Possible Coping Stratagy

Discussion in 'Rat on a Rat' started by wallah, Jan 15, 2013.

  1. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    I come from a family whereby they bottle everything up. U try talk about something they either shut u down and change the subject or say let's just forget about that now or other such similar. No wonder we all tend to self medicate to deal with all the crap inside our heads . They only want to talk about the weather polite pointless crap. I recall yelling at my my mum when she was having a paddy about something and when I started to try to get out of her what it was that bothered her she just shut down and said let's not talk about it . And I said let's just talk about fricking squirrels then ( there was some nature program on ). She wasnt even listening just wailing on so I pushed and pushed for answers and she obviously wasn't listening or hearing and she just said "what" and "you do go on". This is what it's like dealing with someone from the 1930s and I'm the youngest 31 years between us .
     
  2. Gorgeous

    Gorgeous Well-Known Member

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    HI, I understand your frustration but sometimes families cannot cope with seeing one of theirs hurting. They don't know what to say as probably they have never experienced a situation like yours. In that era, and even today, people do not like talking about feelings or difficult subjects.
    I have my sister, who is great, but even she sometimes just says 'you will get over it'. Yes, I will but let me get it all out. It would be more helpful if you talk to someone neutral - then no judgement. I found that was the best solution for me BUT you have to let it out - pent up anger is not healthy.
    Chin up. xx
     
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  3. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    Ive let plenty out on here and I'm thankful this site and these lovely members exist they really have made a difference and improvement in my self worth and confidence. I still have good days and bad days but the good outnumber the bad I don't feel clinically depressed anymore or bursting into tears every five minutes so thanks again members here and it's been a laugh as well taking the piss out of these sun glassed zibi heads lol x
     
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  4. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    Laughter therapy is obligate part in healing process. ;):)
     
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  5. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    It is getting better with my mum I think she struggles to feel things as they are too painful understandably shevlost a baby to cot death and then my sister dies 3 years ago from hidden alcoholism. I wonder how she keeps on a level just me and my brother left but we are trying a bit more now . Ive explained I too keep quiet just to deal with it and I'm quite reserved anyway . Few bad experiences living with people I prefer the control of living alone and controlling my life and money etc. Rat was terrible talking me into blowing it all live once do it when your young etc, hardly got value for money yeah we did some fun stuff but it cost about 10 times more than it should and he kept the rest .
     
  6. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    This is true! Laughter cures all. If that fails, retail therapy and......big, huuuuuge cake for sure fix all :p
     
  7. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Speaking as a parent, SC, I cannot even begin to imagine how your mother has coped, none of us expect to outlive our children...how absolutely tragic that she suffered this not once, but twice :Cry: I'm really pleased that you, your brother and mum are getting on better now. I know family can be challenging at times, but family is everything. I'm gutted to have lost my two full sisters, but I'll not ever forgive what they said to me, I just can't. You're doing so well, life has thrown many obstacles in your path, but you're slowly climbing over every one of them....and still able to laugh :)
     
  8. RatBitten

    RatBitten Active Member

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    MC, I can't recommend therapy enough. Not only is it a great way to vent and release, there are some great coping mechanisms that we can find out about. My counselor told me to start writing down things I want to say to my ex instead of messaging him or responding to him. It's tough, but it's one day at a time.
    I think I will have regular sessions, 1-2 x a week for at least a month, it's a part of my express plan of healing
    I can't believe you have a 6 month waiting period! That's horrible! Do you have counselors available through school? We have that option here in the States and it's usually free as well.
     
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  9. RatBitten

    RatBitten Active Member

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    I swear these scumbags think the are 'entitled' to everythingMakes me so angry, they are so delusional!
     
  10. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    They are just total scum with no morals and they will do anything to get what they want and then turn it back on you like it's your fault
     
  11. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    I mean the to say ages ago I love ur avatar pic lol
     
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  12. Liona

    Liona Well-Known Member

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    Thank you a lot:)
     
  13. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    Believe me it's not all happy families I find it draining in her presence her outlook on life is a little off balance and she can be very controlling and stops listening just when she wants and ignors me . Does wonders for my self esteem ( sarcasm) . Her mode of mothering seems mainly over feeding me and bollocking me lol. It's getting better I know where to draw the lines a bit more and say hang on your going too far there and stick up for myself. She is still a good mum just a bit clingy at times and never gets the hang of putting hand wash delicates on boil wash without asking using no softener and tumble drying them to the size of barbi doll clothes lol. I know it's not big stuff and I do say with humour x
     
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  14. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    And yes some things are unforgivable or take a long time for both parties to speak again. I cut all contact with my brother for 3 years during my disciplinary issue as he was treating me like it was all down to me being lazy and he didn't take any account of my long running sickness battles with gyne issues . And a bitter dispute over the sale price . We are both the same think he's a bit scared of me now lol . He is older than me and blown to pieces about my sisters death. He was closer to her than I was in age etc and he also experienced the cot death. I was born last but really only saw the divorce and end of their marriage. I said to my mum I do miss the times when everything seemed safe and normal and sat round the big table at Christmas dinner and we were so happy xxx but we will live on .
     
  15. Gorgeous

    Gorgeous Well-Known Member

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    Really sorry to hear all your suffering. You are all such strong ladies.
    I am having another sleepless night - can't stop thinking about the whole scenario. What hurts the most - the lazy greedy Tunie cousin knows he was with me and probably laughing behind my back.
    Obviously thinks she has won the lottery. 3day wedding, coming to Europe, a whole new life from the shithole she comes from and all from my efforts. Plus the whole family knew what was happening.
    I have enough to cope with and this was just too much.
    I never had anyone to help me when i came here first but everything has landed in his and her laps with no effort.
    I am so embarrassed.
     
  16. Laura2014

    Laura2014 Well-Known Member

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    @Gorgeous , sorry you have had a bad night. Everything you are feeling is completely normal, you were together 15 years, that's a very long time, many ordinary relationships don't last that long. Yours was unique, despite all the cultural and religious differences you stayed together. If you didn't feel hurt, betrayed, used and utterly disappointed in him and his family it would not be normal.
     
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  17. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    They are thieves they had a plan . They tricked you with intent. Try not to dwell on it too much if I can . I'm not devaluing your feelings but for your own mental health try have breaks where you really try focus on something else now and s again . Or you could find yourself with a gun to his head lol . This situation really does eat away at everything good your self esteem, the use of your time so on so on . Did u put him in the gallery sorry I can't remember. I chickened out but it's something that might help you. He may try find other victims for money even if he has the wife and the papers. Hugs cxxx
     
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  18. Gorgeous

    Gorgeous Well-Known Member

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    You are so right. No morals just cheat, steal and lie to get what they want and they succeed.
    Don't know what to do. I'm so angry and i can't stop thinking about ut all which is not good.
    X
     
  19. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    I'm not much better maybe I'm just having a crap day but I wonder if I will ever be normal again after this experience. At least we know how bad we all have been made to feel hugs xxxx
     
  20. Gorgeous

    Gorgeous Well-Known Member

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    Hope you start to feel better. Maybe start planning a holiday. That is one of my plans.
    Take care of yourself. My son has set me straight about the ex and makes me laugh.
     
  21. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    I'm just trying to turn my money situation around a bit but I'm still having my Botox and lip fillers done this week . Going back to work next week bit nervous after it being 6 months after op. Makes my blood boil when I see luxurious holidays for a week that I paid 5 times as much for for rat and helping him. Rat honey grhhhh
     
  22. Gorgeous

    Gorgeous Well-Known Member

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    Good luck with treatments - you are very brave - it is also great for self-esteem. As regards back to work - it will feel a bit strange at first but after few days it will be back to normal.
    Back on track and you will feel more inclined to think of holidays.
    Hugs u r stronger than you think.
     
  23. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    Ive had the beauty treatments before . Very addictive though but I like them. Thanks for your kind words same to u xx
     
  24. Mango Chutney

    Mango Chutney Well-Known Member

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    Wow, you're a braver woman than me....I can't even cope with an injection at the dentist! You must show me the before and after pics....I'm so curious. I've decided to just grow old gracefully....armed with hairdye, I'm a wimp, haha :D I think work is just the distraction you need...less overthinking time, something us gals seem to be painfully guilty of doing :oops:
     
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  25. see clearly

    see clearly Well-Known Member

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    Your beautiful as u are Mango. The Botox works well just on my middle frown line . The lip filler bit more debatable I could hardly tell the difference last time and then I get paranoid as it's quite a taboo subject it seems. The Botox well just makes me look like I'm not in a bad mood loll x
     

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