New member needs advice

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
Question: the holidays are here and recently I been asked out on quite a few dates I tell them I recently got out of a relationship “ apparently with myself” hahaha I didn’t say that lol but they ask we can go out as friends nothing serious. So should I go? I mean does that make me look bad? Is it to soon.
Girl, you pop your gladrags on, do your hair, put your make up on.....and go!!
Feeling good and positive about your outer appearance does wonders for your inner you and your confidence :)

Go out and let your hair down, remind yourself what it is to feel pretty, to feel attractive....it will make you stronger, build your confidence and your belief in yourself, and do you know what....if a bit of romance eventually sneaks in....you grab that too!

Life is too short to sit indoors wallowing over some gormless, manky toothed, uneducated rat!
You get out there and paint the town red! :love:
 

Aysha

Well-Known Member
Thank you ladies! I wasn’t sure an was feeling uneasy about it. But I definitely will take it into consideration what the advice you lovely ladies are giving me. I still haven’t told my family what has happened and I’m a bit embarrassed. Since he has met pretty much most all my family via Skype.
 
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AmberHeart

Guest
Thank you ladies! I wasn’t sure an was feeling uneasy about it. But I definitely will take it into consideration what the advice you lovely ladies are giving me. I still haven’t told my family what has happened and I’m a bit embarrassed. Since he has met pretty much most all my family via Skype.
Took me some time too, about two months to tell my mother and closest cousins. Then my brothers and nephews in order to avoid he tried to reach them by messenger. Little after I talked about it to my closest friends and it felt really good, do not fear your loved ones will be always by your side and will make you feel good. Take your time, meanwhile you can express your feelings here with us. Xx
 
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AmberHeart

Guest
Haven’t told everyone, still feel can’t face the issue of wearing engagement ring for a year, having a wedding gown.... every time (4 times) I canceled my trip had to tell excuses about my offices or something, never told he was treating me bad or I was suspicious about his behaviour. The last trip I even booked a hotel in case he became crazy and I had to go back.. with a wedding gown. No sense in that but that’s how it was. His constant sorry wasn’t my intention, or it was due to desperation... lame excuses had me swinging back and forward. A hell, wasn’t being happy anymore but addicted. I’m so glad now he couldn’t keep his big mouth closed and confessed his plans also his blackmailing so I could close the freaking door at once. Somehow you will find the right way to organize and the moment to let your family know how it exactly happened. Xx
 
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AmberHeart

Guest
My mother said thank God he never touched you! Thank God you are still here with us, can’t imagine these girls mothers how they feel knowing what happened to their girls. She often asks me about the group and is happy I can express here all that odd situation.
 
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AmberHeart

Guest
My friends just say what a frightening situation, they don’t even look at the heartbreak but focus more on the risk, the damage they caused to uncountable women. So you will find empathy from the ones that love you and truly care about you.
 

Laura2014

Moderator
Go go go, take every opportunity to go out and dress up, even if they don’t work out just making the effort to get dressed up and have normal Rat free conversation is good. I would say though keep your rat experience to yourself with new guys, at least till you know them well. I had one hysterically funny blind date, new instantly he was not for me but he was nice company, then we got on to the subject of refugees, he pushed my buttons with usual send them all home stuff and I told him I had worked with a refugee agency and had been offering an emergency room to homeless refugees for three years. He got up, I thought to get a drink and walked out! First time I’ve ever had someone abandon me in a pub.... but had two dates since which were ok. Go for it and just enjoy meeting new people.
 
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AmberHeart

Guest
Go go go, take every opportunity to go out and dress up, even if they don’t work out just making the effort to get dressed up and have normal Rat free conversation is good. I would say though keep your rat experience to yourself with new guys, at least till you know them well. I had one hysterically funny blind date, new instantly he was not for me but he was nice company, then we got on to the subject of refugees, he pushed my buttons with usual send them all home stuff and I told him I had worked with a refugee agency and had been offering an emergency room to homeless refugees for three years. He got up, I thought to get a drink and walked out! First time I’ve ever had someone abandon me in a pub.... but had two dates since which were ok. Go for it and just enjoy meeting new people.
Rude guy. Not a gentleman.
 

Brasilgirl

Senior Rat Expert
Good morning ladies, sorry I didn’t respond last night. I was a mess and I took some medicine to help me sleep. I’m bit better this morning. Feel so exhausted physically and emotionally. I want say Thank you so much for the live and support. I never imagined that you guys would be here the way you have been now. I wish to be strong like you and be able to help someone like you all have helped me. Honestly I didn’t think it was going to be this hard. And I’m scared because I don’t know if and when I’ll be able to bounce back to my normal self. Question: the holidays are here and recently I been asked out on quite a few dates I tell them I recently got out of a relationship “ apparently with myself” hahaha I didn’t say that lol but they ask we can go out as friends nothing serious. So should I go? I mean does that make me look bad? Is it to soon. Nothing romantic on my part.
I don’t think it makes you look bad. You need to decide how it will make you feel. Just let the guy know you’ve just ended a relationship.
You are still in a bit in love with the rat and it takes time to let that go completely. That is why you have the feelings you have. You loved him and he loved the situation.
I’ve been on a few dates. When the guy compliments me I am skeptic. It brings back memories of all the things the rat said. I am literally a mess on dates now. I don’t know how to react. I’m polite, but I think the guys take it the wrong way. I get the impression that they think I’m being polite but don’t like them. I don’t get asked out again. They quit texting me. I’m ghosted. I think I would be better off just telling them I’m not ready. So now I tell them “Maybe we can try in a few months?” They say okay but I don’t know.
It’s hard to go on a date with someone knew when your heart is still stuck, even partially, on the rat.
But you only know what you feel. So think it over for how you feel. Don’t worry about how it will look. It’s okay.
 

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
My mother said thank God he never touched you!
Yes, you are at least physically not contaminated with their filth, and mentally.....you're doing a sterling job of fixing yourself :love:
Thank God you are still here with us
Yes!! Thank God for that.....you are a soft and calming presence here on the site....we need that amongst all us outspoken trouble makers :D
can’t imagine these girls mothers how they feel knowing what happened to their girls.
Mine wouldn't have given a brown substance. She's probably just gutted I survived, so she can't give my kids agro for any inheritance :rolleyes:
She's money obsessed....like a rat :thumbsup:
She often asks me about the group and is happy I can express here all that odd situation.
Mothers are welcome too (except mine) :D
Though on a serious note, I know that like me, it's your personal space to vent....and family members may affect how we interact :)
First time I’ve ever had someone abandon me in a pub....
Oh well......at least you were in the right place :D
What a prize Dong he was :rolleyes:
 
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AmberHeart

Guest
Mine wouldn't have given a brown substance. She's probably just gutted I survived, so she can't give my kids agro for any inheritance :rolleyes:
She's money obsessed....like a rat :thumbsup:
She missed a wonderful daughter and gorgeous grand kids, fortunately for you there is your husband and your boys that can give you all the love in the world to survive this ugly chapter of life. Xx
 

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member

Judithlyn

Senior Rat Expert
No, I mean that they will never change their traditions and customs. Do not think they will be more open to the West and yes I think scams of women also in some cases men will only increase over time because Tunisia has gotten worse over the years and more poverty leads to an increase in the exploitation of innocent people. Looking back about 20 years back in time, Tunisian women were more Western and had more rights I think. But today there has been a distinction between east and west. They look down on us Western women because we do as we will What a western woman does to adapt to the Tunisian culture, I think she will never be fully accepted by society because they are too keen on her own people to acept other nations
I think Tunisians are very prejudiced against ALL white people! Rat called me a white woman who thinks I’m better than everybody else! He’s such a pig! I’m better than him, for sure, but not compared to others!
 

Judithlyn

Senior Rat Expert
Mine wouldn't have given a brown substance. She's probably just gutted I survived, so she can't give my kids agro for any inheritance :rolleyes:
She's money obsessed....like a rat
Mine wouldn't have given a brown substance. She's probably just gutted I survived, so she can't give my kids agro for any inheritance :rolleyes:
She's money obsessed....like a rat :thumbsup:
:thumbsup:

Mothers are welcome too (except mine) :D
Though on a serious note, I know that like me, it's your personal space to vent....and family members may affect how we interact :)

Oh well......at least you were in the right place :D
What a prize Dong he was :rolleyes:
Our mothers must have been sisters!!!
 
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