Possible Coping Stratagy

Gorgeous

Well-Known Member
Thank God i was never abused physically or mentally - had that before - so never going to happen again. I was not a walk-over and always stood my ground. I just was never going to marry or have kids - this was said from day one.
I have a son and that's great - the rat can now produce with the cousin.
 

see clearly

Junior Rat Expert
I am able to cope with most of what has happened with my ex but the one thing that makes me so mad is the deceit! How could it have happened? I'm at a loss to understand and have no answers. How can I possibly move forward never knowing what was true. No point in ever asking the rat bcos he does not know the meaning of honesty. Curious to know if any member received an apology.
I personally just want my money back or some of it back thats what I miss the rest can go to hell as far as im concerned. Appreciate not same for everyone but i know i wont get an appology and i know i wont get my money back !
 

see clearly

Junior Rat Expert
That is funny! never heard of the word 'twonk' - makes me laugh - which is good.
lol we like the word Twonk I us eit as well. Wazzock is another one ( english slang i expect northern lol ) lol means foolish idiot ( can be affectionate use " You Twonk " or You Wazzock / Wally . Or You f**king TWONK LOL X
 

Mango Chutney

Moderator
Staff member
Pillock is more demeaning lol pronounced lick pillow but pill LOCK again northern slang Uk lol.
Southerners in UK would not understand word.
:)
I'm a southener, a London girl, I always use wazzock, pillock, plonker, pleb, twonk, gormpot etc. None of them are demeaning, they're all names I call my sproggies when they say or do daft things, but if shouted in anger with an F word in front.....well, that should do it :D:D I have better names I use in anger....I learned some great ones from a friend :oops:
 

see clearly

Junior Rat Expert
Sorry Mango i just assumed you were further north :confused:
I guess its the way i scream it with blood rushing to my face that makes it occaisionally the worse swear word in history lol :Evil:
 

Gorgeous

Well-Known Member
Im also a southener and know most of the words. Pillock is very appropriate. Gormpot is a new one for mr.
See clearly - is your rat in the uk? Is there any way of getting ur money back? I do hope so.
I know realise my 'shit for brains' would love to have got married and then claim half my house! As if! Was never that much in love.
Delighted u have a good job - that will keep you on track. Take care
 

see clearly

Junior Rat Expert
Im also a southener and know most of the words. Pillock is very appropriate. Gormpot is a new one for mr.
See clearly - is your rat in the uk? Is there any way of getting ur money back? I do hope so.
I know realise my 'shit for brains' would love to have got married and then claim half my house! As if! Was never that much in love.
Delighted u have a good job - that will keep you on track. Take care
No rat still in Tunisia no links me by marraige or child or in any other way. Unfortnatly i felt sorry for the prick and "helped " him over the years and a few holidays money went fast.
No chance of getting it back not even blackmail workes so it is impossible . But at least he cant make further claim on me such as sponsorship, marraige , child etc. No he got away with it all of it unfortunatly.
 

see clearly

Junior Rat Expert
I even considered hiring someone to kidnap him and bury him up to the neck in sand until he gave it back but i never had the balls to actually go through with it lol ( joking if only ):mad::Evil::mad::Evil:
 

Gorgeous

Well-Known Member
At least he did not get a visa. Well done! My rat never knew my salary but he did ok. No large handouts - no phone, ipad - no way. Clothes - but not designer. He finally realised the cost of living in Europe.
 

Gorgeous

Well-Known Member
See clearly - i can relate to your idea if only. Btw - where is your rat from? Does he still try and contact u?
 

see clearly

Junior Rat Expert
At least he did not get a visa. Well done! My rat never knew my salary but he did ok. No large handouts - no phone, ipad - no way. Clothes - but not designer. He finally realised the cost of living in Europe.
Good for you. No he never wanted the visa with me . I think maybe someone else was in line for that or maybe he had it already. I cant say too much in here but he did have marraige link in the past to a woman from another country that wasnt in africa if that narrows it down lol . I kind of forgot about that actually! But no i couldnt do anything like that. I think he did maybe try to get me pregnant though when i was drunk and not thinking straight but no never happened.
 

see clearly

Junior Rat Expert
And no he dosent contact me. I di get sporadic contact but i seriously did some damage after last time and i guess he has everything he needs now. Marraige to TUnisian looks like its going ahead and yes probably the house has been built now as well . There may be others but i guess a large share of that money was from me. It was like a madness i dont know why i did it!!
 

Gorgeous

Well-Known Member
Glad u survived. They really are u believable i a shit way. I'm sad mine turned out the way he did. Obviously from day 1 he wanted marriage to a cousin and it
took him 15 years - now i feel absolutely nothing just anger at the deceitful way it was done.
 

Gorgeous

Well-Known Member
You do have a lot to deal with. Bosses can behave like dictators - im so glad im retired. Do not let the company bully u - u have rights. U leave when it suits U! Maybe yr health would improve - stress is so bad when trying to get better. One thing at a time - and try and relax. Spoil yourself.
 

see clearly

Junior Rat Expert
You do have a lot to deal with. Bosses can behave like dictators - im so glad im retired. Do not let the company bully u - u have rights. U leave when it suits U! Maybe yr health would improve - stress is so bad when trying to get better. One thing at a time - and try and relax. Spoil yourself.
Yeah its always been a problem since i started there and strictly speaking im under the disabillity discrimination act or equalities act as its now called. It is council as well so you would have through they would be better but no. It seems they cant accept a little more sickness then other people get and have just made it 100 times worse now by having all these proceadures which have started rolling along. I have the union involved and its helping but the guy is a serious arse hole. He makes reasons up on the spur of the moment which means that he contradicts himself every 5 minutes and today i asked for him to make a correction as 2 letters wrong now and i got a childish " i cant amend something which has already gone out". Im right arnt I thats a childish reply ? I think everyone on earth understands that i meant send me a corrected one - what a tit. I just replied and said can you please make sure any future correspondance is accurate please. Hopefully my kicking back is starting to actually do some damage now. I looked at the receipt for my op and it even took my breath away , i sent him a copy of it over the weekend ( my choice not his )- there was something about seeing it on a card receipt that made it look harsh , alot of money. I hope he cant sleep at night lol :Evil:. Then earlier on today some "asian " bloke of about 50 came up to me grabbed my hand and kissed it and then kept asking " how old are you , how old are you". I said shocked " i have a boyfriend you know " , " How old are you " again . Told him my age and he dropped my hand like it had burnt him and he said " arghhh no good no good " . I was like what the fuck !!. I think he had learning disabillities or something . Ithought in your dreams pal !!! What a day :confused::confused::confused:
 

Gorgeous

Well-Known Member
Bloody nora - u really don't need this rubbish. Glad your union is with u. The more u bit back the cowards will back off. Keep strong and get what you want. Too bad if it is difficult for the boss - he is getting paid to sort out things - u concentrate on u.
Hugs
 

see clearly

Junior Rat Expert
Bloody nora - u really don't need this rubbish. Glad your union is with u. The more u bit back the cowards will back off. Keep strong and get what you want. Too bad if it is difficult for the boss - he is getting paid to sort out things - u concentrate on u.
Hugs
Ive had this from day one. They are flippin incessant i think that s the word. There are nearly more managers than there are staff these days bloody ridiculous ! But Im used to it. Im just sick of the bullshit and changing their minds all the time . I just want them to be straight with me. Either he has cocked up and trying to hide it or they were just full of shit in the first place. Ive never seen such a complicated and conveluted set of requirements and targets for someone off sick and they just dont make any sense one contradicts the other !!!?? Guess its something to rub their noses in if it gets tricky! :p
 

juicyfruit

Junior Rat Expert
I have never been the victim of a love rat - and at 70 and happily married, I am not likely to be. However, having lived in a tourist area of Tunisia for a total of 6years, I have been in a prime position to see these Love Rats at work on a daily basis – and I have also been in a prime position to see the horrendous damage caused by these cruel, heartless and immoral individuals. Last night I got to thinking about possible coping strategies and came up with this list. I guess that other forum members can add to this.
COPING STRATEGY
Don’t disbelieve what’s happened – accept it – I know that it seems unbelievable, but it really did happen.
Don’t feel that you’re the only victim. It is quite possible that there were women before you, also possible that there were women at the same time and there will definitely be more women afterwards
Don’t compare his behavior with normal feelings - how could he etc? He could because he can and unlike the majority of humanity, has no moral conscience.
Don’t think about the ‘relationship that you thought you had – it was never there. You gave your own, but he simply used you as a means to an end.
Don’t think that he did love you – accept that he never did – and sadly, he may not even have liked you. You were simply a commodity to be used to gain money, visa, sex etc
Don’t make excuses for him. He did what he did in a cold calculated deliberate way with no regards what-so-ever for you or your feelings
Don’t replay all those good times – they weren’t. It was all a charade – an act necessary to achieve his targets.
Don’t take it personally. This time it was you, but could quite well have been another woman. You as a person didn’t actually come into the equation.
Don’t blame yourself. You were a victim. As a decent person you assumed that he was also a decent person
Don’t feel guilty – he won’t. It’s not your fault that you were duped – conned. He was the perpetrator and you rightly believed the situation to be genuine.
Don’t be ashamed – these men are professional at manipulating women. You are not a fool. You are not a mug. It has happened to thousands of women, because they are decent individuals.
Don’t ask ‘’how could he do such a thing, he knows how unhappy/sad/depressed I had been recently?’’ The fact that you were vulnerable made you more attractive as a victim – easier to manipulate.
Don’t try to analyse the situation – you’ll never make sense of it. Decent people will never be able to understand how any other human being can be so unfeeling and immoral.
Don’t seek for the things that you did wrong – could have done better. Nothing that you could have said or done will have resulted in him treating you in an acceptable way. That is not how they work.
Don’t dream about the ‘if only it were true’ scenario – it never was and never would be. That is not their aim. Generally the Tunisian female fits into the happy ever after category.
Don’t torture yourself with thoughts of other future women/relationships. They would and will be there and you’ll never change that.
Don’t be tempted by second chances. If he has done it once, he will do it again, but the second time you will be a softer target. You will literally give him the go-ahead to continue.
Don’t add up all the money you invested in the relationship – console yourself with what you can do with your spare cash now.
Don’t think of getting the money back – you won’t – ever.
Don’t give in to blackmail – let him do his worst – post his videos etc. Your friends – the people who matter - will be there for you
Don’t tolerate threats against you and or your loved ones. Try to record if possible and inform the police.
Don’t believe his threats of the ‘Tunisian Mafia’ that all live in England and will go to ‘sort your family out’. They don’t exist and if they did and they would no doubt be too busy with their own scams.
Don’t believe that his family loved you and welcomed you and your children. If they appeared to it was because they also saw you as a target for money/visa.
Don’t show that you are hurt, devastated, if in contact with him or mutual friends. If you do he will see this as a sign of weakness and move in again for the kill.
Don’t listen to any messages from his family, friends, colleagues etc. Irrespective of what they say, they will be securely on his side.
Don’t accept offers of support or friendship from his friends who criticize his behaviour. They are like jackals moving in to take advantage of the weak.
Don’t hate him – this will only poison your future. He’s not worth that – he’s a total nothing – of no consequence.
Don’t think that the next one will be better – there’s every likely hood that he won’t
Don’t keep wishing ‘if only’. It happened and you survived – treat it as an education.

Get a little stronger every day
Get angry
Get professional help – Doctor counselling etc
Value yourself
Block! Delete! Ignore!
Don’t leave TLRs – keep reading – the support is there. It will get better.
Do I come across as a bitter and cynical woman? Possibly so – I have seen enough to make me one!! All best wishes x
This needs to go worldwide
 

AmberHeart

Lady Amberheart of Gafsa
Thank you very much for this post! I recently got out from a situation with one of those horrible humans, the part of extortion is my current stage, saying he will post personal subjects or pictures IF I warn his current victim. Also he used that extorsion saying ok by now I won’t ask money but you have to help me with migration forms
 
Last edited:

Heidi

Inactive
Thank you very much for this post! I recently got out from a situation with one of those horrible humans, the part of extortion is my current stage, saying he will post personal subjects or pictures IF I warn his current victim. Also he used that extorsion saying ok by now I won’t ask money but you have to help me with migration forms for me and my family, mother and three sisters to Canada...
and did you try to help him :eek:
You better cut all contact with him. If he can't get at you, he can't blackmail you :)
 

AmberHeart

Lady Amberheart of Gafsa
and did you try to help him :eek:
You better cut all contact with him. If he can't get at you, he can't blackmail you :)
Oh this man has many fake accounts and he reaches mine trough my family’s accounts, he leaves messages like “please tell her it is urgent and I need to talk to her”, I have warned them but he keeps re opening accounts. And about the help he needed it isn’t even possible I trust Canadian authorities to reject
 
Last edited:
Top