New member needs advice

Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by Aysha, Oct 24, 2018.

  1. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    It's broken DNA caused by inbreeding.
     
  2. Discovery

    Discovery Well-Known Member

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  3. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I had a moment today. Don't know why it happened, but it did. I was traveling for the holiday and speaking with a friend, recalling past stuff, and I felt floored. Like the rug was pulled out from underneath me. Every day is really different. Most days, I feel strong when I keep things simple. But, today was a reminder that it will take a while before I'm completely o.k.

    I think the realization set in that I am completely free. I am outside of the spider's web. I don't feel his presence, my heart isn't searching for him. I'm forgetting what it even felt like to be together, and I don't anticipate his reappearance. It's all becoming distant, like something forgotten, but pain comes back.

    I let everything go with all of my remaining strength, but I was still holding on in some hidden way. I felt that panic hit me, followed by the fear and pain. Then, a small hunger for that terrible illusion. The illusion I left behind. I caught myself, but I almost missed it. There was something safe and sad inside the lie. The addiction to hope, that some kind of miracle will happen and fix everything. You almost miss the gamble every day on a complete loss, even though you know you will never, ever win. You almost want it just for a moment to escape the pain and the fear inside of you.

    Great pain and fear will almost drive you to miss those old moments when you turn in bed to see him, to hear him... blinding yourself to the abuse waiting in the morning, the hatred, and the sickness in your stomach, all day and night. The dizziness and lethargy. But, then my panic faded, and I remembered why I cut cords. Why I had to leave and never go back. The poison of holding onto was destroying me. I had no strength and was on the brink of destruction. I'd never encountered this kind of destruction before. There was no bottom to it.

    It's frightening that for as poisonous and deadly as the illusion was, I was holding onto it. I was holding onto a hopeless situation destined for destruction and heartbreak. The brokenness of crawling away, cutting loose, and washing up in a completely different life was the only thing that was ever real. Escaping him was the only hope of survival I had from the moment I fell in love with him and traveled to Tunisia.

    Reality is painful, but it's better than the lie. The lie was poisoning me. All of the romantic words, all of the false hope, all of the secrets, the coffee shops, the flowers, the false promises, all of the lies were destroying me. Every single touch, kiss, picture, moment, word, feigned sensitivity was poisoning me, because it was all built on a bed of lies. It was a life without life. It never was alive, and could never live or survive. And, I couldn't force through it one more day, lie to myself one more day or one more night, one more fight, one more time of shock, of disappointment, of abuse, and being broken by all of it. But, there was a small moment today, when great fear and pain made me look back. But, then I remembered I left nothing behind me.

    It's a battle, but I'm thankful for having so many good days, and only one moment like this, so far.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2018
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  4. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    Addiction to hope is a great description. I think it’s in our psyche to find something positive in all bad experiences, but that trait can also be our downfall. Those sudden moments of loss (even the loss of expected abuse and torment) can knock you sideways, a sudden overwhelming feeling of panic or rage or dissapointment. I’m so glad you stayed here and had somewhere to leave those feelings.

    A very normal but scary part of recovery but horrible to experience.
     
  5. Discovery

    Discovery Well-Known Member

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    I love your strength Jisela, Why do we love? I ask myself a million times a day. XO
     
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  6. Heidi

    Heidi The Sleuth

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    :coffee: Quote

    The Bottom Line
    From an evolutionary perspective, love ultimately exists because it helped our ancestors form strong pair-bonds that facilitated successful child rearing. So when you find yourself in discussions about whether love is “real,” I’d say that from an evolutionary perspective, the answer is absolutely. Love is a basic feature of human mating intelligence that evolved to solve very specific adaptive problems in our altricial species. I'm not sure if that’s romantic, but I’m an evolutionist, and that’s what I’ve got.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/darwins-subterranean-world/201612/why-we-love
     
  7. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I'm not an evolutionist, but there is absolute truth in love. You need to ensure that the man you reproduce with will not abandon you compromised with young children. It's instinctual and necessary. It ensures the health of the wife and children on the long term. The love has to be deep, real, and sustaining - going further, with discipline enough for a man/woman to get through years together.
     
  8. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Fake love is worthless.
     
  9. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    Okay ladies please help!!! :Cry:
    I’m about to lose it!!!
    I’m at a breaking point.
    I was doing so fine. Then bam!!!! Out of no where I’m on the verge of caving :Cry:
     
  10. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    I had that a couple days, ago too...
     
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  11. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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  12. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Don't go back Aysha. There's nothing there for you. You're just trying to escape the pain and fear right now, but the pain and fear will pass. Going back to that man will destroy you even more. He will never be normal and treat a woman right. He's the worst kind of man who is a con and a complete liar. He just MADE you feel safe and loved, but it was a spider's web, and he was going to destroy you. That's not love. You just have to get through the pain like it's an illness, and focus on taking care of yourself everyday.
     
  13. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    He’s stopped tying to make contact even his family has stopped and some of them blocked me before I could block them. He I. The other hand is blocked from everything. It’s been few days now. And I guess the anticipation is killing me.
    I’m here crying and wondering does he even miss me.
    Did he ever love me?
    Does he regret it?
    Silly questions I know but I’m a big mess ladies.
    It was supposed to be easy peasy.
    I was doing so good hanging like a champ.
    And now I want unblock him to see if he even notices or cares or at least make contact.
    I know I’m hurting myself .
    Everything I did was for nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Gave him love and money and I trusted him!!!!!
    And for what?!
    Everything was for nothing!!!!!!
     
  14. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    You didn't do it for nothing. You did it because that's what normal loving people do. Trust me, Aysha, God knows what these evil men are doing and they will pay for it. In the meantime, what could this prostitute of a man possibly say to you? That he loved you while he was lying to you? And stealing from you? Do you think this thief has any truth for you? He is not only poor with money, he has poverty of the heart and soul. He has nothing to give you, at all - he is just there to steal from, take for himself, and to destroy women.
     
  15. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    :Cry::Cry::Cry::Cry::Cry:He killed an innocent loving person!!!! Even now he’s still killing me! How could they be so cold!!
    I did everything for this man!!! And he even knew my past and said he would never hurt me that way. Yes I know now they were lies. But a part of me wants to believe he cared even a little. Every time I look in the mirror I ask myself why I was t good enough or maybe not pretty enough. When he met me I had low self esteem and he would get so mad and he would call me beautiful and be so jealous when men would flirt and all the things we want in a man.
    And for what ? Money??? Or visa? You destroy lives for that?! Now I’m back where I started my heart and soul feel so lifeless
     
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  16. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    After you go through the pain, you may want to report him in whatever country you live in for fraud.
     
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  17. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    There's a reporting link in the general section of this website with a long list of reporting fraud and internet crime for every country.
     
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  18. Aysha

    Aysha Active Member

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    I’m literally in tears now. I think reality Is finally hitting me. How could I have been so stupid.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2018
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  19. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    Because he saw you as easy and vulnerable - he also played on your sensitivity. He did this without remorse and he had a plan the whole time. These men are just evil. You're trying to give him emotions that he doesn't have, because he's a selfish shitty and evil rat. There was nothing wrong with you. You wanted to believe in him and let him in your life, and you loved the IDEA and the FEELING of being loved. Who doesn't want and love that? But, if you take a moment and step back, you'll realize he put his eye on you because he thought he could WIN - he could get what he wanted, which was all of the opportunities that came with exploiting you. Again, this is not love. This is evil.

    So, after you go through this pain, it will take a while, think about reporting him, so you don't feel so angry. What he did to you is a crime, and he should not be allowed to continue doing this to women. He will do this to every woman after you until someone stops him.
     
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  20. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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  21. Jisela

    Jisela Well-Known Member

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    If they will do this to any woman outside of their country, and they treat their own women like sh*t, you will understand it really has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. :oops::love:
     
  22. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    If you let him contact you, and if you unblock him he will, you will end up back in for round two, before you’ve recovered from round one. I did that. I let him back in and it left me feeling so much worse. He was different and it hurt me emotionally a lot. So please hang in there. Don’t try to spy even. It will just make your feelings hurt more.
     
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  23. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    This just had to happen.
    Try to remind yourself all his "love" was fake. He really did not feel something towards you. He has been just using you.
     
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  24. Brasilgirl

    Brasilgirl Well-Known Member

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    You are not stupid. You were brain washed. You had no idea. Remember, this is what they do for a living. They want that visa. They will keep up the charade as long as it takes. And if they can’t, they get violent and scare you. It’s the same process for each victim. Some rats are better at it than others. Some victims are stronger. But none of us are stupid. It’s not your fault!
    Just look at all of us. Different back grounds. Different ages. Some of us insecure, some of us empowered. You name a type of woman, and there’s one just like her on this forum.
    You will make it through this. There will be ups and downs. It is a roller coaster of emotions. But the swings get smaller and the pain gets less.
    Do something to keep busy and try not to think about him. ** hugs **.
     
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  25. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    When we feel ourselves the queens only if some man tells us this it means we give him the key from our mental health. Today he says a lot of kind words, and woman feels herself beautiful and desirable, the other day when she does not hear such a words she fells herself ugly and miserable. But the truth is a woman' beauty does not depend of someone's opinion, especially when this "someone" is just a lier and gigolo.
    No, he never loved you. No, he did not regret.
    Please, don't return to the communication with him.
     
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