Possible Coping Stratagy

Gorgeous

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You do have a lot to deal with. Bosses can behave like dictators - im so glad im retired. Do not let the company bully u - u have rights. U leave when it suits U! Maybe yr health would improve - stress is so bad when trying to get better. One thing at a time - and try and relax. Spoil yourself.
 

see clearly

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You do have a lot to deal with. Bosses can behave like dictators - im so glad im retired. Do not let the company bully u - u have rights. U leave when it suits U! Maybe yr health would improve - stress is so bad when trying to get better. One thing at a time - and try and relax. Spoil yourself.
Yeah its always been a problem since i started there and strictly speaking im under the disabillity discrimination act or equalities act as its now called. It is council as well so you would have through they would be better but no. It seems they cant accept a little more sickness then other people get and have just made it 100 times worse now by having all these proceadures which have started rolling along. I have the union involved and its helping but the guy is a serious arse hole. He makes reasons up on the spur of the moment which means that he contradicts himself every 5 minutes and today i asked for him to make a correction as 2 letters wrong now and i got a childish " i cant amend something which has already gone out". Im right arnt I thats a childish reply ? I think everyone on earth understands that i meant send me a corrected one - what a tit. I just replied and said can you please make sure any future correspondance is accurate please. Hopefully my kicking back is starting to actually do some damage now. I looked at the receipt for my op and it even took my breath away , i sent him a copy of it over the weekend ( my choice not his )- there was something about seeing it on a card receipt that made it look harsh , alot of money. I hope he cant sleep at night lol :Evil:. Then earlier on today some "asian " bloke of about 50 came up to me grabbed my hand and kissed it and then kept asking " how old are you , how old are you". I said shocked " i have a boyfriend you know " , " How old are you " again . Told him my age and he dropped my hand like it had burnt him and he said " arghhh no good no good " . I was like what the fuck !!. I think he had learning disabillities or something . Ithought in your dreams pal !!! What a day :confused::confused::confused:
 

Gorgeous

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Bloody nora - u really don't need this rubbish. Glad your union is with u. The more u bit back the cowards will back off. Keep strong and get what you want. Too bad if it is difficult for the boss - he is getting paid to sort out things - u concentrate on u.
Hugs
 

see clearly

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Bloody nora - u really don't need this rubbish. Glad your union is with u. The more u bit back the cowards will back off. Keep strong and get what you want. Too bad if it is difficult for the boss - he is getting paid to sort out things - u concentrate on u.
Hugs
Ive had this from day one. They are flippin incessant i think that s the word. There are nearly more managers than there are staff these days bloody ridiculous ! But Im used to it. Im just sick of the bullshit and changing their minds all the time . I just want them to be straight with me. Either he has cocked up and trying to hide it or they were just full of shit in the first place. Ive never seen such a complicated and conveluted set of requirements and targets for someone off sick and they just dont make any sense one contradicts the other !!!?? Guess its something to rub their noses in if it gets tricky! :p
 

juicyfruit

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I have never been the victim of a love rat - and at 70 and happily married, I am not likely to be. However, having lived in a tourist area of Tunisia for a total of 6years, I have been in a prime position to see these Love Rats at work on a daily basis – and I have also been in a prime position to see the horrendous damage caused by these cruel, heartless and immoral individuals. Last night I got to thinking about possible coping strategies and came up with this list. I guess that other forum members can add to this.
COPING STRATEGY
Don’t disbelieve what’s happened – accept it – I know that it seems unbelievable, but it really did happen.
Don’t feel that you’re the only victim. It is quite possible that there were women before you, also possible that there were women at the same time and there will definitely be more women afterwards
Don’t compare his behavior with normal feelings - how could he etc? He could because he can and unlike the majority of humanity, has no moral conscience.
Don’t think about the ‘relationship that you thought you had – it was never there. You gave your own, but he simply used you as a means to an end.
Don’t think that he did love you – accept that he never did – and sadly, he may not even have liked you. You were simply a commodity to be used to gain money, visa, sex etc
Don’t make excuses for him. He did what he did in a cold calculated deliberate way with no regards what-so-ever for you or your feelings
Don’t replay all those good times – they weren’t. It was all a charade – an act necessary to achieve his targets.
Don’t take it personally. This time it was you, but could quite well have been another woman. You as a person didn’t actually come into the equation.
Don’t blame yourself. You were a victim. As a decent person you assumed that he was also a decent person
Don’t feel guilty – he won’t. It’s not your fault that you were duped – conned. He was the perpetrator and you rightly believed the situation to be genuine.
Don’t be ashamed – these men are professional at manipulating women. You are not a fool. You are not a mug. It has happened to thousands of women, because they are decent individuals.
Don’t ask ‘’how could he do such a thing, he knows how unhappy/sad/depressed I had been recently?’’ The fact that you were vulnerable made you more attractive as a victim – easier to manipulate.
Don’t try to analyse the situation – you’ll never make sense of it. Decent people will never be able to understand how any other human being can be so unfeeling and immoral.
Don’t seek for the things that you did wrong – could have done better. Nothing that you could have said or done will have resulted in him treating you in an acceptable way. That is not how they work.
Don’t dream about the ‘if only it were true’ scenario – it never was and never would be. That is not their aim. Generally the Tunisian female fits into the happy ever after category.
Don’t torture yourself with thoughts of other future women/relationships. They would and will be there and you’ll never change that.
Don’t be tempted by second chances. If he has done it once, he will do it again, but the second time you will be a softer target. You will literally give him the go-ahead to continue.
Don’t add up all the money you invested in the relationship – console yourself with what you can do with your spare cash now.
Don’t think of getting the money back – you won’t – ever.
Don’t give in to blackmail – let him do his worst – post his videos etc. Your friends – the people who matter - will be there for you
Don’t tolerate threats against you and or your loved ones. Try to record if possible and inform the police.
Don’t believe his threats of the ‘Tunisian Mafia’ that all live in England and will go to ‘sort your family out’. They don’t exist and if they did and they would no doubt be too busy with their own scams.
Don’t believe that his family loved you and welcomed you and your children. If they appeared to it was because they also saw you as a target for money/visa.
Don’t show that you are hurt, devastated, if in contact with him or mutual friends. If you do he will see this as a sign of weakness and move in again for the kill.
Don’t listen to any messages from his family, friends, colleagues etc. Irrespective of what they say, they will be securely on his side.
Don’t accept offers of support or friendship from his friends who criticize his behaviour. They are like jackals moving in to take advantage of the weak.
Don’t hate him – this will only poison your future. He’s not worth that – he’s a total nothing – of no consequence.
Don’t think that the next one will be better – there’s every likely hood that he won’t
Don’t keep wishing ‘if only’. It happened and you survived – treat it as an education.

Get a little stronger every day
Get angry
Get professional help – Doctor counselling etc
Value yourself
Block! Delete! Ignore!
Don’t leave TLRs – keep reading – the support is there. It will get better.
Do I come across as a bitter and cynical woman? Possibly so – I have seen enough to make me one!! All best wishes x
This needs to go worldwide
 

AmberHeart

Lady Amberheart of Gafsa
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Thank you very much for this post! I recently got out from a situation with one of those horrible humans, the part of extortion is my current stage, saying he will post personal subjects or pictures IF I warn his current victim. Also he used that extorsion saying ok by now I won’t ask money but you have to help me with migration forms
 
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Heidi

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Thank you very much for this post! I recently got out from a situation with one of those horrible humans, the part of extortion is my current stage, saying he will post personal subjects or pictures IF I warn his current victim. Also he used that extorsion saying ok by now I won’t ask money but you have to help me with migration forms for me and my family, mother and three sisters to Canada...
and did you try to help him :eek:
You better cut all contact with him. If he can't get at you, he can't blackmail you :)
 

AmberHeart

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and did you try to help him :eek:
You better cut all contact with him. If he can't get at you, he can't blackmail you :)
Oh this man has many fake accounts and he reaches mine trough my family’s accounts, he leaves messages like “please tell her it is urgent and I need to talk to her”, I have warned them but he keeps re opening accounts. And about the help he needed it isn’t even possible I trust Canadian authorities to reject
 
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Laura2014

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Oh this man has many fake accounts and he reaches mine trough my family’s accounts, he leaves messages like “please tell her it is urgent and I need to talk to her”, I have warned them but he keeps re opening accounts. And about the help he needed it isn’t even possible since he is applying as a refugee I trust Canadian authorities to reject since priority is for people in real need and from war cities.
Wow, you found yourself a nasty piece of work. Have you actually met him or has it all been on line?
 

Laura2014

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Thank you very much for this post! I recently got out from a situation with one of those horrible humans, the part of extortion is my current stage, saying he will post personal subjects or pictures IF I warn his current victim. Also he used that extorsion saying ok by now I won’t ask money but you have to help me with migration forms for me and my family, mother and three sisters to Canada...
They say this stuff all the time. They think they are inthe Mafia. The reality is if they do post anything then that’s it, game over for them, so keeping you on edge is his main objective. Even if he has some personal photos I imagine you have as well. Much more damaging to him and his future prospects. Make sure you keep screen shots of everything particularly anything relating to blackmail. Any hope of entering another country in the future will be out of the window.
 

AmberHeart

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Wow, you found yourself a nasty piece of work. Have you actually met him or has it all been on line?
Thankfully I got a warn from other girl also being scammed by him on time, weeks before the trip, that made him even crazier, he started insulting me, telling hurtful things, quoting personal experiences to make me feel bad. And at the same time mentioning Allah, thank Allah you didn’t come or I would have kill you..
 
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AmberHeart

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They say this stuff all the time. They think they are inthe Mafia. The reality is if they do post anything then that’s it, game over for them, so keeping you on edge is his main objective. Even if he has some personal photos I imagine you have as well. Much more damaging to him and his future prospects. Make sure you keep screen shots of everything particularly anything relating to blackmail. Any hope of entering another country in the future will be out of the window.
Indeed, I keep record of all and the other girl told me she would support too providing evidence if I decided to go further. I was feeling very sad and almost destroyed due to realization I was being played, but now I am feeling upset, reading all stories here, knowing how many women were victims makes me sick. I assumed he was a good man just because he was Muslim ( a person focused on faith and God....lol)
 

Laura2014

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Indeed, I keep record of all and the other girl told me she would support too providing evidence if I decided to go further. I was feeling very sad and almost destroyed due to realization I was being played, but now I am feeling upset, reading all stories here, knowing how many women were victims makes me sick. I assumed he was a good man just because he was Muslim ( a person focused on faith and God....lol)
Your not alone many thought the same, and indeed there are Muslims there who deride this behaviour. Rats though come from a different breed. The external layer seems nice, but peel it back and there’s a monster lurking.

Whatever he’s threatening to do in the future will not be as bad as the horrible realisation that you were being played. Have you found him in the gallery?
 

Laura2014

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Thankfully I got a warn from other girl also being scammed by him on time, two weeks before the trip, that made him even crazier, he started insulting me, telling hurtful things, quoting personal experiences to make me feel bad. And at the same time mentioning Allah, may Allah destroy you or may you die with too much pain, or thank Allah you didn’t come or I would have kill you...I feel sorry for you, you will end up alone...
And he still thinks you should help him... he’s from the planet zorb!

@Heidi is right cut all ties. He will eventually give up making new accounts and move on to his next victim. Ask friends and family to delete without opening any messages. To open them is an invitation to him. Better to just block block block. Then write to the embassies and tell them he is threatening you and intends to seek refugee status - in his dreams!!! What kind of convuluted route would he have to make to get there?

Perhaps his other victim could join here?
 

AmberHeart

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Your not alone many thought the same, and indeed there are Muslims there who deride this behaviour. Rats though come from a different breed. The external layer seems nice, but peel it back and there’s a monster lurking.

Whatever he’s threatening to do in the future will not be as bad as the horrible realisation that you were being played. Have you found him in the gallery?
No, he isn’t .
 
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AmberHeart

Lady Amberheart of Gafsa
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And he still thinks you should help him... he’s from the planet zorb!

@Heidi is right cut all ties. He will eventually give up making new accounts and move on to his next victim. Ask friends and family to delete without opening any messages. To open them is an invitation to him. Better to just block block block. Then write to the embassies and tell them he is threatening you and intends to seek refugee status - in his dreams!!! What kind of convuluted route would he have to make to get there?

Perhaps his other victim could join here?[/QUOTE
 
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Laura2014

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Exactly, he is trying all ways, as refugee or marriage! He can’t other way because he has no higher education degree.
You found another victim (or she found you) but something tells me this rat has many more past and currently being groomed. Have you found any others?
 

AmberHeart

Lady Amberheart of Gafsa
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You found another victim (or she found you) but something tells me this rat has many more past and currently being groomed. Have you found any others?
A previous girl from United States warned me, then when I canceled my trip He inmediately showed off a new girl, but I think he was playing with all of us at the same time. All his fake accounts had many girls from many countries.(possible targets)
 

Laura2014

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A previous girl from United States warned me, then when I canceled my trip He inmediately showed off a new girl, but I think he was playing with all of us at the same time. All his fake accounts had many girls from many countries.(possible targets)
Well he is just charming....

Yes you can be certain there are others.
 

Mango Chutney

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Thank you very much for this post! I recently got out from a situation with one of those horrible humans, the part of extortion is my current stage, saying he will post personal subjects or pictures IF I warn his current victim. Also he used that extorsion saying ok by now I won’t ask money but you have to help me with migration forms for me and my family, mother and three sisters to Canada...
Hi, @AmberHeart :) God.....he sounds like a right nasty piece!! He will not get asylum...Tunisia has very recently been deemed as a safe country to repatriate illegal immigrants back to from Europe....he has no claim to asylum whatsoever, so marriage is his only hope.

Your family need to keep screenshotting, ignoring and blocking....these freaks don't give up a visa prospect easily...he won't give up trying, even if it's a year or two down the line.

I look forward to seeing this freak in the gallery at some point. Let me know if you ever need help, or would like me to do it for you.
If I just write name(s), age, location, employment, date of birth etc, but no background story...he won't know which of his many victims outed him. No pressure, the ball is in your court...and it ain't easy, but the offer is there if ever you need it :love:
 

AmberHeart

Lady Amberheart of Gafsa
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Hi, @AmberHeart :) God.....he sounds like a right nasty piece!! He will not get asylum...Tunisia has very recently been deemed as a safe country to repatriate illegal immigrants back to from Europe....he has no claim to asylum whatsoever, so marriage is his only hope.

Your family need to keep screenshotting, ignoring and blocking....these freaks don't give up a visa prospect easily...he won't give up trying, even if it's a year or two down the line.

I look forward to seeing this freak in the gallery at some point. Let me know if you ever need help, or would like me to do it for you.
If I just write name(s), age, location, employment, date of birth etc, but no background story...he won't know which of his many victims outed him. No pressure, the ball is in your court...and it ain't easy, but the offer is there if ever you need it :love:
Thank you very much! His threat was weeks ago, I would like to wait a little, still feeling suffocated about all this. Hugs!
 
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