women and question him and he said “ they are from a company I was trying to apply at” they are in mangagement . Well days later he hid his “ friends in fcb” . And so not to start trouble or arguments I didn’t question him. Again he’s a charmer and says he has a sweet tongue. I’m currently a single mom of 2 girls. And he welcomed them and always asks about them and there well being. I met his mother through Skype and his brother twice in person . Recently after stalking and reading stories in here. I question him about the fcb and why he hid the friends . He said that he knew I would message them and he was afraid that they would make fun of him for having a jealous girlfriend. I told him why would I message them? Unless I saw something not right then I would have cause. He said he didn’t want trouble . I know red flags everywhere. I did the research on fcb and on google and nothing comes up. Am I just being paranoid? Overthinking? He said he gave me all the answers to my questions. Btw he doesn’t live with the Roommate anymore and now living with 5 other rommamtes at a different location. Anything I’m missing? Sorry if I jumped right to the story and my story tends to jump from time to time.
     
  2. Masha

    Masha Well-Known Member

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    Hi dear. Nice to have you here. Run for your life and for the sake of your little ones. He is a big fat experienced rat .
    What was said to you : " I saw older women and question him and he said “ they are from a company I was trying to apply at” they are in mangagement " should be on top of rat favourite quotes. You do not need to write one word more . He is not your soulmate rather a soul destroyer. You must be a kind unsuspecting person. If you are interested in Muslims try Dubai and you will see the light . There will not be many responses from true Emarati guys. The ones who respond will probably come from underdeveloped countries or want you to join Isis. Come on. Do you need more trauma in your life?
     
  3. BrownGirl

    BrownGirl Moderator And Queen of Summaries Staff Member

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    Hi Aysha
    You are not paranoid. Your gut is telling you what your head won’t admit. He’s playing you. Get out now while you can. You and your children don’t need this in your life.
    Send Heidi his name, she is a super sleuth x
     
  4. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Hi @Aysha and welcome. I’ve read your post twice. I’m getting a bad feeling about it.

    Can I ask some questions for clarity. Firstly if this is your real name you might like to consider changing it. There are rats who are me members and guests here so you could possibly be identified.

    Can I ask where you stayed when you visited? Did he stay with you? How did you meet his brothers and where.
    Where has he learnt his English from, what does he do for work?

    The woman’s voice as I understand was speaking English when she asked her he was talking to? That seems pretty strange to me.

    Was there a plan or pressure to marry when you visited?

    What did you pay for on your visit?
    Have you sent money towards the wedding?

    We’re you in a hotel or apartment and why didn’t you meet his mother/ family other than brothers?

    Sorry for the questions but important in the overall picture.
     
  5. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Hello Aysha! Do not assume everything he says is true because he is Muslim. I made that mistake of assuming my ex rat was a good Muslim. This restroom time as you have read is very commonly used to contact girls. Hearing women voices at an apartment isn’t common, they are not allowed to be with women if they ain’t married. It’s against the law... that’s to start
     
  6. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    I visited in Dubai since he’s living there on a work visa . We stayed at a hotel . And he said he learned English from watching American movies. I paid for everything on the first visit. His brother lives with his wife in Dubai and we met them for dinner while I was there. His mother is currently in Tunisia . No I have not sent him any money. And the visit was so we could finally meet so I would say pleasure. Yes the women spoke perfect English
     
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  7. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    It’s very odd that someone would question him about who he was talking too. Also absolutely not acceptable that you would pay for everything during your trip. Although in Dubai unmarried couples do stay in hotels (the law is more relaxed for westerners) under Islamic law stayjng in the same hotel room is forbidden. His excuse for Having older women on his Facebook is rubbish. As an employer I would never ‘befriend’ a potential employee on Facebook. His behaviour after this probable lie was very suspicious (and true to Rat for) to hide his friends list.
    Was your second meeting in Tunisia or Dubai? We’re you engaged at this point? Where did you stay then? Did you visit family?

    I’m also very dubious about him, especially as he fished you on line.

    Have you searched for other information about him?
     
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  8. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    Our second meeting was also in Dubai, in which he payed for everything. The day before my flight to come back home he took me to a beautiful resort and popped the question. We used airbnb where we stayed for 2 weeks . Which he also paid for. Yes again met with his brother and wife. It’s been 3 days since we talked I told him I needed some space and would be in contact soon. He’s messaged me since and I yet to respond. I’m supposed to go to Tunisia in January for the marriage. He wants his family to be a part of it. And he’s paying for my flight to go.
     
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  9. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Have you talked about where are you going to live?
     
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  10. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Are you taking your kids to Tunisia or other family members? Or traveling on your own.
     
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  11. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    Yes, he wanted to stay in Dubai and me come live there. But since I have my father that is very ill. And if something should occur I would be so far away . He didn’t want to move to the U.S. So we talked about maybe Canada.
     
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  12. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    Since I don’t talk with the ex hubby and we are not on good terms and he won’t agree to sign any paper work for there passports. I will be going alone. No other family members either.
     
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  13. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    If you decide to move to Canada will your kids be able to go (considering their father’s permission) and if you stay in Dubai would he provide home? Would you be allowed to work or are you planning to open a business? Is he temporary employed? Or has a stable career? All this is about who is paying for what, and considering your babies, they are priority ofcourse, their education and stability. How do you feel about him towards your maternity?
     
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  14. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    Welcome.
    I heard similar excuses. “He said he gave me answers to my questions?” But were they real answers? Just because he answers doesn’t mean it makes sense or that the answers are not lies. My guy had a lot of inconsistent answers and he would say the same thing to me.
    I hope your handling all this okay. It’s really hard. Just keep on this forum for support. It does help. *hugs*
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2018
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  15. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Hey Aysha....welcome to the forum :)
    He introduced you to his mother on Skype......
    He introduced you to his MOTHER on Skype! :eek:
    Biggest sign of a rat FAMILY you will encounter :(
    You spent one week with him in two years. This is not a relationship, my lovely....and it's not what you and your girls deserve.
    You are wasting good years of your life on a man that spends no time with you. What about cuddles, about affection, about sex? I know you will be 100% faithful, but Aysha....he won't be. You don't know each other really....it's only after spending a lot of quality one on one time with a person in a real life environment you get to really know them.
    One week together and two years online is not enough for him to put a ring on your finger.
    Have your girls never met him? To all intents and purposes, you are bringing a stranger into their lives.
    I lived with my rat....shortly before I left him, I found paedophilia stuff in his private messages, he was doing web cam with girls and one boy, aged between thirteen and sixteen, after getting them to verbally confirm they were virgins. He told them to shut their doors, so their parents couldn't see.
    Now I'm not saying your fiance is a paedophile, what I'm saying is: I lived with my rat for almost two years....and I didn't know. I thought I knew him....but I didn't....so be very careful about who you invite into the lives of you and your daughters, there are unfortunately a lot of people out there not worthy of our trust.
    My rat used to lock himself in the bathroom for privacy. Do you know why? Because he was messaging his other victims and I lived with him.
    One time, in a rental property, I got out of the bath quicker than he obviously thought I would...I walked through to the living room and he was on his phone with his back to me, he was speaking English, but too quietly for me to hear his exact words, without giving away my presence. He seemed upset, I said to him "Who is that"......he turned around, put his finger over his mouth and said "Shhhhhh". He left the room (still on his phone), came back within a minute or so and said "Sorry, it was my friends mother....she's arranging a party"......I believed him :oops:
    His friends mother became a frequent caller after that....but later....much later, I found his Russian victims....and discovered he communicated with one in English.
    Don't just rule out that English voice, don't just rule out why he locks himself in the bathroom for privacy.
    Why didn't he pay both times? How did he finance the second visit?
    They all say this now. They say it knowing full damn well that you can't just move there, but it looks better that they've offered. Trust me....he'll accept America happily if it's the only card on the table.
    Is he employed? Apologies if you've already said....I can't remember the top of the thread now I'm at the bottom.
     
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  16. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    Yes hi
    his answers weren’t clearly answers. And so many other things that don’t add up. He says I’m assuming to much. And that I should know by now how much he loves me.
     
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  17. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    Yes met his mother the second day we met. He was currently visiting his country back home. When we met. I never really asked why I paid I just offered to finance myself. He is at his new job and was saving for my visit this time. I kind of tested the waters and only took 300$ cash with me. He paid for the apartment “Airbnb” and the whole 2 weeks I was there. Yes my daughters have met him on camera “ Skype “ of course. He also always buying them things. And always buying me expensive gifts. But I’m not sure if it’s beca he’s willing to do all this for the “ visa” he seems so genuine. Always asking me to take care of myself and to eat right. And makes sure that I say my prayers. Which he taught me . I’m a new revert. He also gifted me a beautiful Quran on my last day there. Since day one he has called me beautiful. Was very supportive when my brother passed away. Never asks for money. He tells me he loves me and is obsessed about me. Always reply’s to my messages fast. Send me videos of himself outside and even on his way to work. Is there a slight chance he isn’t a rat? I told him that it’s not only me that’s going to go through this it’s me and my girls. And he said after I been through in my past he wouldn’t hurt me. And to please not make him pay for someone else’s mistakes. I’m so lost wallah. I’m very much in love with this man. My ex was very violent and did horrific things to me. I even tried to kill myself several times to escape the torture. And even after I escaped dealt with a lot . Mentally and physically. So when I met my now fiancé he gave me hope and showed me to love myself first. He has never been disrespectful to me. And had so much patience with me. But from reading on here. They will do anything just anything for a visa.
     
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  18. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    I know it makes my messages really long, Aysha.....but I find it easier to work from quotes, so please bear with me :)
    When you met him online or in the flesh? Have you done much reading up on Tunisian culture? This absolutely does NOT happen....it's just not their way....and it's a huge red flag.
    What is his job? Is he qualified?
    So they haven't met him in the flesh.....he is technically a stranger to them :(
    So did mine. He bought them biscuits and cakes for me to give them. I never gave the stuff to my kids, as they didn't even know he existed. He later sent death threats to those very same children....because I refused to get him a visa. We've mentioned a few times recently on here about our kids being our soft spot....what better way is there to reduce a woman's heart to mush, than to act like you love her kids? What better way is there to manipulate a woman's behaviour, than to threaten to harm her kids? They use our kids to get to us.
    Mine bought me gifts by the bag load....so did his family. They paid my accommodation, washed my clothes, fed me, took me on holiday at their expense. Rat family :thumbsup:
    Yes, he is.
    They all do until either (a) They get the visa or (b) You start asking questions.
    Mine did too. Once I lived with him, he kept me shut in the house to ensure my safety, he controlled my food. He changed from being concerned, to taking control.
    Have you converted from the heart, or for him? What of your daughters? Will they convert too? Will their father allow this? Islam is a complete and utter lifestyle, not just prayers on Sunday...their lives are dictated by it. Were you interested in converting before you met him?
    Look what my rat and his mother gifted me with, just before I left for good (they didn't know I was leaving for good):

    Screenshot_2018-10-25-03-23-41_kindlephoto-117464151.png

    A family copy of the Qu'ran....and a compass, so I always know where Mecca is ;) I still have them....I don't know what to do with them.
    Mine did too. He especially loved my beautiful brown eyes....even though they are blue :D
    Mine was fantastic when one of my friends died...until her funeral delayed my flight back. He told me he hopes she burns in hell. They put on quite a mask.
    Nor did mine....didn't ask for gifts either.
    Yup....we all had that.
    Mine did too....until I moved in and visited England.
    Mine sent photos and videos from work....he also sent me a few from coffee shops. It's to make them look honest and trustworthy.
    I also sent rat selfies of my location on demand. I kept a stash of them in my phone, as in the end, even in England...I wasn't allowed out.
    This was my life with rat, after I refused his visa. All of it....every word.
    In my honest opinion....absolutely zero....for all the reasons I've written in my two posts.
    Yes....and they don't care how long it takes :(
    Aysha, please will you read the first three posts on this thread:

    https://www.tunisianloverats.com/threads/visa-hunting-tunisian-love-rats.4534/
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2018
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  19. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    I
    m in tears now
    im in tears now. Just read the thread you sent me and it’s almost as you copied and pasted his words. Everything on there is me right now. I’m so broken. Where do I even begin? What happens next? What do I do?
     
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  20. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    You stick with us! You make a decision (it's not easy) and you stick with us, regardless of what your decision is!
    To me, the truth is glaring me in the face, but you.....you have emotions invested, so the truth is hard to see, even harder to accept. I brushed so many truths under the carpet when I first saw them, I chose to accept his very convincing lies....because my heart couldn't handle the truth.
    Walking away is so hard, it hurts so much....and I don't know if you have the strength to do that just yet....but please, stick with us.
    If you find you haven't got the heart to leave him just yet....then please....don't marry him in January...don't tie yourself to him.
    Have you got family around you for support? They won't understand bezness, but sometimes, just a really tight hug is what you need....and unfortunately, distance means I can't offer you that :(
     
  21. AmberHeart

    AmberHeart Lady Amberheart of Gafsa

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    Can feel your heartbreak, stay here for the right support and think a lot of your babies safety... big hugs xx
     
  22. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    Thank you so much. Means so much to me right now. I’m stuck in the “why”? Right now . But I’m so happy I came across TLR . Like I said I have been stalking on here awhile till I decided to become a member. Thank for for taking the time from your day/night to message me.
     
  23. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Night. It's 04.40am here....I have rat induced insomnia.
    The 'Hows and whys' will haunt you for a long time, but you will never get the answers.
    My way of coping was to thoroughly educate myself on Islam, Tunisian culture, narcissism, bezness and later, inbreeding....these kept my head busy during those long, dark, sleepless nights.....and helped to take my thoughts away from being personal about him, memories etc....and into practicalities instead......then I got angry!!

    I read this website day and night.....and I also read another one I will link you to, page for page....as it explains a lot about bezness and culture, including the roles of a male and a female:

    https://www.tunisia-love.com
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2018
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  24. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    You need to cry. I cried for three days straight when I realised it was all a scam. I still cry sometimes. I even get feelings like was I wrong, and then I cry again. But then I re-read his lies and some of the things I found out about him and I remember hurt.
    But don’t forget, he got to you because you have a good heart. Being scammed does not make you stupid. They are masters at their craft of false love. They brainwash you, and that’s what makes them so hard to get over.
    And when you’re pacing around because it’s at a time of day you would usually talk to him, spend the time with your kids instead. Play games. Try to find some laughs.
    And if it helps to talk about him, talk to us here.
     
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  25. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    I second this :)
    Our members are from all over the globe and different time zones, plus some of us struggle to sleep.....so there is always somebody around for support :)
     
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